Chicken and a Side Order of Fate
by OyHumbug
Summary: What happens when Ryan has lived a life of luxury in Newport while Marissa, in Chino, is struggling to survive. Will they still fall in love, and will they be able to get past their difference to maintain a steady relationship? [AU]
1. Chapter 1

Okay, for this story, I actually took it over from someone else. They stopped writing it on the OC message board and I felt compelled to continue it. Here is a brief summary of what they wrote: Marissa is from Chino where she works at a sleazy restaurant called "Hot Chickens". Her parents, Jimmy and Julie, there is no Caitlyn, and they are a happy family, are both dying of caner. Marissa has dropped out of college to work full time in an attempt to cover some of their hospital bills. Ryan is a spoiled, selfish Newport Brat, wealthy and privileged. He dates Holly. Seth and Summer date and are his best friends. They just happen to stumble into the restaurant where Marissa works. Holly is rude to her, but there is this instant connection between Ryan and Marissa and he becomes annoyed with how Holly treats her. Because of her parents illnesses, Marissa has gotten herself into some gambling debt and ends up borrowing $5000 from Ryan (random, I know, but I didn't write this part) to cover it to the guy she owes it to, her pseudo boyfriend who she is just with because...it's Chino. He is mean and abusive, attacking her roughly and he possibly raped her. (I know this is a bad summary, but I didn't write this part of the story. If you have questions, ask.)

The ride to Chino…the ride to Marissa was silent. Summer and Seth, both, had initially tried to lighten the atmosphere, which had suddenly turned grim as soon as Ryan had pulled onto the 101, but nothing they said could induce him out of his coma-like silence. His mind was too busy, racing every which way trying to understand why she hadn't called him back after he had tried to reach her so many times, why he cared so much for this girl, this girl he knew nothing about and had randomly loaned her $5000 on a whim, why she was all he could think about. He was Ryan Atwood, he could have anyone and everyone he wanted, rich, wealthy, spoiled princesses, but here he was chasing after some girl who probably had just used him for a quick buck. Ironic, isn't it; how the one thing you can't have is the one thing you want most, he thought as he quietly laughed at himself under his breath so that Seth and Summer wouldn't hear. At this point, they were in the back of the car making out profusely, completely ignoring him, figuring that if he didn't want to talk to them, they'd occupy themselves the best way they knew how. They were almost there, but he had no idea what he was going to do.

$5000 he thought again, why would I ever write a check for that much money to some random girl? He had never been an impulsive person, and even though he knew that he would probably never see that money again, for some reason he didn't care. What was it to him, he had plenty, and if somehow it gave him a connection to her, then it was worth it, right? Shaking his head, he cleared the doubts out of his mind and attempted to focus on his driving as he pulled off the freeway and into the outskirts of Chino, trying to map out exactly what he'd say to here when he saw her.

Wait, he thought, what if she wasn't working today! What would he do then? Wait around for her to show up, pester her boss to give him her address, ask the other waitresses- what! This is just great, Atwood, perfect. What are you going to do! Little did he know that Marissa was working…..

Unfortunately she was working, she thought to herself, but she needed the money. Not only did she have to take care of her sick parents who just seemed to get worse no matter what the doctors did, but now she had to pay back Ryan. Ryan! What are you thinking about him for, Marissa, you promised to never even speak to him again, and it's not like you're going to run into him around here again and you're not going to Newport in the near future. It's over….before it even began. Besides, you have enough to worry about right now. Besides your parents, the money issues, there's Nick. What did he do to me, she thought. I know I blacked out and that there are bruises all over my body, but I don't think he….he didn't, did he? Shaking these thoughts out of her head, she turned to look around the restaurant. Theresa was working today as well as a new girl, but she hadn't even asked her what her name was yet. She had too much to think about. Keeping her head down and her hair in her face as she attempted to hide the bruises, she continued to bus tables, not even raising her head when she heard the door open as new customers arrived. Maybe someone else would wait on them, she thought as she turned back to the table in front of her and continued to wipe it down. All of a sudden, one very strong hand was gripping her arm tightly and whirling her around to face the door.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Marissa, get your ss over there and wait on those customers. I do believe the man is a friend of yours!" With that, her boss let her go, but not before pushing her forward and slinking away to the back of the restaurant.

Marissa looked up and saw the last person she wanted to see, okay so not the last person but someone she was not supposed to see, and he wasn't alone. He was back with the skinnier guy and the brunette who appeared to be his girlfriend. She felt his eyes burning into her, but she ducked her head and walked over towards them never meeting his scorching gaze.

"Follow me," she whispered in a barely audible tone, "I'll show you to your table."

The two friends walked off on their own without even giving her a second glance and found themselves a table before she could protest, leaving her alone with him. As she went to walk towards the table they had selected, she felt his hand pull her back by wrapping its way around her waist. It was not meant to hurt her, but he did not know that her ribs were bruised and that every touch, ever movement was agony to her.

He noticed that she winced at his touch, immediately sending his mind spinning in all directions. Was she repulsed by his touch, no he thought, that grimace was not repulsion, that was pain, but what happened to her, and why wouldn't she look at him. Something was wrong; was that why she hadn't called?

"Marissa, please, I just want to talk to you, and you have to know by now that I've called you even though you said I wouldn't. Come on, one talk, please?"

"I really should get you to your table so you can order." Her eyes still would not meet his, but she did wander them up from the ground to his hand that was still around her waist. It felt so right, like a protective shield, but she knew she couldn't let him touch her. This would break the rules of her agreement with his girlfriend.

He noticed her gaze, and removed his arm, but as he went to grab her hand as she walked away from him, she wound them protectively around her body and practically ran away from his presence. He followed her to the table, sitting down in his chair, depressed and sullen that she wouldn't speak with him but as time went on, he became more and more convinced that something was wrong, seriously wrong. He needed to figure this out and quickly.

"I'll be right back with your menus," and with that she was gone.

"So man," Seth said, "that was quick and totally awkward from the spectator's viewpoint. What happened? Did see say why she hasn't called you back? Did she…"

Seth's questions were cut short by a glare emulating from Ryan's fierce, cerulean eyes, and the three friends waited for the waitress to return who could very well change their lives forever in complete silence. After a few moments had passed, they heard someone approaching them. Looking up they expected to see Marissa, but instead it was another waitress.

"Hey, I'm Theresa. Marissa got busy with some other table…." They all looked around the restaurant which was practically empty. "So, I'll be your waitress instead. Here are you menus; I'll be back in a few minutes for your orders." She turned and walked away, leaving two annoyed brunettes and one depressed blonde to sit and fear their lunch.

"Ugh, I'm so not eating here again. Listen, Atwood, she's not going to talk to you, so can't we just leave this disgusting place, go home, meet up with Holly, and fix whatever happened between you," Summer pleaded.

He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his keys, tossing them to Seth who fumbled them a few times before securely pulling them into his chest and taking possession of them.

"Dude, what are these for?"

"Take my keys, Seth, take my car, and go home. I'm not leaving here until I talk to here, no matter what I have to do, and I don't expect you guys to stay and wait for me. I don't want you to stay and wait for me."

"But how are you going to get home," Seth asked.

"I don't know; I'll take a cab…or the bus or maybe she'll be able to give me a ride; it doesn't matter."

"Well if you're sure, man?"

"I'm sure."

With that the conversation was closed, both Summer and Seth knew it. They slowly stood up and walked out of the restaurant, holding hands and occasionally turning around to steal glances at Ryan. A few minutes later, Theresa returned.

"Hey, what happened to your friends?"  
"They went home. Listen, I'll make a deal with you. Let me stay here all day, I'll order drinks the whole time, and then when Marissa gets off of her shift, would you let me know. I swear, I'll make it worth your while and you won't have to continually check on me either. I have a feeling she's going to avoid me all day, but at least if I know when she leaves, I can wait for her outside to talk to her in private."

"What exactly is in it for me?"  
"The biggest tip you've ever gotten, I swear."

"Well then, what do you want to drink?"  
"Water."

She laughs and walks away, but Ryan can hear what she says to herself.

"Oh boy, you've got it bad, and it's going to be a long day for you." Still laughing, she disappears into the kitchen.

The hours tick by actually rather quickly for Ryan as he waits for Marissa to get off of work. Between watching her move around the restaurant, observing her every moment and whim and letting his mind wander to thoughts of her, talking to her, spending time with her, being with her, all in all, it wasn't a bad afternoon.

At 6:00, Theresa came back to his table.

"She's leaving in a few minutes after she clocks out and changes."

He jumps out of his seat, nearly toppling it over, and presses a wad of money into her hand, not even counting it before running out of the doors. She pushes the chair in, smiles, and then heads to the back of the restaurant to clock out herself.

Waiting for Marissa to emerge, Ryan paced in front of the restaurant, occasionally being stared at by the customers who entered. After ten minutes she still hadn't emerged and he was beginning to fear that he been scammed. Right as he was about to walk back in, Theresa walked out.

"What are you doing out here? I thought you wanted to talk to Marissa?"

"I did, and I thought you said she'd be leaving?"

"She did. She went out the back door."

"Sht!" With that he sprinted around the side of the building leaving Theresa standing there staring after him without a word.

It was only a quarter after six, but the shadows were starting to settle in, and it was difficult to see in the ally behind the restaurant. Even though he couldn't see her, he knew that someone was back there. Wait, he thought, there are two people back here. Stopping so no one could see him, he listened to the conversation, hoping that she was one of the people.

"Let go of me!"

Wait, was that her? What was happening, Ryan thought to himself. He tried to listen for more, to hear what she said next, but all he could make out were a man's whispers and muffled cries. Knowing that he had do something, he walked out from behind the dumpster he had been standing behind and went towards the two figures. Neither saw him, but he saw her and another person, a man, who was holding her by the neck up against the wall. Silent tears streamed down her face, but she was unable to make a sound. Looking around him, he searched for something to use. Normally he'd never hit anyone without facing them, but if he didn't do something quickly, Marissa might not survive while he followed the rules of a gentleman's fight, and if he knew anything about this man already, he definitely wouldn't play by those rules. Finally after what seemed like hours but was instead mere seconds, he found an empty metal garbage can. Lifting it above his head, he smashed it against her attacker, leaving him to fall unconsciously to the ground and letting go of Marissa at the moment of impact. Before she, too, could fall, he had her in his arms and was running to the parking lot.

She didn't talk, he didn't expect her to; instead, she just breathed in deeply, trying to refill her lungs after being deprived of oxygen for so long.

"Which one is your car," he asked in a tone just slightly louder than a whisper, his voice dripping with concern and pain. She pointed to her car and let him carry her to it without a word spoken between them, but then he put her in the passage seat, buckled her, and then ran around to the driver's side and got in.

"Wha…what are you doing?"

"I'm getting you out of here."

"No, you're not!"

"Yes, I am. There's no arguing with me; you're not going to change my mind, so either hand your keys over voluntarily, or I'll get them for myself."

She opened her purse, removed her keys, and placed them in his hand. He started the car and peeled out of the parking lot as quickly as he could, turning towards the free way.

At this point, she didn't care where he took her, she didn't care that she had broken her word and promise to his girlfriend, even her parents were a distant thought at this point. Nick….he had come after her again! What would have happened this time if Ryan hadn't of shown up? Would she even be alive at this point? What had he done to her before? She had to figure this out; she had to know for sure. She didn't think he had, she'd be able to feel it wouldn't she, but at this moment, she didn't need to think of anything. Ryan was there; nothing would hurt her at least for a little while. Sitting back in the seat of her car, she let the tears slide seamlessly down her face, wetting her neck and the collar of her shirt, letting the occasional sob escape her tightly clenched lips.

Ryan looked over at Marissa and felt a plethora of emotions all at the same time. He was finally alone with her, and even though it was under perhaps the worst possible circumstances, he couldn't help but feel grateful for this time with her. Even in this much pain, she was the most beautiful, enchanting person he'd ever seen. Wanting to do something to comfort her, he searched his mind for ideas, finally settling for the simple gesture of holding her hand. Although he thought that she would pull away from him, she instead wrapped her other hand around their joined appendages and squeezed it as tightly as she could. As they drove on, her sobs stopped and her tears slowed their pace down her delicate cheeks until they finally came to a stop as she drifted off to sleep. Driving on, he never let go of her hand until they had finally reached their destination. When he let go of her, her eyes sprang open, suddenly afraid, but when she saw Ryan looking back at her, she relaxed back into the seat.

"Hey, we're here."

"Where's here?"

He laughs. "Don't be mad; I don't expect anything to happen, but I needed someplace safe, someplace where no one would ever think to look for you."

"So….."

"So, we're at the Beverly Hills Hotel."

Marissa's mouth drops open and her eyes become extremely large.

"You're serious, aren't you," she asked.

"Yeah, but we can get separate rooms, whatever you want, I don't care, but the deal is you have to talk to me."

"I can't do that. I shouldn't even be doing this."

"Why?"

"I can't tell you."

"Please, Marissa, just talk to me. Give me a chance to prove that I'm not a complete jerk."

She laughed as she spoke. "Ryan, look it's not that, after everything you've done for me, a stranger who never returned your phone calls, and yes, I did get them, I know you're not a jerk, but I can't talk to you. It's me, not you, I swear. You did nothing wrong, and there is nothing that I'd rather do than talk to you, but I can't. It's impossible."

"How about I make you a deal? Let me go in and get the rooms…."

"No, just get one."

"But I thought…."

"We can't do anything, we can't even talk, but I can't sleep alone tonight. One room with two beds, please?"

"Alright, but you are going to talk to me, I won't take no for an answer. All I ask is that you tell me why I can't see or speak with you, and then let me be the judge of whether or not it's impossible."

"Ryan."

"No, no buts, that's the deal, take it or leave it."

"Fine."

"Okay, so stay here; I'll be back in a few minutes." He notices the look of sheer panic in her eyes. "I'll be right back, I swear I'm not going anywhere, but I'll lock the doors for you."

Slowly, she agrees by shaking her head, but he knows that she still doesn't feel safe. Wanting to make this as quick as possible, he runs into the hotel.

Marissa waits in the car watching the clock and counting the seconds, literally, until he returned. This is nuts, she thought, you can't tell him why you can't talk to him, why you can't see him. You should just make him take you home; you can't depend upon anyone else to take care of you, but you don't want to leave, do you? You want to stay with him for as long as he'll let you. This is not good, Marissa, this is not good at all.

As her mind wandered, Ryan got the room and returned. She had the doors unlocked by the time he reached her car, and he opened her door for her. Before she could stand up though, his arms were wrapped around her and he was carrying her to their room. Instead of arguing, she found herself letting him take care of her, sinking even deeper into his embrace and letting her head rest gently on his shoulder, taking in his scent and enjoying the only night she'd ever spend with him. Way before she wanted their walk to be over, they had reached their hotel room. He unlocked the door and carried her to the bed and laid her down.

"Are you hungry," he asked.

"No."

"Do you want to take a shower? There's nothing for you to change into, but there is a complimentary robe you can use."

"Maybe later, right now though, I just don't want to be alone."

He goes to sit down on the other bed opposite of her, but she stops him with just the look in her eyes.

"What?"  
"Would you just sit here with me?"

"I can do that." He smiled slightly as he went around to the other side of the bed and sat down beside her, making sure that he kept plenty of distance between them, a distance she soon crossed so that she was laying in his arms. He couldn't believe this was happening, but he wasn't going to protest. She couldn't believe that she was doing this, but it was as if her heart was controlling her body and her mind was not functioning.

"So, can you talk to me now? What did he do to you, Marissa?"

"I'm not exactly sure." She turns to look into his eyes as she talks to him and notices the confusion there. "When he hit me, I lost consciousness, and by the time I awoke, he was gone. I had bruises all over my body and I just ached. I don't know how I did it, but I found my way back to my apartment, and somehow I got up to go to work. And then you found us this evening. He was threatening me, telling me that if I went to the police he'd kill me."

"Did he…..rape you?"

As Ryan says those painful words, he winces at the sound of them to his own ears, not even imagining how much they had to hurt her. Unable to speak, though, Marissa just sobbed into his chest. He didn't push her; he didn't want to scare her away. She needed someone to talk to, and he needed to know what had happened to her. After a few minutes, her tears and sobs subsided, and she looked back up into his trusting face, realizing that she can talk to him.

"I don't know. That's why he did this, because I wouldn't sleep with and I was trying to leave him, but I….don't…know."

"Have you...ever….had...sex...before?"

"No."

"I know you're in a lot of pain, but are you bruised….there?" She looks up at him with big eyes filled with unshed tears unable to speak but with a questioning look on her face. "Your legs, your inner thighs," he whispered, "are they bruised?"

"No." With that one simple word, he begins to relax. His breathing returns to normal, his heart rate stops racing and falls back into its usual rhythm.

"And it doesn't hurt….there?"

"No." Now finally convinced that she wasn't raped, he sinks back into the bed and pulls her closer to him.

"I don't think he did then, but we should take you to the hospital anyway, have you tested."

"No."

"What, why not? You did go to make sure nothing was broken didn't you?"

"I don't have health insurance, Ryan, and even if I did, I don't want people starring at me and asking questions. They'd have to contact the police, and if I go to them, he'll kill me."

"And if you don't, he probably still will kill you. You're going to the police, you're going to the see a doctor, a good doctor, the best, and then we'll figure out what to do next."

Shocked by the determined note in his voice and his insistence that she let him take care of her, she pulls away from him.

"No! I told you that this is it; after tonight you can't see me, you can't speak to me, it's over. You have to return to your life, your friends, your girlfriend. I don't fit into your life."

"Okay, first of all, how do you know that you don't fit into my life? I think you fit perfectly, but what are you talking about. Where did this come from? The night we talked in the parking lot, you seemed enthusiastic as if a part of you wanted to get to know me, and then I called and you never called me back. I come to see you, and you avoid me for hours, and now you bring up my friends and Holly, my...girlfriend, whom, by the way if you're wondering, I really don't think I'm dating any longer, and if we are, then that's about to end."

"No, you can't do that!"

"What, like hell I can't! What happened, and why are you all of a sudden a big fan of my relationship with her? I thought you'd be cheering the fact that I'm not going to be with Holly any longer, I mean, you two were not each other's biggest fans."

"Look, I can't explain this….what happened, but just trust me, you can't break up with her. I need you to promise me that you'll stay with her, that you won't ever try to contact me after tonight, that you won't ever come back to the restaurant or Chino for that matter, and that you'll never call me again."

"I can't do that."

"You have to!"

"Why!"

"Because if you don't, my life will be destroyed. Look, there is a lot about me that you don't know, that no one knows about, and if I let you into my life, the two people I care for most in this world will be hurt. I can't do that to them, to myself. This is just the way it has to be."

"Well then tell me about yourself, let me figure out a way to help you."

"I can't ask that of you. You've already done too much for me as it is."

"What do you mean?"  
"Loaning me that money to bail me out of trouble, helping me tonight with Nick…."

"Yeah, but you didn't ask me for help this time; I'm volunteering to help you. I want to help you; you just have to let me. Tell me about yourself, let me in, please."

"No."

"Why not!"

"Because if I let you in, if I let myself get close to you, I won't want to let you go."

"Who said you had to?"

"I'm not even allowed to be here with you right now."

"Look, I don't understand what you're talking about, and I won't leave you alone unless you give me a dmn good reason to. So talk to me, because I'm going to come and see you every day and call you every hour until you talk to me."

Sick of this back and forth arguing, Marissa gets out of his arms and crawls off the bed, standing in front of him. Although her words are angry, her eyes reveal her true emotions: pain, misery, sadness, longing, and something else, but Ryan couldn't figure out what the last emotion was. It was utterly foreign to him. He'd never seen it wavering in anyone's eyes as they looked at him before.

"Just stay away from me! I'm leaving, I can't do this! I told you that you'd ruin my life if I let you in, that you'd hurt the two people I love most in the world, but yet you keep pushing me, and, hell, you don't even know me!"

As she moves towards the door with tears streaming down her face, she is suddenly stopped by two arms being gently wrapped around her body, pulling her back to him. Unable to fight any longer, she collapses, letting him, once again, cradle her to his chest.

"Sshh, I'm sorry, I'll stop pushing you, just please don't leave. I won't be able to handle knowing that you're not safe, and you're only safe here with me, where I can watch over you and no one knows where you're at. Come on, let me take care of you, please."

All she can do is nod into his shoulder, letting him know that whatever he does is okay. He takes her into the bathroom, slowly undressing her as she stands limply in his arms, but he is careful to avert his eyes away from her, wanting to respect her privacy. Once she is down into her undergarment, he places the robe around her and turns the shower on, but before he can leave the room, her hand stops him.

"Wait."

"What is something wrong; do you feel okay?"

"No, I don't feel okay and something is wrong, but neither you nor I can fix it, but will you stay with me?"

"You want me to sit in here while you take a shower?" His eyes open wide and he stares at her unsure of how to react. "Um, that might be a little hard for me to do….I um….," but his words are interrupted by her soft fingers being placed on his lips.

"No, I want you to _stay_ with me, please. I know that I said nothing could happen, but I don't want to be alone tonight, at all." She starts to cry before she continues. "Do you know how long it's been since I felt loved, since I've been comforted? Years, and that was from my parents when I was a little girl, and I can't do it any longer, I can't be alone any longer. I just want to feel someone's arms wrapped around me, holding me tight as if they'll never let go. I know it's not fair to ask this of you, especially since you've done so much for me already and you don't even know who I am and I have no idea who you really are, but I don't care. Please?"

All Ryan can do is stare at her. He couldn't have heard her correctly, could he? She doesn't want him to shower with her, does she? As thoughts continue to run through his mind, he remains speechless.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, but I thought….," she cannot finish what she is going to say though, because fresh tears have found their way to her eyes and she lets them fall down as gravity take over. She continue to cry as she turns her back to him, but before she can get in the shower, he's there, comforting her once again, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently pulling him towards her, inviting her body to lean against his as he supports the both of them.

"Are you sure about this," he whispers in her ear.

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life," she says as she turns around and begins to unbutton his shirt, slowly, enjoying the sensations coursing through her body. He does not move as she continues to undress him, savoring the feelings her hands create as they delicately touch him. The shirt slides to the floor as the last button is unclasped, and she moves to his belt and removes it, blushing the entire time. Noticing this, he speaks and lifts her head up by placing one finger under her chin and guiding her eyes to his.

"Hey, you don't have to do this. I never expected this to happen, don't get me wrong, I've fantasized about this a great deal," with this admission, Marissa smiles genuinely for the first time all evening, "but you've never done this before and I don't want you to regret your decision later, realize that you made a mistake with me or think that I took advantage of you because of how much pain you're in. Or what if I hurt….," but his words were cut off by her lips which gently touch his in a tender yet passionate kiss.

No words were needed after that, they both knew that this is exactly what they both wanted, what they both needed. Slowly, trying to savor every minute and burn it into their memories, they continue to undress each other, not saying a word and just staring into each others' eyes. Finally, when all their clothes have been shed, Marissa breaks the eye contact and looks down at her body, her thin, bruised, discolored body, self conscious of what she looks like and fearing that she'd repulse him.

"Marissa."

She doesn't look up.

"Marissa, please look at me."

Slowly she lets her gaze leave the floor and travel back to his eyes. He leans in and kisses her lips, her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, her stomach, her hips, her back as a single tear escapes from her eyes, but this time she's not crying from pain or sadness but from joy. Finally, peeling his lips from her body, he once again connects their eyes and locks his gaze with hers.

"You are the most beautiful person, most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I don't want you to ever doubt that."

With those heart felt words, he gently lifts her up and she puts her legs around his waist, holding on tightly to him as he steps into the shower, letting the scalding hot water cascade down their fused, naked bodies, cleansing them of their pain, their grief, their heartbreak, and their doubts. They washed each others' hair and each others' bodies, and they made love, they did not have sex, they made love for the first time in both of their lives. Once they were done in the shower, they went into the bedroom and made love again before falling asleep wrapped in each others' arms. Marissa fell asleep knowing that at least for that moment, that one singular moment in time she felt loved and protected like nothing could hurt her again, and Ryan fell asleep knowing that from that moment on he'd never let anything hurt Marissa and that he'd never let her go.

Waking him too early in the morning was the sun shining in through the hotel room's curtains. Rolling over in bed with a lazy, pleasure filled smile on his face, his world came crashing down around him. Instead of finding Marissa lying naked beside him, he found a note.

'Ryan, if you're reading this then you've woken up and realized that I'm gone. I didn't plan this to happen like this, you have to believe me, and even though you must think that last night didn't mean anything to me, you're wrong. It was the most amazing night of my life despite everything that happened before you found me, but I told you that you can't be a part of my life. Letting you in will kill the two people I owe my life to, literally, my parents. I didn't want to tell you this, but I fear that this is the only way I can make you stay away. They're sick, dying. That's why I work at that sleazy restaurant. I wasn't always a waitress. I won a full scholarship to college, and I loved it, I was going to make something of myself, be the first Cooper- that's my last name by the way- to ever graduate from college, but then my parents both became ill. They don't have medical insurance, I told you that, and I had to drop out of school and take that disgusting job in order to pay for their medical bills and medicine. I hate the job, what my life's come to, but I will do anything to ease my parents suffering. That's why I needed to borrow money from you, money I will pay back someday. You see I got this tip, and I borrowed money from Nick hoping that I'd be able to make it back plus much more at the track, but do those tips ever pan out, no, and I lost Nick's money. I knew what he'd do to me, and then I met you and I knew you had money, and for some reason I felt this glimmer of hope that you'd help me out. I don't know what made me do it; I almost didn't, but I asked and you gave it to. Thank you again by the way, but anyway, that's why I can't be with you. I need this job to help my parents, and if I let you into my life, if I talk to you, see you, she'll make sure I lose my job. Her father knows my boss, and she'll have me fired, so go back to her, forget about me, and live your life. I'll never forget you or what you did for me, but I can't ever see you again, please, for my parents sake, for their lives, leave me alone. Someday, I'll look you up so that I can pay you back, but until then I guess this is goodbye. I just have to say one more thing, and I know you'll think I'm crazy and I don't expect you to feel the same way, but I love you. Stay away from me, though, stay out of my life! I mean it, please! If you contact me, I'll never forgive you. Marissa

Too bad he didn't read it.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan checked out of the hotel without saying a word and took a cab all the way back to Newport, back to home, back to his friends and family, back to his life before….her. He had hoped that the cab ride would calm him down, no such luck. As he walked into his room, the only thing on his mind was Marissa, the way she smelled, the way she tasted, the way her smooth skin felt to his touch, how her gentle caresses had driven him mad with desire and drove him to depths of ecstasy he did not know even know were possible, how her passion filled voice sounded as it reverberated against his ear, and how her body had fit perfectly into his. He couldn't handle this, he couldn't handle her. Who did she think she was anyway? No one rejected him! She had used him for money, he had saved her from her brutal...what,...boyfriend? How could she date him? What had happened to her that made her give up all hope like that? Quit this, Atwood, she doesn't deserve your sympathy anymore, not after she slept with you and ran off into the morning mist without even a word, thought to himself. But she did leave word, his conscious countered; she left you a letter, a letter your pride wouldn't let you read. That letter, it taunted him now. Should he have read it; what if she was in trouble again and needed him? No, he thought to himself, stop this, if she needed your help, she would have asked for it, right? Unable to handle his racing thoughts anymore, he did the only thing he knew that would be able to drown out his mind: he lashed out physically.

Trophies and awards he had won for various sports were thrown off their shelves and into the walls, denting the drywall and chipping off the paint. He threw his computer equipment to the floor and stomped on any piece his foot could destroy. He ripped out all his drawers and tossed the clothes around the room any which way they would fly. His sheets were drug off the bed, along with the comforter, and, with clenched teeth, he tore them into tiny pieces not caring where he would sleep that night. Pictures of his friends and family that were displayed around the enormous room were slammed against the walls as he let the tiny pieces of glass cut into his hands, the slight pain numbing his torrential emotions, but this was not enough. Locating a baseball bat, he began to smash anything and everything he could find, destroying every last piece of furniture, every surface of the walls, and every memory of his former life, but then the baseball bat wouldn't relieve the pain any longer either, so he took to using his fist. Repeatedly, over and over again, he punched his right fist into the wall, not caring that his hand was now bloodied and broken. Unnoticed tears streamed down his face as he continued to hurt himself physically to dull the torment he was experiencing on the inside; animal like sobs escaped his colorless lips. So lost in his pain, he never noticed a pair of eyes who stood silently behind him watching, too shocked to move or say anything. Finally, his body gave out on him and he collapsed onto the ground in a heap not moving and, at that moment, never caring to move again.

"Oh my God!"

Ryan whirled his head around to see who was there and found a dumbstruck Seth staring at him.

"Get out Seth!"

"What the hell happened, Ryan!"

"I said to get out!" His voice roared throughout the entire room, and normally when he was this angry, Seth would not even look twice before he would run away out of fear, but this time he only moved closer, perhaps sensing that his best friend needed his help.

"I can't do that this time. What….you….how….Marissa!"

At the sound of her name, Ryan's eyes fell to the ground and he just held his now broken right hand in his left, unable to face the truth of the situation.

"You know you can talk to me about it," Seth calmly said, "you're going to have to tell someone, and maybe an unbiased opinion would help you sort out what happened or help you figure out what to do next."

"There's nothing to do next! She left me….with a note, a stupid, fcking note!"

"Whoa, what are you talking about? You mean she had that waitress, what has her name again, Tamela, Tamara, Tonya,…."

"Theresa, Seth, her name was Theresa."

"Yeah, anyway, she had Theresa give you a note after we left the restaurant?"

"No."

"Oh. So then what happened?"

Seth sat down beside Ryan, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his back against the now ruined bedroom wall.

"Do you want the long or short version?"

"How long is the long version?"

As Ryan thinks back to the night he shared with Marissa, forgetting the fact that she left him that morning, a slight smile begins to play on his lips as he replies, "hours." His grin does not go unnoticed by Seth whose mouth falls open in shock.

"Dude, you slept with her! Congratulations!"

Angered, Ryan jumps up and begins pacing the room, glaring at Seth the entire time.

"Don't start with me, Seth, you have no idea what happened, what it meant, what she meant….means to me."

"Holy sht!"

"What?"  
"You're in love with her! Okay, start from the beginning. Tell me exactly what happened, and I swear, no more sarcastic, rude, or crude comments. I'll even try not to talk at all."

Before speaking, Ryan peers at him, burning his eyes into Seth's, trying to determine if he is being sincere. Finally convinced, he begins to speak.

"I waited until she got off of her shift and Theresa, the other waitress, told me when she got off. I went out to find her so that we could talk, but she never showed up. I found out she went out the backdoor, but when I went back there, this guy, Nick, who I guess is….or was…her boyfriend, I don't know, but anyway, he was holding her by the throat up against the wall. She couldn't breathe; he was killing her, so I looked around, found a garbage can, and hit him up against the head, knocking him out. I picked her up, put her in her car, and then drove it to the Beverly Hills Hotel. We spent the night there, and I finally got her to talk to me. You know how she was acting strange, wouldn't look up at us and let her hair fall in her face?"

Seth shook his head in recognition of what he had been asked before Ryan continued talking.

"Well that's because Nick had beat her up, badly, so badly in fact that she had lost consciousness."

"Did he….rape her?"

"We're pretty sure he didn't, but she wouldn't go to the hospital."

"Why?"

"Because he threatened to kill her."

"And you let her leave and go back there? What the hell were you thinking Dude?"

"Listen, there's more to this than you know."

Seth sits back against the wall and motions for Ryan to continue.

"So anyway, she'd been saying all night that she wasn't allowed to see me or speak with me, and that if she was caught the two people she loved the most in the world would be hurt, like someone was threatening her or as if she was scared to be with me for some reason, but no matter what I said she wouldn't open up to me. Finally, she snapped and went to leave, but I wouldn't let her. She was standing there in front of me, and I was literally watching her fall apart. All I wanted to do was take care of her, so I helped her get in the shower, but she asked me to _stay_ with her."

"You mean in the shower?"

"Yeah."

"And you….had sex?"

"Seth!"

"What?"

"Don't say it like that….it wasn't sex. It was….much more than that."

"Sorry. So then what?"

"We went to bed, made love again, and then fell asleep in each other's arms. When I woke up this morning, she was gone and there was a note where her body should have been."

"Well, what did it say?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? You didn't read it?"

"No."

"Well let me see it, we'll read it now."

"I left it there."  
"Dude, what the hell were you thinking? After she admitted that she was scared to be with you, after you felt that she was being threatened to stay away from you, after knowing that her….Nick beat her, you let her go back there and didn't do anything. Come on, let's go."

"Where?"  
"We're going to go and try to get this note; hopefully it explains what going on with her, and then we're going to go and find her so that you can fix this, so that you can get what you want."

"It's not that simple."

"What do you mean?"

"She left me."

"Yeah, so what, let go of your pride for once and go after her!"

"Really, you think I should?"  
"Duh!"

Finally smiling for the first time that day, Ryan let go of his pain and anger and hope started to burn in his eyes again. "Dude, you've been hanging around Summer way to much!"

"Now that's the Ryan Atwood I know and love." Seth realizes what he just said, and in classic Seth fashion, he beings to ramble and backtrack. "You know what I mean, not love, but like, as a friend, nothing else. I love Summer, I'm straight, I'm not into guys at all, especially you, not that you're ugly or something or that I wouldn't be attracted to you if I was gay, but I'm not and…"

"Seth! It's fine, I understand. Now, let's go!"

"Wait!"

"What?"  
Without a word, Seth goes into the bathroom and comes out with a towel. Pointing to the now bare mattress sitting on Ryan's destroyed bed, he motions for him to sit down.

"We need to do something with that hand, and then, maybe after we find her, you two can go the hospital together and get checked out, a little two for one special perhaps?"

The guys continue to talk completely oblivious that just a few minutes before they had had an audience.

Summer had just arrived at Ryan's place, curious to find out what had happened the day before with his mystery girl. She knew that he hadn't returned home that night, because she had called that morning and spoke with his Mom in one of her few lucid moments. Dawn had said that they hadn't seen him and that his bed had not been slept in. Of course she was not worried about her son, but her news definitely made Summer curious. Without even knocking, as was her custom, she waltzed into the Atwood abode and sauntered her way up the stairs, lost in thought, and nearly collided with someone coming down them. Looking up, she was shocked at who she saw.

"Holly, what are you doing here?" Summer was nervous. She knew that look in Holly's face; she'd seen it before, luckily not directed at her, but she knew exactly what it meant. Holly was angry, beyond angry, she was livid, and when she got that way, she got even. Not even noticing Summer or comprehending what she had just asked her, Holly shoved her friend out of her way and continued down the stairs, mumbling to herself the entire time.

"That clueless skank thinks that she can mess with me! I'll show her what happens when someone does something I don't like! Oh payback is a b!tch sweetie, you'll learn that soon!" Her incensed heals clicked across the tiled foyer and out the door.

Summer, slightly confused yet not caring enough to inquire over her ire, continued her way up the stairs in search of Ryan. Maybe he could tell her what was up with Holly. Maybe he finally ended it with her for good. She should care, she thought, but secretly she couldn't believe that they had lasted this long to begin with. Just as she reached the top of the stairs and rounded the corner of the hall to Ryan's room, two figures rushed out of his door and ran passed her.

"Cohen, Atwood, where the hell do you think you're going!" She went after them, but it was impossible to catch up when she was wearing three inch wedges.

"Sorry Summer, no time to explain," Seth yelled over his shoulder. "Call me on my cell in a few minutes and I'll tell you everything."

With that they were out the door. Summer stood at the top of the stairs slightly annoyed but now her curiosity was definitely piqued. Not waiting the few minutes he had told her to, she flipped open her cell phone and speed dialed his number. As it rang and rang, she became more impatient and found her way to Ryan's room. Her shock over the state of it was quickly replaced with annoyance as she heard the cell phone she was calling ringing on the floor of the room. Picking it up, she dropped it in her purse, shut the door, and made her way out of the house to her car.

Without turning it on, she sat there and tried to figure out what was happening around her. Okay, she said to herself, you can do this Summer. As her mind worked feverishly, she began to think out loud.

"Okay so Atwood stayed yesterday to talk to that waitress he's into, Marissa, but he never came home. Now his room is destroyed and he is racing off with Cohen at breakneck speed to who knows where to do who knows what. Holly was planning revenge against someone she referred to as a skank, obviously livid." She was silent a moment as she let her thoughts penetrate her conscious. "Oh my God," Summer shrieked, "she went after Marissa! Something must have happened between her and Atwood!"

Without waiting another moment, Summer turned the key waiting in the ignition and sped off to a place she had just swore the day before to herself that she'd never go back to, Chino.

Dawn Atwood sat alone in her bedroom on the opposite side of the family mansion, door locked and Google running. Why did Ryan have to ask her about him? She may have been drunk and every other thing about that conversation may have left her mind, but he didn't, and now he was all she could think about. She had to know, even if she couldn't do anything about it, she had to know what had happened to him. So here she was, supposedly happily married, searching for her past flame on the internet. What would she find out? Was he married? Did he have children? Was he happy? Millions of questions ran through her mind, most of them frightening to think about, but she couldn't stop them and now that she'd gone this far, she couldn't stop herself. With his name in the search box, she pressed the enter button not knowing that what she would discover would change her life and her son's forever.

Marissa was at work, hating every moment of it but lost in another world. No matter what she did, she could not stop thinking about Ryan, about the night they had spent together, about how she had left him that morning with just a note. What if he didn't read it? What would he think; what would he do? She shouldn't have done that last night, but how could she not have? It had just felt so right, like she was finally where she was supposed to be. In his arms, she felt loved, protected, cherished, safe, as if anything and everything was possible, but she had let that security go that morning when she had left him and told him to never contact her again. She had done the right thing, right? This was the only way that she could help her parents, right? But if it was so right, why did she have all these doubts, why did she feel like her life was crashing down around her and that she'd never be able to break free and survive. Shaking these thoughts out of her mind, knowing that if she let them take over, she'd never make it through her shift without collapsing in a pile of tears and shaking uncontrollably as she wished for Ryan's arms to wrap around her, she went back to work and thought of happy things, beautiful things, passionate things, kissing Ryan, touching Ryan, making love to Ryan.

The hours went by, slowly but surely, and although she occasionally caught her boss and fellow waitresses watching her suspiciously, she ignored them and continued to let herself run free in her dream world. Busing a table, she paid no attention to the door opening and the person who stormed into the restaurant looking to extract retribution, but she was quickly pulled from her daydreams, literally, by two firmly placed hands on her hair as it was pulled as tightly as possible and person whirled her around to face them.

"You! What the hell do you want? I did what you asked, I let him go. I told him to never contact me again, so why don't you go home to your rich little life in the Newport bubble and leave me the hell alone!"

"Strong words coming from a liar and a slut! I know everything! I know that you saw him yesterday, that you slept with him, twice, that you broke our agreement, and now you're going to pay!"

"Look, it was one night, I swear! I told him that I couldn't see or speak with him ever again. He's yours, you won, just please don't take my job from me, please! It's all I have left."

As Marissa pleaded in desperation, Holly laughed in her face. Eventually she let go of her hair, but shoved her hard into the table causing Marissa to cry out in pain and collapse onto the floor. She saw her boss coming out of the back of the restaurant and knew that she needed to stand up, but she couldn't make her legs work. She was just in too much pain. First the beating and now this, it felt as if she was breaking in two. The other waitresses, women whom she thought were her friends, just stared at her, knowing that she was done with. Some laughed, others pointed, but no one moved to help her.

"What the hell is going on here Marissa," her boss bellowed across the room as he barreled towards her anger spewing from his beady little eyes. As Holly heard his voice, she twirled around in her designer shows and smiled widely at the man who was about to help her ruin someone's life. When he saw her, he stopped short.

"Holly Fischer? What are you doing here? Your Daddy would not like you hanging out in Chino."

"I know, I know, but you don't understand. Please don't tell Daddy, he'd be so disappointed in me, but I had to see for myself."

"See what Holly?" His tone was dripping in concern, his normal sexist behavior gone and replaced by that of a father or protective uncle.

"Her," Holly said as she disdainfully pointed a finally manicured finger at the sobbing Marissa. "My boy….my boyfriend cheated on me with her!" At this point, Holly, too, burst into tears and ran into the boss's arms, hugging him as she pretended to be hurt and in pain, while all the while a sly smirk found its way across her face. No one saw it, but the other waitresses knew that although what she said could have been true, she was no innocent party in this dilemma and that she was playing the man with every ounce of feminine charm she had in her. He protectively wound his arms around her, not noticing when she slightly cringed at his touch and softly spoke to her.

"Holly, sweetheart, are you sure?"

Holly pulled away from him and wiped the tears off of her face before speaking in a purposely shaky voice.

"Yeah….yes, I'm sure." Fresh tears found their way down her face as she spoke.

"Is there anything I can do to help, to make you feel better," he asked as he eyed Marissa suspiciously and an evil grin replaced the scowl which had been covering his face.

"What can you do? Nothing will take back what she did, nothing will give me my boyfriend back, and nothing will make her feel as bad as I do now!"

"Maybe not, but we can try, can't we?"

"What do you mean," Holly asked in her mock-innocence.

"Marissa, stand up!" When she didn't listen, he tugged roughly on her arm and forced her to her feet as Marissa cried out in pain and tried to pull away from him. This just made him snicker more and tighten his grip on her already bruised arm. Before he could speak though, a loud, angry, slightly annoying voice could be heard ringing through the restaurant.

"Excuse me," Summer snapped, "what the hell do you think you're doing! If you don't take your disgusting hands off of Marissa right this minute, I will have my boyfriend's father, Sandy Cohen, ever heard of him, well if not, he's one of the top defense attorneys on the west coast, here so fast, you won't even have time to pull your head out of your ss!" As she spoke, Summer went over towards Marissa as quickly as she could and put her arm around her to help support the woman she barely knew but whom one of her best friends was in love with. Besides, it was time she stood up to Holly Fischer. This moment had been coming for quite a while, and Summer Roberts always loved a good confrontation. It gave her an opportunity to let her rage blackouts shine through.

"Summer," Holly yelled, "what the hell are you doing here, and why the hell are you standing up for that little skank! You're supposed to be my best friend?"

"Times change, get over it, and besides, if anyone in this room is a skank, it's you! I don't know what you did, but you did something to Marissa, and now you're here trying to get her in trouble with her boss just because Ryan dumped your sorry ss! That's just pathetic Holly, even for you. Come on Marissa, let's get you out of here. I'll help you home and then we'll call Cohen and Atwood and let them know what's going on."

Marissa just let the petite brunette lead her out of the room, too shocked to speak. Holly looked on in silent fury already planning just how she could now pay back Summer for embarrassing her in front of all of these trashy working class women. Marissa's boss was the only one to speak.

"And don't bother coming back tomorrow Marissa, you're fired!"

At this point, Summer who thought that her rage had been contained, let loose. She gently leaned Marissa against the wall before stomping her way back over towards the man who had just pushed her over the edge. She slapped his face as hard as she could before lashing out.

"Do you know what you can do with this so called job of yours, you can wait on your disgusting customers yourself! You make me sick! The way you treat women, so demeaning as if they were beneath you, you should be put in a cage and only allowed to eat your greasy, nauseating chicken for the rest of your life! That food is so revolting it should only be consumed by pigs like yourself! Oh, and by the way, Marissa quits, so you can't fire her!"

With that, she turned around on her heals, picked Marissa off the wall, who now, in spite of her pain, was smiling, and they, together, made their way out of the restaurant, never to set foot inside of it again. The waitresses, who were still snickering over the fiery woman's words, lowered their gazes to the floor as their boss's vindictive eyes landed on them. They all became silent and went back to work. He ignored Holly and returned to the back of the restaurant, too irritated to deal with her hysterics, as she quickly looked around her and fled the establishment before she could be humiliated any more.

Racing into the hotel lobby, Ryan left Seth trailing in his dust, forgetting that he was even there with him. As he approached the desk, the clerk, who was not the same person from the night before or that morning, eyed him with disdain and annoyance, but it was masked behind her fake smile and perfectly polished veneer.

"How may I help you, sir?"

Out of breath, Ryan took a few gulps of air before speaking. "I checked out this morning, but I left behind a note in my room and I need to get it."

"I'm sorry but as soon as the rooms are checked out of, they are completely cleaned and anything that is left behind would be thrown away."

"Could I perhaps speak with the person who cleaned the room, maybe they kept the note out of curiosity or…" Seth had now approached and being the more reasonably minded person at the present moment, he spoke for Ryan.

"We're sorry to inconveneniance you Ma'am, but that letter was extremely important, it could be life or death, and we really need to find it. If we could even look through the garbage, we'd appreciate it."

"I'm sorry," the hotel front desk clerk said, "but there is no way that you can do that. It would be against the hotel's privacy policy, but if, as you say, it is a life and death situation, I'd suggest you go to the cops and get a search warrant. Then, and only then, will I be able to help you."

With that, she turned her back on the two men, leaving Ryan fuming and Seth perturbed. Slowly, Seth, through physical persuasion, helped Ryan out of the hotel and back to his car. As they climbed in, Seth started it up and pulled out of the parking lot.

"So, we're going to Chino, right?"

"Right," Ryan replied as she starred out the window wondering what the note had said and wishing that she was alright.

Marissa and Summer had just arrived back at Marissa's apartment. The car ride had been silent as both women contemplated what had just occurred and what to do next. Summer helped Marissa inside and onto the couch before sitting down in a chair across from her.

"Is there anything I can get you, to help with the pain," Summer asked.

"No, I took some Advil earlier, and it's too soon to take more."

Summer laughed slightly and sat back in the chair getting comfortable and pulling her feet up to sit underneath her.

"Man can I tell that I'm not in Newport anymore. No one there would ever even think of taking over the counter pain pills after the beating you got, no offense."

"None taken."

Suddenly Summer jumped out of her chair and charged over to her purse which she had left by the door when they had come in."Oh my God, Atwood, I have to call him and see where he and Cohen ran off to in such a hurry this afternoon." She goes to her purse and pulls out her cell phone and dials Ryan's number.

"What do you mean?"

"I really don't know where they went or what happened. Dmn, it went straight to voice mail." She put her phone back before sitting down and continuing what she was saying. "This morning I called his house to talk to him, but his Mom said that he never came home last night, something I want details about later."

Despite herself and the fact that she had hated this woman the day she had met her, Marissa couldn't help but laugh, thinking to herself that maybe she had been guilty of judging her a little too quickly, too.

"So, I went over there is afternoon to drag the story out of him, but when I got there Holly was storming out the house mumbling about some skank who was going to get some payback. I didn't put two and two together that you were the skank, which by the way, you're not, but you get what I'm saying." Marissa just nods her head to signal to Summer that she did understand and that she should continue. "Well after Holly left, I continued my way up the stairs where I ran into Cohen, that's my skinny ss boyfriend, by the way, the other guy who came with us to the restaurant, he's Atwood's best friend, and Atwood in the hallway as they ran down the stairs. I asked what was going on, but Cohen said they couldn't talk and to just call his cell and he'd explain. So I did, but then I found it in Atwood's room, which by the way was completely destroyed like a pack of mangy wolves on speed had been let loose in it. Ew, and there was blood on the walls and on the floor. It was kind of freaky!"

"BLOOD," Marissa screamed in horror, quickly sitting up despite the pain it caused, "what do you mean there was blood in the room!"

"I don't know, blood, you know the blue liquid that courses through our bodies after being pumped by the heart that turns red when it comes in contract with oxygen- blood. Who knows where it came from, Atwood probably went all Rocky Balboa on us again and suffered a rage blackout…speaking of which, what the hell did you two do that would make him that upset?"

Marissa scared for Ryan and angry at herself for hurting him that much, lets the tears flow freely down her face, not caring that she's letting this woman who is practically a stranger see her weakened state. "Oh my god, he didn't read he letter."

"What letter?"

"I left him a letter this morning when I snuck out so that he would understand why I couldn't see him again, but he must not have read it. He must have thought that I'd just used him and that I didn't feel anything, but I do! I feel…..I feel…."

"What do you feel for him, Marissa?" Summer eyes her suspiciously before the realization sweeps across her mind and reveals itself in her dumbstruck expression. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Marissa could not say anything. All she could do was look up with Summer with tears in her eyes, but the love she felt shone through like sapphires in the firelight.

"But you've only known each other for what a few days? This is crazy!"

"I know," Marissa whispered, "but I can't help it, and after what we did, I'll never be able to go back to not loving him, but he doesn't….he can't feel the same way, can he?"

"What do you mean what you did?"

"We…..um…."

"Wow!" Marissa did not have to say anything for Summer to understand. As a woman, she knew that glow, that passion that was radiating from Marissa's azure eyes, eyes that were such a similar shade to Ryan's, she thought. Imagine what their children's eyes would like, she thought to herself, hell, what their children in general would like. Catching herself thinking like this, she laughed out loud, confusing Marissa. "Oh, I'm sorry," she responded quickly to Marissa's questioning gaze, "my mind was wandering. So you and Atwood….oh my God, I know where they went!" She bounces back up and this time brings her purse back with her, settling once more into the chair. She pulls out her cell phone and dials information.

"Beverly Hills Hotel, please." As she waits for the operator to transfer her call, the two women sit in silence. As the front desk clerk picks up, Summer speaks.

"Hello, sorry to bother you, but this is really important. Did a really buff, hot blonde guy recently come in with a skinny, curly haired dork looking for a letter?" She pauses as she listens to the response. "What do you mean you didn't let them look through the garbage! Do you know how important that note was! That's it; I'm never staying there again!" Summer hung up the phone and practically threw it back in her purse. "So, they were there but the clueless clerk wouldn't let them look through the garbage for the letter. I have to find them, tell them what happened, and since Cohen left his phone behind like the jackss he is, and Atwood probably forgot to charge his or destroyed it in his rage blackout earlier, I won't be able to reach them by phone. I'll have to go home and try to find them. Will you be alright here or do you want to come with?"

'No thanks, I'll stay here."

"Oh okay."

Summer gets up, puts her purse on her arms, and begins to walk out of the small apartment, but Marissa's voice stops her.

"Summer?" Summer turns around and looks back at Marissa. "Thank you…for everything you did for me today. I'll never forget it."

"Don't worry," Summer responded, "I won't let you forget it. Someday I'm going to need your help, and besides I still need to hear the details about you and Atwood. Keep in touch, Marissa, maybe we could hang out sometime?"

"Yeah, I'd like that, after I find a new job of course."

"And after you go to the hospital. I don't know what happened to you, but that body of yours needs checked out."

"You sound just like Ryan."

"Hey, what can I say; great minds think alike."

With that, Summer smiles at her new friend one last time before walking out the door and shutting it behind her. As she walks to her car, she, once again, thinks out loud.

"Hm, she needs a new job and one where she won't be treated like a piece of meat, someplace where she can make quite a bit of money, because obviously she needs it, and maybe something a little closer to us in Newport. Wouldn't Holly just love that?" Laughing to herself, she climbs into her car and pulls it out of the parking lot as she speeds back to Newport hoping to find her boyfriend and his best friend before anything else could go wrong, not knowing that they were just arriving in Chino.

Pulling into the restaurant they seemed to frequent quite often lately, Seth killed the engine of his sports car before turning to Ryan.

"Dude, what are we going to do next if she's not working? Chino's not small, we can't just drive up and down every street looking for her car."

"The waitresses can tell us where she lives."

"They'll do that? That's kind of creepy. I mean, that means that probably any guy would be able to find out anything they wanted about her."

"I never thought of it like that before. Oh well, I can't worry about that now. If she's here, I'll come back out and wave to you to leave, and if she's not, hopefully I'll be back with an address."

"Okay man, good luck."

Ryan got out of the car and quickly jogged into the restaurant. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room, but once they did, he quickly scanned it for Marissa. She was no where in sight, but Theresa, the waitress who had helped him before was there. He moved up to her quickly, and gently pulled her aside, away from the table where she had been waiting on customers.

"Where's Marissa?"

"Not here, and she never will be again since your girlfriend or ex girlfriend, whatever the hell she is, got her fired today. I guess her Daddy's good friends with our boss, the owner of this fine establishment, and all she had to do was cry a few fake tears and accuse Marissa of sleeping with you, and she was fired, but not before the spoiled brat pulled her hair and then pushed her into the table hard."

"She did what, but what about Marissa's bruises?"

"So that's why Marissa collapsed in pain and started crying, hm. Bet it didn't help when our sshole of a boss pulled her up by the arms afterwards! If that other girl, the brunette one, wouldn't have come in here and given him a piece of her mind, who knows what he would have done to Marissa, but I guess that friend of yours, what was her name….Summer, I guess she took her home."

"Where's that?"

"I'm not telling you that!"

"Please, you have to, you don't know how serious this is. I mean, with Nick, and now she could be hurt again, please you have to tell me where she lives!"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I'm….

"Because you're in love with her, or at least you think you are."

"I am."

"Whatever. But fine, I'll tell you. She actually lives with me, apartment 3C, 5681 Chestnut Street."

"Thanks!" He begins to run out of the restaurant, but her voice stops him.

"Hey, don't you need directions?"  
"No, we have Onstar, but thanks!" With that, he was gone.

"Onstar, I should have know, rich bastard! How did a whiny little prude like Marissa ever catch him!" Angry at her supposed friend's luck, she turned back to the table she had been waiting on with a disgusting look on her face, knowing that nothing like that, no one like that would ever save her from the life she lived.

Ryan and Seth arrived at Marissa's apartment ten minutes later. Not waiting for her to answer the door or even bothering to knock, they rushed in to find the living room empty, no one in sight, but sobs could be heard from somewhere down a hallway. Following the noise, they both stopped in front of the door before slowly twisting the handle revealing a scene Ryan had never wanted to see and one that Seth had never wanted to see again. Just like Ryan had been doing hours before, Marissa sat pounding her bleeding fists into the bathroom wall, sobbing so loudly as tears poured down her face that she didn't hear the two men enter the room. She could no longer feel her left hand, but she did not care. Nothing mattered now. She had let Ryan go, thinking that at least that way she'd be able to keep her job and help her parents, but no, things didn't work out that way for Marissa; they never did. She lost everything anyway even after she gave up the person who had made her come alive. Thinking she'd never see him again, that he'd never forgive her for just leaving him with a note, a note he had not even read, she had given up all hope and had to do something to kill the pain in her heart. The only way she knew how to do that was to invoke physical pain, to hurt herself.

Seth knew that this was no where he should be, so he quietly excused himself and tried to choke back the tears he felt stinging his eyes. No one should hurt that much, he thought to himself. No one deserved that much pain and misery. Walking back into the living room, he searched for a phone, knowing that he needed Summer there with him.

Ryan couldn't help it. Seeing her like that was killing him. Not wanting to startle her, he quietly said her name, but she must not have heard him because she did not turn around, she did not say anything, but instead she just kept hitting her hands against the wall and sobbed. Slowly he approached her and knelt down beside her, taking her hands in his and pulling her towards him so that he could hold her in his arms.

Marissa didn't even have to look, as soon as she felt his hands, she knew that it was Ryan. He had come back for her, even after she had left him. Letting herself give in and be comforted, she collapsed against his chest and sobbed into it as her blood drenched hands wound their way around his neck holding onto him as tightly as she could, fearing that if she let go again he would disappear.

"Sshh…it's okay, I know what happened, I know everything, and you don't have to worry anymore. I'll help you. We'll make this alright, I swear. If you never believed anything I've said to you before, I need you to believe me now when I tell you that I won't let anything happen to you, because…..I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispers back almost inaudibly as they just simply held each other. Their actions may have been simple, but to them, that moment meant more than every other moment in their lives combined.


	3. Chapter 3

Dusk was just settling over the sheltered town of Newport Beach, but the inside of Dawn Atwood's bedroom resembled the dead of night. The blinds were drawn tightly shut, nothing moved, and the only illumination throughout the entire suite was that of the streamlined, flat panel computer screen. She sat mesmerized in front of it, tears streaming down her face, but completely sober for what was probably the first time in ten years. She had not had a drink all day, not that she didn't want one, but she couldn't move; she was frozen in her seat. Her back was stiff for she hadn't left the office chair all day, afraid that if she did he would disappear from her life again but for good this time….if he was even still alive.

At first the information she had found did not surprise her, and even though he had moved on as well, it made her happy to think that maybe at least one of them lived a happy life. He had married and they had one daughter together. She was surprised by this, only one child, he had wanted many, but she quickly lost herself in the rest of the information. After the announcement of their marriage and the birth of their daughter, the information quickly dissipated for the couple, but their daughter seemed to always make the paper, an overachiever who was involved in all aspects of school, she was always mentioned for her outstanding grades and athletics. Honor Roll student, all conference volleyball player, cheerleader captain, class president, prom queen, valedictorian, Dean's list her first semester at college after receiving a full scholarship, their daughter seemed to have everything as well until she dropped off the map. Confused, Dawn had continued to search. Why was there nothing about this entire family since this past December when before they had been mentioned in the paper almost monthly, she thought, and then she saw it, the reason why their lives had changed.

It was a small and obscure add, published in April, just a couple of months ago, detailing a charity dinner being hosted by Marissa Cooper, daughter of James and Julie Cooper, to raise money for her parents, who were both dying from cancer.

Dawn had read that five hours earlier, but the page remained on the screen, occasionally being temporarily replaced by her screen saver before she jiggled the mouse to return the computer back to its previous state. Now, after all these years, after trying to forget about him, she had to look him up now…when he was dying, when it was too late to reconnect with him, but why, she thought to herself, did they need to have a charity dinner to raise money? Didn't they have health insurance? He had become a teacher and a high school basketball coach like he'd always wanted, and it said that his wife had been a nurse, how could this have happened? And their daughter, their beautiful, gifted, intelligent daughter, what had happened to her; had she quit school to take care of them? What could she, Dawn Atwood, do to help? Would they even accept her help, and even worse, were they still alive? Questions bombarded her weakened mind from years of alcohol abuse, attempting to instigate action of any kind, but all she could do was stare numbly at the computer screen as the minutes ticked by feeling as if her world had stopped.

Summer had arrived back in Chino at Marissa's apartment fifteen minutes after Seth had called her, because she had not gotten very far before she was summoned to help, but that had been an hour ago, and still neither of them had heard from or seen either Ryan or Marissa. Scared for what was happening but not about to venture into that bathroom where the pain and suffering was so thick it was almost palpable to the touch, they remained seated on the edge of the couch, side by side, wringing their hands in desperation and helplessness.

"Do you think they're even still alive in there, I mean, they both were injured, bleeding, what if blood poisoning struck them both and they are now lying on the cold, probably out of date linoleum…ew…silently pleading for us to come and check on them."

"Summer, where do you come up with this stuff? I thought I had an active imagination, but this is just out there!"

"Cohen, shut up. I'm being serious. We have not heard a thing from them in over an hour; I'm getting pretty scared here."

"I'm sure they're fine, and besides, Ryan's hand stopped bleeding hours ago, so even if Marissa was struck by blood poisoning, he'd be fine and he'd get her help. I'm sure they're just talking things over; it has been a pretty eventful 24 hours for those two."

"Oh my God, you're right! It has only been about 24 hours! Dmn, it feels like we've been dealing with this for a week now!" She pauses for a second, but her mind begins to spin again, creating another horror story grossly out of proportion to their current situation. "You don't think they fought each other to the death, do you?"

"What! What the hell are you talking about? Summer, why would they be fighting each other?"

"Well we all know that Atwood has a temper, and I have a feeling that if you make Marissa mad enough, she'd fight back, too. What if they started fighting about oh I don't know….Holly, perhaps, and things got out of control!"

"You saw Marissa. Do you honestly think she's in any shape whatsoever to fight a kitten let alone Ryan?" Summer thinks about this for a moment, finally giving up her conspiracy stories, and sitting back to make herself comfortable. Seth leans back with her, taking her in his arms. "Do not even think about it, Cohen! This is so not the time for one of your lame attempts at foreplay!"

"I'm not trying to put a move on you, calm down; I just thought that you might want someone to comfort you. Ryan and Marissa weren't the only ones who had an eventful day. You were in a fight not only with the girl who up till recently you considered your best friend but also a big, hairy, greasy, male chauvinist pig. I'd say after we get this all settled out and Ryan and Marissa to a hospital, we have some celebrating to do."

"Celebrating, for what?"

"To commemorate you kicking some ss today!" Despite the dismal situation and dreary apartment, Summer couldn't help but laugh at her corny boyfriend while leaning over and gently kissing him. "What was that for?"  
"Just a thank you for making me smile and forget about today even if only for a few seconds."

She buries her head in his chest, pulling him closer to her while she lets the day's events wash over her.

"What was it like…when you found her like that?"

He does not answer her immediately as he tries to arrange his thoughts and formalize them into a shape that could be verbalized, transferring the raw emotions into words.

"I thought that this morning when I saw Ryan….you know, well, I thought that I had seen something that would haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. I had never seen anyone so hurt in my life. I mean, come on, let's face it, Newport may have its advantages and I would never want to live anywhere else, but it's not exactly the picture of normal life. Everything is heightened, better, and no one ever reveals their inner pain or demons. Everything, instead, is bottled up and masked, with alcohol, like Dawn, with work, like my parents and yours, or sarcasm, like you and I do. This morning, with Ryan, for the first time in my life, I saw what it was like to really feel something and then let it out. It was the scariest thing, up to that point in life, that I had ever seen and the most real. It was, in a sense, refreshing, and for once I didn't rely upon my smartss comments or rude indifference to get me through it; instead, I was finally a real friend. I listened, I consoled, and I actually offered sound advice."

"Who would have thought," Summer teased softly, attempting to lighten the oppressive atmosphere even if for a moment before he continued on with his tale.

"I sure as hell never expected to do something like that, but still…even this morning couldn't have prepared me for Marissa when I saw her earlier. It wasn't her hands, bloodied and bruised as they were, or even the bruises that covered her body that shocked me the most; it was her eyes. I'd never seen eyes like that in my life, and I hope to never see them again for as long as I live. Once was enough, and unlike Ryan haunting my dreams, her eyes will haunt me whether awake or asleep for the rest of my existence. I don't even know how to describe them really. They were just empty, lifeless, hopeless, dead, like she had nothing left to live for and was now stuck in a life she didn't want to live any more. Desperation, panic, fear, rage, pain, they all were gone. I think she was so far passed any normal level of human emotion, that even those would have been a comfort for her then. I don't know how Ryan stayed in there, how he faced her. I couldn't; I ran, turned by back on her and ran as quickly as I could out here to call you."

They both sit there in complete silence again, Seth reliving the moment that had been running through his mind since he first encountered it and Summer only imagining what it must have been like.

Indeed, Ryan and Marissa had been silent the entire time they remained in the bathroom together. After just holding her as tightly as he could for almost an hour, attempting to physically show her that she was no longer alone and that he would not leave her, she finally calmed down enough for him to take care of her. Without a word shared between them, she had let him wash her cut and battered hands, slowly removing the now dried blood as carefully as he could while trying not to hurt her, she had let him bandage them as much as he could, and she had let him strip her of her soiled clothes and gently place her in the tub filled with steaming hot water. There she laid not moving while he cleansed her abused body, hoping that the soap and loofa would be enough to cleanse the pain away as well as the dirt and grime but knowing it would never be that simple. After he had finished, he had helped her step out and had dressed her in a pair of track pants and an overly large sweatshirt, but still they did not leave the bathroom. He settled back against the wall, sitting on the floor, and enclosed her in his strong and capable arms as she sat between his legs.

"Thank you," she said in a voice stronger than he had anticipated she would use.

"For what?"

"For coming back for me, for understanding and not asking questions about….what you saw earlier, for taking care of me. You didn't have to, you know. We may have spent the night together but I know that you're not looking for a relationship from me, and I don't even know where I'm going to find my next meal let alone what my future holds, but I don't want you to feel obligated to be here with me because of what we did. I know you have this life that I don't fit into, and that's fine. That night was just what it was, both of us forgetting our imperfect lives and living for the moment, but you did nothing to make me feel as if we have a future, so you don't have to be here if you don't want to be."

"First of all, as for not judging you," he holds up his own battered hand which is still wrapped in the towel, "I don't have any room to judge, because I did the same thing earlier." As he continues talking, she sits up and faces him, taking his injured hand in her own, slowly unwrapping the towel, to reveal a hand obviously broken, black, blue, green, purple, and yellow tinted skin with small patches of dried blood still on it, and lifts it to her lips, kissing it softly and holding it as she leans back into his arms.

"And as for feeling obligated to be here with you, you can just forget that. Come on, you know me, the spoiled brat from Newport, do you honestly think I would be here if I didn't want to be, and honor, I was never taught what that word means. This is not me riding in on my white horse to take care of you because I feel I owe you after the night we spent together, this is me trying to be sweet to you so I can get what I want."

"And what's that," she asked with a slight smile starting to take over her mouth.

"Your ex-boss's secret recipe for his chicken. He fired you…

"Hey, according to Summer, I quit."

"Fine, you quit, which means you don't owe him any loyalty any longer, and it has always been my life's goal to open up my own _Hot Chickens _where I could serve disgusting chicken with a side of cleavage and toned, tanned legs which go on for miles!"

She laughs, a deep, full, satisfied laugh, making Ryan smile from ear to ear.

"That is so not funny Mister! Now tell me, what do you really want from me, why are you being this nice?" Her tone was playful, but he could see the seriousness in her eyes as he gazed into them.

"You."

"We'll have to see about that," she whispered earnestly, all traces of humor and mirth gone.

"What do you mean; you don't want to be with me, but I thought you said…..we said….."

"Look, we both know that what we said happened in the spur of the moment, because of the pain and trauma we've been through. I mean, how could we know we felt that way after only knowing each other for a few days, and don't worry, I won't hold you to that declaration. I do like you, a lot, I've never felt this way about anyone before, but, like I said, my life's a mess. You didn't read that letter so let me tell you what it said. Look," she slowly sat up and turned around to face him once again as she talked, "my parents are dying, both of cancer. Their health insurance gave out after they were fired because they missed too much work because of the illness. There's no hope that they'll live, but while they are still alive, there are drugs which will make their pain bearable, but they're expensive, and don't you dare say you'll pay for it, because I already owe you way too much money for saving me before. That's why I worked at that hell hole. It may have been demeaning and miserable, but I made good money from my tips, money that practically all went for their medical bills. They live in the hospital now, they're health is that bad, but I have to find another job or two or three or however many it takes for me to be able to take care of them. I quit college to do this, and I will not rest until I know that I've done everything in my power to make their last few months or days even on this earth as peaceful as possible. I can always go back to school and take care of myself later, but, for now, I have to take care of my parents. They're all I have, and I can't be worrying about this….us, forming a relationship or whatever we're doing here, when I have much more important things to do. If we had met at a different time, a different place in both of our lives, who knows what would have happened, but right now…"

"Right now," he interrupted her, "you need as many people supporting you as you can get, and from the little I've seen of your supposed roommates and friends, they are not helping you at all. Fine, if you don't want to accept my money, great, but I…we can do other things to help you. You're going to need to find a new job, we can help with that. You can't stay here any longer, not with Nick knowing where you live, and we can help with that, too, but most importantly, we can be your friends, offer you shoulders to lean on when you've had a bad day or receive bad news, we can take you out when you have a moment of free time and attempt to take your mind off all of your troubles, and we can just be there to listen to you. You can't go through this alone. I may not know much about what life is like for those in the real world outside of my Newport Beach bubble, but I do know that everyone needs a support system, and now you've found yours."

"Are you sure, I mean, you haven't even asked Seth and Summer?"

"Please, they're my minions; they do what I tell them to."

She laughs before replying. "Summer as someone's minion, I don't think so. It's probably more like you and…Seth are her minions."

"Yeah, you're probably right, but I think you've won her over."

"What?"  
"You don't know Summer. She would not have helped you today if she did not like you a little bit."

"She did offer to help me find a job, and she wanted to hang out sometime."

"See, I'm always right."

"Oh, I beg to differ there!"

"Alright fine, we'll agree to disagree on that topic, but I do have a question for you."

"Okay."

"While I'm being your friend, do you think that you could perhaps think about dating me…in the future?"

"Let's just see what happens."

"And another thing…"

"What?"

"I meant what I said earlier, and you don't have to say anything back and we don't have to ever say it again….well I hope we do, but anyway, I just don't want you to forget it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now come on, stand up. We better go out and let Seth and Summer know we're alright. I can only imagine the thoughts that have been running through their minds this whole time. One thing you have to learn about Seth and Summer is that they both have over-active imaginations."

She laughs as he helps her up, careful not to hurt her. They walk out together to find Seth and Summer already on their feet waiting for them.

"It's about time you two came out of that bathroom! I was about to send in the National Guard," Summer rapidly said as she went over and hugged them both, startling Marissa and making Ryan laugh. "Now come on, let's go." As she and Seth both walk to the door, Marissa's voice stops them dead in their tracks.

"Wait, what do you mean; where are we going?"

"Newport Memorial, do you honestly think I'd let either of you go to a hospital around here, EW!"

"Summer, look, I appreciate your concern, but I can't go to a hospital tonight. I've seen enough of them to last me a lifetime, and, just to let you know, the hospitals around here aren't that bad."

"Yeah, and clothes from Wal-Mart are just as good as those I get from South Coast Plaza! Marissa you crack me up!"

"So," Seth mused, "if we're not going to the hospital, what do you want to do? Are there any good arcades around here?"

"Shut it Cohen! First off, they are going to a hospital, but I'll let them wait until tomorrow morning, and second of all, we're not going to some lame ss arcade. We're all going back to my house. My Dad's out of town for the entire week. We'll watch movies and eat junk food all night, and then in the morning, these two stubborn knuckleheads will go to the hospital before we start looking for a new job for Marissa. Oh, and you're staying with me this week while my Dad's gone until we can find you a decent apartment with civil and human roommates, so back your stuff. This caravan is pulling out of Chino in exactly 20 minutes!"

With that, she turned on her size six wedges and walked out the door, dragging Seth with her, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone in the cramped and dingy apartment. Surprisingly, Marissa obliged and listened to what Summer told her to do. She packed her bags, and they were all on the road, Summer and Marissa in Summer's car, and Seth and Ryan in Seth's, heading not only for Newport but for a life that would never be the same for any of them.

The next morning Dawn Atwood awoke, without a hang over for the first time in years. She quickly jumped out of bed, showered, got dressed, and then ate breakfast, a real breakfast with actual food and not just a mimosa with a few cigarettes. At 9:00 sharp, she pulled out of her graceful, circular driveway in her black BMW sedan and headed towards Newport Memorial. Strange, she thought that he would be there, but, knowing Newport, it probably had the best treatment available on the west coast. It was time to stop living her life in past. It was time to start living again, become a real person, with real interests and hobbies besides gossip, shopping, and drinking. It was time to do some good in this world, and once she had decided this the night before, she fell asleep quickly and slept soundly for the first time in years without dreams or nightmares to wake her up. So what if he was happily married, she could still be his friend, support him through his illness, and that's exactly what Dawn Atwood planned on doing as she drove towards her past in an attempt to create a future for herself. She was going to see Jimmy Cooper.

That same morning Summer Roberts woke for the first time in a long time and felt as if her life had a purpose. With a smile on her face, she got out of bed to get ready for the day ahead of her. She was genuinely happy, and not from an amazing shopping trip or a relaxing, full body massage or from a new piece of jewelry from her father, but from helping someone else. Who would have thought, she mused to herself, that this was all it took for someone to feel useful and needed. She had never understood Seth's Mom, Kirsten's passion for charity, and sure, Marissa wasn't charity, she was their friend now, but the idea was the same. She felt better about herself because she was helping someone else. Emerging from her bathroom freshly showered and dressed for the day to come, Summer energetically bounded down the grand staircase in search of breakfast.

Elsewhere in the Roberts' abode, Seth awoke equally hungry but not so energetic. Confused as to what his surroundings were, he slowly sat up to find himself lying on the floor of the game room. Hm, he said to himself as he pondered the night before, why am I not in Summer's bed, but then it came back to him. After everyone else had ditched him for sleep at two in the morning, he had stayed awake to finally watch his movie selection, The Goonies, and he somehow must have fallen off the couch and rolled to his current position half way under the glass coffee table. Thankfully, it had been his legs and not his head there, because otherwise, there would be three of them needing the assistance of those who worked at Newport Memorial. Sliding out from underneath his cold, non-traditional sleeping partner, he ambled his way extremely slowly into Summer's kitchen letting his nose lead the way by the aromatic whiffs of coffee that was drawing him there.

Ryan awoke that morning with an achy back and a throbbing hand but did not even notice his own pain for his concern for the woman sleeping in the bed in front of him outweighed all other thoughts. She didn't know he was there. The night before when they had all said goodnight, leaving Seth alone to watch The Goonies for the umpteenth time, she had insisted that she would be fine alone in one of the spare rooms and that he didn't need to stay with her. Of course, he would have loved to have shared a bed with her, but she was not in that place yet, she was not ready for a relationship, and he understood that, but he had to make sure she was safe. So, after giving her ample time to fall asleep, he had snuck into her room and spent his evening curled into a chair, barely sleeping for the fear that if he would close his eyes something would happen to her, someone would take her away. It was crazy how he was feeling, he knew that, but it didn't matter. With one look this woman had completely turned his life upside down, and there was no going back now. All he had to do was convince her that she felt the same way that he did and to let him take care of her. Simple enough, he thought, he had the time, the patience, the drive, and now that she would be staying in Newport if he had anything to say about it, he was bound to get what he wanted: her.

Sitting up straight in bed, Marissa awoke a few minutes after Ryan in a complete panic. She did not know where she was, but as she opened her eyes she met those of the person sitting across from her, eyes crystal blue and as soothing as the ocean, and instantly she knew she was safe. Where she was, she still was not sure, but she was with Ryan, so everything was alright. Slowly, so as not to hurt herself, she laid back down, letting the high thread count sheets and inviting goose down comforter envelope her in a gentle embrace. As her head hit the pillow, she remembered where she was. She, Marissa Cooper, was in a mansion in Newport Beach staying with Summer Roberts, daughter of a rich plastic surgeon who had had everything handed to her on a silver platter, and the most ironic thing was, she was the first real, genuine friend Marissa had had in years. Plus, she had Seth now, too. He was still somewhat of an ss, totally spoiled and self-involved, but he made her laugh, and at this point in her life, that was saying something, and then there was Ryan. He wasn't just her friend, he was more, but what exactly he was, she wasn't positive. Sure, he had said that he loved her, a sentiment she had honestly returned but could not face up to it now, but he couldn't have meant it, and even if he did, her life was too complicated to worry about those feelings right now. She had her parents to take care of, and their hospital bills just kept mounting, and now she had to find a new job and a new place to stay, someplace where she would be safe. So much to do and so little time to do it, but for the first time since her parents were diagnosed with cancer, she had hope.

"Alright listen," Summer ordered as the group of four walked into the emergency room together, "this is the plan. Cohen and I are going to go and find the gift shop and nose around in it for while, because I am so not sitting with all these sick people. Once you guys get your rooms, page us, and we'll be up there quicker than a Cohen on a bagel."

"Ha! Ha! Ha, Summer!" Seth turned away from his girlfriend to face his two friends. "She thinks that just because I'm the only Jewish one here that it's okay to pick on me!"

"Cohen, shut up, no one wants to hear your whiny little ss go on and on and complain about your Jewish roots. Besides, you're only half Jewish, so lay off the pity party, will you?"

With that she marched off, leaving Seth to follow her remorsefully, begging for her to forgive him for his annoying ways, and Ryan and Marissa to stare at her out of wonder.

45 minutes later, Seth and Summer were paged, but they figured that Ryan and Marissa were big kids and could handle the doctors on their own, so they took their time, made a pit stop at the cafeteria for chocolate ice cream, and then went and watched the babies in the nursery before finally making their way up to the correct floor. Ryan and Marissa were being treated in separate rooms, so Seth and Summer had planned to split up, each spending a few minutes in each room and then they would all meet up when their friends were released. Before they could reach the rooms, they ran into someone they never expected to see, Dawn Atwood, but quickly avoided her, not wanting to explain why they were there themselves. Just as they reached Ryan's room, they heard an uncommon commotion for a hospital hallway and it cut through the silence like a razor blade through silk. Speechless, all they could do was stand there and watch the nightmare occur.

"Ryan Atwood, you are under arrest for the assault and rape of Marissa Cooper. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. **You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without an attorney present you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you?"**

And with that, Ryan Atwood was led away in handcuffs.


	4. Chapter 4

Dawn had heard a confrontation occurring down another hallway, but she ignored it and continued along her way, quickly forgetting the disturbance and refocusing all her attentions and thoughts on the task at hand. She was about to go and confront the love of her life, the man she had ruthlessly dumped for her husband, Ryan's father, just because he had money. Sure, at the time, she had known that what she was doing was wrong, dating someone and subsequently marrying them for their money, but she believed that hurting Jimmy and betraying her own heart were worth the security of a wealthy, respected husband. Obviously she knew now that she had made the biggest mistake of her life.

After dating for a respectable period of time, nine months, Dan Atwood Author's note: I know this is not original for his name, but I've seen so many people use it that a part of me wonders if that is his name on the show and I just never noticed it being mentioned. had proposed. They had married a year later, and she had settled quite comfortably into her life as a Newpsie. Dan owned a successful shipping company which mainly dealt with importing and exporting coffee, nuts, and fruits from South America which he had inherited from his father. Two years after they were married, Trey was born and her usefulness in their marriage had been completed. All Dan wanted, all he needed from her was an heir, and Trey was that. From the point her son turned five, she had only seen him sporadically when he would return with his father from business trips. He had a nanny to take care of him and a full time tutor so that he would not fall behind in his studies as he traveled the world with his dad, learning right from his hand. Ryan had been a drunken mistake for Dan a blessing to Dawn.

Because Dan already had his heir, Ryan had been superfluous, and he had wanted nothing to do with him, but Dawn was lonely and had no one to love, so Ryan represented her chance to nurture and care for someone who would love her back unconditionally. She was a good mother to him until he went to school, but as he got older, she felt him slipping away from her and with the whole day just full of free time for her when he was gone, she had turned to alcohol. At first it had been to help pass the time, but slowly as time wore on, she needed it to function. Her drinking made her undependable, moody, and often absent, and Ryan quickly drifted away from her. His friends had become his family, Seth and Summer mainly, and he had found a support system in Seth's family, the Cohens. Trey was now 23 and inching ever so closer to taking over the family reins, while Ryan had just turned 19 that past March.

Drinking had been her life for almost 14 years, but now she had a new goal: making the stubborn Jimmy Cooper listen to her and figuring out a way to make him do what she wanted. Knocking quietly on his door before entering, she fixed a permanent smile on her face and mentally prepared herself for what could be an upseting and disheartening site before her.

Jimmy had become quite worried about Marissa. He had not heard from her in a few days now, and it was completely unlike her. If she did not make it up to see them, then she would at least call everyday. Although he and Julie could not share a room, they were granted visiting hours with each other every day, and he knew that she had not heard from Marissa either. As he heard his door open after a soft, gentle knock he felt positive that his only child, his baby girl had come to visit him and a large, warm smile spread across his face only to be quickly dashed when he saw who was really visiting him.

"Dawn? What the hell are you doing here, and how did you ever find me? I should have known you would end up in this town, a town full of women just like you, only concerned with wealth, class, and status."

"Which question do you want me to answer first, why or how? And by the way, hello Jimmy; it's lovely to see you, too."

"Let's start with why."

"To see you, what do you think?"

"After 27 years you decided to just drop in, unannounced, to see how I was?"

"It's not like that…well at least it doesn't seem that simple to me."

He just stared at her, not offering a hello or telling her to take a seat and make herself comfortable. His shock at her sudden appearance was mixing with the anger he still held in his heart towards her after all these years, and, together, they were not making him a very welcoming host.

"I know…about you and your wife, that you have cancer. I'm so sorry Jimmy, for both of you, and your poor daughter! I assume she dropped out of school to take care of you?"

"What…I mean how do you know all of this," he asked in a confused tone, not sure he really wanted to know the answers to his questions.

"Can I sit?"

He motioned with his hand absentmindedly to a chair that was positioned beside his bed and she moved towards it and sat down, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"Let me start from the beginning. A few days ago my son Ryan asked me a question about you, and it brought up a lot of old memories, things I thought I had buried forever, and for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about you, so I looked you up, on the internet. You don't leave much of a paper trail, but your daughter does, and through all her news clippings, I was able to piece together your life, that you're married that you became a teacher and coach just like you always wanted to, that your wife was a nurse, that your daughter seems to be the most amazing young woman,… and then I saw it, the advertisement announcing the benefit dinner to be held to raise money for you and your wife, both dying of cancer. So, here I am."

"To do what, ride in on your expensive, foreign car and save the day by flashing around some of your rich husband's money. Thanks but no thanks."

"Don't be such a martyr, Jimmy," she snapped back at him, suddenly angered as well by his sarcastic comment, "put that dmn pride of yours aside and let some one help you, if not for you and your wife's safe then for your daughter!"

Surprising her, he laughs long and hard before replying.

"So I see you still have that famous temper of yours which caused me to be drug unwillingly into a few fights in the past. Listen, I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I can't accept your charity and I think you know that. You're not the only one who hasn't changed."

"Of course I know you won't accept my money, well Dan's money, but there are other ways I can help. You may hate this town, but the women around her love parties and the men love to write nice big checks for good causes so that they get a good tax right off, so why don't we try another one of those benefit dinners but this time I'll organize it and your daughter can go back to school in the fall. I know you, and I know that is must be killing you to think that you're the cause of your daughter dropping out of college, am I right?"

"Yeah."

"So let me do this. Besides, it would be good for me, give me something worthwhile to do with all the time I have on my hands."

The room was silent for a few minutes as Jimmy sat and contemplated the offer Dawn had just presented to him. As time lapsed, she became nervous and began to fidget with her shaking hands. Surely, he thought to himself, her unsteadiness was not due to nerves, and if not, what was wrong with her? His piercing blue eyes, the same eyes his daughter had, and the only thing that still contained the vigor he had displayed in his life before the disease wracked his body, studied her every moment, and then finally when she lifted her head and his eyes met hers, he knew his answer.

"Oh my god", he proclaimed, "you're a drunk."

Julie Cooper sat in her room, aimlessly flipping through the endless television channels, searching in vain for something to occupy her mind. She was out of new books to read, and Marissa had not been there to go to the library for her recently. Plus, the nurse had said that Jimmy had a guest so he would be late in meeting her for their daily allotted visiting time. She assumed his guest would be Marissa which would mean she'd be able to see her little girl soon. Marissa may have been 18, but to Julie she'd always be her little girl. They had wanted many children, but her labor with Marissa had been extremely difficult, both mother and child had almost died, and the doctors had feared what would happen if she tried to have another child. Although she had insisted that the risk of her life was worth it, Jimmy had negated the idea as soon as she made it, saying she had given him the most precious child in the world and that he could not live without her.

She had been the first to be diagnosed with the cancer, breast cancer to be exact. It still amazed her how quickly the cancer had spread. As a health professional, she had known how important it was to have annual mammograms and to regularly perform self breast exams, but somewhere between her scans and missing it with her own trained hands, a tumor had developed, and by the time it had been detected, it did not look well. Marissa had just started her first semester at college, and they had agreed not to tell her until they knew for sure what the results of the biopsy, surgery, and chemo would be. Before she was finished however, Jimmy started to get sick, and two months to the date after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, he had been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Perhaps the stress of caring for her on his own while still trying to work fulltime had put too much of a strain on his body, but whatever it was, his disease had progressed even farther than hers did before it was detected. At this point both of them had exhausted all of their options for recovery and had resigned themselves to the knowledge that they would probably not live through the year, but unfortunately they were still hurting their daughter.

They had finally told her that they were sick when she came home for Christmas Break. Of course she had been furious that they had kept it from her, but her ire was quickly replaced with worry as the severity of the situation became apparent. When it came time for her to go back for the spring semester, she announced that she was not going back to school while there was still time for her to spend with them; besides, she had said, they needed her help. Both of them had lost their jobs after the disease had made it impossible for them to work, which meant their health insurance had given out. Desperate for money to pay for their mounting hospital bills, they had sold their home, the only house they had lived in together and the house where they had raised Marissa. That had helped, but once they were placed in the hospital full time in February, the bills began to accumulate again. Julie knew that her daughter had a very unsavory job, but she would not tell them what she did and she never complained; she just kept taking care of them. Although she was sick, she enjoyed the time she spent now with her daughter who normally never missed a day when she didn't at least call to chat, but she had not heard from her in a few days, and just like Jimmy, she had been worried. Well at least, she thought to herself, Marissa was here and alright.

Julie was correct; Marissa was in the hospital, but she was not visiting her father and she was definitely not alright according to her doctor. Not only did she have two broken ribs and a bruised collar bone besides her other multiple contusions and skin lacerations, but the doctor feared that she was physically run down and told her that she had better start taking better care of herself or she would become ill. Her ribs had been taped, her hands properly bandaged, and now she just sat there waiting to be released. She really did not know what was taking so long. Like Ryan had asked her to, she had confessed to the doctor that there was a chance she had been raped while unconscious after the beating she had suffered, so he had preformed a rape kit and was administering the proper tests to determine if anything was abnormal. Although they were almost certain that Nick had not gone that far, they had both agreed that she needed to find out for sure. As she sat and watched the clock hands move silently, fear started to creep in and all of her positive resolve melted away.

What if he really had raped her? What if she was pregnant, and if so, it could be Ryan's, so what was she supposed to do? Had he given her something, a disease, and if so, could she have passed it on to Ryan? Was there something else wrong? All these thoughts tumbled around agitatedly inside of her brain, frightening her almost to the point of tears. Her grave thoughts were interrupted by her door opening, and although she feared what the news might be, she was thankful that the doctor had finally returned, but when she looked over at the new arrival, or well rather arrivals, it was not the doctor or a nurse but instead a speechless Summer and a panicking Seth.

"Get your stuff," Seth ordered. "You're going with us right now to straighten this out! I can't believe you did that!"

Nervous and shocked by the way he had just spoken to her, Marissa timidly posed a question.

"What are you talking about? What happened, and what did I have to do it?"

"Chino's been arrested for assault and rape," Summer whispered, speaking for the first time since they had seen Ryan being dragged away in handcuffs.

"Of whom," an appalled and now angry Marissa asked. "He might have his flaws and a temper, but he would never do anything like that!"

"Don't play innocent with us," Seth screamed back her. "He was arrested for assaulting and raping you, so don't try to act as if you have no idea what's going on!"

Without saying a word to her newly found, irate friends, Marissa lunged off the bed and took off down the hallway, completely forgetting the physical pain her body was in. It took a lot to make Marissa Cooper angry, and injustice and unlawful imprisonment, especially to a person she lo…..cared deeply for, was enough to push her off the ledge. She found the target of her rage quickly, and made her way over to him, with each step becoming more and more irate. Screaming for all to here and not caring of the consequences, Marissa confronted her doctor.

"What did you do! Why was Ryan Atwood arrested for assaulting and raping me!"

Calmly the doctor replied. "You came in here with him having suffered two broken ribs and a bruised collar bone, your body has been severely beaten, and you asked for a rape exam. What were we to think?"

"You're not to think on your own; you're supposed to ask me questions instead of just assuming. Why would I come in here with the man who supposedly raped and assaulted me, and besides that, what type of evidence did you have other than your suspicions to call the police?"

"Look," he spoke harshly, not liking where this conversation was going, "I've seen dozens of cases where women have been attacked by their boyfriends and refused to turn them in. I was already suspicious of your relationship before you asked for the rape kit to be preformed, and once you did, my instincts kicked in. We ran the tests because after we had examined you, it was evident that you've recently been involved in sexual intercourse…."

"It was consensual," Marissa cut him off to say. "I was attacked by someone else, beaten by someone else, and although I did not think that he raped me, I wanted to make sure, to check that I was safe and that Ryan was as well, and this is what I get….no, this is what he gets for caring for me and wanting me to be precautious!" She calmed down slightly and lowered her voice somewhat before continuing. "Putting your suspicions aside, how did you convince the police to arrest Ryan?"

He would not answer her but, instead, sheepishly looked down at his feet, causing the calm that had just overcome her to evaporate instantly.

"I said, how did you convince the police to arrest Ryan!"

"We ran a DNA test and compared the sperm that we found in you with his hair."

"And who authorized this! I did not give you permission to do this, the cops did not give you a warrant, and I guarantee you did not ask Ryan for a sample of his DNA! What did you do, take a cheek swab under the ruse of checking for something legitimate or did you take a strand of his hair without asking!"

"The latter," he answered in a shaky voice.

"If I had the resources or the connections I would sue you for your medical license," she hissed out at him before regaining her composure. "I am going to the police station to clear this up, and by the time I get there, they had better have received a phone call from you explaining your criminal behavior!"

With that she ran out of the hospital without a second look at the quaking general practitioner, completely forgetting that Seth and Summer had been with her. She had not noticed that they had followed her out into the hallway and had listened to every single word with bated breath. Before they ran to catch up with her though, Seth had his own words for the beleaguered doctor.

"She might not have the resources or the connections to sue you, but my father is the Sandy Cohen, and after I tell him what you did to my best friend, he will be only too eager to get his hands on your medical license."

Calmly and once again self assured, he walked away only to stop and turn around for the last word.

"Oh, and don't even think of skipping town and running away, because not only is my Father powerful, but my Mother is the CEO of the Newport Group, I'm sure you've heard of it, and she has some very well trained private investigators right at her finger tips who would hunt you down within days."

With that, he turned on his heal, grabbed Summer by the hand, and the two of them ran off together to catch up with the very determined and livid Marissa.

"Excuse me," Dawn replied flabbergasted at Jimmy's perception and lack of discretion. Everyone in town might know that she had a drinking problem, but no one would ever mention it; that was the unwritten rule of Newport. You could talk about someone's problems behind their backs but never, ever confront them about them about it face to face. Besides, it wasn't as if any of her "friends" cared enough to even give the unwritten rule a second thought.

"I can't believe you're an alcoholic! Sure, I mean you would drink occasionally, but you hated it when people lost control of themselves and had too much to drink. You thought it was weak."

"Well, Jimmy, maybe I'm weak."

"The Dawn I knew was never weak."

"I'm not the same person I used to be. People change."

"So what happened," Jimmy asked, his earlier annoyance with his past flame absent from his voice as it was replaced with concern and worry.

"I was lonely. Dan had Trey, that's my oldest son, he's 23, off with him on business most of the time, and then once Ryan, he's 19, went to school there was no one left to keep me company. It is not fun sitting alone in your hauntingly large house where even your cleaning lady treated you with disdain. So slowly one drink a day to ease the tension and help pass the time turned into a bottle a day, and now, 14 years later, we're sitting here and you're the first person who has ever confronted my problem."

"So it's not as great being rich as you thought it would be?" Although he was still disturbed about her obvious addiction, he couldn't help but let the anger slip back into his tone.

"I found out the hard way that a lot of things I used to believe were true aren't, but I'm not here to discuss my life. What do you say, will you let me help you or not?"

"Why can't we discuss you? I'm dying, there's no getting around that fact, but you have years ahead of you if you sober up. Your problem we can fix."

"Jimmy, please, let me do this for you and your family, and I'll try to work on this little predicament I'm in. Besides, it seems that worrying about you keeps me away from the bottle. I haven't had a drink in over 24 hours. I've been too worked up to even remember that I wanted some."

"This is what happens to you after just 24 hours without alcohol. Dawn, you're a mess. Your hands are shaking, your eyes are jumpy, and it looks as if you're about to crawl out of your skin you're so edgy."

And indeed, she did look terrible, but at this point, she was used to looking like this if she even looked at herself in the mirror. Her appearance really didn't matter much to her anymore; it wasn't as if anyone noticed when she looked particularly nice.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. If you honesty try to quit drinking and start to regularly attend AA meetings, then I will accept your help, but the first time I catch wind that you're drinking again, that's it, I'm going to pull the plug on our deal. Hell, I'll even be your sponsor if that will help motivate you, but I won't be able to go to meetings with you."

"I can't believe you care…after what I did to you. I mean, after what I did to you, how can you even offer to help me?"

Dawn stared at him incredulously as he sat and pondered her question.

"Why are you offering to help me after all these years? Why did you even bother to look me up after all this time," he asked as he turned her question around on her without really answering it for himself.

"I guess that I….," Dawn mumbled to herself afraid to really answer his inquiry.

Jimmy didn't need her to continue though, he knew her well enough to know what her answer was with those four little words.

"Yeah, me, too."

His quiet response startled her. She had never expected him to say that, if anything, she thought he would be mad.

"What we shared doesn't disappear even after one person hurts the other. It changes in form and relinquishes its control over our hearts, but it's always there one way or another. That's why it's so hard to forgive."

Unable to speak, Dawn just stared at him with tears in her eyes, tears she would not let herself shed no matter what or at least not until she was alone in the peace and solitude of her car, as a small smile formed on her face and turned into an infectious grin that he reciprocated.

"Okay," she said with a definitive and newly self-assured voice.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, you have yourself a deal. I will start going to AA meetings and will try my hardest to stop drinking with you as my sponsor if you allow me to throw you and your wife another benefit dinner."

He puts his hand out to shake upon their pact as did she, and with that simple gesture they had put the past behind them and could now look towards the future as friends.

"Deal," he said as his smile once again found its way to his face, crinkling his eyes and causing his laugh lines to appear.

As she got up to leave, he stopped her as she reached the door.

"Oh, and hey Dawn?" She looked up and nodded for him to continue. "Don't be a stranger. I'd love for you to meet my family, and besides, I'm your sponsor, so I expect lots of updates."

"I'd like that. See you tomorrow?"

"I'll have to check my schedule, but I'm sure I could pencil you in some time for tomorrow."

They shared a laugh before she waved goodbye and quietly shut the door behind her. Confidently, Dawn sauntered out of the hospital and went directly to her car which would carry her home to her yet again empty house, but this afternoon, instead of drowning her sorrows, she planned to dump out every drop of liquor in the house, something Dan would throw a fit about but she didn't care, and start the party preparations for the Coopers' benefit dinner.

Marissa, Summer, and Seth had arrived at the police station twenty minutes after they had left the hospital with Marissa leading the them all the way to the police chief who she demanded to see in order to report her complaint to the person in charge. He had profusely offered his sincere apologies and immediately released Ryan upon hearing her tale and confirming it with the call the doctor had made. Once they had left the police station, they returned to Summer's house all of them with personal agendas to follow. After asking permission first, Marissa was in the Roberts' home office searching the web for job openings, while Summer was doing some serious thinking in her room with Princess Sparkle to aid in the thought process. Suddenly, she had a brain storm and ran down the curved staircase, her petite feet softly pounding against the cream carpet as she went in search of her audience. Bursting into the room without knocking and slightly out of breath, she startled Marissa.

"Oh my god Summer, do not do that ever again! I think my heart is going to be permanently lodged in my throat!"

Summer laughed gently as she regained her composure before walking in and leisurely sitting on the green leather sofa opposite of Marissa and the computer desk, languidly throwing one of her legs carelessly over the arm and leaning back to get comfortable. Marissa just watched her out of amusement, knowing that she was about to ask her something that she wasn't quite sure how to express due to the perplexity on her face.

"So….what were you studying in college before you quit?"

"I didn't quit," Marissa emphasized, "I'm just taking some time off."

"Yeah, okay, whatever, that still doesn't answer my question." Marissa looked at her quizzically wondering where exactly she was going with this. "I was just curious because of what you said in the hospital. Were you pre-law?

"Yes."

"Uh, I knew it!" Summer was so excited she jumped up off the coach and pumped her fist three times before taking a bow and running out of the room without another word said. Just as she had briskly descended the stairs, she ascended them just as fast. Locking herself in her room so that no one could interrupt her, she hit one of the numbers on her speed dial and tapped her foot against her bed as he waited for the person to pick up. Once he did, she immediately started talking.

"Hello."

"Oh, hey Sandy."

"Summer, this is a surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Um, there's someone I want you to meet and we also have some news for you."

"Who's we?"

"Well Cohen, Atwood, myself, and the person I want you to meet. I think you will find yourself very intrigued with her. She actually kind of reminds me of you from all the stories I've heard."

He chuckled to himself, intrigued.

"So how do you three know her?"

"Now that's quite a story, one I think that would be best served over dinner."

"Summer," he laughed again, "are you fishing for an invite to eat here tonight, because you know you three, well four now I guess, are welcome anytime."

"And Kirsten will make her famous recipe?"

"Take out, of course, what do you take us for, Summer? We couldn't let her cook and scare off your new friend the first night we meet her. By the way, what's her name?"

"It's Marissa."

"Well then I will see you, my strange son, Ryan, and Marissa tonight at seven."

"Great, can't wait, Sandy."

As she flipped her phone shut, she heard him laugh to himself one more time. Nimbly, she was across her room within seconds with the door unlocked and thrown open as she, once again, hurried downstairs to spread the dinner plans.

Meanwhile, Ryan and Seth were enjoying a friendly game of pool in the game room, well to be accurate, Ryan was enjoying the game and Seth watched him sink ball after ball as he talked incessantly. Knowing that it was just the usual self-involved banter that Seth normally offered up, Ryan let his thoughts drift else where, most notably to a particular woman who just seemed to consume his every thought, but suddenly the mention of Marissa's name made him prick his ears up and pay attention.

"So, what's going on with you two? Are you and Marissa an official couple now or are you just officially coupling?

Seth laughed at his own play on words while Ryan merely rolled his eyes and went back to his pool game. Wanting an answer, Seth defected his shot. This time his actions elicited more than the roll of the eyes, this time he got the famous Atwood glare.

"Dude, you can either tell me or I'll go right this minute and ask Marissa herself."

"Fine, if you really want to know, we're just friends."

"Who sleep together."

"That was just that one night Seth, and I really don't see how this is any of your business."

"What's up with you? Normally you're the first one to brag about the latest chick you've bagged."

"Seth, watch it!"

"What," he asked innocently.

Ryan took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm his riled temper before continuing to speak with his best friend.

"I just don't want you talking about her…us….what we did that way, okay?"

"Sure man," he replied honestly, "I've just never seen you like this before about any girl, even Holly whom you dated for years off and on."

"You're telling me! I have no idea what to do; I'm completely lost when it comes to how to go about this with her. I mean I've always known exactly how to get what I want, but this time my usual bullsht lines and cliché gifts are going to get me nowhere."

"Well what do you want her to be, a friend, a friend with benefits, or a girlfriend?"

"What do you think," Ryan asked as he slumped down in a chair, forgotten pool stick still in hand, dejected and confused.

"Alright then, tell her how you feel."

"Did."

"Wow, really, already? This is amazing! What happened to the old Ryan Atwood, the love them and leave them ladies man?" Instead of responding, Ryan just flashed Seth another glare before Seth just continued on with their conversation by himself. "Well, what did she say?"

"She said that her life is too complicated right now to even think about starting a relationship."

"Well the girl does have a point! If I've ever seen a real, walking, talking soap opera, she'd be it, but cheer up; she obviously reciprocates the feelings you have for her."

"What, how do you know that?"

"Oh man, you should have seen how angry she got at the hospital and how she jumped in to defend your honor. She was so passionate about the cause, she reminded me a little of the Sandy Cohen, but that's a whole other tale…..where was I again?"

"You were about to tell me how you could tell that she had feelings for me."

"Oh yeah, well anyway the doctor called you her boyfriend and she never denied it."

"Really?" At the revelation of this news, Ryan's glum mood starts to lift as if Seth has just given him a slight thread of hope which he will be able to weave into a beautiful relationship.

"Yep, I'd say after watching her little performance for your benefit today, that she was head over heels, 100 in love with your sorry ss! Now all you have to do is convince her that starting a relationship with you will only help uncomplicated her life…oh and you might want to help find her a job and a place to stay soon here in Newport, because otherwise she's probably going to skip town and go back to Chino and get herself into who knows what kind of trouble this time."

Smiling broadly, Ryan stood up and lightly tossed the pool stick back on the table and went over and put his arm around Seth's shoulders in an affectionate manner.

"You know what Seth, I think you're right!"

Unbeknownst to them, Summer had just appeared in the door way and had heard Ryan's last statement.

"Uh-huh, Atwood, whatever you do, do not listen to Cohen about anything! If you need advice about Marissa, because that's undoubtedly what you were talking about because nothing else would be able to put that dopey ss grin on your face, you come to me, got it!"

Ryan looked between the two, unsure of who to trust, but the ecstatic expression never left his face.

"Listen, why don't you run and tell Marissa that we're going to dinner tonight at the Cohens'. They want to meet her, and I thought it might be a good idea for Sandy to speak with your lady lawyer in training. While you do that, I'll catch up with what nerd boy here told you to do so that I can correct all of his, no doubt, many mistakes."

Ryan did not need to be told twice to go see Marissa, so he ran off without a second glance back at his two best friends, but if he would have he would have seen Seth pouting profusely and Summer mocking him.

When Ryan reached the office, his hopes of talking to Marissa were dashed when he found he slumped over the desk sound asleep. As he lifted her as gently as he could from the chair so as not to cause her many injuries any more pain than necessary, her beautiful head lolled against his shoulder before she stirred in his arms as he carried her up the stairs to her guest room. Laying her down on the bed, she sleepily opened her eyes to look at him as a lethargic, satisfied smile spread across her face. He laughed at her dopey behavior before asking if she had taken her pain pill. All she could manage was a nod, so he pulled the blankets up around her petite frame and kissed her forehead before turning to leave her in peace, but her soft, pleading voice stopped him.

"Ryan?"

He turned around to look at her once again, locking gazes instinctively. She only said one word, but it was all he wanted to hear.

"Stay."

And so he did. He went to the opposite side, sat down, took of his shoes and over shirt, and climbed into the safe haven of her bed. As he made himself comfortable, she did as well, settling her delicate and tormented body into his very strong and capable arms and snuggling into his protective chest before falling asleep almost instantly with a content sigh escaping her lips. He kissed her hair before shutting his eyes to join her again in his dreams.

Ryan Atwood, in that moment, was truly happy.


	5. Chapter 5

The late afternoon sun shimmered through the lazy opalescent sheers fluttering softly in the refreshing, salt tinged California breeze as the two blonde figures lay entwined in each others' arms sleeping serenely, his breath delicately stirring the tiny wisps of hair that danced along the edge of her fragile face, her graceful fingers entwined in his. Silence pervaded the room as the only sound emanating from the slumbering couple were their heartbeats when in a moment of utter panic, Marissa bolted up from the dead of sleep and screamed, waking Ryan into an immediate stance of attack as he thought someone was trying to hurt her. Glancing around the chicly decorated bedroom of buff hues, he was relieved to see they were the only two souls in there.

"What, what's wrong, he asked, concern and confusion dripping on every word.

Despite her best attempts to control her mirth, Marissa couldn't and she erupted in a fit of laughter, causing Ryan to look at her as if she had lost her mind. Once she has calmed down, she turned to him and hastily pecked his cheek before attempting to bound out of the bed, unsuccessfully as he pulled her back into his arms and held her tightly so as not to let her go.

"I don't think so. You're not going anywhere until you tell me what that was all just about." His tone and face were serious, but his eyes revealed the truth as they glistened brightly with amusement, lust, and warmth. Despite her initial protests, she let herself be held and leaned her head back to rest on his shoulders as she tilted it to look up into his face.

"Fine, I'll stay, but I need to see your cell phone. I need to make a call."

His puzzled look brought about another fit of giggles, but once they subsided, she spoke once again.

"What's this, Atwood, think I'm stepping out on you?"

Confidently, he replied with a sly smirk on his face, "No, I know you're not doing that, I mean, why would you?"

"Yeah, okay, first of all, way to confident there, because I could do that if I wanted to. We are not a couple."

"But…"

"But nothing, friends….cuddle," she said trying to believe her own confused logic.

"We did more than cuddle a few nights ago," he countered with a pleasure look on his face as he remembered back to their fateful stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

"Yes, we did, but that was under completely different circumstances. When the time is right, we'll see."

"So then what are we now?"

"Friends." He glares at her wanting and expecting a different answer. "Good friends," she poses, hoping the addition of the adjective would appease his desire to be more.

"Well," he said as he leaned in closer to her and dropped the octave of his voice so that it was low and sultry, "I can handle being just your "good friend" if I'm allowed to do this every one and while whenever I please." With that, he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, daring her to not return the embrace, daring her to deny her feelings. She couldn't, and as her arms wove around his neck to pull him closer to her and her fingers found their way into his hair, massaging his temples, he intensified the kiss to the point where once they pulled away they both were gasping for breath. Smiling sweetly and plastering a mockingly innocent expression on her face, Marissa pulled apart from his body and spoke.

"Can I use your phone now?" Noticing his incredulous stare, she relents and reveals her intentions. "It's to call my parents. With everything that has been going on, I completely forgot that I haven't spoken with since before the whole Nick thing happened. They're probably pretty worried, so I just want to call them to let them know that I'm alright and that I'll be in to see them tomorrow morning."

He puts the pieces together and makes sense of her earlier behavior. "So the startled wake-up before was just you remembering to call your parents?"

"Don't make light of this," she teased, "I am very close to my parents. Besides, I imagine yours would be worried about you if they hadn't heard from you in a few days."

"They haven't, and, trust me; I'm the furthest thing from my parents' minds right now. So, when do I get to meet the parents? Can I go with you tomorrow?"

"Ryan."

"What, guys go to meet the parents of their "good friends"?"

"Yeah, whatever you say, and tell me, just how many good friends have you had before?" As she says this, she places her hand in front of him expectantly.

"Alright, you have me there," he replies as he places his top of the line, compact cell phone in her hand. "But I still want to go with you tomorrow, and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Fine. When am I going to meet your parents, hm?"

"Trust me, you don't want to do that, but you're meeting Seth's parents tonight."

Confused, she looked up at him while she dialed.

"Don't look at me; I had nothing to do with this. This was all Summer's doing, but don't worry about it, Sandy and Kirsten are great. They'll love you." As he finishes, he stands up and crosses to the adjoining bathroom, but before he can enter though, her voice stops him.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"To shower, we have to start getting ready to go. You're welcome to join me after you're done with your phone call. I do remember the last time we showered together to be quite entertaining."

Throwing a pillow at him, he dashes into the bathroom and shuts the door only to hear her yell out after him.

"Nice try, Ryan, but that's not happening. I'll wait my turn."

As she finishes dialing and sits listening to it ring, Ryan turns on the water to the shower, blocking out her voice so that he cannot hear it any longer. If he hadn't he would have heard her ask for Jimmy Cooper's room, the same Jimmy Cooper his Mom had been in love with all those years ago.

Kirsten had just gotten home from work, exhausted and hungry, eager to spend a quiet evening alone with just her and her adorable, self-righteous husband. As she walked into the kitchen she saw a sight very familiar to her eyes, Sandy reading a file for work, eating a sesame seed bagel smeared with cream cheese, tie askew and completely lost to the world. Sneaking up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and nibbled on his earlobe causing him to drop his papers in surprise though he managed to hold onto the bagel. A smile enveloped his entire face as he breathed in the familiar scent of his wife.

"Now that's what I call a hello." He laughed at his own joke as she languidly released her grasp upon him, setting in the barstool next to her husband.

"So, how was your day," she asked genuinely interested.

"Hectic, that's why I'm still working. Besides all my actual cases, I have to handle all the research, paper work, and phone calls on my own. I may not have been paid well as a PD, but they at least gave me a secretary."

"Well then, hire yourself a secretary," she suggested.

"Ah, I would, but I don't just want a secretary, I want someone who understands the law, someone who can help me with the cases."

"You could always try to find a partner." With a rise of his overly abundant eyebrows, he conveyed exactly what he thought of that idea, not much, without a word needed. "Alright then, no partner. I'm sure you'll think of something. So do you want to order in for dinner or go out?"

"Actually," Sandy started as he turned towards her, "we're having company tonight. Seth has decided to actually grace us with his presence after being gone for three days gallivanting all over Southern California, and he's bringing company."

She smiles and jokingly replies, "Who's he again?"

Sandy laughs softly along with her, taking the last bite of his bagel in his mouth and chewing it before speaking.

"You know, curly haired, skinny man of the ripe young age of 19 who looks just like his dashingly handsome father, talks a lot, mumbles even more, loves comics and video games, any of this ringing a bell?" She swats his arm at his sarcasm before getting up and moving to the fridge where she takes out a bottle of water, opens it, and takes a drink, leaning against the cupboard.

"I do believe he's also sarcastic like his father."

"That'd be him," Sandy answered, smiling cheekily.

"So, let me guess, Summer and Ryan are his dinner companions tonight?"

"You're two thirds right, but as it turns out, they're bringing a third person with them.

Her face falling into a frown, a perplexed and annoyed look appears on her face. "Please do not tell me you said it was alright if Ryan brought Holly with him? I'm tired, and there is no way I'm dealing with her tonight."

"Nope," he returns, standing up and walking to the take out drawer full of menus, "this is a new friend named Marissa."

"Is she…."

"Dating Ryan? I don't know. What will it be tonight?"

Kirsten considers his question before replying, "Italian?"

"Works for me."

He hands her the menu, picks up his briefcase, and walks out of the room without turning around when she calls out for him.

"Sandy, what are you doing?"

"I'm letting you order honey, it is your specialty. Besides, I'm going to go and put this stuff away and change into something a little more comfortable. Let me know if the kids get here before I'm ready, thanks."

With that he disappeared down the hallway, whistling to himself, as she just stood there, holding the menu, and smirking at his predictability. Turning towards the phone, she dials, and waits patiently for the call to be answered. Once it does, she puts her "cooking" skills to good use.

"Yes, I'd like to place an order please for Cohen."

Dawn had had a busy day. After arriving home from the hospital, she had accomplished what she had wanted to do; she had dumped down the kitchen sink every single drop of alcohol in the Atwood family home, throwing all the bottles in a garbage bag. She even insisted that Maria, their maid, let her carry it out to the trash, just to prove to herself that she not worthless. When lunch time rolled around, she ate actual, real food for the second meal in a row that day, making it herself, though it was only a cold-cut sandwich, and instead of washing it down with her now non-existing liquor, she drank chocolate milk just like she did when a little girl and like Ryan had when he was still her little boy, laughing the entire time at her juvenile behavior and enjoying her own company for the first time in years.

After lunch she had immediately made some anonymous phone calls in order to inquire about AA meetings, finding one in Long Beach so that perhaps she could attend undetected and unrecognized. Sure, she may have agreed to attempt sobriety, but she was not about to let Newport know that she admitted to her problem.

Without being able to think of anything else to do, she started in on the benefit details, writing out a tentative guest list, organizing her thoughts on the menu, entertainment options, decorations, and any other aspects needed. Knowing that Jimmy and his family needed the money as soon as possible, her goal was to have the benefit in less than two weeks, which meant that the invitations had to go out the next day and that she probably would need help. Perhaps she'd be able to convince Ryan's friend Summer to help her; she definitely wasn't going to ask Holly. Why her son went out with her was beyond Dawn; she only hoped that he would someday realize he deserved so much more. As her thoughts focused on her son, she decided that she wanted to see him, that she wanted to be a part of his life again. Maybe they could have dinner together that night, just the two of them. Leaving her desk for the first time in hours, she went to her nightstand, picking up the cordless phone that sat in its cradle and dialed Ryan's cell, proud that she even knew the number. Slightly out of breath, he answered the phone, and she could hear water running in the bathroom.

"Mom," he queried, surprised that she was calling, "is something wrong?"

"What, no, why would you think that?" She laughed softly at his pessimistic outlook and smiled to herself at the sound of his voice.

Ryan couldn't believe it. His Mom was perfectly sober at 5:30 in the afternoon, and just by the tone of her voice he could tell that she was happy and smiling.

"Oh, never mind, it's just that you don't call me much."

"That's actually what I was calling about. How does dinner sound with just you and me, like the old days? I thought we could catch up, and there are a few things, good things that I want to tell you."

He could hear the hope in her voice, and it killed him that he had to say no to her, this woman who sounded like the mother he vaguely remembered from his early childhood, but he knew that he could not cancel on Sandy and Kirsten.

"I'm sorry Mom, but I already made plans to have dinner at the Cohens."

"I understand," she said, her voice loosing its energy and excitement. "It was a last minute idea anyway, but we should get to together sometime."

"I'd like that," he replied genuinely, surprising himself with his eagerness to spend time with his mother and thrilling her that he would even give her a chance after what she had put him through, "but, I have one stipulation."

"Shoot."

"I'd like to bring someone for you to meet, a friend, well to be honest, I think of her as more than friend, but her life is a little too complicated for anything serious right now. Would that be okay?"

Touched, she begins to cry emotional tears of joy and happiness, but wipes them away and smiles through the tumbling waterworks. "That would be great. Tomorrow night, you, me, and…?"

"Marissa."

At the mention of that name, Dawn's mind goes reeling, sifting through millions of thoughts in a few seconds. It couldn't be _the_ Marissa, could it? No, it wasn't possible. It was just a strange coincidence.

Noticing his Mother's sudden silence, Ryan becomes slightly worried. "Mom, did I say something wrong?"

"What, no, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about where we should go out to eat."

"Can we just go someplace simple? I'm really not in the mood to go to the yacht club or The Arches. Besides, Marissa is not that type of girl, the country club girl, the Newport princess. She's different….in a good way."

"Why don't I just pick something up and we'll eat here?"

"That sounds great, but hey, can I call you tomorrow afternoon? I really need to finish getting ready so that Marissa can use the bathroom and then we are going to see her parents in the morning, so I'll call you when we're done. Does that work for you?"

"Perfect, and Ryan?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks." Her voice breaks as she says this simple word, but she knows that her son will know exactly how much she is trying to say to him.

"Right back at you….Mom."

Hearing him call her that sent chills up her spine as she hung up the phone, replacing it back into its cradle, and whispering her goodbye to him even though he couldn't hear her. "Love you, Ry."

Jimmy hung up the phone and turned to his impatiently waiting wife. He had had a bad day, so he wasn't allowed to leave the room, but the doctors' had yielded and let Julie come and see him for a little while, and as fate would have it, she just happened to be there when Marissa called.

"So, that was Marissa, finally," Jimmy said beaming after talking to his daughter even if it had only been for a few minutes, her voice doing more to alleviate his pain than any experimental drug they could try.

"I know that, Jimmy, what did she say!"

An agitated Julie sat as the edge of her wheelchair, gripping her pajamas, the only item of clothing she was allowed to wear now except for the hideous hospital gowns, and peered eagerly at him waiting for him to tell her everything.

"Well she didn't say much just that she was sorry she hadn't been in to see us recently or that she hadn't called, but that the last few days had been pretty hectic and that she'd explain tomorrow when she comes to visit in the morning….with a friend."

"A friend as in boyfriend?"

"She said not yet, but that she has feelings for him, but with everything going on right now, she's not sure a serious relationship is the best idea right now."

"But with the benefit that old friend of yours is throwing for us, maybe things won't be so hard for her anymore?"

"We can only hope." Although Jimmy wanted to believe that everything would work out for their daughter, he was consumed with guilt that his illness had driven her to this terrible place in life.

Julie sensed his lack of hope, and decided that she had to make sure before she died that her daughter would be safe in life, one way or another. Trying to be the positive one, she kept pushing the idea.

"So we're going to tell her tomorrow when she's here right?"

Taking her hand in his and kneading it tenderly, he gazed deeply into her eyes before replying. "Right, and besides, it will be fun to see this friend's expression when they find out that she may be carefree in a matter of weeks, soon enough to start a relationship perhaps."

Laughing quietly together and smiling at the thought of their daughter happy and in a healthy relationship with hopefully someone not from Chino, they both felt at peace.

Peaceful was definitely not the way to describe Summer Robert's bedroom at that exact moment. Seth had decided twenty minutes earlier that an intense game of twister was in need to set the mood, and Summer, ever so willing to compete at any competition just so she had the chance to win, had eagerly agreed. Sweaty and half naked, the game had been given up a few minute before as they both fell into a heap together, body limbs flying every which way. Not wanting to move though, they were content to make out on the plastic game mat, even if that meant a little chaffing afterwards, but the experiment would have to be postponed as the shrill ring of Summer's antique phone was heard interrupting the would be lovers. Jumping up so quickly she suffered vertigo for a few seconds, Summer dashed to the phone and picked it up on the fifth ring slightly out of breath.

"Hello, Summer Roberts speaking."

Laughing at his daughter's formality, Neil couldn't help but smile at her adorable antics. "Hello my Summer, and why so formal?"

"Oh, hey Dad," she choked out, nervous despite the fact that he couldn't see her and was out of town. Quickly she began to straighten her appearance, buttoning up her shirt and smoothing out her hair while all the while motioning for Seth to do the same. He grudgingly obeyed.

"Summer, is everything okay? You sound a little out of breath."

"Oh, just ran in from the pool, you know catching a few rays before Cohen…comes to pick me up for dinner at his parents." Sht, she thought to herself, think he'll notice that that was not what I was going to say?

"Alright, I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing all by yourself in that big house."

"Oh, I'm not alone." She had spoken before she thought, but once the words were out of her mouth, she slapped her palm against her lips and shook her head at her own stupidity.

Neil's voice grew edgy. "What! Seth is not staying there is he Summer?"

"No, but this new friend I met is, I hope that's okay. It's a girl by the way."

"Good," he states decidedly before thinking for a moment about what she said. "I was hoping you'd find a new friend sooner or later. No offense Summer, but that Holly girl you are always bringing around the house drives me nuts."

Summer laughed. "Yeah, me, too! I'd never realized it before, but you're right, and that's why we dumped her sorry ass and found ourselves a new member for the group."

"Now all you need to do is dump Seth and find someone to replace…"

"Dad," Summer interrupted angrily, "we're not discussing this again! Now I have to go or I'll be late. I'll see when you get home."

"I love you Summer."

Conceding a little but still slightly annoyed, "Love you, too."

Replacing the receiver, she looks across the room trying to determine where her quirky boyfriend had disappeared to. After only a few seconds of contemplation, she gives up, shrugs her petite shoulders, and saunters into her adjoining bathroom to get ready for dinner without a second thought to Seth.

Sandy had emerged from their room thirty minutes earlier dressed in board shorts and a sweatshirt much to Kirsten's dismay, but she didn't say anything and went and changed into a pair of jeans and a slightly dressy top. She knew that Summer would be dressed to the nine's, and she was curious to see what their new friend, Marissa had on. Kirsten, as any female Newport resident could do, could spot one of their own by just looking at someone's attire. The table was set, the food being kept warm in the oven, and all they needed were the guests. Just as the thought escaped, she heard the tell tale sign that they had arrived: Seth! He rambled the entire time they all walked in, Seth and Summer followed by Ryan and a beautiful young woman she could only assume was Marissa. She was dressed causally in comfortable jeans, non-designer Kirsten noticed, flip flops, and a plain, v-neck, white t-shirt. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun as uncooperative pieces fell down into her face, tickling her eyes and nose occasionally, and she wore not a stitch of make up. Sandy and Kirsten were shocked….but in a good way.

As Kirsten approached Marissa, she had a welcoming smile on her face and when she spoke her voice was warm and genuine. "Hello, you must be Marissa. I'm Kirsten and that is my husband Sandy," she said as she gestured in his direction. "We're very pleased to meet you."

Marissa put her hand out to shake Kirsten's as she went to speak, but she was enveloped into a slightly awkward yet sincere hug which left her speechless.

"Mother, please," Seth whined while walking away from the group gathered by the door as his feet traveled the very familiar path to the kitchen, "don't embarrass the girl on her first trip here! We were kind of hoping she like it so that she'd come back in the future and keep Atwood entertained so Summer and I could sneak off up to my room for a little high school make-out session, but at the rate you're going…"

"Cohen," Summer shouted fed up with his ramblings and slightly peeved that he would discuss their sex life so openly in front of his parents, yet again, after she had warned him so many times not to. "If you don't can it, Marissa won't want to hang out here with you because you'll be a freaking cadaver!"

With that, she stomped off to the kitchen after him hoping she'd be able to convince him to be on his best behavior all evening, leaving Sandy, Kirsten, Ryan, and a very self-conscious Marissa alone in the foyer. Finally realizing that she still hasn't said anything, Marissa laughed slightly, eyes twinkling despite the uncomfortable situation, before greeting her hosts.

"Hello. Sorry about the momentary loss of my ability to speak, but you caught me off guard. I am Marissa and the pleasure is all mine."

Desperate for a feeling of security in this alien place, Marissa subconsciously reached over and took Ryan's right hand in her left, squeezing it tightly. He just smiled, pleased at her action, but did not say a word fearing he would embarrass her even more and ruin the moment.

"So are you two hungry," Sandy asked before grinning widely, "because I hope so. Kirsten ordered enough food to feed even Seth for a month."

The four laughed together as they walked into the kitchen, the husband and wife leading the way together and the "good friends" following.

Slowly the interaction grew to be somewhat natural. Marissa laughed easily and often enjoying herself with this strange yet lovable family who had a very interesting dynamic and her friends, but while they ate, as everyone exchanged pleasantries and made small talk, she never once let go of Ryan's hand. She didn't even notice what she was doing, but he did, and the fact that it was just a natural instinct for her to do it, made it even better for him. Seth and Summer noticed, too, and both made a mental note to ask Ryan and Marissa, respectively, what exactly it meant. Finally the Styrofoam containers were removed from the table and the plates were loaded into the dishwasher and the group of six made their way into the family room, sitting around comfortably on the plush sofas and chairs, Ryan and Marissa on a couch, Sandy and Kirsten on a couch, and Seth and Summer curled up together on a large, overstuffed chair.

"I don't know about you, Kirsten, but I am dying to know just how exactly you four met each other. No offense Marissa," Sandy said while smiling at her trying to ease the question and show that he was not judging her, "but you don't exactly look like or act like the brats from this neighborhood, Summer excluded of course."

Summer smiled gratefully at him and joined in on the laughter even though she really was a spoiled Newport brat, she knew it, they all knew it, but no one cared because they all realized there was more to her than that.

"You're right," Marissa started hesitantly; "I'm definitely not from Newport. I'm actually from Chino. Ryan, Seth, and Summer met me at the restaurant I used to work at before I got fired."

"Hey," Summer interrupted, "you quit remember? Well, actually I quit for you, but the idea is still the same."

Ryan, Seth, Marissa, and Summer all shared a laugh over the story, but Sandy and Kirsten just stared at them lost until Marissa noticed their confusion.

"Sorry, let me go back. So they came into the restaurant…."

Seth interrupted her, not able to remain out of the conversation any longer. "If you even want to call it that, because it had to be the nastiest establishment I've ever seen in my whole life!" Everyone rolled their eyes at him knowing just how sheltered his existence had been, but he continued on anyway undaunted. "But, to the restaurant's credit, it had the hottest freaking waitresses in the skimpiest clothing you've ever seen, and Ryan here was instantly smitten with those long, slender stems on Marissa!"

Taking a pillow, Summer hit Seth over the head with it before turning to Marissa and letting her know that she should continue and that anytime Seth got out of order, she'd just knock some sense into him with some tough love. The early hours of the evening began to pass quickly as Marissa told Sandy and Kirsten her tale from the past few days, leaving out certain graphic points and sugar coating some of the more emotionally wrenching moments.

Meanwhile in Long Beach Dawn Atwood was telling her story to the men and women at her first AA meeting. She had volunteered to share with the group that she was an alcoholic and offered them a brief glance into her life, sharing first her past with Jimmy and then how she had married Dan instead and everything that had come with being Mrs. Daniel Atwood. At first she was embarrassed, but as she progressed, confessing her melodrama to those total strangers who knew exactly what she had gone through, the action made her feel not quite so alone in the world. After the meeting was over, she was even invited out to join a smaller group who went out for coffee. She accepted thinking, after all, maybe this is what made a real friend, someone who knew your biggest weakness and still wanted to spend time with you and not to just use that said weakness against you. As the evening wore on, Dawn found herself enjoying their company, laughing with them, and relating to them despite their varying backgrounds, but she had no idea how much she would need and depend upon them in the months to come as events already set in motion were beginning to unfold right under her nose.

In a private office at the FBI headquarters in Los Angles, Federal Agent Michael "Mike" Patterson closed the thick and bulky file in front of him, rubbed his tired eyes, and walked out of his office, locking the door behind him and smiling to himself despite his pure exhaustion. It had been a long day, a good day, but definitely an extremely long day none the less. After years of work, dead ends, and set backs, he had finally compiled more than enough evidence to lock that smug SOB up for life and if he was lucky, his chip off the old block of a son, too.

It would be pretty difficult for them to outmaneuver there way through eleven counts of RICO violations. He knew he had them; now all he had to do was go in for kill, find the last piece of evidence to push the case over the top, and perhaps, if he was lucky, get them both sentenced to either life in prison or death row, and he knew exactly where to get it. The noose was getting tighter around their necks even as he rode the elevator down to the underground parking garage where his car awaited to take him home to his empty apartment. Perhaps that's why he wanted to nail these two so much. Because of his obsession with this case, he had driven his wife and daughter away. She had left him two years ago to that very day, and though he called and talked to his daughter as much as he could, he rarely got to see her now that they lived on the east coast with his ex-wife's retired parents. Payback, what a sweet thought, and soon he knew, very soon, it would be his.

The tale was finished. Seth was nodding off to sleep, Summer pinching him every few minutes to keep him awake, Ryan beamed with pride at Marissa, Marissa was emotionally exhausted from reliving the whole ordeal, and Sandy and Kirsten were speechless, impressed, and shocked. Knowing that the Cohens needed some time to process everything Marissa had told them, Summer made an excuse up about wanting the four friends to go out the pool house for some time to hang out. Everyone obliged, glad for the change of scenery and fresh air, leaving Sandy and Kirsten to talk.

"What are you supposed to say to that," Kirsten inquired from her husband incredulously. "I mean, I've never heard of anyone having to go through have of that pain in a lifetime let alone a few days. And I can't believe that our son, our self-involved, sarcastic, rude son is friends with her!"

"I know what you mean," Sandy replied mystified. "And an Atwood in love with someone intelligent, independent, unspoiled, and far from rich, I never thought I'd see the day. Miracles do happen."

"You really think Ryan's in love with her?" A smile spread itself across Kirsten's face and lit up her entire countenance.

"Oh yeah, he probably wouldn't admit it, but I'd know that look any day. I had that same look on my face every time I looked in the mirror after I met you, still do to this day."

She pulled him closer to her and kissed him gently on the lips, but he jerked away from her and jumped off the couch as excited as a school boy.

"I just had an amazing idea," he yelled, joy filling every inch of his voice.

Sarcastically, she responded, "Yeah, like that wasn't evident already. What, what did you think of?"

"Think about it. Summer told me when she talked to me earlier that Marissa reminds her of me, which I have to say is such a compliment, I feel honored to be compared to her, and you heard for yourself how Marissa knew the law like the back of her hand when she confronted that quack of a doctor yesterday. I bet the girl wants to be lawyer, and I know a guy who already is one who is looking for some full time help at his office. It would be perfect training for her, great experience, and with a full time position that paid well, which this would, she'd be able to stay here in Newport and go back to school."

Kirsten looked at him with pride in her eyes as she stood up and jumped into his arms, squeezing him as tightly as she could, trying to express just how much she loved him. Looking up into his rich coffee colored eyes, she spoke as sincerely as she could.

"I think that would be a wonderful idea, both for you and her. Why don't we go out and interrupt their little hang out session and you can offer Marissa the job?"

Joining hands, they walked out to the brightly illuminated pool house whose doors were thrown open to let in the sights and sounds of the California night to change one girl's life forever and, unknown to them, theirs as well.

That night, Marissa Cooper got her future back.


	6. Chapter 6

It was the next morning, the morning after Sandy Cohen, Seth's father, had given her, Marissa Cooper, a steady, well paying job at his law office, somewhere she could learn the tricks of the trade and be tutored by a man she knew she already admired. Sure, she had accepted, who wouldn't in that situation, but now….well, let's just say it was too bad she had her doubts.

She had gotten up early that morning, knowing that she was going to see her parents and wanting to make sure that she looked healthy and refreshed so that after she glossed over what had happened to her, they wouldn't be afraid or upset. Besides, this visit was supposed to be a good one. She had a job, even though she was still questioning it secretly to herself, and she was taking Ryan with her to introduce him to her parents as her….'friend'. Would they see right through it; would they know that she already had very deep feelings for him? No matter what, she thought, as long as Ryan didn't figure out how she felt, she was safe.

Ryan. Just saying his name in her head made her whole world spin. What was it about him that made this happen to her? It wasn't his looks or his body, although every person who met him instantly realized that he had the whole package and then more, but Marissa had met guys like that before. Anyone who knew her would know that it had nothing to do with money, in fact, if Marissa could have her way, he would not have quiet as much as he did. It made her feel uncomfortable and out of his league. Sure, there was the fact that he had saved her from a fate she didn't even want to contemplate, but that was not what made her….care for him. It was his eyes and the way they looked at her whenever she came into his view. No one had ever looked at her like that, like she was their everything, and it scared her.

They had returned back to Summer's late the night before. After she had accepted the job from Sandy, they had all celebrated around the kitchen table with root-beer floats and sat up sharing stories from their childhoods, well _their_ childhoods, she hadn't said anything. The night, after the awkward beginning, had ended pretty perfectly. Perhaps that was why she hadn't realized what they were doing till it was almost too late. It had been on the ride to Summer's house when she realized that she had a hold of Ryan's hand and had no clue how long it had been there. She tried to pull it away, but he just insistently covered it with his other hand and gripped it even tighter not letting her go. Though it had been alarming at first, she had reasoned with herself that 'friends' hold hands. Then they had made their way upstairs, hands still clasped together.

Before she knew what was happening, the goodnight kiss she had intended to land on his cheek, hit him squarely on the lips and neither of them let go. They had tumbled backwards, carelessly pulling off their clothes and throwing them in any and every direction, landing on the bed in one giant, practically naked heap. Just as his hand went to slide off her last piece of clothing, her underwear, she froze, pulled away from him, offered a quick apology and turned off the lights, too nervous to even ask him to leave. The covers had not been over her body for more than five seconds when she felt him slide underneath them and wrap his arms around her as he kissed her shoulder and buried his face in her hair before falling asleep. Unfortunately for Marissa, sleep did not come that easy.

She had tossed around the whole night trying to figure out what to do with the situation she found herself in, but no matter how much she moved, his protective arms remained steadfastly wrapped around her. If she could have what she wanted, they would remain there forever, but if there was one thing Marissa Cooper had learned in her eighteen years on earth, she never got what she wanted, which meant that he would only be taken from her eventually. Why set yourself up for even more heartache, why not just end it now before it really even began. With that thought, she had fallen into a restless sleep filled with nightmares where Ryan was supposed to save her, but he never showed up. Finally having enough, she had gotten up at six and gone for a run, clearing her head and formulating exactly what she would say to him that morning when he woke up. When she got back, she had taken a shower and gotten dressed for the hospital, leaving her ready to leave and waiting for Ryan to wake up. Not able to take it any longer, she gingerly un-tucked her legs from the chair she had been sitting on, and went over and shook him lightly to rouse him from his slumber.

Ryan did not want to wake up, for he was in the middle of perhaps what could have been the best dream of his life. Marissa was there of course, but when he finally opened his eyes, he was greeted with her in reality and that was always better than a dream. Without even thinking twice, he sat up quickly and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her down to sit on his legs and kissed her with as much intensity as he could, but she didn't kiss back. At first he was shocked and slightly angered, but then remembering that he had just gotten up, he laughed, playfully pushed her aside, and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth. As he left, he didn't look at her face, otherwise he would have known not to come back, but since he hadn't, he returned, eager to re-enact the kiss that had not gone so well the first time. Before he could reach her though, she had stood up and handed him his clothes telling him to get dressed and to get ready to go. They had to leave in an hour. With that, she left the room berating herself for not saying everything she had planned, and Ryan went off whistling to the shower, believing that her standoffishness was due to her nerves at having to introduce him to her parents that morning.

The ride to the hospital had been awkward to say the least but Ryan simply chalked it up to nerves again. When they had first gotten in, he had tried to take her hand, an action to which she simply replied that he had to keep both of his on the steering wheel, one handed driving made her anxious. He had laughed at her tense mood and then decided that a little breakfast was exactly what she needed, so they made a pit stop at the diner for flapjacks and a side of coffee. She had been silent the entire time they ate, but Ryan had not cared. He got to watch her the entire time he ate; compared to the breakfasts from his past, this had to be in the top five. He could only imagine what it would be like to share one where neither was self-conscious, edgy, or questioning their relationship let alone a breakfast in bed. Soon, he thought to himself, soon.

Dawn had also been up since six that morning, and although she had not gone for a run, it still had been productive. The numerous invitations had been addressed and put in the post that morning, putting the ball in motion for the benefit dinner. For the second day in a row, she had eaten a proper breakfast, venturing out and attempting to cook herself an omelet. It wasn't country club quality, but she was still proud of it. Afterwards, she had taken a shower and gotten dressed, figuring she would take an invitation to Julie and Jimmy, hoping to meet his wife, and wanting to tell him how wonderful her first meeting had gone as a way to thank him. Before she left though, there was one more thing she had to do, find herself some help. Going with her instinct from the night before, she looked up Summer's phone number and called her.

Summer was still asleep when her phone rang, startling her and waking her from a deep slumber. It had been late the night before by the time she had gotten to bed, because after they had returned from the Sandy and Kirsten's…and well Seth's, too, although he seemed to stay over at her house more than he did at his own now, Cohen had insisted that they finish their game of Twister. She hadn't argued. It was fun, not to mention the fact that she had won, but this was no way to treat a champion, waking her in the middle of her beauty sleep. Of course Cohen was so zonked out that he didn't even move a muscle when the phone kept chiming with its incessant blare, so that left her to roll out of bed at only….ten in the morning. Okay, she thought, so it wasn't that early, but still, she didn't like it. Finally reaching the phone, she plopped herself down in her desk chair and spoke absently into the receiver.

She may not have been awake before she answered the phone, but as soon as she heard the voice on the opposite end, her mind quickly sharpened, her senses came alive, and she was waiting, breath abated, to see what this strange occurrence was about.

"Hi Summer, this is Dawn Atwood, Ryan's Mom." Even as she said it Dawn just wanted to smack herself. Summer had been friends with her son since elementary school; of course she knew who she was even if she hadn't been a very good mother.

Summer was completely shocked that this woman had called her, let alone that she was even up and not hung over at this hour of the morning. Ryan might not have talked about his family much, but that didn't mean they didn't know why he had spent most of high school years at the Cohens. "Uh, hi, Mrs. Atwood."

"Please, call me Dawn."

"Okay, is there something I can help you with, Dawn? I mean, Ryan's not here. He went out with Marissa, but I could give him a message when he gets back if you'd like." She was grasping for straws, hoping that Dawn would not notice how thrown off she was by this call.

"Oh, thanks Summer, but I'm not calling for Ryan," Dawn said in a hurry trying to get what she had to say out as quickly as possible. "You see I'm throwing a benefit dinner for an old friend of mine. He and his wife are dying of cancer, and there is just their daughter left. She's dropped out of college to try to help pay for their medical bills, but she shouldn't have had to do that. I've never met her, but from what I've read about her, her name is Marissa by the way, how ironic is that, that she has the same name as Ryan's friend."

"Pretty ironic." Summer said in barely a whisper, her eyes bulging out of her head in shock. She was completely flabbergasted, but knew she had to get to the bottom of the situation before anyone else did. "So, how did you know him…this guy? Did you go to high school with him?"

"No, actually we weren't exactly friends, because well, you see, we dated for a few years, pretty seriously, but then I dumped him for Ryan's dad, the stupidest mistake I ever made, and now…."

She couldn't continue as she was interrupted by the sound of a choking Summer.

"Summer, are you okay?"

Barely able to wrap her mind around the situation let alone process it, Summer was working on autopilot, responding to Dawn exactly how she had been trained since a child and ignoring her emotions and raging thoughts. "Ah, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."

"So anyway," Dawn went on knowing that if she didn't say this soon she would lose her nerve and just hang up, "I was hoping that I could convince you to help me with the party. I know you don't know the Coopers, that's their last name by the way, but there is just so much to do in such a small amount of time, and I know that you're good at this sort of thing, so…."

"I'd love to help, but I have to go," Summer spit out in a hurry, eager to get off the phone so that she could wake Seth up to tell him the interesting news she had gotten that morning. "I'll call you later, but right now I'm a little busy. Thanks for calling Dawn."

With that, Dawn heard the phone line go dead, and although she had found Summer's behavior strange, she surmised that this was Summer's normal behavior and that she'd been too drunk in the past to realize it. Smiling to herself, she left her room, shutting the door behind her out of habit, and bounded down the stairs looking forward to her visit at the hospital.

As soon as Summer had hung up the phone, she leapt across her room and jumped on her boyfriend, literally, waking him up with a start. When he sat up to see what the sudden commotion was about, there was a generous line of drool hanging from his mouth, which prompted his now confused and agitated girlfriend to become angry and slap him with the same pillow he had been slobbering all over.

"Nice Cohen! Do you have any idea how expensive these sheets are," she huffed so annoyed that she had temporarily forgotten her recent conversation with Ryan's surprising sober Mother.

"Aw, but Summer," Seth cooed, "can you really put a price on love, and you know you love me, so a little drool on your pillow is nothing, right?"

"Whatever ass, this is not important. We have bigger fish to fry."

"We do, but I thought you hated fried food, and when did we get some fish?" His clueless question sent her on a tailspin as she stood up and pulled him up with her, pushing him to the bathroom with all the force her startlingly strong body had.

"Cohen, get your little bird legs into that bathroom, and I want that body washed and clothed and that Jew fro tamed in less than fifteen minutes. We have a train wreck to stop."

As she ordered, Seth went into the bathroom, but being the ever so curious boy he was, he could not just listen to her commands without a little bit of questioning.

"I assume you're speaking metaphorically of course, but would you care to enlighten me as to who or what these said trains are so that I will have some clue as to what I am getting myself into?"

Huffing and stomping her foot out of annoyance, Summer yelled over her shoulder as she rummaged through her closet looking for the outfit she would wear that day.

"Look in the hopes of making this quick, I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen. Ryan's Mom was once in love with this guy named Jimmy Cooper who, along with his wife, now is dying of cancer. They have a daughter named Marissa, and now Dawn, with my help I guess, is throwing them a benefit dinner to help the daughter out. And yes, before you even open that big fat mouth of yours, their Marissa is Ryan's Marissa, which means that Ryan is kind of sort of dating his Mom's ex-boyfriend's, love of her life by the way she spoke of him, daughter, so we're going to attempt to get to the hospital and warn somebody before this whole mess erupts in our face. Now get your ass in that shower and I don't want to hear another word from you until we're in the car."

With that she turned on the slight heal of her slipper and stomped back into her closet. Seth wheeled around quickly, shutting the bathroom door behind him, and did what Summer said, knowing that this was no time to question her.

Dawn was the first to arrive at the hospital. A nurse showed her to the visiting room where Julie and Jimmy were waiting, on their daughter none the less, but still glad to see a congenial face. As she walked in, Jimmy greeted her with a smile.

"Dawn, I wasn't expecting you today," he said with honesty, but she could tell by looking in his eyes that he was glad to see her.

"Well, I'm actually here for several reasons," she revealed. First of all, I wanted to meet your wife. Hi," she said putting her hand out and shaking Julie's gently, afraid that she'd hurt the frail woman in front of her, "I'm Dawn. It's a pleasure to meet you. I haven't had a lot of time to hear about you, but I've read some thing on the internet when I was looking you guys up, but I'm sure Jimmy told you that. I'm sorry, I'm babbling."

Julie laughed genuinely, touched that this woman who had once been a very important part of her husband's life sincerely wanted to meet her and that she had been so willing to help their family.

"Don't worry about it. I do the same thing when I'm nervous, but you don't need to be. Why don't you sit down?"

Julie motioned to the chair beside her which Dawn merrily accepted.

"So, what else did you come here for? You said there were several reason," Jimmy pried.

"I also wanted to let you know that the benefit preparations are underway. The invitations have been mailed out, I've booked the country club, and I even commandeered a helper, one of my son's friends. Oh, and here's an invitation for you," she said as she handed the invite to Julie. "I thought you might like to see it." Turning to Jimmy, she kept talking. "I also wanted to let you know that I stuck by my word and went to my first AA meeting last night. It was strangely comforting."

Jimmy laughed before responding, "I think that's how they're supposed to be, but I'm glad. Are you going back tonight?"

"Not to the same one," Dawn replied. "They don't have it every day of the week, but I found a different one that I'm going to, and then when it's over, I'm going to have dinner with Ryan and one of his friends, something I haven't done in years.

After opening the invite, Julie was left with a large smile dancing across her lips, and she turned to Dawn with tears in her eyes, barely able to speak, slightly startling Dawn out of her thoughts.

"Thank you," Julie barely managed to say. "You have no idea how much this means to us." Julie took Dawn's hand in hers and squeezed it, gently trying to convey her gratitude to this woman who was really a stranger to her.

Sensing it was getting a little too emotional in the room, Jimmy decided to break the moment.

"Well, I must say that this is perfect timing, because not only do we always love to hear good news, but our daughter Marissa is stopping by soon with a friend of hers so you'll be able to meet her."

Just at that moment Marissa entered into the room with her 'friend' following right behind her, but the three adults were so absorbed with their conversation that they never heard the two teens approaching.

"Who gets to meet me," Marissa questioned, amusement ringing in her voice. Jimmy looked up and smiled at his daughter, opening his arms for a hug. She gladly obliged and afterwards stood beside his chair waiting for an introduction. As she waited though, she noticed that Ryan had become frozen in place, and she motioned for him to come over and join her. He sighed out loud relieved she had remembered that he was still there and joined her by her side, lacing her hand in his this time out of subconscious fear and wringing it securely. Dawn and Julie were still lost in their own world, so Jimmy cleared his throat to gain their attention, causing both women to turn to look at him at the same time as a look of shock swept over them. Julie was shocked to see the young man who stood beside her daughter. She knew her daughter was gorgeous, but she had never brought anyone home to meet them, and this boy, well young man to be exact, was striking and clearly in love with her. Dawn was shocked by the presence of the young man as well, but for completely different reasons.

"Ryan, what are you doing here," Dawn asked practically yelling, her curiosity and astonishment taking over her senses.

All Ryan could do was stare out of bewilderment and utter one word, "Mom!"

Confused looks spread across all of their faces before recognition began to set in. Jimmy took the reigns of the situation, knowing that someone was going to have to explain everything before the questions in everyones minds became too much.

"Marissa and Ryan, I take it, why don't you both sit down."

They did so silently, never taking their eyes off of the three parents in front of them and never letting go of each others' hands, both of them this time needing the simple comfort.

"Obviously we're all a little bit more connected than we thought," Jimmy continued, "but let me see if I've got this straight. Ryan, you're Dawn's son, the same Dawn who used to date me before she married your father and before I met Marissa's Mom. Marissa is my daughter with Julie, and from the looks of it, you two are dating."

"No," Marissa emphasized, "at this point we're just good friends."

Julie spoke up unable to keep the smile from her lips. "Oh honey, please, don't fool yourselves, you two are anything but friends. It's obvious just looking at you."

"Please Mom," Marissa quietly pleaded, "can this discussion wait? I think there are more important things to talk about right now."

"Marissa is right, Jules," Jimmy, the voice of reason, said. "Now you two can fill us in on how exactly you two met after we get this all out in the open, but Dawn came here yesterday to see me after reading about the fact that your Mom and I have cancer. She's actually going to host a benefit dinner for us here in Newport so maybe you'll be able to go back to college and not worry so much about our hospital bills."

Marissa's eyes quickly fill with tears as she turns her attention from Jimmy to Dawn….Ryan's mother she realized. At her breaking point, she was about to collapse in tears into Ryan's always waiting arms, but suddenly they were all interrupted by a very loud Seth and Summer.

"Atwood, Cooper", Summer shrieked running into the room after spotting her two friends and completely ignoring the adults seated with them, "you'll never believe what Ryan's Mom just told me. You're parents, well his Mom and your Dad, Cooper, used to….date," she finished as she felt Seth elbow her and her senses finally registered the three extra pairs of eyes boring into her. "Which I see now," she said awkwardly, "that you've already figured out for yourselves. So if you, all of you, would excuse me, we'll just be leaving." Quickly, she grabbed Seth's hands and pulled him towards the door with her, but Marissa's slightly panicking voice stopped her.

"Wait Summer, stop, please, I mean, you guys came all this way to tell us this, why don't you stay?"

Summer turned back around slowly and examined Marissa's eyes as she spoke, finally deciding that they would stay because she so obviously was in need of something to break the tension. She smiled at Marissa knowing it was a weak gesture but hoping that it offered her at least a little bit of comfort.

"You don't have to ask us twice, do you Cohen?" Without waiting to let him speak, she just continued. "I mean what this boy lacks in compassion and kindness, he more than makes up for it in the curiosity department."

Everyone smiled at her while they laughed softly, appreciative of the ice breaker, while Seth and Summer went gingerly over to the couch Marissa and Ryan were sitting on and joined their friends. Before another word could be spoken though, Marissa's cell phone rang, and she practically leapt off of the couch to answer it.

"Marissa, you know you're not supposed to leave those on in here," Julie admonished her daughter.

"Sorry Mom," Marissa replied automatically before signaling that she was going to go out side to answer it. As she walked out the door, Ryan stood up and followed her not saying a word to anyone as to why he was leaving. Seeing the inquisitive glances from Dawn and Marissa's parents, Seth figured the moment was as good as any to start talking. He was never one to stay quiet in an awkward situation for long.

"He probably just went out with her to see that everything is okay. After their first few dates," Seth mocked as he said first few dates with air quotes, "that boy is scared to let her out of his site. First the whole Nick situation, then she ran away from the hotel after they spent the night there together, then we found her in her bathroom with her hands completely covered in blood, very similar to Ryan's appearance earlier that morning, and then the whole rape and assault charges thing, I mean, can you really blame him for over-reacting about a little, innocent phone call?" By the time he finished, Dawn sat shocked in her chair, Julie was practically in tears over worry and pain for her daughter, and Jimmy looked angry but not quite as angry as Summer who just about tore off an inch of his flesh after she pinched his arm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Cohen," she yelled unable to contain herself. "I doubt Marissa wanted her parents to find out half of the stuff you just summarized in less than thirty seconds, let alone have it happen like that! She is going to murder you in your sleep when she finds out what you did, and do you know what I'm going to do, hm, do you, I'm going to hold you down so that you don't struggle with her, you self-centered, rambling ass!"

She finished off the outburst with a firm slap to his face, causing the entire room to burst out in laughter and Seth to hold his face in pain. Just then, Ryan and Marissa re-entered the room not knowing what had just occurred.

"I'm so sorry about this, but we have to go. That was Sandy, Seth's Dad and my new boss, and he needs me to start work today instead of next week, because he's having some sort of emergency. I really couldn't tell what it was, but he sounded so flustered it has to be bad, and Ryan has to drive me because we came here together and I don't know where the office is. I'll stop by tomorrow to see you guys again though, and we'll talk more. Uh, bye," she nodded timidly before turning to walk out, but Dawn's voice stopped the fleeing 'friends'.

"Are we still on for dinner tonight," she asked with a hint of desperation in her voice, desperation which Ryan noticed, and even though he knew that Marissa would not want to go, he also knew that he could not disappoint his Mom. Something was different about her, despite the fact that she appeared to be sober again, and he had to figure out what had brought on the change and what exactly it was.

"Sure Mom," he said without meeting Marissa's pleading glance. Looking around the room at the questioned filled expressions on the adults' faces, he knew he had to say something else. "Uh, and I'm sure that any questions you guys have, Seth and Summer will be happy to answer for you."

Without waiting for a reply from his two best friends, he ushered Marissa out of the door as they both practically sprinted away desperate to escape the horrifyingly discomforting situation. Everyone except for Seth watched them leave, mouths agape, but before they could even piece together their ideas, Seth started in telling the tale of, as he liked to call them, the spoiled Newport Brat and the really hot funky chicken waitress.

Meanwhile, back at the Atwood abode, the maid got a shock for herself. She had always considered her job with the Atwoods to be very stable, never doubting their ability to pay her or fearing that they'd realize they really didn't need her services. True, Dan was a jerk, someone whom she avoided as much as possible when he was home, but that was not often, and his son, Trey, was just as bad if not worse. Dawn on the other hand, though a drunk, who now that the maid thought of it had been suspiciously sober the last couple of days, was as quiet as a mouse and actually appreciated what she did for them. Ryan, her son, was barely home, so he never caused any problems, and even when he was, she could sometimes excuse his rude behavior as she thought back to how sweet he was as a child. However, when she opened the door to the surprise visitor that late morning, she knew that she had to put in her two weeks notice and find another job before this one became a disaster.

Cheap suits and dark sun glasses were never a good sign, she'd seen enough movies to know that, but when he pulled out his badge and told her that he was with the FBI, she realized that this was more than a bad a sign, it was a neon-flashing one telling her to run the hell away from the Atwood family as fast as she could. The man had asked for Dawn, emphasizing that she was not in trouble but that he just needed to speak with her about an on-going investigation where her knowledge and cooperation could prove to be very beneficial to both the FBI and her. After she told him that she wasn't home and that she didn't expect her until that evening, late, because she had many errands to run after she visited her friend in the hospital, he left but said that he would be back that evening. Closing the door warily after he had departed from its doorsteps, afraid that any thing she said or did would somehow break the law, an irrational fear but something appropriate when standing in front of an FBI agent for the first time in your life, she tentatively left the foyer and went back to her work silently thinking to herself and trying to piece together some sort of explanation. She couldn't think of a single one.

Later that afternoon, Seth, Summer, and Ryan had all met at the diner to have some lunch and to discuss the encounter from earlier that morning at the hospital. Not really wanting to know the details of what Seth said, Ryan brushed passed it quickly and narrowed the focus of their mealtime conversation to the topic he was really concerned about, Marissa.

"I just don't know what to do," he groused dejectedly. "She said she just wanted to be friends, that her life is too complicated right now for anything else, but it seems as if all the complications have been worked out, and strangely it all happened in less than 24 hours."

"Maybe that's just it," Summer offered, trying to be the voice of reason and not let her own opinions on the couple interfere with her advice, "maybe everything is just moving too quickly for her and she's scared."

"Then what's with all the mixed signals," he asked, confusion sounding on every syllable he muttered.

Seth looked up at him from his food and actually stopped eating long enough to reply. "Mixed signals, what are you talking about? The only signals I am picking up from her are take me now and I'm in love with you."

Summer rolled her eyes at Seth's typically male response, knowing that he was the last person to be giving advice on relationships as she thought back to all the numerous times he had messed up in theirs.

"Do not listen to him Atwood. Look at our relationship and everything he's done wrong. Do you really want to end up like that?"

Despite his dour mood, Ryan couldn't help but laugh at Summer as she sat there and insulted her boyfriend right to his face, not batting and eye and causing Seth no qualms either. They definitely had a unique relationship, Ryan thought to himself.

"Tell me about these mixed signals," Summer ordered. "Let me be the judge of them and then I'll attempt to figure out what she needs and wants."

Without even a second thought, Ryan delved into the conversation he had been dreading all day and one he knew he had to have anyway.

She knocked on the door to get his attention, not wanting to seem presumptuous on her first day and also not wanting to startle him.

"Sandy?" She ventured as she waited for his cheerful response to come in, which she got.

"Come on in, Marissa, but you've really got to work on this whole not knocking idea that I thought we had agreed on," he joked as she walked in the door and sat down in front of him.

"Give me some time. It's only taken me two hours," she said as she glanced down at her watch, "to get used to the idea of calling you Sandy and not Mr. Cohen. I'll get the hang of the enter without a knock sooner or later."

He laughed at her response and settled back in his chair, lacing his hands together, and putting them behind his head making himself comfortable and preparing for a serious discussion. Their day had gone well so far, even though his emergency was a jammed copy machine. Truth was he was lonely, and he thought the quicker she started work, the better for him. Besides, from what he had gathered when he did some checking into her past just for safe keeping, she could definitely use the money. It didn't really matter though to her that he had gotten her there under false pretenses, as she had said she had just been looking for an excuse to escape the bizarre situation that had unfolded at he hospital.

"I take it from the look on your face that this is no simple drop in. What's on your mind?"

She took a moment to gather her thoughts before delving into the precarious conversation.

"First of all, I just really want to thank you for this job, but I'm not sure I can accept it." She saw that he wanted to speak up, but she held her hand up to signal that she desired to continue before he said anything.

"Don't get me wrong, it's practically perfect for me, I can see that already, but the problem is that I feel like I did not earn it, that I was given the job because I'm Seth's friend and you knew that I needed one."

"Listen," Sandy said, his voice now firm like a reproaching father and not a jovial boss, "I had mentioned to Kirsten that I needed someone to help out around her before I even met you, and sure, the thought that I was helping you out sweetened the deal, but it was not the deciding factor. You fit with what I needed, someone who was passionate about the law but was young enough that I could teach and guide, but definitely not someone who would break me with their salary." He could see by her facial expression that she still was not one hundred percent convinced, so he continued. "Why don't we try it on a trial basis, test it out for the both of us and see how it works out. If at any time either of us is unhappy with the arrangement, then we agree right here and right now to speak up and say so, agreed?"

Satisfied with what he said, she shook her head vigorously.

"Now then," he said his voice once again taking on its friendly tone, "what else is bothering you?"

Surprised that he could tell something was still on her mind, she begrudgingly smiled at him before speaking.

"So this is how it's going to be from now on. I come into work with boy issues and you're going to see right through my hard-practiced façade and ask the tough questions right away?"

"Of course," he laughed, "and if I didn't, what kind of defense lawyer would I be?"

Laughing together, she delved into her issues with Ryan, telling him exactly how she felt and what she thought about their situation, including the recent revelations of their parents' connection that they had just learned of that morning.

"So, what do you think," Ryan questioned hesitantly. "What is she thinking, what is she feeling, but most importantly, what the hell should I do about it?"

Summer sat there at the table drumming her perfectly manicured finger nails over the Formica top of the diner's booth, contemplating the numerous options she had at her disposal.

"Let's go." She stood up and impatiently tapped her designer soled foot as she waited for Ryan and Seth to join her. "Cohen you go and pay; Ryan and I need to talk.

Seth left without saying a word, actually quite bored with the whole situation because he had absolutely nothing to do with it.

"I think it is time for some drastic action, Atwood. You need to show this girl just how much you care for her, how much she means to you, and you just can't say it anymore, because obviously the words aren't getting through. We are going to completely transform her room at my house into a woman's fantasy, complete with flowers, candles, chocolate, and one very heartfelt gift. What that is, that is up to you. I can't choose that for you, but I will take you to the mall and supervise. As for the rest, I'll help you out, because we can't make this too cheesy. I'm thinking we'll stick with the white theme of the room, white roses, gardenias, lilies, white lilacs, always a fragrant choice, oh, and some orchids, too. The candles will all be white and non-scented, because the flowers will provide the aroma for you, and the chocolate, well, I really don't care what you do with them, just don't stain the bed. We'll leave the windows open for a slight breeze, and of course we will need some mood music, but, again, I'll leave that up to you. Now, about this gift…."

"Whoa, Summer, wait, please stop right there," Ryan said emphatically completely lost as to what he's supposed to do. "How am I supposed to get this all done not to mention set up without ruining the surprise, and as for what I should buy her as a gift, we're not even technically dating yet, don't you think that's a little much? Won't it just scare her off more?"

"I never said to buy her an engagement ring, were you not listening to me at all?"

"Yes, I was listening to you, and the surprise room is fine, but no gift."

Seth had returned to them and had just silently listened in to their conversation.

"Ryan's right Summer, and I might not know much about women, but I've been spending a lot of time lately with Marissa, and a gift would just send her straight back to Chino running faster than you drive."

"Alright, so the gift idea has been nixed," she responded to their unanimous rejection of her idea, "but that doesn't mean that you can't do the grand gesture, and I'm not just talking about the flowers, and the candles, and the music, and the chocolates, I'm talking about the metaphorical grand gesture, something to show just how much you want her in your life."

"I'll think about that," Ryan responded almost automatically, "but first we have to get working. How exactly, like I asked before, is this all going to get set up when I'm off having dinner at my Mom's with Marissa?"

Summer and Seth just smirked at each other.

"Oh, I'm sure we know of a couple of people who would be glad to help," Seth deadpanned, grabbing Summer's hand impulsively and pulling her outside with him towards the car.

As the three friends climbed into the vehicle and sped away, the fourth member of their group was just finishing up her conversation with Sandy on the same topic.

"I understand your fears, I really do," Sandy commiserated with his young employee, "I mean, Kirsten and I were from completely opposite backgrounds, but we made it work, and if there really is something there between you two, then I don't see a reason why you couldn't honestly give it a go as well. I've seen the way he looks at you, Marissa, and it's not as a friend as you like to say. Give it a shot; what do you have to lose?"

"Just my heart," she whispered more to herself but he heard anyway.

"Isn't that always the risk even if you think the person is safe? Personally, I always thought that if something was safe, it wasn't worth having, but that's just me," he mused trying to spur her out of her fear. "Why don't you go on home and get ready for your dinner tonight. I'll close up here in a few minutes, and I'll see you tomorrow at nine."

"Actually, if you don't mind," she asked timidly, "I'd like to hang out here until I have to meet him for dinner. There is a lot I have to sort out in my head, and I just can't seem to do that when he's around me. Thinking just doesn't seem to be my strong suit, because as soon as I gaze into his eyes, all rational thought disappears, and when I see him this evening, he deserves an answer, he deserves to know what I want."

"It's no problem. Stay as long as you like, but don't bail on him. You have your key, so I'll just leave you to it and you can lock up when you go." He got up and took his briefcase with him, ushering her out his office as he went. As she approached her desk, he gave her a quick fatherly hug and whispered to her for reassurance. "Good luck." And with that, he was out the door, leaving Marissa with a decision to make that she really didn't want to face at all.

By the time she met him in Summer's driveway to ride over together to his house, her mind was still not made up, and she knew that in order to be a proper guest, she'd have to push the issue aside and deal with it after dinner. It was easier than she thought it would be. As she got out of her car, he approached her carrying a single, white rose and simply took her hand in his and led her to his car. After opening the door for her, she got in, and he did the same on the opposite side, and they rode to his home, only a few minutes away in comfortable conversation as he described him Mom, his absent father, and the brother he did not know. Once there, he helped her out of the car, taking her hand once again gently and not pushing for anything else.

The dinner itself was actually pleasant. After the few tense moments where they had to discuss the connections between their families, the three of them had settled into the living room curled up on the over-stuffed couches with pizza and discussed everything from the benefit dinner to embarrassing stories about Ryan from when he was a child. Ryan was pleasantly surprised that his Mom even remembered them, and as the simple yet healing evening went on, he felt as if they had taken one step closer to actually becoming a real family again, his Mom, Marissa, and himself, the only three people he needed for his family. No one else mattered.

Marissa and Dawn took to each other instantly, and Marissa could not get enough of the stories Dawn told about Ryan or Jimmy for that matter. Because her parents had not dated while in high school or college, she had no idea of what her father was like then, but Dawn did, and she relished in the memories, reliving them like they had been yesterday.

It was quickly approaching 10:00 and Ryan and Marissa were just about to say their goodbyes and take their leave when the doorbell went off. Dawn excused herself and came back quickly, saying that she had to see the guest and did they mind just showing themselves out and she'd call them tomorrow. Ryan agreed instantly, eager to return to Summer's, and Marissa, although surprised by his reaction, was ready to leave as well, because she had some thinking to do, some very important thinking. As his sports car pulled out of the driveway, Dawn found herself approaching a fork in the road in her own life and neither decision was one she wanted to make.

"Mrs. Atwood," the rather tall and fit, swarthy man said, "I am Federal Agent Michael Patterson, and I have some questions for you about your husband and son. Can we talk?"

"Ryan, really," Marissa said forcefully, "I can walk myself up to my room. I'm tired, I have to get up early tomorrow so that I can go and visit my parents before work, and I also have some thinking to do, so I just want to be alone tonight, okay?"

"Fine, I'll leave you alone once I make sure that everything is safe and secure in your room. Seth and Summer aren't here, but they left the door unlocked so that we could get in, and I just want to check," he stated in a firm tone, face hard with a lack of expression, but his eyes revealed all that he was up to.

She ushered for him to lead the way, which he did gladly, and neither of them spoke as they slowly made their way up the stairs and down the corridors to her guest room. He slowly opened the door when they got to it, moving out of the way so that she could get a full glimpse of the room. Without even looking at her expression, he spoke.

"I hope you like it. I know that you've been a little up in the air about what we are doing, whether or not we are an us, but I just wanted to show you how I feel and to let you know that you don't have to doubt my feelings for you."

He waited, breath abated, as he watched her move silently into the room and walk slowly around it, taking in every last detail. Finally, she stopped at the bathroom door and he watched her walk in, slightly confused, but not worried, but when she returned with her bag and ran past him with tears sliding down her porcelain cheeks, and he knew that listening to Summer had not been a very bad idea.

And before he knew it, she was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

He was not doing this again; he was not going to let her run away from him a second time without talking to him. Running from him the morning after they had slept together at the hotel, that he could understand, but this, well, it was utterly incomprehensible to him. Not only did he think the surprise had been a good idea, but Summer had assured him that Marissa would love it. Now, here he was standing in this very guest room perfectly prepared for a night of passion and love and he was all alone. The woman he wanted to share the evening with had just fled out the door in sheer panic. Not even bothering to blow the candles out, he turned on his heal and ran after her hoping that he wasn't too late.

As he followed the trail he supposed she had taken, he found himself outside standing in Summer's driveway. The night was no longer peaceful, serene, and tranquil; it was angry, violent, and unpredictable as a storm was approaching off the ocean. He could hear the thunder rippling in the distance and tiny flashes of light shot through the vast, murky, midnight-purple sky as the weather increasingly became more and more unbalanced. A perfect setting, he thought darkly to himself, as he scanned across the vast space in front of him looking for the woman who was causing the inner squall that was raging inside of him.

She was standing by her car trying desperately to unlock her doors with the key but failing miserably as her body shook with each sob that wracked her delicate frame. Slowly, with trepidation, he approached her, taking the key out of her hand and opening the door for her, but when she put her hand out for him to the return the keys for her, he held them back.

"Ryan, give me the keys," she ordered as she hesitantly put her shaking hand out, not meeting his eyes as she spoke.

"No." His mind was swimming with thoughts, feelings, instincts, but the overriding sense he picked up on was that, no matter what, he should not let her go. "The gale will be here before we know it, and you don't know the roads. You shouldn't be driving out there, not with weather like this. Come back inside."

His voice was pleading, and if she would have looked in his eyes she would have seen how desperate and caring they were, but she refused to meet his gaze. Slowly, the sky began to open up and the first raindrop which landed on her tear smudged cheek soon became a downpour, but neither would back down, neither would say anything else. They just stood in silence while the rain assaulted their already bruised and battered bodies. Finally, breaking the showdown, Marissa turned and fled into the house. Ryan, believing that she was admitting defeat, shut her door gently, put her keys in his pocket, and ran back into the house, shutting the front door behind him. Yelling up the stairs as he walked towards the kitchen, he never noticed Marissa return to the foyer and disappear out into the night again.

"Change your clothes; I'll be up in a minute. I just thought I'd find us something warm to drink. You like hot chocolate right?

Just as his first step landed upon the custom marble floors of the kitchen fit for a five-star chef, he heard the noise he dreaded most at that point, the starting of a car engine. Forgetting the drinks, he sprinted back to the entrance, whipping the door open in time to see Marissa's car pulling quickly out of the driveway.

"Sht," he exploded as he reached into the pocket which held his own keys and not Marissa's, slamming the door behind him as he darted to his car to pursue the woman who was pushing him to further lengths than he ever thought imaginable. Wipers ablaze as he tried to combat the torrential downpour, he maneuvered the vehicle out of the cul-de-sac and onto the main road frantically following Marissa as she drove maniacally to where, he had no idea.

Summer and Seth had arrived at the Cohens' soon after they had finished setting up what they hoped would be a paradise for Ryan and Marissa. Bored and hungry, again, they knew that Sandy would have some entertaining stories for them and Kirsten would have take-out. As the four sat around the coffee table in the family room, Seth and Summer eating, Sandy and Kirsten curled up together on the couch sharing a blanket, conversation flowed easily and none of them noticed the quickening vigor of the tempest.

"I've got to be honest with you," Sandy quipped, "two visits in two days, I feel honored. We barely see you guys anymore, and now all of a sudden we can't seem to get rid of you when we want a moment alone."

Summer laughed softly, while Kirsten rolled her eyes at her self-appointed comedic entertainer of a husband, but Seth could not refuse the bait and playfully fought back with the only weapon a Cohen had in his arsenal, sarcastic banter.

"Although that was something I never needed to hear from your mouth, Father, you should be proud of your sacrifice. Because you're going without a little nookie right now, Ryan is getting some as we speak!"

Mid eye brow wiggle, Seth felt his arm tingle as Summer's fist connected with his shoulder, and her annoyed voice rang, drowning out any other sounds coming from or into the dimly lit room.

"Cohen! What the hell do you think you're doing! First of all, that was just…EW, and second of all, that's Marissa's boss you're talking to right now, not to mention your Dad who just happens to be sitting next to your Mom and you're talking about sex! Besides, how the hell do you know if Ryan and Marissa are going to sleep together tonight!"

"Please Summer," Seth interrupted with a coy smirk on his face, "I might not know much, but flowers, candles, cheesy music, chocolates, and meaningful gifts all point to one thing, a pleasant evening, and I'm not talking about the type of pleasure you get from a good game of Magic the Gathering or an excellent new comic book edition, I'm talking about the type of pleasure only a man and woman…"

"Seth," Kirsten yelled in a panic, "please stop right there. We may have raised you to be open and honest with us, but that is just such an over-share!"

The room falls under a spell of silence, thunder the only thing breaking the stillness, as Seth pouts our of disappointment, Summer seethes out of aggravation, Kirsten hides out of embarrassment, and Sandy thinks out of curiosity. His voice breaks into their private worlds and brings them all back together.

"What exactly did Ryan do for Marissa," he asked tentatively, knowing that he was walking on egg shells as he could not reveal Marissa's confidence to those in the room but he could also not ignore the worry he felt for the situation playing out a few minutes away.

"He's been feeling a little insecure recently," Summer explained, "about their relationship, not knowing what she wanted or how he should act around her, so I helped him set up a surprise to show her how much he cares for her. We bathed her room at my house in tons of flowers, all white, set up candles everywhere, all white again, bought chocolates, put music on, and Ryan got her some meaningful, little gift to show her just how much he cares about her. That's actually why we're here, to give them their privacy." When she stops speaking, she notices Sandy's solemn expression and apprehension begins to dominate her mind. "Why, is something wrong; was that the wrong thing to do?"

After a moment's silence, Sandy spoke up. "Listen, I don't want to panic you and I really can't say too much, but I think this evening that Ryan has planned for Marissa is going to be a complete and total disaster."

At that exact moment, the electricity snapped off, clouding the intimate gathering in a sea of blackness.

"In fact," Sandy continued undaunted from the change in their setting, "I wouldn't be surprised if what he did was not the worst possible thing he could have done. I don't really want you two driving out in that storm, but I think it might be a good idea if you went back to your house, Summer, and checked in on them."

Kirsten got up from the couch and found her way to the kitchen, speaking as she went. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to look for some matches to the light some candles."

Once she was gone, Summer spoke once again, her voice depressed and anxious. "I think you're right Sandy, but even if they're okay, I need to get back to check on the house, make sure everything's okay with this storm. Cohen, are you coming?"

The couple stood up together, joining their hands as they each felt the need to seek out and give solace to the other, just as Kirsten reentered the room holding two lit candles and matches to continue the process of lighting the shadowy room. Hugs were exchanged as well as well wishes, and the younger couple slipped quietly out of the door into the night and disappeared into the eye of the storm.

The man had been there for a half hour already, and still they were getting nowhere. They had each been quietly sipping a cup of coffee while he explained the case to her, but their progress had been halted when the electricity went out. After locating and lighting several candles so that the normally cheery breakfast room was no longer pitch black, they had once again resumed their talk. Dawn kept trying to pay attention to what he said, but for some reason, her eyes were constantly drawn to and out of the picture windows of the room as she felt an uneasiness about the storm and worried that something was wrong with Ryan.

"Mrs. Atwood," Mike, the FBI agent, repeated softly for the third time in a row, "I know this a lot to take in, but I need you to focus, please."

It took her a moment to clear the troubled thoughts clouding her mind, but Dawn eventually refocused her attention upon the man sitting across from her. At that moment, she had never wanted a drink more in her life, but she pushed that temptation away from her mind; that was the last thing she needed right now.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong with my son right now," Dawn said quietly.

The agent looked taken aback. Of course there's something wrong with her son, he thought to himself, I just finished telling her that he and his father were facing up to eleven counts of RICO violations. "I'm afraid Ma'am, but at this point, I'd say there is more than just something wrong with Trey."

"Please," she bemoaned, "don't call me Ma'am, and I'm not worried about Trey; I don't even know him, but I am worried about Ryan…my true son."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Atwood…"

"No," she interrupted, "don't call me that name either. I don't want to hear that name right now; I can't hear that name right now. Just….it's Dawn."

He smiles at her genuinely. "Dawn it is then." They were both silent for a few seconds as they watched each other inquisitively, but he broke the peace to continue with his line of questioning. "Do you have any idea where we would be able to find your husband and son?"

"I haven't seen either of them in months," she replied honestly. "We only have a marriage, a relationship in the public eye, and it's been like that for years, basically since Ryan was born. To be honest, I've never really cared where they go as long as they stay away."

"What about someone who would know where they are, a lawyer, a trusted secretary," he pried further.

"Look, I know nothing. I know that is such a clichéd response, but I'm going to be honest with you. Even if they would have mentioned something in my presence or even if I would have cared to know something about their lives or their business, I've been a stumble-down drunk for almost fifteen years. Today is just my third day sober, and I can tell you already that I want a drink so bad right now that I can taste it, my hands are shaking so badly, I'm afraid to pick my coffee cup back up, and my head is screaming so loud in desperation and craving for some alcohol, that I can barely concentrate on what I'm thinking let alone what you're saying. On top of that, you've just told me that my husband and son are wanted for eleven counts of RICO violations, which ones or exactly what they are, I'm not sure but I don't need to know the details to know that this is bad, and my son, the only person I have left on this earth that I love is not here right now and I have this frantic feeling that I can't shake that something is very wrong with him. I know I have to cooperate with you, and to be frank, I'd love to be another reason why my husband gets what is coming to him, but I can't do this now. It's late, I need to find my son, and I need to think. Would it be possible for you to come back tomorrow afternoon? Please, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't necessary."

He stood up slowly, putting his hand out to shake hers, and nodding his head in acceptance of what she just said. As she shakes his hand, he speaks for the last time.

"It's no problem; I understand completely. It's just my eagerness towards this case which makes me push so much. I hope you find your son and that everything is okay. I'll call tomorrow before I stop by." He turns to go, but stops himself and looks back at her. "I know this is none of my business, but good for you…for trying to quit. I hope it works out for you. I'll show myself out." And with that, he was gone, leaving Dawn alone, once again, with only her fears, the storm, and her desire for a drink to keep her company. Sighing disconsolately, she collapses back in her chair and lets the tears that had been gathering in her blue eyes, eyes very much like her son's, to fall distractedly down her ruddy cheeks.

Ryan could not believe where Marissa had led him. On all nights, she chose one like this to go to the beach, and then, to make matters worse, she did not remain in her car once she parked in the deserted parking lot, but blindly, not even acknowledging his presence there with her, she stumbled out of the car and tottered right to the waters edge, letting the waves crash against her denim clad legs. More confused than ever, Ryan followed her unsure of what she was doing, unsure of what he was going to do, what he was going to do, and unsure, for the first time in his life, if he would get what he wanted.

Assuming she had not heard him approach, he went to place his hand gently on her shoulder, but her icy voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Why did you follow me?"

Unable to form his jumbled thoughts into a comprehendible statement, he simply went back to his original instincts and attempted to place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but no sooner did his fingers graze her soft, supple skin, she pulled away, flinching her body and winding her arms around her torso even tighter.

"Answer me, Ryan, why are you here?" Her words cut through him like a razor blade to his heart, searing it with pain and blinding him to reason or common sense. Rational thoughts fled his mind and he was just let with the one thing he had been operating on since the very moment he met her, base, animalistic instincts. He wanted this woman and he would do or say anything to get her.

"You, I'm here for you," he huskily pronounced, moving his body ever-so-slightly closer to her own. She didn't notice, otherwise, she would have moved further away. She was silent for a few minute while she let his words sink into her soul, and he was just as quiet as he waited for her reaction, hoping that she would at least give him that much. Finally, her pleading voice broke through the stillness as it fought with the sounds of the storm for dominance in the night air.

"Listen Ryan, I don't know how to even express what I'm thinking right now."

"Well then don't," he interrupted, "just tell me how you feel."

"Do you want me to talk to you," she snapped.

"Yes." His tone was defeated; his hope being extinguished a little more as every millisecond passed.

"When I met you, I had nothing left except the hope that I would be able to make the last few months, last few days my parents had left on this earth as comfortable as possible, but then everything changed. Somehow, and I'm not even sure I comprehend just how yet, I now find myself with a good job, a chance to go back to college, a mentor, real friends who care about me and want the best for me, and someone who is going to help me with my parents, and then there's you. I don't even know what you are or what you should be. I know what I want, but is it worth the risk? I have almost everything I could ever want, and I feel as if I can't just throw that away on a relationship that may or may not last, and more importantly, if I let you in, if I let you have that part of me that I've protected my whole life, my heart, then I have no more protections, no more walls to keep me safe. And I couldn't handle being hurt."

Tears were streaming down her face but her voice never wavered in its strength. Ryan stood speechless as only one thought ran through his head: she's afraid to love me. Finally, he found his voice and it, surprisingly, was not gentle or caring, but harsh and spiteful.

"You're a coward," he spit out hatefully.

His anger seemed to ignite a similar emotion within Marissa as she turned to him, eyes blazing, hands balled into fists, jaw clenched.

"I'd rather be a whole coward than a broken fool, and I will never let anyone, not even you, make a fool out of me!"

"You're already a fool, don't you see that! You're running away from your life, throwing away a shot at real happiness, at real love with both hands, to live an empty shell of a life so what, you'll never have your heartbroken? Grow up Marissa! Sometimes you have to hurt to live, and sure I may someday hurt you, but I never want to, it would never be intentional, but if you push me away now, that's it, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep chasing after you, putting my feelings out there for you to stomp all over them and throw them back in my face unreturned. I've put myself out there more for you in the past few days than I have for everyone else in my life combined, but if you turn me away tonight, it will be for the last time. Don't call me, don't come looking for me when you need help or rescuing from your insanely complicated life, don't even think of me. So what is it, Marissa, what's your answer. I'm drowning here; I need you to save me for once, and the only way you can do that is if you say yes, say yes to me, yes to a relationship with me, and yes that you love me."

He put his hand out for her to take a hold of, hoping that she would save him from drowning in a pool of pain, self-doubt, and loneliness. She didn't. He waited for thirty seconds, a minute, five; he waited as long as his pride would let him, and then, when he thought she would never answer his plea, he turned around and walked away from her, leaving her standing there with the rhythmic, brutal waves still crashing around her drenched legs. So lost in thought, she had never noticed him leave, so turning to where she thought he still stood waiting for her answer, she let the one word he had wanted to hear slip off of her tongue and roll out of her lips, strong and resilient.

"Yes!"

But Ryan was no longer there, he was gone, and she had let the one thing she truly wanted walk out of her life. She sunk down onto her knees, as sobs wrecked havoc upon her body, her world falling apart at the seams around her. As she was assaulted by the natural elements of the storm and the sea, Ryan was driving home recklessly in his car, not caring about the storm, the wet roads, the fallen branches, the inability of his mind to focus on the task at hand, and in his palm he gripped his cell phone like a weapon, finally dialing a number he knew of so well.

"Hey, it's me," he brusquely said, "I need you now. You know what to do." With that, he hung up the phone roughly and threw in the backseat of the car not even caring where it landed or if it would still work the next time he went to use it. His life was on a collision course with hell, he thought, and, at this point, he was going to do absolutely nothing to stop it.

It took them fifteen minutes longer to reach Summer's house, and although that did not seem like that much time, the fact that on a normal day it took them, driving speed limit, seven minutes to commute between their homes, made Summer and Seth realize that the storm and the effects it was having on their world were no joke. Panic began to set in as they rounded the bend of her driveway and noticed that not a single car was there. They knew something was wrong, very wrong, and before Summer even had the car in park, Seth had jumped out and ran inside to check on the house and hopefully find some clue as to where their friends were. Not far behind him, Summer raced up the stairs to Marissa's room, and they both froze as they saw it. Other than the fact that the candles were not as tall as they had been when they left them before, the room looked exactly the same. Dejectedly, Summer blew out the candles and shut the window that was letting the rain water into the room in billowy gusts, while Seth tried to reach Ryan on his cell phone but getting his voice mail right away. Knowing there was nothing they could do at the moment, they retreated to Summer's bedroom where they just simply laid down in bed and held each other as their minds raced to places they really didn't want to go. The silence was pierced by the sharp, shrill bell of Summer's cell phone. Seeing the name Atwood House scroll across the caller ID display, both Summer and Seth let out a breath of relief before Summer flipped open the little piece of plastic only to be disappointed again.

"Hey Summer, this is Dawn Atwood again."

"Oh, hi Dawn…um, what can I do for you," Summer asked just as confused as she had been that morning.

"I'm actually looking for Ryan and Marissa. Have you seen them?"

Summer noticed the hint of alarm in Dawn's voice which just added to her own.

"They're not at your house?"

"What do you mean, they're not at my house? They left here at least an hour ago," Dawn said the fear now taking control. "They said they were going back to your place for the evening."

"Well that's what we thought they were doing, too. We even had a surprise Ryan wanted for Marissa set up for her, but they never showed up here…at least it doesn't look like they did, but even if they did, they're not here now, and I'd hate to think that anyone is out on a night like this."

Just then Summer heard a door slam shut through the phone, knowing that it must have been almost deafening for Dawn if she could hear it so clearly through the phone. Then she heard Dawn's voice yelling out even though it was obvious that she had the mouthpiece covered with her muffing hand.

"Ryan, Marissa, is that you? Are you guy's okay?"

"It's just me, Mom," Ryan growled before he stomped up the stairs, disappearing without another word.

"Well," Dawn said as she turned back to the phone, "I'm sure you heard that."

"I did," Summer responded. "Did he say that he's alone, but, if so, where the hell is Marissa?"  
"I don't know, Summer. It sounded as if he wasn't alone, but why would he lie about Marissa being with him. I'm probably just hearing things or it was the storm, but either way, I need to get a hold of her…Marissa. Look, something's happened and I need to talk to Ryan, but I think he will want her here for this. He's going to need her support, and I know this is going to worry you, but I can't tell you anything. Ryan has to be the one to tell you when he's ready. You'll just have to trust me when I say that he's okay."

"Um, okay," Summer hesitatingly squeaked out. "Whatever I can do….," but she didn't get a chance to finish as Dawn cut her off.

"If you could just give me Marissa's cell phone number that'd be great, and, oh, if you see her, could you please tell her that I need to speak with her as soon as possible?"

"Sure, no problem." Summer quickly rattled off Marissa's cell phone number to Dawn even though her body as no longer functioning properly as thoughts and reactions to what Dawn had said to her raced through her it, the panic she had felt before growing incessantly and exponentially.

Marissa had no idea what made her check her cell phone at that exact minute, but for some reason she felt compelled to. Checking the caller ID screen she saw that a number she had just programmed in that evening, Ryan's House, as it flashed on the screen. Answering the phone breathlessly out of excitement, nervousness, and anticipation, she was crushed to hear a female voice saying her name and not Ryan's.

"Marissa, this is Dawn, Ryan's Mom." Terror seized Marissa's body as she recognized the note of dread in Ryan's Mother's voice. "This is so weird to say…to ask."

"Just say it," Marissa cut Dawn off. "I'm sorry to be so callous, but it's been a terrible night, and I just need to keep this as simplistic as possible."

Dawn smiled despite the unnerving sadness in the girl's voice as she knew that what she was doing was best for all of three of them.

"Marissa, I have bad news for Ryan, and I know that he would want you here, that he'll need you here to support him. I've heard your guys' story, and I know that he has a habit of rescuing you, but this time, you're going to have to do the rescuing for him."

Her words struck a chord in Marissa as she thought back to the conversation she had just had with Ryan and she realized that this might be her opportunity to show him that her answer was yes. He might have left, but running after him instead of away from him and rescuing him for once just might be the one way to prove that she was ready to take the risk and let herself fall in love with him. Standing up and not even bothering to brush the sand off of her body, Marissa began to run to her car, talking to Dawn the entire time.

"I'll be there in a few minutes!"

"Marissa, wait, please, take your time, don't do anything stupid. The weather is atrocious…"

"Look, I know you're just concerned, but frankly, I can't be careful right now; I'm throwing caution to the wind for the first time in my life and not thinking about the consequences or the risks, and I'm not about to let this storm stand in between me and what I want, and what I want is Ryan. Thank you!"

With that she hung up the phone on a very confused Dawn who just paced in the foyer with her phone in her hands as she waited for the young woman to arrive. As she got in the car, Marissa noticed that she had one missed message, but not taking the time to listen, she tossed her phone onto the passenger seat and sped off towards Ryan's house. She was true to her word and arrived within minutes, not even noticing all the close calls she had had on her way there. Dawn let her in and instructed her where she could find Ryan, sharing that she had put all his things in a guest room for now since he had destroyed his room. Not waiting for any more explanations, Marissa took the stairs two at a time and ran down the hall towards the room Dawn had told her Ryan would be in. Without knocking and breathless with excitement, Marissa opened the door talking a mile a minute.

"Ryan, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, but you were right. My answer is yes though, yes I want you, yes I want to take this risk with you, yes I love you! I want this, I want us! I….I….," but she couldn't say anything else as her throat closed and her sobs literally choked her. Too excited to even pay attention when she first walked into the room, Marissa had just realized she was too late. She had bared her soul, opened up her heart only to have it destroyed like she had feared. The storm raged on outside, but Marissa could not hear a sound. Her world had come to a crashing halt and the only noise she heard was the sound of her own heart shattering into a million, seemingly unfixable pieces.

Ryan was there, in that bed, having sex with his ex girlfriend, Holly.


	8. Chapter 8

The moment Marissa saw Ryan in bed with his ex, her emotions stopped. She wasn't angry, nor surprised, not even hurt; she was numb. Composing her face, she grabbed hold of the door handle and pulled it shut while whispering softly to the occupants in the room.

"Sorry to disturb. I'll show myself out."

Calmly, and in absolutely no hurry, she walked down the staircase which had just carried her up to Ryan, up to where she had thought she'd find happiness, but this time, as she descended the risers, she had no idea what to expect. With her head held high, her chin tilted, and her nose turned up at the world, she literally floated into the foyer like an empress. Nothing, not her soaked hair that clung to her face, her sand speckled clothing, nor the alarming emptiness of her eyes could take away from the magnificent sight she made. An eerie smile graced her lips as she came in view of Dawn, stopping to talk to her.

Dawn had watched the girl walk down the stairs as if she was possessed by some power that was making her act like a perfect statue. She had been mesmerized, could not take her eyes off of her. Somehow she knew that something had gone terribly wrong upstairs with her son, but as to what it was, she had no idea. Caught off guard when Marissa smiled at her, it took Dawn a few seconds to determine what she wanted to say to the woman in front of her and to force the words out of her mouth.

"Honey, what's wrong? What happened? Where are you going," she breathlessly asked, afraid that if she didn't say it now she'd never get another chance.

"Nothing," Marissa replied, her voice as still and cold as ice, "nothing is wrong at all, and nothing happened or will ever happen." Dawn looked at her confused, but she continued on. "I'm leaving. There are things I need to do, I need to think, and I can't do that here."

"But, but….what about Ryan," Dawn finally stuttered out, unable to comprehend why Marissa was acting like she was or what her son could have possibly done to cause this. "Marissa, like I told you, I need to talk to him, and he's going to need you by his side. I know you two have only known each other for a short amount of time, but he trusts you and, you might not know this but I can tell, he depends upon you, needs you with him."

Smiling graciously and masking her utter lack of care, Marissa spoke once more before leaving, her voice somehow even colder than it had been before.

"I am leaving. If Ryan needs someone, I think he's made his choice as to who that person will be."

With that she walked out the front door, not even bothering to shut it behind her.

As soon as Ryan had heard her voice utter elatedly the things he had been longing to hear from her since the moment he had met her, even if he hadn't known it then, _everything _stopped. Pulling out of Holly and stripping the condom off of his now instantly flaccid member, he pushed himself roughly off of the woman lying underneath him, a woman he only felt contempt and hatred for but he knew slept with anyone and anything any time they needed her. That is why he had called her. He thought that Marissa's silence had been a denial, that her wordless response was one that said she did not want to be with him, so he acted out the only way he knew how: he tried to hurt her and chose the one form of revenge that he knew would hurt her the most. He had succeeded, but the moment he saw her face he regretted everything he had done. Quickly he got dressed, just throwing his hastily discarded jeans on and not worrying about anything else, yelling over his shoulder as he ran out the door to Holly.

"Put your clothes on and get out." With that, he left her there, not caring what she did or how she felt as long as she disappeared from his sight so he'd never have to look at her again. Looking at her made his own foolish actions even more painful.

He flew down the hall trying to reach her before she walked out of his life for what could be forever but as he came to the top of the stairs he could not move another step; he was, instead, frozen in place. If she had been crying, he would have tried to comfort her. If she had been angry, he would have tried to reason with her and probably end up fighting with her instead. If she had been trying to hide within herself, he would have shaken her until she opened herself up. But this, this shell she had become, this empty, emotionless woman with the perfect manners and imposing posture, this he had no idea what to do with. So, instead of going to her, he hid in the shadows and watched silently, hoping for a change in her countenance and behavior, but secretly knowing that it would not happen, that he had caused this, and that he was watching Marissa Cooper in survival mode.

Her words cut him to the core, made him want to take her in his arms and make everything better, his hero complex going into overdrive, but he knew he could not make this better now and perhaps he never could right this wrong. He would try, he knew that, but how and when, he still had those questions to answer. Even yet, in this hardened condition, she still took his breath away and entranced his mind, blocking out all other rational thoughts.

His obsessive trance was broken when she walked out of his door into the dark, enveloping night, and as soon as she disappeared from his sight his previously unmovable body began its descent down the stairs without even thinking, taking them two at a time, rushing so quickly he was lucky he did not fall. He wanted to follow her; he needed to follow her. There were no other thought in his mind. He did not remember that he was barely dressed, that he had no shoes on, or that his keys had been recklessly thrown on the night table beside the bed upstairs where he had made his horrific mistake. His mind and body were so intent upon seeing her, upon just being in her presence, making sure she was okay, that he would have ran after her if his Mom had not put her arms around him to stop him. Normally, his brute strength would have easily overpowered her, but he was so emotionally exhausted, his body could not fight. Instead, he collapsed in her arms and let her hold him as his ragged breathing was tearing his chest apart and his body shook with pent of aggravation and pain. The seconds turned to minutes and the minutes ticked by themselves as mother and son sat there rocking in each others arms, something they had not done since he had been a toddler awakened at night by a nightmare.

When she thought it was safe, Dawn's voice broke through the silence that surrounded them, a silence that had not taken notice of Holly slipping quietly down the stairs and out the back door annoyed and physically unsatisfied.

"What happened, what did you do Ryan?" Her voice held no tone of anger or resentment, no ring of accusation or blame. It was final and sympathetic, just wanting to fix whatever seemingly had been broken so quickly.

He was slow to respond as the words had to break through the mental walls that had formed at the very sight of the devastated Marissa, but eventually he did.

"I asked her to love me, to let me love her, and when she did not reply, when the silence became so deafening that it ate away at my sanity, I left and I did the first thing I could think of to hurt her as bad as I thought she had hurt me." His voice was monotonous, as if by showing no emotions he would be able to get through the confession, but his eyes betrayed how he felt. They were vast azure pools of misery.

"What do you mean thought she had hurt you," Dawn prodded encouragingly, knowing he needed to talk about this and that it was finally time for her to be a mother, to give her son proper advice.

"She came here to tell me what I wanted to hear. She ran up those stairs and without even looking spilled her heart to me. 'Ryan, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, but you were right. My answer is yes though, yes I want you, yes I want to take this risk with you, yes I love you! I want this, I want us! I….I….,' but then she stopped. I will never forget those words. I heard them once, just once, but they will be forever seared into my memory; they will forever haunt my dreams and waking hours unless…."

"Unless you can get her back," Dawn finished for him. "I still don't understand though Ryan, what did you do, what did she see that pushed her away?"

He only uttered one word, but that was more than enough to explain the whole situation to Dawn.

"Holly," he mumbled softly, his face buried deeply in his hands.

"Ryan, I want you to listen to me," Dawn said, authority present in her voice, the new strength she had found inside of herself from her own self pride for the recent turnarounds in her life. "I don't know if you can fix this, I'll be honest with you, but if you want Marissa, if you honestly love her, you have to let your pride and arrogance go and do whatever it takes to prove that you want to be with her. You may have doubted how she felt before, but now, she doesn't trust you. Maybe it is time for you to just be her friend, to find yourself and grow up. What you did tonight, a man does not do that, a coward does. If you want to be in a mature relationship with Marissa, then you need to learn how to be a man first. You have to apologize, too, talk to her, but not now. Obviously you saw her; you know what state she is in, so you know that you need to give her time, give her space. I know she loves you, and I believe that you'll be able to work this out…eventually."

Like she asked, he listened to everything she said. It did not anger him; he did not bristle with fury, but instead took what his mother told him to heart.

"But what if she leaves again, what if she doesn't stay to fight…for us?

"Then you'll find her and go to her. It's a simple thing, Ryan. If you are meant to be, it will happen."

"We are," he said as he stood up and walked away, going upstairs and getting dressed, grabbing his keys and going back downstairs.

"Where are you going," Dawn asked him.

"To the beach, to think. Don't wait up." He ran out the door without another word being said between them.

"Well," Dawn said out loud to herself as she climbed the stairs to go to bed, "at least he didn't just say 'out'.

Marissa found herself back at the beach again after she left Ryan's house. The emotionless veneer had melted and tears slid effortlessly down her pallid cheeks and onto her neck where they eventually found the collar of her shirt, a shirt that was quickly drying in the humid summer Newport Beach air. The squall had subsided, rolled back out to sea almost as quickly as it had arrived in the first place, but she did not notice, could not even remember that it had been storming earlier. Slowly she wound herself down to the edge of the beach where the sand met the ever lapping, constant ocean, and collapsed down onto her back, letting the blanket of stars above keep her company. An image haunted her mind, burned into her consciousness, and interrupted every rational thought she attempted to have. It was not of Ryan with Holly, although she was sure, someday, that image would haunt her as well, but it was a still shot of Ryan's face when he had made love to her the first time. Even after what they had been through that night, she could not call their time together just sex; she knew it had been more…to both of them, and because of that she was grateful for the memory as it somewhat comforted her during the lonely night.

As the morning began to dawn on the little wealthy, elite hamlet of Orange Country, Marissa Cooper was feeling whole again. She didn't know when the change had occurred or how, but all she knew was that she was going to be okay, better than okay, she was going to get everything and anything she wanted, and that included Ryan Atwood, but this time, it would be according to her rules.

Rising from the sand and stretching her arms over her head lazily, she ambled up the beach to her car with a smug smile on her face, ready to face the day, knowing she had much to do. As she drove back to Summer's house, she started formulating her plan, knowing that Ryan was in for a rude awakening and a big surprise. Little did she know that just a quarter of a mile down that same stretch of coastland, Ryan had spent the night laying in the sand at the edge of the water, envisioning in his mind the exact same moment, formulating his plan to get her back.

Marissa arrived back at the Robert's estate at the exact same time the newspaper arrived, something she took as a sign. Grabbing the paper with hungry hands, she practically skipped up the stairs and into her room where there were no reminders of the night before left. Turning on every light in her room and throwing the paper on the bed, she ran back down the stairs and made a pot of coffee and breakfast. Taking a plate for herself and leaving one prepared for Summer for when she awoke, she cleaned up the kitchen and proceeded back up into her temporary, personal sanctuary. Settling into the bed, under the luxurious duvet and sheets, she balanced the plate on her knees as she sat crossed legged and opened the paper to the classifieds, scanning the listings quickly for possible apartments, circling possibilities and color coding them according to her preferences. Smiling to herself, the early morning passed quickly for Marissa as she once again took her fate into her own, very capable hands.

She arrived at the office before Sandy, eager to start the workday. She brewed a pot of coffee first, poured him a cup and placed it on his desk along with a fresh bagel she had picked up for him on the way there and the newspaper she had collected off the front stoop. Once that was accomplished, she went to her desk and got started on the work that was waiting for her.

Sandy arrived shortly after she did, pleasantly surprised by the treat she had prepared for him which was sitting on his desk, and promptly made plans for them to go out to lunch together, after all, he knew they had much to discuss, least of which was the rather important and prominent case that they were about to acquire.

Summer had just arrived at the Atwoods', there to lend her help in the cause that was Jimmy and Julie Cooper. She stood waiting at the door after ringing the bell, tastefully, just once, and was surprised with Dawn answered it herself. When she pulled the heavy door open, she motioned to Summer to come in and that she'd be just a minute as a phone was held to her ear. As she talked, she directed Summer into the living room where papers were spread all across the coffee table, no doubt containing the plans thus far established for the benefit dinner.

"Hello, Agent Patterson, Dawn Atwood here. I was calling to see what time you wanted to meet this afternoon and where."

As Dawn waited for the man's response, Summer's mind was swirling. Did she just say Agent, Summer thought silently to herself. Oh no, her mind continued to think, this cannot be good and it must have something to do with the news she had to tell Ryan. The young woman's thoughts were interrupted when Dawn started speaking once again.

"4:00 this afternoon, here, sounds great. Is there anything I can have ready for you…as refreshments? No, well, alright, but if you ever….okay. Well, see you then." Dawn hung up the phone laughing softly to herself and found that she was strangely looking forward to meeting with the pleasant Mike Patterson.

Yet again, Summer was dumbfounded, because it seemed as if Mrs. Atwood, a very married woman, had been flirting with the Agent, what kind of agent, Summer didn't know, but she was going to find out. Before she could do that, however, she had to know what had happened the night before. Marissa had already left by the time she got up but she had left breakfast for her and a note to say that she would see her after work. Seth had gotten an early morning call from Ryan requesting a strategizing session at the diner for lunch, but he was mysterious and would not reveal what he was up to. When she and Seth had parted ways that morning, him to go home and get some clean clothes, her to go and meet with Dawn, both had vowed to find out as much as they could and then meet up that night and exchange information. For some reason, meddling in their friends' lives was becoming their favorite pastime….well other than sex. As the two women settled down to work, Summer turned to her friend's Mother and bluntly asked what she wanted to know.

"Dawn," Summer began, "what exactly happened between Ryan and Marissa last night, and don't tell me you don't know or that you can't say. I'm one of Ryan's best friends and have been for years, and I'm practically the only friend Marissa has in the whole world, so it is my business!" She puffed out her chest after she finished her little tirade, believing it made her plea for inclusion on the drama that is Ryan and Marissa more powerful.

Dawn laughed vigorously at the petite brunette's spunk, admiring her and envying her at the same time for her forthright nature and take charge personality, two things she was hoping her new found sobriety might help lead her to discover within herself.

"Ryan asked Marissa to let him love her and when she didn't reply at first, he took it as a no, called Holly, slept with her, and then Marissa walked in on them in the middle of declaring her love for my foolish and headstrong son. She froze herself off and showed no emotion and left, while he fell apart and tried to chase after her. Luckily, I stopped him initially, but he left after he had calmed down and went to the beach. He still hasn't come home."

Summer's jaw dropped as she heard the story, floored that Dawn had just told her what she wanted to know without her having to fight her for it tooth and nail and horrified at what her friends had been through. Shaking herself from her temporary stupor, she knew she had to let Dawn know that her son was alright, because she was obviously a little worried about him.

"Ryan's fine Dawn," Summer soothed. "He called Cohen this morning and he's meeting him at the diner for a little brainstorming pow-wow, probably to formulate some plan to win back Marissa, but after what he did…"

Dawn cut her off, knowing that they could not focus on the pessimistic outlook of the situation at hand. "He will win her back, because I honestly believe they love each other, as strange as that sounds because of the fact they just met each other, but there seems to be…."

"A connection, a deep and powerful connection between them that I've never seen before between anyone," Summer finished for her companion. "It's actually so potent, it's kind of scary."

"I know what you mean, Summer, I know what you mean." With that they let the topic drop and immediately began their work on something that would hopefully help Ryan and Marissa and their relationship not to mention two sick people who did not deserve their fate.

Ryan had been waiting at the diner since he had called Seth that morning, thinking over what he had done, obsessively, and trying to piece together his own ideas on what he could do before his best friend got there. Unfortunately for Ryan's nerves, Seth was late. When he finally arrived, he was almost too scared to even face Ryan whose face had contorted to a look so hostile Seth thought it could rival any comic book villain. Slowly, edging his way to their usual booth, he arrived with an apology already spilling out of his lips.

"Dude, I'm so sorry," Seth whimpered, "I saw this poor mother on the side of the street with her two small children and their car was broke down and I had to stop and help them. Can't fix a car, so I waited for the tow service to get there and drove them to the mechanics."

"Seth," Ryan replied, "I know you're lying. You're avoiding my eyes and you have a very large bead of sweat running down your forehead. Why are you really late?"

Caving in quite easily, Seth sat back and grinned before explaining. "Got into a long, in depth discussion with Oats and couldn't leave the poor stud hanging in the middle, so we finished even though I was already running late because I had played a little Playstation and couldn't decide what to wear."

"And you chose that," Ryan quipped, trying to lighten the mood and set his friend at ease. He really wasn't mad at Seth for being late, and a little distraction by his rambling was just what the doctor ordered to get Ryan's mind off of his problems with Marissa.

Seth fake laughed for a few seconds before becoming grim and concerned. "Although you know I love it, we're not here to talk about me; we're here to discuss your lady issues." With that, Ryan's temporary break from reality ended and he was once again facing his mistake. "Let me guess," Seth continued, "you screwed up and now you want to fix it. What did you do this time, man, did you accidentally criticize her, say something derogatory about her parents, cheat on her with your ex?" Seth started laughing at the last option hysterically, but when he saw Ryan's eyes drop to his hands which were clenching each other in an angry grip, his mood instantly sobered and his eyes grew wide with shock and disbelief.

"Holy sht! That was the only thing Seth could think of to say, and, afterwards, the two men sat there, one brooding the other digesting what he had just learned.

Sandy and Marissa had decided to go the Crab Shack for lunch. He was surprised at how open and honest she was with him about her problems with Ryan, confessing all and sharing her plans. He was disappointed in Ryan but had to admit, even if only to himself, that he was not surprised that he had reacted that way. Ryan had always been an impulsive person, always doing something without thinking that he ended up paying the consequences, often severe, for afterwards. He did have to give him credit though; he never made the same mistake twice. Obviously, although he wasn't capable of thinking something through in the first place, he was able to analyze his actions and change. Finally, Sandy thought to himself, this should make Ryan grow up, perhaps he would stop being so selfish and arrogant and become a man. If only he could figure out a way to cause this in his own son.

Their meal continued uneventfully, Sandy listening and offering advice when sought, and Marissa confiding and sharing. Sandy knew that this girl was someone who could capture his heart, someone he could love like his own child; Marissa knew that if she let herself, she could grow to love Sandy like a second father, and once her Father passed away, he would be the only paternal figure she would have left. Although the thought distressed her, knowing that she would have Sandy bolstered her spirits.

They left the restaurant together as they had ridden together in Sandy's car. When they were both in and safely buckled at Sandy's insistence, he told her his news.

"I know you just started," he acknowledged, "but you're about to get your first real taste of what being a defense attorney means, the late hours, the copious amounts of coffee, and the incessant research to find precedents. We just landed a big case, and you and me, kid, we're going to be joined at the hip for the next few months."

Marissa beamed at him, making his heart melt a little bit more, before talking with the same amount excitement a child describes his Christmas presents with. "Really, are you serious? You're going to let me help you with the case, I can't wait!"

He laughed at her enthusiasm and the two continued back to the office, animatedly discussing the details of the case.

Agent Patterson had arrived a half an hour later, and after, at Dawn's insistence, he had something to eat and drink, they had started talking about the case, Dawn assuring him she would do anything and everything she could to help and giving him access to their home computer and the records in the home office, Mike breaking the news to her that her life was about to come crashing down around her.

"Before we go any further," he cautioned, "I want to let you know exactly what your husband and son are being charged with. I'm just going to list all the charges and then, when I'm finished, you can ask me any and all the questions you have. Is that okay?"

She nodded her head, bracing herself mentally for what she was about to hear. He smiled at her, trying to ease her fear, but they both knew, at this point, nothing could do that.

"Your husband and son will be charged with theft from interstate shipment, fraud in connection with identification documents, obstruction of justice, obstruction of a criminal investigation, tampering with a witness, victim, or an informant, retaliating against a witness, victim, or an informant, false statement in application and use of passport, forgery or false use of passport, racketeering, engaging in monetary transactions in property derived from specified unlawful activity, importation, concealment, buying, selling, or otherwise dealing in a controlled substance or listed chemical, and, if I can prove it, murder."

She did not move. She did not speak. She did not even blink an eye.

"How can I be married to such an animal; how can I be the mother of such a piece of scum?"

Her question went unanswered, for Mike Patterson had no idea what to say. He did however get up from the chair he was sitting in and take a seat beside Dawn, pulling her into a friendly hug, trying to console her even if a little bit.

Summer heard Marissa arrive home from work a little after 5:00. She snuck out of her room which was located close to Marissa's, and used her stealth tactics, which were much better than Seth's, too slip past the ajar door of her friend's room and tiptoe down the stairs to the kitchen. She had a plan. What Marissa needed after the night she had, was girl talk, cheesy chick flicks, and comfort food. She grabbed as much as she could carry and grabbed some movies before gliding back up the stairs silently and knocking gently on Marissa's door. Summer was surprised, no, more than surprised, flabbergasted, when a humming Marissa who had a smile plastered to her face opened the door wide, her hair thrown up in a messy bun, wearing ripped jeans and a white tank top. As she let Summer in, eyeing the strange assortment of food her friend was carrying, she shoved her last bit of cash in her pocket, knowing she needed gas, and picked up her keys.

"What's all that for," Marissa questioned, quirking her eyebrows up at Summer.

"Umm….," Summer stumbled on her words, "I just thought that we could, you know, talk and stuff, watch movies, veg out, you know, girls' night in."

"That sounds great, and we'll do it someday, but right now, I have to go."

"Wait, Marissa, where are you going?"

Summer dropped the food on the bed not caring if anything spilled, and chased after the fleeing figure of Marissa who was quick. As Marissa was getting in her car to leave, Summer finally made her way to her side, and held her door open so she couldn't shut it.

"You can't just leave. I know what happened, and I know that you really need to talk about this, and I'm here for you. Come on, Marissa, tell me, where the hell are you going to in such a hurry?"

With a note of finality in her voice that not even Summer could argue with and determination sparking in her eyes like sapphires, Marissa confessed her destination to a very bewildered Summer.

"Chino."


	9. Chapter 9

The horizon was on fire as the sun set into the welcoming California coast, the crimson, copper, and golden hues of the cloudless sky illuminating off of the smooth, mirror of the ocean's surface. Looking at the sunset, every problem, every fear, every thought disappeared as the beauty mesmerized and entranced all eyes that fell upon it. Marissa Cooper was not the exception to this rule. Sitting in the passenger seat of Summer Roberts' car as they wound their way around the California seaside on their way home from Marissa's past, she found a moment of peace and silence as she lost herself in the tantalizing twilight. She had always enjoyed this part of the day, dusk; but for some reason, the day's end that day seemed to her to be the most beautiful one she had ever seen. Perhaps it was because, after such a long, unstable, scary period of her life, her world once was again falling into place. Sure, she still had issues, namely the fact that despite everything her parents were stilling going to die and possibly soon and she also had a Ryan. Boy, did he cause a lot of drama in her life, she thought to herself, but this all fell to the side as she just enjoyed herself and her surroundings, for once living in the moment and not in the future. Her solitude was interrupted by Summer, who noticing her quiet mood, was eager to make sure that nothing was wrong.

"Marissa," she started tentatively, "is everything alright. You seem even quieter than normal?"

Unable to break her gaze from the view outside her window, Marissa just spoke in a barely audible whisper and kept her eyes locked on the landscape sailing past her as Summer sped down the California highway in her tiny, foreign sports car.

"I'm fine, actually, I'm great, and I promise we'll talk, but later, after the sunset."

Puzzled, Summer watched her from out of the corner of her eye, but shrugged her shoulders and let it go as she saw a playful smile dance across Marissa's lips. Noticing that her body was relaxed as well, she conceded and just continued to drive not really sure how Marissa could be doing great or why the sunset meant so much to her.

They arrived back at the Roberts' mansion a few minutes later just as the sun had completed its descent from the sky and night had set in. Each girl gingerly stepped out of the car and walked to the truck. Opening it with her automatic remote, Summer went to take two bags of Marissa's belongings into the house, but Marissa stopped her.

"Wait, Summer, let's just load everything into my car. There really is no point in taking this all upstairs when I'll just have to move it out in a few days anyway."

"What do you mean," Summer asked confused. "Where are you going?"

Marissa stared at her incredulously. "I can't stay her forever. Your Dad will be back soon…"

"He won't care if you live here with us," Summer interrupted with a flip of her hand and roll of her eyes. "He's barely here anyway, and besides, any friend of mine is a friend of his."

Marissa smiled at her gratefully before pulling two, un-matching bags from the trunk and walking towards her car. "I really appreciate that you would ask me to live with you, and it would be fun, but you know I can't accept. I need to support myself, live on my own. I'm too stubborn to let anyone else take care of me."

Summer begrudgingly conceded. "Fine, but even when you move out, expect to have a lot of sleepovers, and probably here, because we might be friends, but there's no way I'm staying anywhere in the numbered streets at night. I will however help you fix your place up in the daylight hours with the boys there to guard us and keep us safe."

"Yeah, about that," Marissa starts and winces slightly to herself when she instantly flashes back to Ryan in bed with Holly, "I don't know how much I'll be able to hang out with the boys in the near future. I mean Seth's fine, but Ryan….he's another story."

"What happened to torturing him and making him insanely angry at himself for ruining the best thing that every happened to him," Summer asked pointedly, stopping in her tracks, two bags in hand, and forcing Marissa to stop and look her in the eyes when she replied. Smiling mysteriously, Marissa winked at Summer before going back to the trunk of the silver Mercedes and grabbing more pieces of luggage.

"Oh trust me, that will come; I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet. Give me a week and then get back to me on the torture ideas. I just need time to plan my attack." Both girls laugh as they continue to work, conversing happily and making plans for the weekend. Once they were finished, both hot and slightly sticky as a light sheen of glistening sweat bathed their skin, they retreated back into the air conditioned house, grabbed two lemonades from the sub-zero fridge, and plopped down on the couch in the game room. Summer switched on the TV aimlessly, but muted it as they continued to talk, conversation gradually progressing from their weekend plans to more serious issues.

"So," Summer pushed gently, "you're moving out soon. Have you already found a place?"

"Well," Marissa concedes, playing with her hands while she talked, "to be honest, no. It's not going to be easy. My job with Sandy is great. It's everything I could have wanted and exactly what I need, and he pays me well, but it's expensive to live around here, so I might have to get a second job in order to afford rent and school in the fall."

"But how will you be able to work full time for Sandy, hold a part time job, and go to school full time." Summer stared at her incredulously. "Are you asking to have a mental breakdown, and say goodbye to any semblance of a social life."

Marissa laughed at Summer's concerns. "My social life is the least of my worries right now. Besides, it might be easier if I didn't have to worry about having one. Avoiding awkward situations with Ryan will be difficult enough, and if I can decide when and where I see him, then it will be easier to control the situations. Limited free time will help with that, too."

"Yeah," Summer practically screamed as she jumped off the couch, arms flying animatedly, "it will be easier to control your relationship with Atwood, but when will I ever see you? When would we ever hang out?" After a while she calms down and gets a puzzled look on her face. "Hey, where are you going to school? We all go to USC, but you'll have to go close to Newport if you plan on working for Sandy full time during school."

"Oh, I'm applying to the Long Beach branch of California State." Marissa said with obvious excitement. "It's only about 25 minutes away, so the commute won't be bad at all, and it's a good school with low tuition rates. I can't wait. I'm going to cram in courses and take large credit loads so that I can make up the semester I missed and graduate when I was supposed to."

"Yeah, but we won't be going to the same school, and we only come home from USC on the weekends some time, so we'll never see each other," Summer said dejectedly.

"Summer, you just met me, and before that, you had no problem not coming home that much or living without me constantly around. Trust me, you'll get back to college and wonder how you ever put up with me so much." Marissa laughed at her attempt to cheer Summer up, but Summer just stared at her like she had gone insane. "What," Marissa asked confused by Summer's expression.

"You have no idea, do you?" Marissa just stared at her still confused. "You're the first real person I've ever known in my life, the first person who I know likes me for me and not for my Dad's bank account or the discounts I can get them on botox and boob jobs. You're not just some girl Atwood brought home for us to play friends with, you're the real thing." Summer sits back down and pulls Marissa into a friendly hug. "I guess we'll just have to kidnap you every weekend and make you spend as much time with us as you possibly can. Besides, like Ryan would ever let you not spend all your free time with us. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he didn't drive down here every night to see you after his classes are over."

"Ah, Summer," Marissa began easing herself out of the hug Summer was still holding her in, "Ryan's not going to be visiting me and if and when I spend time with you during the school year, he is not always going to be around. We're not together."

"Yet," Summer said with a sly look on her face, "but you want him back, you as much as admitted that to me."

"Yeah, I do want Ryan, but not the Ryan I know today. He needs to learn a few lessons before I would even consider dating him, not to mention the fact that he needs to grow up and realize that if we ever become a couple, it will be on my terms and he will be coming back to me, begging, on his hands and knees."

Summer laughs at the visual Marissa has created for her. "If you can get Atwood to do that, well then, you'll have him wrapped around your little finger for the rest of your life."

Marissa laughs with her before breaking through the mirth and contemplating softly out loud to herself. "Yeah, we'll see." With that the two picked up their lemonades and drank them, both lost in their own thoughts, Marissa contemplating whether or not she'd ever be able to trust Ryan again and Summer plotting her own ways to torture Ryan and help push her two friends back together.

Almost a week has passed. It's Thursday night. Marissa, though still lost as to where she's going to live and how she is going to afford a Newport Beach apartment and college at the same time, has temporarily forgotten about her living arrangement woes and is happily plowing her way through case precedents, trial notes, and evidence with Sandy. They, along with their copious amounts of paperwork and the occasional Thai takeout container, are spread across the family room floor of the Cohen house. Kirsten had long since gone to bed, but they plugged on, knowing that the case was important and that they were running out of time.

Sandy realized that his left arm was numb, probably from the way he had been sitting for the last hour or so, so he slowly changed positions, and as he sat up, he glanced at the clock and saw that it was three in the morning and that somewhere along the line, Marissa had fallen asleep while reading, her head resting in the book she had sitting before her. Laughing to himself, he stood up, stretched until he heard his tired joints crack loudly, and ambled his way over to the sleeping young woman in front of him. Kneeling down, he gently shook her awake.

Marissa jumped when she felt Sandy touch her shoulder and immediately realized that she had fallen asleep while she was supposed to be working. Gathering the papers around her and trying to reallocate herself to the work she faced, she exhaustedly attempted to rub the sleep out of her eyes before apologizing to Sandy.

"I'm so sorry, Sandy. I don't know what happened. The last thing I remember I was reading and then all of a sudden you're shaking me awake. Don't worry, I'll finish this tonight no matter what."

"Marissa," Sandy said with a fatherly tone, "put those books down, leave them there, we'll get them in the morning, and go to bed."

"Really," she asked surprised. "But the case…."

Standing up, he put his hands out and interrupted her. "Come on, let's go," he instructed as she stood up to join him. He turned the lights off in the room and they walked towards the kitchen together. As Marissa made her way towards the front door, his voice stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Confused, Marissa looks around her to see if he's talking to someone else. When she realizes he was asking her that, she just looks at him, the bewilderment evident in her eyes. "I thought you said I should go?"

"Yeah, to sleep, not to leave," Sandy corrected, or at least attempted to, but Marissa remained puzzled.

"But I live at Summer's right now, so if I'm going to go to sleep, I have to go home."

"I don't think so," he said in a strict voice. "If you think that I'm going to let you drive home by yourself this late at night when you're exhausted, you have another thing coming. Now, let's go, to the poolhouse. You can stay there for the night and then you can just be late for work in the morning so that you can go back to Summer's and get ready."

"Oh, that's okay. My stuff is all in my car. I never unpacked because I'll be moving as soon as I can find a place I can afford to rent."

As they walk to the poolhouse together, Sandy's mind works quickly, formulating a plan. When they approach the doors, he opens them for her and turns on the light.

"Well, I'm going to bed. Sleep tight, and don't get up too early. I don't plan on going into the office tomorrow until ten, so you should just sleep in some as well. Night," he said as he quickly walked away from Marissa to the French doors that would take him to his own bed to sleep for the few hours still left in the night.

Marissa awoke the next morning to the refreshing smells of rich coffee. Begrudgingly opening her eyes, she practically jumped out of the bed when she saw the room filled with her belongings and a smiling Sandy and Kirsten standing in front of her watching her, waiting for her to arise. With wide eyes filled with shock and stumbling over her words, Marissa spoke.

"Ugh, what is going on here?"

"This is your wake up call," Sandy said brightly, a huge smile playing on his face. "Don't expect it every morning. But the coffee is always fresh, the bagels soft and delectable, the sheets high thread count and inviting, and the company, well, in my opinion, it's the best you can find in this God-forsaken town."

Kirsten laughed at his antics before pushing him out of the door. "Go and get ready for work, I'll talk to Marissa." Once he was gone, she went and sat down on the bed beside the still bewildered girl. "Marissa, it's okay, you can calm down. Sandy and I discussed it this morning, and we'd like for you to move in here with us, live in the poolhouse. It's up to you how much you see us. You have everything you need here to live on your own, but we'd love to have you around as well, keeping us company, eating your meals with us, hanging out in the evenings when you don't have plans or school work in the fall."

"I can't ask that of you," Marissa interjected with an astounded look on her face.

"Of course you couldn't, and you didn't," Kirsten replied smirking. "We asked you, and if you feel uncomfortable with the arrangement because we will not accept any rent from you, then look at it as if it is a part of your salary from Sandy. Besides, you'll no doubt be working more because you're here, so it will compensate for us not charging you for the room."

"I don't know about this Kirsten. I mean, the poolhouse is amazing, but it seems as if you guys are getting a raw deal here. There's no way that the few extra hours I'll be helping Sandy will compensate for the amount of money this poolhouse would cost if I actually did rent it."

"We know that, but I'll be honest with you. We're lonely, especially Sandy. With Seth always gone whether it's because of school or his friends, there's not much to keep us entertained anymore, and Sandy has really taken to you. Oh, and don't worry, I have more in mind for you to do while you're here to cover your rent. I hate working in the flower gardens by myself, and I think those long fingers of yours would be excellent at planting flowers and pulling weeds." Marissa laughs at Kirsten's list of duties as the older woman continues. "I have always wanted another woman around the house so that I could drag her with me shopping, and now you'll be fitting that bill. We'll be able to gang up on Sandy and control the Tivo, something that I've been trying to do for years but it was impossible with him and Seth. And finally, and most importantly, I'll have someone around who I can have girl talk with." Kirsten had a gentle, warm smile on her face when she finished but noticed that Marissa still seemed hesitant. Cautiously, Kirsten put her hand out and squeezed Marissa's knee. "It will be fine, I promise, and Sandy and I really want you to say yes. Besides, if you say no," she looks around the room at all the luggage she and Sandy silently carried in that morning, "you're carrying this all back to your car on your own."

"Well, when you put it like that," Marissa smiled as she continued to talk, a tear of joy sliding out of her eye which Kirsten tenderly wiped away, "how could I say no?"

"Good," Kirsten exclaimed as she stood up. "Now drink that coffee and eat that bagel we brought into you, get ready to go, and we'll meet you in the kitchen in a little while." Smiling one last time, she closed the door behind her as she left, leaving Marissa alone. Sighing contentedly, Marissa let her body collapse onto the bed like a little kid for a second before standing up and quickly running around the poolhouse looking at her new home.

"Hey Sandy," Marissa called through the office later that day, "I'm going out to pick up some lunch. What do you want me to get you?"

"Burritos," he replied loudly from his office so that she could hear him, "burritos from that little stand on the beach."

Laughing to herself, Marissa gathered her purse and went to grab her car keys but remembered that she had come with Sandy that morning in his car. Peeking her head into his office, she spoke softly.

"Um….I can't go for lunch, I don't have my car. Do you want me to order in something instead?"

"Nope, here take mine." He tossed his keys to her, smiled, and went back to work. "See you in a few kid."

About ten minutes later Marisa found herself waiting for their lunch orders to be ready and watching the various surfers ride the waves or crash back to the waters ungracefully. One particular surfer caught her eye, and it seemed that she had done the same thing to him. With an embarrassed face, red tinted cheeks burning brightly, she waited for the stranger to make his away up from the shore to where she was standing on the boardwalk. Although she wanted to take her eyes off of him, she couldn't, so she just continued to stare and appreciate every second of his journey to her. He was built, not as buff as Ryan, but he had a surfer's body, tanned, toned, smooth, and sleek, a dangerous combination. His blonde hair was short, his eyes squinting into the sun as he watched her from afar, and his lips curled into a dangerously attractive smile. To put it simply, he was hot and he knew it. At long last, he joined her at her side, disappointing her because she could no longer watch his panther like steps stalking their way through the sand and exciting her at the same time because she knew he was going to talk to her.

What's wrong with me, she thought to herself, I might be mad at Ryan right now but I'm in love with him, aren't I, so why do I want to know who this guy is so much. It doesn't matter, I can look, there's no harm in that, and besides, it's not as if he's interested in me. He was probably just curious as to why I was staring at him in the first place like someone who had completely lost their mind. He probably has a girlfriend, and we'll just be friends. Friends, right, exactly, friends, that's all I want from him.

Swept away in her thoughts, she never noticed how closely he was standing to her or how his eyes were roaming up and down her body, taking in every detail, every curve of her body. The stranger wanted to possess all of her as soon as he saw her, and tired of waiting for her to speak to him, he broke the silence.

"Are you going to say something to me or are you just going to stare all day," he asked cheekily, smirking at her and moving even closer so that there was barely any space between their bodies, lightly grazing her hip with his hand as he conveniently reached around her to lean on the boardwalk's railing.

"Sorry," Marissa said smirking back at him. "Marissa Cooper, and you are," she asked as she put her hand out for him to shake.

"Kevin Volchok," he said as he just looked at her hand without taking it in his own, "and I prefer a more personable introduction," he continued as he let his eyes rest on her lips. She blushed again as she removed her hand and put in back down at her side. "So, are you new around here? I've never seen you before."

"Maybe you just never noticed me before," she flirted back, teasing him with a smile and leaning against the railing where his hand was so that it was just inches from her chest.

Looking up and down her body one more time, he replied, "Oh, I would have noticed you." She smiled again before she heard her name being called, signaling that her and Sandy's lunch was ready.

"That's me."

"I heard," he said moving even closer to here and bending his head down slightly to be at the same eye level.

"I've got to go."

She never moved.

"Then go."

After a moment, she finally pulled her eyes away from his and stepped back, slowly, but not turning her back on him. Finally she reaches the counter and has to turn around to pay. Once she does, she assumes that he would leave, but he doesn't. He just stays there and waits for her to finish paying, watching her body the entire time with lust and desire evident in his eyes. Turning around to leave, she sees that he is still there, so she goes back up to him, smiling the entire time.

"Give me your hand," she ordered while digging through her purse. He does. "This is my address. Pick me up here tomorrow night at 6:30 and dress in a suit."

"What if I go back to surfing and the address gets washed off," he asked, slightly obnoxiously, trying to test her to see how far she would bend to his ways.

"Then I'll go the benefit by myself and you'll never get to stare at me again." She walks away from him laughing to herself, knowing that he was watching her the entire time.

Ryan, Seth, and Summer sat on the beach together, bored, hot, and thirsty, but all of them were to lazy to get up and get a drink. So they just sat there, contemplating what to do. From out of nowhere, a shadow began to cover their bodies. Looking up they saw someone that the three of them all had a different reaction to. Ryan felt hatred, this person he had always hated since elementary school. They had gone to the same private academy until this person's family had lost all of their money, forcing their son to have to go to public school. They had been sport rivals growing up throughout high school, Ryan envying the guy for his passion for living and the guy envying Ryan for his money and status. Seth was just afraid of the guy, always had been and probably always would be. He had always taunted Seth in elementary school and, at times during high school, had purposely made passes at Summer just to annoy and hurt Seth. To the guy, Seth was just another spoiled rich kid who did not deserve the life he had. Summer was just attracted to him. There was no denying he guy; he had the looks, the charisma, and the bad boy attitude that would drive any and every girl nuts. He was Kevin Volchok. As he passed by them, he never said a word, just kicked a little sand at Ryan and moved on, not even staring at Summer once. Secretly, she was somewhat disappointed, not that she would ever leave Seth for him or anyone else at that point in her life, but she always liked to be admired.

"I hate that guy more than anyone I've ever hated in my life," Ryan said breaking the silence the three had been sharing for the past half an hour.

"I didn't even know he was still around," Seth said confused. "I heard that after he signed that big surfing contract two years ago, that he took off and never returned. I guess he's made quite a bit of money already off of endorsements."

"And modeling contracts," Summer interrupted, thinking back herself to the pictures she had recently seen of Volchok in a magazine. The three continued to watch the retreating figure as he disappeared down the beach, each of them lost in their own thoughts until Seth broke through the silence.

"So man, who are you taking to the benefit dinner tomorrow night?"

"No one," Ryan said gloomily. "Unless I can somehow convince Marissa to go with me, I'll be flying solo. Speaking of Marissa, how is she doing Summer? She won't return my phone calls and she hasn't agreed to meet with me yet to talk."

"Give her time, Atwood," Summer responded slightly annoyed. "What you did really hurt her."

"I know that, but I can't make it better if she won't let me," he practically screamed as he interrupted her.

"Yeah, and yelling at me is not going to help your cause. Look, I'll be honest with you, it's not going to be easy to win her back and to do so, you're going to have to change your ways."

"What's that supposed to mean," he asked as anger crept into his voice.

"Think about what you did in the first place to hurt her, and then change yourself to make sure that it never happens again. My first suggestion would be to learn how to check that temper of yours that you're so effortlessly displaying right now. You know as well as I do that getting mad and yelling at Marissa is not going to fix anything." Summer, finished supplying Ryan with her little words of wisdom, turned her back on him and rolled over to tan on her stomach. Ryan turned to Seth and they continued to talk as Summer listened in.

"What do you think I should do," Ryan asked Seth, desperate for help.

"You really want to go with her tomorrow night," Seth inquired. Ryan nodded his head yes. "Well then, I'd say go over their tonight and just ask her to go with you, as friends, say you want to get to know each other this time, apologize, and definitely take flowers or something, too."

"Yeah," Ryan laughed at himself, "because flowers worked so well the last time I got them for her." Both of their minds flashed back to their own respective memories from that fateful evening.

"Okay, so skip the flowers," Seth conceded, "but you should still apologize and ask her. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no and you'll both go alone, and then, once you're both there, you'll be bored and you'll talk, maybe even share a dance or two."

Ryan smiled at Seth and slapped him on the back as she stood up to leave. "I think you're right Seth. Now, I've got to go. I have some planning to do. Will she be at your house this afternoon, Summer?"

"Yeah, I'll make sure she's there." Summer smiled evilly to herself as she started to scheme, but Ryan and Seth completely missed the look on her face and just continued with what they were doing, Seth reading a comic and Ryan getting ready to go.

"Alright, thanks, I'll see you later." With that, Ryan left the brunette couple alone and jogged up the beach, hope once again entering into his heart.

As Agent Mike Patterson walked into the Newport Beach Country Club he spotted Dawn Atwood immediately, and an involuntary smile erupted onto his face. She was helping to decorate the place for the charity benefit she had told him about. Slowly approaching her, his smile faded as he realized what he was there to tell her. Thinking ahead, so as not to set gossip wagging, he had worn casual clothes to see her that day and had left his gun, badge, and other FBI paraphernalia in the car.

"Dawn," he called out as she descended the ladder, "it's good to see you. Do you think we could talk outside for a minute?" He looked around at the various women who were watching them with keen interest evident in their eyes. "I had some questions for you about those flower arrangements you ordered."

Dawn recognized his cover immediately and shot him a grateful smile before replying to his inquiry. "Sure, follow me." She starts to walk out and he follows behind her. When they reach the patio outside, she turns to him. "Thanks for lying in there. I haven't been able to talk to my son yet, and there's no need in letting them know what's going on before the news breaks the story."

"Dawn," he said cautiously, "I know it's none of my business, but you really need to tell your son and soon."

Looking away from him and out to the ocean, she spoke thoughtfully. "I know, I know, but he's had a rough past week." Turning around to look at him once again, she smiles. "Girl problems, and I was hoping he'd have them all sorted out before I had to break this to him as well, but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'll tell Sunday, after the benefit. So, what can I do for you? Do you have news about the case? I hope the computer files you got from the laptop in the office helped."

"They did," he replied evenly, face emotionless as he tried to mask what he was feeling, "but that's not what I came here to discuss with you. As of Monday, an arrest warrant is going to go out for your husband and eldest son."

"Well, I knew it was coming sometime, and at this point, I just want to get this mess over with so that Ryan's life can go back to normal as soon as possible."

"That's not all I have to tell you," Mike said as he sat down and refused to look up at her. "All of your accounts and assets are going to be frozen as of Monday as well. What I'm telling you right now goes against every rule we have, but get as much cash as you can before then. Sell off your jewelry, empty your bank accounts, whatever you can do, because of as of Monday, you will not be able to do anything, and you'll need money from somewhere to survive on, you and your son."

Surprising Mike, Dawn didn't bat an eye. "Oh, I've been expecting this, so I already started doing that last week, but there's not much for me to get. Dan doesn't keep much in our personal account. I'm just supposed to use the credit cards to pay for everything and then he pays my bills. What I could get though, I did, and I've even started looking for jobs."

Mike was speechless, shocked that she was so calm about the whole situation, and could only manage a one word response. "Wow!"

"Yeah, I know," Dawn laughed softly, "me working, who would have thought up that one. I haven't worked a day since I met Dan. But, I'm slightly excited. I think it will be good for me, hard to adjust to, but good nonetheless. I've never really had real friends, and this should give me a chance to make some and feel useful for once in my life."

"What do you plan on doing," he asked interested and impressed by her positive attitude.

"Well, there are really only two things I do well. Mix drinks and plan parties, and since I'm going for this whole sobriety thing, skill number one is not an option, so I thought I'd try to get a job working as a party consultant. It's worth a shot, and if it doesn't fly, I can always try working in a shop or as a secretary. I don't know, but I will do whatever I have to."

Smiling at her, Mike stood up to say his goodbyes. "I'm proud of you, and just let me know if you need anything, but I have to go, so I'll call you Monday to give you a progress report." As he walks away, Dawn suddenly stands up and runs after him, grabbing his arm and gently pulls him around to face her. When he sees her looking at her feet nervously, he laughs. "What?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this, but what the hell." She looks up at him, hope shining in her eyes. "Would you go with me to the benefit dinner tomorrow night, as my date?"

He panicked, he choked, he ran.

"I'm sorry, Dawn, but I can't." With that he left her standing there, crushed and crying, berating himself for getting so close to a case and for hurting someone he was growing to care about.

When Marissa got back to Summer's that afternoon, she didn't even get a chance to say anything before Summer eagerly started rambling on and talking her ear off.

"Hey Marissa, how was your day, good, mine, too. Well, I noticed that you didn't come home last night and that Sandy dropped you off, and if I didn't know that Sandy is very much in love with his wife, I'd be thinking that you were having an affair with your boss, but we'll talk about that later. Right now you need to go and change. I feel like taking a swim and you should join me. We'll talk outside by the pool."

"Summer," Marissa finally said as Summer stopped talking to take a breath, "I'd love to go swimming with you and, trust me, we need to talk, but I don't have a suit. All my stuff…."

Summer cut her off and spoke as she pushed her towards the stairs. "Yeah, I handled that. I figured you didn't have a suit, well at least, not a respectable one, so I stopped by South Coast today and bought us both a new one. Yours is up on your bed and mine is on underneath my dress. So, go and change and I'll meet you out by the pool." With that, Summer waltzed out of the foyer and went towards the back yard leaving a disorientated Marissa to continue the climb up the winding staircase, shaking her head and laughing at her friend's antics.

Dawn arrived home later that afternoon, exhausted from the physical labor required to decorate for the benefit dinner and from her romantic rejection that day. She walked in the front door and strode purposefully to the one place in the house she knew she could find solace and comfort after such a rough day. She had kept it there for just such a situation, and although she had refrained from using it so far, she knew she needed it now. She climbed the stairs and went into her closet, digging through the various shoe boxes until she found the one she wanted and carried out onto her bed. Sitting down beside the box, she lifted the lid to reveal her savior, a full bottle of Absolute Vodka. With shaking fingers, she opened it and held it to her lips before her entire body froze. Right there staring in front of her was a picture of Ryan when he was a little boy, his big blue eyes shining up at her and making her feel guilty and ashamed of herself all at once. With all the force she had, she threw the bottle of liquor across the room and smiled as she saw it crash against the wall and spill its contents all over the place. Ignoring the mess she just made, she moved to her nightstand and picked up the picture of her son and held it to her heart, silently thanking him for saving her from making a terrible mistake and giving her a reason to live yet again. Then something else caught her eye. She had a message on the machine. Pressing the play button, she sat down on the bed and listened to the call she had missed earlier still clutching the picture in her shaking hands desperately.

"Hey Dawn, it's Mike. I just wanted to call and explain what happened before…at the club…when you asked me on that date. It's not that I didn't want to say yes, but I can't. If I were to date you, it would compromise the case and go against every work ethic I have, but if you're still interested when the case is over, ask me again, and I'll give you a different answer. Well, I've got to go, but I'll talk to you Monday, and thanks, for asking."

The message ended, and Dawn kissed the photo of Ryan before putting it back down on her nightstand and standing up with a smile on her face to clean up the broken bottle of vodka. Maybe she did have more than just Ryan to live for she thought happily.

Marissa carefully made her way down the Roberts' staircase, self consciously looking at her very exposed body the entire time. Stepping out into the back yard where the pool and just Summer was waiting for her, or so she thought, she began to speak without even looking up.

"Summer, I think you made a mistake when you bought this bikini. I want to be a lawyer not a porn star. I look ridiculous, and unless you have something else for me to wear, I'm going up and changing right now and you're taking this back and getting a refund."

Summer was not the only person waiting for Marissa out by the pool; in fact, she wasn't there at all, only Ryan was waiting for her. Just like he had planned with Seth, he had come over to speak with her, and Summer, after plotting a little herself, figured it was time for Ryan's torture to begin. He found himself watching Marissa with his mouth agape, his eyes staring widely, sweat breaking out on his forehead, and his pants tightening embarrassingly. The barely there bikini was white, tight, and hugged Marissa's body perfectly as if it was made for her.

"Do not take that bikini back, whatever you do," he said out loud to Marissa, unable to stop himself. Her head whipped up in embarrassment and she glanced around her looking for Summer.

"Where's Summer," she asked slightly panicking, not really knowing if she was ready for this confrontation.

"She's inside," he replied, "with Seth. They're giving us a few minutes alone to talk."

Sighing audibly, Marissa decided that it was now or never, that if she ran from this situation, she gave him the upper hand, so she decided to make the most of it and begin her slow and justified torture of the man who had practically destroyed her with one selfish act. Striding confidently towards him, she sat down on the lounge chair he was occupying, letting her leg brush against his as she crossed her long, slender, graceful limbs.

"Fine, what do you want to talk about," she asked in an impatient tone as if she had better things to do with her time.

"Us, you and me," he said timidly. "I just wanted to apologize, again. I'm so sorry for what I did to you, and I know that saying that doesn't make it better, but I will do anything to make this okay between us."

"I know that you're sorry, I heard all of the messages you left for me," she said dismissively. "And it's fine, Ryan, I forgive you. Besides, we weren't dating, so it's not as if you cheated on me. Holly was your girlfriend. Why shouldn't you sleep with her?"

"She was my girlfriend," he said forcefully.

With a flip of her hand and a cheeky smile, Marissa rejected his correction. "Apples and oranges, what does it really matter Ryan. We'll just go back to being friends."

"We were never friends Marissa, and you know that." He moved closer to her and tried to take her hand in his, but she pulled it away from him quickly. "Look, I want you, you want me, and I know that I have a lot to prove to you, but this front you're putting up is not going to help matters. If what you want to be for now is friends, fine, but talk to me, tell me what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what you want, and I'll do whatever I can to be the man you deserve. I think the perfect way for us to start getting to know each other, for real this time, would be to go together to the benefit dinner tomorrow night, as friends of course"

She stood up and moved away from him, laughing out loud. "That would be nice, Ryan, really, except I can't do that, because I already have a date. I'll see you there though."

"Who," Ryan demanded immediately.

"Oh, I doubt you know him, but if you come tomorrow night, I'll introduce you." Smiling to herself, she walked off towards the door which would take her back to the safety of the Roberts' house and her room upstairs, the room that she had spent her last night in two days ago. Right before she opened it though, she thought of one last thing to do and say to him to hurt him just a little bit more. Reaching up as if she was trying to undo the top of her bikini, she pretends to have trouble with it. Turning to Ryan, she plasters a fake smile on her face and calls him over to help her.

"I'm having a little difficulty here, would you mind helping me?"

He slowly walks towards her, savoring her body the entire time, thinking that she has given in and is trying to seduce him. He takes the stings from her hands, letting their fingers graze each others and as painstaking slow as possible; he unties them and lets the top fall down to expose her breasts to him. Turning around and smiling at him, she finishes taking off the top and lets it fall to the ground.

"Thanks. Oh, and by the way, you should ask Holly to go with you as your date since I said no. I guess my date and I will see the two of you there."

The smile disappears from her face as she glares at him for a moment before breaking their gaze, picking up her bikini top, and sauntering back into the house leaving Ryan standing there alone, devastated.


	10. Chapter 10

It was Saturday night, the night of the party, the night of Marissa's possible pseudo-date with the man named Kevin Volchok, the local surfer who had caught her eye the afternoon before, the night where, if everything went the way it was supposed to, many of her financial burdens could be lifted. The clock was quickly approaching 6:30, but Marissa had been ready for a half an hour already, and now she found herself sitting on the steps in the Cohen's foyer waiting for the doorbell to ring, praying he showed up, and nervously biting at her nails. Marissa could not figure out why she was so anxious to see this stranger again…or maybe she was excited because she knew she would see Ryan that night….or maybe, yet again, it was a mixture of both.

When the doorbell rang, she practically launched herself off the stairs but she didn't answer the door right away. She couldn't look desperate, so, instead, she straightened her dress, checked her appearance in the mirror over the sideboard table, and inhaled deeply before slowly opening the door to reveal her date with his back to her looking out at the view of the Newport coast. As he heard the door open, he quickly turned around and smiled at her appearance, well, smirked to be exact.

"I'm here, now what are you going to do with me," he asked with a raise of his eyebrow and a seductive quirk of his lips.

"Not that," she laughed unwittingly. Despite her efforts, she couldn't resist his charm, and so when he held out his arm for her to take, she smiled at him and laced theirs limbs together. After shutting and locking the door with her free hand, they set off to his car, got in, and were on their way. As he drove, they talked.

"You know, when I saw you, I didn't picture you as a Newport princess."

She looked at him slightly confused until recognition set in and she laughed. "Oh, you mean the house, yeah, it's not mine and it's not my parents' either. I work for the Cohens. I'm Sandy's glorified secretary whom he lets help with his cases despite the fact that I'm just a freshman in college. Someday though, I will be a lawyer."

"And you live with your boss," he asked incredulously. "I'd say that's a pretty close working relationship. A beautiful, younger woman like you always hanging around, I bet it drives his wife crazy."

"Far from it," Marissa replied, finding it easy to talk to him. "I'm friends with their son, we're the same age, it would be quite strange if anything would happen between us…which nothing will. Sandy's like a father figure to me, a mentor."

As they came to a stop at an intersection, his eyes left the road and he ran them up and down her body, savoring her appearance. "Well," he said cheekily, "you look like you fit right in here, at least physically; personality wise, you have them all beat." He winked at her and drove off, making her blush slightly as she sat back and basked in his praise.

"It's all a mask."

"Don't let them fool you," he said in a serious tone, "it is for the rest of them as well."

They both sat back for the rest of the ride and just enjoyed being in each others company, neither saying another word but not needing to. He was right though, she did look like she was a Newport heiress. As always she was understated and simplistically gorgeous, her makeup minimal, her long, luscious, honey hued locks gently women into a French twist, her dress floor length, black, form fitting, seductively conservative, and he couldn't get enough of her, occasionally stealing glances when she wasn't looking and eagerly anticipating the fact that he would be allowed to be in her regal presence all night. Somehow, someway, and with no way for him to stop it, something was happening to Kevin Volchok that had never happened before.

As hostess, Dawn believed it was always her duty to arrive at the party first, and as she stood around the glittering ballroom of the country club, she couldn't help but reflect upon the significant and numerous changes that occurred in her life in the past two weeks. Here she was after over 25 years throwing a benefit dinner for her first love and his wife after reconnecting with him, and her son, though he had made terrible mistakes so far, was in love with her first love's daughter and attempting to have a relationship with her. She had quit drinking, she had learned that her husband and eldest son were criminals and in less than 48 hours so would the rest of the world, and she had met someone new in the strangest of circumstances, someone she liked. Most importantly, she was rebuilding her relationship with Ryan. Contemplating it all, Dawn realized that at that particular moment, as she looked around at the visual proof that she was a smart, capable, and accomplished woman who was generous, loving, and loved, she was happy for the first time in a very long time. Laughter, familiar laughter, brought her out of her revelry.

Turning around to the doorway where the sounds of mirth were drifting from, a smile swept across Dawn's face as she saw her son smiling at something one of his two friends had said. As she made her way towards her son and his companions, they turned and advanced their way towards her. Although it didn't surprise her, she was disappointed to notice that a very key member of their group, newly added but vital, was missing, Marissa.

"Hey Mom," Ryan greeted her with a smile, taking her into his arms as he hugged her, pleasantly astonishing Dawn.

"Hey yourself there kiddo," Dawn returned, beaming. As they let each other go, she turned to the young couple beside them and welcomed them as well. "First arrivals, aren't we prompt?"

"Yeah," Seth agreed, "but we would have been one of the last ones here if I hadn't of told Summer the party started at five instead of seven."

"Cohen," Summer squealed, hitting him in the process of turning towards Dawn. "Ignore him, otherwise, you'll loose you mind. And just to let you know, I wanted to be here early to scoop the place out, because I like to think that a little bit of this is my handiwork.

"More than a little bit, Summer, you helped me out a lot," Dawn acknowledged graciously, "and I am very thankful for your assistance. If it wasn't your help, there is no way I would have gotten everything done. Thank you, but don't let me stop you two kids, go, take a look around the place, have fun."

"You don't have to tell me twice. Come on, Summer, I hear that dance floor calling my name. Someone has to warm it up!" With that Seth pulled his girlfriend away from the mother and son pair, leaving them to speak alone. As they talked, they walked together, side by side, each, so like the other, fiddling with their fingers afraid to look the other in the eye for they could reveal too much emotion.

"So, how are you doing," Dawn asked Ryan tentatively.

He countered, "I could ask you the same thing."

She audibly sighed in frustration. "Fine, if I tell you about myself first, will you at least open up to me a little bit. I noticed that someone who is very important to you is not on your arm tonight."

"I don't want to talk about her right now." Ryan tried to end the conversation there, but Dawn stopped him mid stride and glared at him.

"What happened to the mature approach, trying to grow up and become the man she wants and deserves?

"Well, I'd say that went out the window when she told me was bringing a date tonight."

"So," Dawn dismissed with a shrug of her shoulders, "she's either bringing a friend or worst case scenario, you have yourself a little competition. I've never seen you shy away from a fight, and you always win, especially when you want something bad enough. Giving up this easily is just going to prove her point."

Walking away from her, he changed the subject. "I thought we were going to talk about you."

"Alright, fair enough," she said as she followed him quickly to catch up with his noticeably faster pace. "I'm doing good, going to meetings, working hard, meeting new friends. I'm happy. Now, it's your turn."

"Do you want to know the truth?" He watched her closely to see her response, knowing that his mother of old would avoid any emotional declaration and run away to an alcohol induced state of solitary. Her eyes never wavered from his, proving to him that she really did want to hear about his life. "I'm not doing well, I miss her, I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm depressed, I'm definitely not meeting new people, and I'm frustrated."

"You mentioned you talked to her," Dawn continued to pry, "how did that go?"

Ryan shuddered visibly as he thought back to the day before. "Yeah, we can't talk about that…too personal, too boundary crossing."

Although she was confused, Dawn let it go, knowing that if she pushed him any further, he would shut down further or, worse yet, leave completely, and she knew that even if their relationship was still very much strained, Marissa would be crushed if he was not there. Eventually, he found his way to a table close to the dance floor to watch Seth and Summer and wait for them to finish making fools of themselves as they went their separate ways and Dawn went back to the entrance to welcome her guests.

The party was in full swing, champagne flowing, bodies swaying effortlessly to the subtle sounds of jazz coming from the band, stress levels rising, when Sandy and Kirsten walked into the party, arm in arm, greeting those to their right and left as they made their way to a friendly face. Because his back was turned to them, Sandy tapped him on his shoulder and stuck his hand out immediately to take his.

"Neil, so glad you could make it back in time for the dinner," Sandy's voice boomed out over the crowd making his wife smile at his enthusiasm.

Neil returned his handshake with a smile of his own before replying. "Well, when I found out this benefit was to be held for the young lady who's been staying at my house these past couple of weeks, I had to be here, not only to support Summer's friend but to meet her. Plus, I figured it might help the cause to have someone from the hospital here, even if I'm a plastic surgeon and not an oncologist."

The three of them walked off together, talking easily amongst themselves until they reached their table.

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised when you meet Marissa, Neil," Sandy gushed. "I must say we're quite fond of her."

"That's right Summer told me that she's working for you and that you invited her to move into your poolhouse."

"We did," Kirsten countered, "but don't let us fool you, it was for purely selfish reasons. We enjoy her company and the house is way too quiet with Seth always at your place. Plus, her presence will give me a female ally in the house."

"I understand what you mean by a lonely house. I am dreading the day when Summer goes back to school this fall." Just then Dawn appeared at their side. Neil turned to her and joined her into the conversation. "What about you, Dawn, how do you fare when the house is empty and Ryan's off at school?"

"To be honest, it will somewhat be a new experience for me. Last year when he left I was drunk all the time so I have no idea how I'll react." Sandy, Kirsten, and Neil's jaws fall open as they are stunned by her candid confession. She just laughs at their response before continuing to talk to them. "Sorry about that, I sometimes forget that I can't be that blunt around here. I recently started AA and have been sober for a couple of weeks and it's quite refreshing to just state exactly what I feel and think."

"Well, I for one," Sandy joined her in her laughter, "have always been a fan of outspoken people. There are too many secrets in this town as it is. Welcome to the ranks of the unpopular crowd though. You've just crossed over and joined the rebels of Newport Beach, and as the founder and sole member up to now, I say it's about dmn time!"

Kirsten rolled her eyes at her dramatic husband but couldn't help but love him a little bit more because he had gone out of his way to make Dawn feel comfortable and appreciated. "Congratulations Dawn. We're all really proud of you. I bet Ryan is thrilled."

"We're taking it slow," Dawn admitted, "but so far so good. It feels nice being a real mother again."

Just then a fifth member joined their party startling them all.

"Hello Dawn."

Dawn looked up at the person standing in front of her and a smile lit up her face, making her glow. Sandy also smiled as recognition set in when he saw who had joined their intimate group. Slapping him on the back, Sandy greeted him as loudly or perhaps even louder than he had Neil.

"Mike Patterson, what the hell are you doing at a Newport charity event? The last I knew, you hated all things that had to deal with this town." He stopped talking for a minute to let him respond, but then it clicked in his head that Mike had greeted Dawn and only Dawn when he had approached them. "Hey, how do you two know each other," he asked, motioning between the ecstatic Dawn and the slightly nervous Mike.

"Oh Dawn and my wife were old friends, he replied smoothly." Dawn's face fell, "well, my ex-wife," and reformed into a grin almost instantly.

"Small world," Sandy chuckled as the five continued to chatter and enjoy each others company.

He pretended to be interested in what they said to him, made all the right responses and gestures, acted the part of the perfect Newport gentleman, but the whole time his eyes searched the ever growing crowd for the one face, the only face, he wanted to see. His mind raced with thoughts of her, and he found himself nervous and eager to see her all at the same time. Just when he thought he would not be able to take the anticipation any longer, she appeared. The crowd seemed to part just enough so that he could have the perfect view of her, the noise seemed to die down so that it was not distracting his thoughts from focusing on her, and the lights seemed to illuminate off of her golden skin. She smiled as she laughed at something someone behind her said, and he felt as if his heart might leap out of his chest, it was beating so rapidly, but then his fairytale moment came crashing down around him as he saw the arm snake itself around her waist and lead her into the party. So she did bring a date, he thought to himself, and as his eyes moved up to see who the person was, anger flooded his entire body and he had to do everything he could to not go and attack him right then and there. He could not believe it. Of all people to bring, Marissa brought Volchok.

Glancing over at his two best friends standing beside him, he noticed shock and abject fear on Seth's face and shock and slight admiration on Summer's. His eyes left them behind as they went back to the doorway, utterly unable to keep from watching the train wreck in front of him, but the couple of his nightmares was not there anymore. He searched frantically for them, and just as he was about to laugh it off as a sick, horribly realistic daydream, they appeared literally right before him. He remained frozen, shaken in silence.

Against her own will, Marissa's face lit up when she saw Ryan watching her, but her joy quickly disappeared when she saw the misery written all over his expression. She knew that he would not like her bringing someone to the benefit, for he had a jealous streak, but this reaction was beyond anything she could have ever imagined. She turned her eyes away from him to look at Seth and Summer and found their reactions to be surprising as well, but her mind could not ponder the situation for it was interrupted by the sound of her date starting conversation with her friends.

"Atwood, Roberts, Dorkboy, fancy meeting you here. Do you all know Marissa, my date," he sneered at the three unfriendly faces in front of him.

"Kevin," Marissa whispered at him in minor frustration for how he was treating her friends. He turned to look at her and realized that he had miss-stepped so he shot her an apologetic smile before turning back to face forward.

"Kevin, you call him Kevin," Ryan shouted at her causing several pairs of eyes to be turned in his direction.

Under her breath, Summer tried to communicate with him a warning. "Less aggressive there Mike Tyson."

Seth snickered at Summer's comment, but no one else found any humor in it as they just continued to stare at each other not knowing what to say. Finally, Marissa broke through the gauche tension.

"So, I take it you all know each other?"

Volchok laughed before replying sarcastically, "Uh, you could say that the four of us go way back, and by your reaction, Marissa, I take it you know them as well."

"Yeah, we're Marissa's friends," Summer threw back at him, matching him glare for glare.

"We're more than friends," Ryan stated bluntly looking at Marissa the whole time and avoiding Volchok entirely as if he was not even worth his time.

"Ryan," Marissa begged in an attempt to make him back down, "not now, not here, please."

Taking a step towards her and wrapping his hand around her arm as if to escort her away so they could talk in private, he spoke calmly to her. "Fine, then come with me now and we'll talk someplace quiet, just the two of us."

Before Marissa could even reply, Volchok's icy voice was heard ringing loudly through the crowd. "If you don't take your hand off of her right now, you won't have a hand left."

Ryan had still not let go of her as Marissa turned to speak with her date. "Kevin, it's fine. Obviously there's some sort of past between you two, but," she stopped momentarily as she turned to look at Ryan before she continued speaking, "Ryan would never hurt me."

Ignoring her, Volchok kept pushing. "Yeah, well, I'd rather keep you here with me where I know you're safe than test that theory."

Ryan released Marissa arm and whirled around to face his nemesis. "You want to do this, fine, we'll do this. It has been building for years, so let's just settle this once and for all!" Ryan raised his fist to punch a smirking Volchok in the face, making a food of himself not only in front of Marissa but the entire upper-class of Orange County, but luckily, before a punch could be thrown, a strong hand grabbed a hold of Ryan and held him back.

"Ryan, stop this now! Come on, let's go outside and get you to cool down some, okay?"

"Who the hell are you," Ryan snapped, anger distorting his face.

"A friend of your Mom's," Mike replied coolly, strengthening his grip upon the younger man slightly, trying to impress upon him that he needed to back off. "Come on, man, just back down." Ryan was still not budging, but then he looked into Marissa's eyes and saw only hurt and pain.

Quietly she whispered to him, "Please Ryan, just go."

Her four, quiet, tortured words crushed him and took the fight right out of him, making him complacent enough to be led out onto the patio away from the other quests whose stares followed him while they whispered amongst themselves about the latest morsel of gossip to add to their repertoire.

Dawn followed Mike and Ryan onto the patio and stood watching as her son, nearly reduced to tears, fell apart before her eyes. Mike stepped back from him to give him his room but stopped and stood by Dawn.

"So I take it that's what you meant by lady drama," he asked, his voice void of any mockery or humor. She could only shake her head as the sympathy she felt for her son had taken over her body. "She loves him, too, you know, you can tell by looking at her, but you can also tell that she's scared and that he hurt her, badly." Still Dawn said nothing so Mike continued to press the issue. "Did he cheat on her?"

"Technically, no," Dawn said as she finally found her voice, "but in her heart, it feels like he did."

"I know you don't want to hear this right now, but you have to tell him about Dan and Trey, the sooner the better."

She sighed before replying, "I know." They stood in silence before she spoke again. "Will you help me….tell him, I mean. I'm sure he'll have a lot of questions, and you're really the only one who can answer them."

"Are you sure," he asked gently, pleasantly surprised that she wanted him that involved in her son's life.

With a strong voice, she looked him the eyes and stated, "yes," without even a moment's hesitation. Walking to the still pacing figure before them, they pulled Ryan aside and slowly began to tell him that the world he had known for 19 years was about to become utterly unrecognizable.

Marissa had been quiet the rest of the night and it seemed to Volchok that she had been living in another world. Unbeknownst to him, her thoughts were wrapped up in Ryan, hating him for embarrassing her at her first Newport party, a party thrown to make money for her dying parents, loving him for his insanely obsessive need to protect her even if that meant from herself. She was so torn and confused that she barely noticed when Volchok had parked the car in Sandy and Kirsten's driveway….her driveway now, turned off the car, and walked around to her side of the car and opened the door for her. He gave her his hand to help her out of the low, streamlined sports car, squeezing it gently to show his support. Finally, that one small gesture, broke through the haze that had surrounded her mind the whole evening since the confrontation and she smiled up at him.

"Well, sorry I wasn't the most attentive date tonight, but I appreciate you taking me," Marissa said softly as they came to rest in front of the door.

He laughed. "No, you weren't that attentive, but you sure know how to cause a scene."

"Not funny," she admonished as she tried to hold back a few giggles of her own but couldn't help but smile slightly at his teasing.

"See, that's better. Your face should always have a smile on it, and if you'd let me, I'd teach Atwood what happens when he makes you upset."

"Kevin, please, just stay away from Ryan." She paused for a second as she gathered her thoughts. "Look, obviously you can tell that we have a past, and I won't lie to you, I'm in love with him, but we can't be together right now."

"So where does that leave me," Volchok asked with a glimmer in his eye.

Marissa shook her head at his persistence. "You're my friend."

"Friend with benefits," he inquired smirking at her.

"No," she said emphatically. "I'm in no place right now personally in my life to be with any guy, especially if he's not Ryan."

"Fair enough, I've been warned, but let me warn you." The wit disappeared from his voice and he stared at her while he spoke as earnestly as he could. "I intend to be more than your friend, and I will do anything in my power to get what I want."

"Is that a challenge," she flirted back audaciously."

"Not a challenge, a promise. So, how about a real date with just the two of us in attendance," he requested hopefully.

Laughing, once again, she opened the door to walk in but stopped and gave him an answer first. "I'll tell you what, if I want a date, I'll call you."

She went to close the door on him, but before she could, he put his arm in and pushed it open so that she was standing in front of him once again. Never breaking eye contact, he lifted up her hand delicately and barely brushed his lips across it before walking away and calling over shoulder, "Can't wait." With that, he disappeared into the night leaving Marissa with even more to ponder.

The only sound assaulting her ears was the gentle lull of the ocean as it performed its never ceasing dance with the shore, a sound she normally found peaceful and relaxing, but tonight only eerily haunting and emotionally offensive. Perhaps it was because her mindset was contrasting so sharply with the sea's, while it was at rest and content, she was on edge, baffled, and depressed, or perhaps it was because she felt an unwavering, intense pull to go to the ocean, but as to why she should feel like that, she had no idea.

Annoyed, she kicked the sheets off of her body and switched positions yet again as she tried to make herself so comfortable physically that her body would mentally and emotionally concede to going asleep as well. It did not work. She tried daydreaming about something sweet and beautiful, something forbidden in the daylight but cherished at night in her fantasies, laying in Ryan's strong arms as they whispered together after making love. She tried counting sheep. She tried naming all the Supreme Court justices. She tried listening to music. She tried getting up and getting something to drink. She even resorted to crying, but nothing, absolutely nothing worked. Finally, as she was about to give up, her cell phone rang.

"What the hell," she said out loud to herself as she rolled over to rummage for it on her bedside table, glancing at the clock momentarily as it read 3:16 in the morning. Still grasping for the phone and trying to find it before it went to voicemail, the significance of those numbers seized her mind. "That's Ryan's birthday," she whispered to the still room as she flipped open her mobile.

"Hello," she said in a surprisingly chipper tone for such a late or early hour depending upon how you looked at it.

"I need you," the emotionally wrenched voice pleaded. At the sound of his voice, she shot up in bed as if she was on fire, perhaps she was…in her heart.

"Where are you at," she asked breathlessly.

"The beach….where we were that night."

"Stay put, I'll be right there."

And with that one call, she knew why hadn't been able to sleep. Ryan needed her.


	11. Chapter 11

As Marissa made her way down from the parking lot to the beach, she couldn't help but feel a strange sense of deja-vu as she spotted Ryan crouched on the edge of the water, letting the waves lap up over him. It was if she was watching herself the night that she had found Ryan with Holly, but this time she was not the one hurting and this person, Ryan, had someone to comfort him: her. She really had no idea what she was going to say to him, how she would handle the situation, because, like she had reminded him so often these last two days, they were not dating. But she had to be here, she had to help him, and, because of everything he had done for her, she might always feel like that, she thought to herself. Without saying anything, she just sat down beside him, tucked her legs in underneath her, despite the water that was already making the goosebumps jump out across her skin, and took his hands in hers and held them.

She wasn't sure how long they just sat there together, staring out at the empty abyss the ocean created in front of them, Ryan eventually leaning his head on her shoulder, while all the while she rubbed soft, gentle circles into his hands with her fingers, trying, with just the slightest touch, to convey that she was ready to listen to him whenever he was ready to share. Finally, as the sun was just about to rise from behind them, he started speaking.

"I don't know what to do, Marissa," he whispered softly, begging her with the tone of his voice to take care of him, fix all of his problems, make all the cares he now was suddenly facing in his once carefree world to disappear.

"Ryan, I don't know what to tell you," she started, confusion written all over her face. "You need to tell me what happened so that we can figure this out."

"Together," he asked, the hope in his voice ringing out so powerfully.

Sighing, she responded, "Together, Ryan, we'll do this together….as friends." When he didn't even try to fight her insistence that they remain friends, she knew that something was in deed seriously wrong. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"After that friend of my Mom's…Mike, who just so happens to be an FBI agent, pulled me away from Volchok, they decided it was the right time to break some bad news to me."

"Wait," she interrupted him, "why is your Mom hanging out with an FBI agent?"

He laughed ruefully at her question, not because he was mocking her for asking it but because he had wondered the same thing. "It turns out he's been investigating my Dad and brother…"

"You have a brother?" Marissa just stared at him slightly shocked. "You never mentioned you had a brother." She had slept with this man, twice, and had fallen in love with him, but yet she knew practically nothing about him.

"Yeah," he replied spitefully. "I don't really know him though, and I intend to keep it like that, especially after what Mike and my Mom told me last night."

"Which was what," she prodded him on gently.

"Well it turns out that the family business and its operators are not as clean and upstanding as they like to play it off, and this morning, in just a couple of hours, two arrest warrants are going to be issued, one for Dan Atwood and the other for Trey Atwood, for so many Rico violations I can't even remember them all!"

All Marissa could do was stare at him in shock. "Oh my god," she hoarsely whispered. After thinking for a moment, she started to panic. "But, but you're okay right? I mean, you're not going to get in trouble, you have nothing to do with the business, right?"

"I'm fine, Marissa," Ryan said with a small smile on his face, touched that she cared that much.

"What are you smiling about?" Surprise, from his reaction, covered her face.

"I didn't think you cared that much," he simply said as he shrugged his shoulders.

She let go of his hands, disappointing him at once. Turning her eyes to the ocean, she stared at it for a few moments before replying. "Ryan, I've never denied having feelings for you, and I can't now. Yes, I am in love with you, but we can't be together…not right now at least. I'm not saying that there will never be the right time for us, but right now, I'm sorry, but I don't trust you. When I saw you with Holly that night," her voice breaks slightly as tears start to fall down her cheeks, but she hastily wipes them away and calms herself down before she continues, "you broke my heart and you ruined the trust we had somehow built between us in such a short time, and I know that I'm partially responsible for that night, because I didn't give you an answer right away, but I couldn't. Deciding to open myself up like that was not something I could in two seconds, but I did choose to, but it was too late." She pauses while she gathers her thoughts. "Obviously, even if the trust was still there, we're not ready for a relationship, I mean, I just found out you had a brother this morning. We need to get to know each other better, Ryan."

"I want to know everything about you," he said softly, "but I can't do that unless you let me in, unless you let me see you, spend time with you." She finally looks up at him and he smiles at her, retaking her hands in his. "And if I have to agree to be your friend and only your friend in order to spend time with you, then I will."

"Thank you," she said sincerely, a smile illuminating her flawless face.

"Can I ask you something," he inquired.

"I thought we were supposed to be talking about you," she challenged back playfully.

"Marissa…."

Giving in, she conceded. "Fine, ask away. I'm an open book."

He took a deep breath, a cleansing and calming breath before he spoke, making her nervous. With his eyes closed, and speaking in such a hushed tone, she could barely hear him, he was finally able to ask, "Are you dating Volchok?"

"No," she said simply and honestly, "Kevin and I aren't dating, but that doesn't mean we won't. I like him, Ryan. I have fun with him, and right now, that's all I can handle, nothing serious."

"Will you promise me two things," he requested forcefully. She just nodded her head and he continued. "First, I need you to promise me that you'll be careful with him. He's not known for having the best reputation with women, and secondly, will you please let me know if you do end up dating him. At least that way, I'll know that I need to keep an eye on you…well a closer eye."

"Ryan…."

He didn't even give her a chance to admonish him. "No, Marissa, I don't care what you say or what we mean to each other, I will always, always watch out and take care of you."

"Why," she asked slightly confused.

"That's simple, because I love you, I always will, and it would kill me to see you hurt again."

For the next several minutes, they just sit there and watch the waters spring to life in front of them as the boats begin their trips up and down the coastline. Startling him out of his revelry, Marissa breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry."

"For what," he posed incredulously.

"For how I treated you on Friday, I shouldn't have been playing those games, leading you on and then teasing you by undressing in front of you."

"Please," he said, laughing softly and mischievously pushing against her shoulder with his own, "never, ever apologize for taking your clothes off in front of me. That is something I will never hold against you."

Despite herself, she found that she couldn't help but laugh along with him. "Well, I just wanted to let you know that it won't happen again. I still think that you need to learn some major lessons about a relationship,…."

"As do all the women in my life," he said, poking fun of himself.

"All the women in your life, how many are there?" Marissa couldn't help but be slightly jealous, something that did not escape Ryan's notice.

"Three," he said simply, "You, my Mom, and Summer." He watches her face, which shows relief, and stands up, offering his hands to pull him up after her. "Come on; let's walk while we talk for a little while." Smiling up at him, she lets him help her up, and they do exactly what he said, talk as they walk along the shore.

"Tell me more about what's going to happen with your family," she encouraged him.

"I don't know much about my Dad and brother, because a lot depends upon when they track them down and get them arrested, but I do know that I am no longer Newport's golden boy. All the accounts will be frozen this morning, we have to be out of the house in six weeks, our cars are being taken away, and there will be nothing left. We get to take family heirlooms and our personal effects with us, that's all. Luckily, my Mom has a little bit set aside. She's been cleaning out the personal account and selling her jewelry, but it won't last us long. USC is out for the fall, that's for sure."

"Who cares about USC," Marissa said with false bravado. "You can commute with me to UC Long Beach in the fall. It's cheap, but a good school, and we'll be able to hang out together. It will be fun, and the car rides everyday will give us a chance to get to know each other better, but we have to get your application in as soon as possible."

"Really?"

She beamed up at him, "Really. So, where are you guys going to live?"

"My Mom's planning on getting a job, and then she thinks we might be able to get an apartment in the numbered streets, but…"

"But, you're not sure you want to live with your Mom?"

"Yeah," he said sheepishly. "It's going to be hard enough on her to support herself after being taken care of for so long, I want to find a way to take care of myself, too."

"Then you will," she replied confidently, "we'll start looking for jobs today….after I get some sleep."

"You haven't gotten any either," he asked apologetically.

"It's okay. I'd rather be here, helping you, returning the favor, then sleeping away my life, but we're going to need a clear head to fill out the school application and to make your resume. Is there anything in particular you'd like to do for a job?" He shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head, making her continue in her excited ramble. "Well, you'd make a cute yard guy, and I bet you'd make a lot of nice tips if you took off your shirt for all the young girls and older women around here." She giggled at the thought of Ryan stripping in the yard to make tips, which caused him to sternly look at her.

"Are you implying I use my body to make money?" His tone was harsh, but she could tell by the sparkle in his eye that he was teasing her. "Well, let me tell you, the only yard I will be stripping in is the Roberts' yard."

"Oh, does someone have something for Summer," she teased back.

"Nope, there's this gorgeous, leggy blonde who lives there, and that's the only person who I will be taking off my clothes for, thank you very much."

"I'd hate to break it to you," she mocked playfully, "but there is no gorgeous, leggy blonde in residence there; she moved."

"You got a place of your own," he interjected, his voice filled with excitement for her and pride. "That's great! Where is it; why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell you, because I knew you'd be showing up all the time and you'd be up to no good, demanding to have sleepovers every night."

"That's not a bad idea," he said reflectively, "but I had no such thing on my mind. I thought we could bake cookies and sit in your living room and make friendship bracelets together."

As he smiled at her devilishly, she smirked back at him. "Friendship bracelets, is there something you're not telling me, Atwood?"

"Absolutely not," he shot back at her, "just like you, I am an open book. Ask me anything you want, and I will tell you the truth." Her laugh was cut short by a yawn. "But before we have this deep, personal conversation, why don't we go and get some sleep first. Come on, I'll drive you. I don't want you falling asleep at the wheel because I got you out of bed in the middle of the night."

"Yeah, but then I'd have to tell you where I live," she said as she stifled another yawn.

"You're not going home; you're coming with me to my house."  
"Ryan," she started warningly.

"Look, I know we're just friends, but I don't think I can handle being alone right now. I just want to feel that someone is near me who cares about me. That's it. We won't do a thing."

"A thing also includes spooning I hope you know," she sternly said.

Taking her hand in his and pulling her after him as he jogged to his car, he replied, "hey, I can't help what my body does unconsciously in my sleep, but I won't try to hold you when I'm still awake."

"You're impossible, do you know that?"

Picking her up and throwing her over his shoulders, he laughed the whole way up the beach to his car while she could only weakly protest to his actions.

Dawn had gotten up early that morning, excited to go to the hospital so that she could share the great news about the benefit dinner with Jimmy and Julie. Dressing in a hurry after she ate a quick breakfast, she got in the car she would only be able to drive for another six weeks, and headed off to the white and fluorescent palace that smelled of disinfectant and death, a place, strangely enough, that she felt comfortable in. She met Jimmy and Julie in the visiting room. All three adults had smiles on their faces as they came together to talk.

"Before I tell you about the benefit, I thought you might like to know about Marissa," Dawn said looking more at Julie. "I brought my digital camera with me. Marissa doesn't know I took these pictures of her, but I thought you might like to see how radiant she looked last night." She handed the camera to Julie who looked through the pictures with Jimmy.

"Who's this guy she's standing with the whole time," Jimmy asked confused. "We thought…her and Ryan….I mean, weren't they dating? She hasn't said anything about him, so we just assumed everything was going well between them."

"That's Kevin Volchok," Dawn replied, not quite able to hide the disdain from her voice. "Marissa and Ryan are not together. Let's just say they ran into some complications. It's a long story, and I think, no offense, that if Marissa wanted you to know about it, she would tell you herself. I just know about it, because, unfortunately, I was there to witness it.

Julie looked up from the pictures and asked with obvious concern on her face and in her voice, "is she okay?"

Dawn smiled at her reassuringly, "She's fine. She's a strong woman, you should be proud of her, but Ryan on the other hand is not holding it together as well. A friend of mine had to restrain him from beating up her date last night even though, as far as I can tell, they're just friends."

Jimmy's face became clouded with concern. "Is Ryan violent, Dawn?"

She was taken aback at first, but quickly regained her composure and answered his inquiry with only slight irritation in her voice. "No, Ryan is not violent; he would never, ever hurt Marissa. In fact, if you remember correctly, he's only ever saved her from violence, not brought any to her, but his relationship with Volchok is complicated and not friendly. They have hated each other for as long as I can remember, and now they're rivals over the same girl, your daughter, whom Ryan just so happens to be head over heals in love with. It's a difficult situation, but he won't do anything stupid. Mike and I talked to him about it, and he knows that he can't do anything to this kid."

"And Volchok, what's he like," Jimmy continued to interrogate her.

"I don't know much about him, to be honest. All I know, is that he and Ryan have never gotten along and that he's a professional surfer who has endorsement deals and modeling contracts on the side."

Julie laughed. "I can't believe our Marissa could end up dating a professional surfer."

"It won't last long if they do date," Dawn said somewhat spitefully. "She's in love with my son, but they just have too many issues to work through right now. If she dates anyone else, it will just end with them getting hurt."

"You seem like quite the champion of their relationship," Julie commented.

"Well," Dawn said reflectively, "I've seen them together more than you have, and I think they're perfect for each other."

"They're 19," Jimmy said dismissively. "There is no way this is something that could last forever."

An annoyed Dawn stood up and took her camera when Julie handed it to her. "I think you're wrong," she said pointedly. "I'll come by later in the week when everything has been calculated and we know exactly how much money we raised, but I'd think about something, if I were you Jimmy. Marissa's not a little girl anymore, and you can either support a relationship that has the potential to be the real thing, that could make her happy, or you can dismiss it and try to turn her away from it and risk that she'll throw her chances of happiness away with both hands. I know she loves you more than anything in this world, and if you're against her being with my son, she'll listen to you. Use that power carefully, especially since you can only make the decision once." With that, she left them there to think, Julie about how she could convince her husband that Dawn was right, and Jimmy about how Dawn had no right to speak to him like that.

Summer was annoyed. Not only had Marissa conveniently forgotten to mention to her prior to the benefit dinner who her date was, but she had not answered one of her phone calls that morning, calls that had started at 6:00 sharp. Skipping the inevitable conversations she would have to have with Sandy and Kirsten if she rang their doorbell to go through the main house to reach the backyard, Summer crept around the house and went to the poolhouse on her own. Without knocking, she pushed the doors opening, talking loudly to an empty room.

"Marissa, we need to talk. You and Volchok, when did this happen!" She paused and looked at the empty room and bed, confused as to where Marissa was. "Oh." She went to the bathroom and looked inside, but it was empty as well. Puzzled, she sat down on Marissa's bed just as her cell phone rang.

While Summer had gone to his house to talk to Marissa, she had sent Seth to Ryan's to talk and to see how he was holding up and dealing with the revelation that Marissa and Volchok were at least friends and who knew what else. Just like his girlfriend, Seth did not bother with formalities, but opened the Atwood front door and strode right up to the guest room that was now serving as Ryan's room. Pushing the door open, again without knocking, he came across a sight he was not expecting: Ryan and Marissa curled up together, sleeping peacefully, both of them wearing a pair of Ryan's sweats and a wifebeater. He shut the door softly and pulled out his cell phone as he made his way down the stairs and out of the front door, closing it gingerly behind him. As he drove away from the McMansion, he shared his interesting news with his flustered girlfriend.

"Well, I don't think she's dating Volchok," he said after Summer picked up the phone, laughing softly to himself.

"What, how do you know that? Do you know where she is", Summer snapped testily.

Seth continued to tease her, prolonging the revelation. "Yes, I know where she is."

"Good," Summer ranted, "because she's not anywhere to be found in the poolhouse."

"That's because she's at Ryan's, in bed with him," he said superiorly, finally knowing something that Summer didn't. She was silent for a moment while she processed what he said, but then exploded, speaking so loudly, Seth had to hold he phone away from his ear.

"Oh no she didn't, how could she? What happened to making him learn a lesson, taking it slow, rebuilding their trust, just being friends for now?"

"Who said they're dating," he asked in a smart ass tone.

"Cohen, don't give me any of your flip comments right now! You just said you found Marissa in bed with Ryan," Summer yelled.

"You're right, I did," he conceded, "but I never said they were doing anything. In fact, they were both fully clothed in Ryan's pajamas and barely touching on their separate sides of the bed."

She asked incredulously, "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what the hell are they up to," she demanded to know.

"I don't know," he stated simply, laughing silently to himself at his girlfriend's nosey, pushy attitude.

"Well go back there, wake their asses up, and ask them what the hell they think they're doing," she ordered dismissively.

"Sorry, can't do that," he said flippantly. "I'm on my way to the Diner for breakfast. Now, if you'd like to put aside your Ryan and Marissa obsession for a little while and join me, that's be great, otherwise, I'll talk to you later." He snapped his cell phone shut and pictured Summer standing up in the poolhouse yelling at him through her still open, pink cell phone, despite the fact that the dial tone was surely ringing into her ears by now. Laughing, he turned up the music and continued on his way to the Diner.

Ryan woke that afternoon spooned up against Marissa and holding her in his arms. He laughed at the situation since it was exactly what she warned him against doing, pulled her closer to him, and just held her, taking in her essence and scent while she slept on peacefully, studying her breathing patterns, and watching her face as silent thoughts from her dreams fluttered across her expression. When he felt her waking up, he gently let her go and slid away from her warm body, aching to hold it again, but respecting her wishes that they remain just friends, well at least respecting them while she was awake. Once she opened her eyes and rolled over to face him, she yawned twice before talking.

"So, are you ready to get to work?"

"We will," he said, "but first, we're going to brush our teeth," she smiled when he said that and covered her mouth afraid that she had morning breath only to have him tenderly pull her hand away and put it down to rest on the bed again, "and then we're going to go raid my fridge for something to eat."

"Deal," she laughed, hopping out of the bed, "but I get to use the bathroom first."

He watched her leave the room, practically skipping out of giddiness, and he couldn't help but marvel how much she had changed, for the better, in the few weeks he had known her. Now that she had hope, friendship, and love in her life, she was so content and happy, and he would do everything in his power to keep her life like that.

After eating, they made their way around town, buying newspapers and scanning the want adds at a small café for possible jobs, and collecting applications from different business. Taking their finds back to his house, she helped him make a resume, since he'd never made one before, and then they worked on his college application, talking the entire time about themselves and getting to know one another better.

Ryan was surprised how easy it was just to be with her, how easy it was to talk to her, how easy it was to forget his attraction, well at least not act on it, and just be her friend. From just that one afternoon, he knew that she could easily become his best friend, replacing Seth, though he'd never say anything to him. Plus, it had given him an idea: they could become roommates together, sharing an apartment, platonically until she was ready to take their relationship to the next level. They had already decided to make similar class schedules so that they could definitely carpool together to school, so why not spend even more time together and split the cost of rent. He'd wait a few weeks to mention that though, let her adjust to their new relationship.

As they said their goodbyes at the beach, since he had to take her back there to pick up her car, the fact that they were just friends once again became a burden for him.

"Thanks for today, Ryan," she said earnestly with a genuine smile on her face. "I appreciate that you are listening to what I want and are okay with just being my friend."

"For now," he added.

Laughing to herself, she turned to face him so that she was looking fully into his eyes. "I want to let you know, and this is not in spite nor in fact does it have anything to do with you, but I'm going to go out with Kevin, at least try it, you know casually date. Today has helped me make up my mind. We can handle this, me dating someone else, I think, and you should feel free to date as well, because until we're ready to be together, there's no reason we should live like hermits. I'm just going to be upfront and honest with Kevin, and as long as you do the same with whomever you date…."

"I'm not going to date anyone else," he softly replied, "because I'm ready to be with you, but I understand that you're not ready to be with me, that I need to earn back your trust and I will do that. Just remember that you promised be you'd be careful."

She smiled at him while walking away, waving. "I will be. See you Ryan. Call me tomorrow and let me know how everything went dropping off your applications."

"Will do." He stood there, watching her get into her car and drive off until he no longer could see her. Climbing back into his car, although his mood had been slightly dampened by her admission that she was going to date Volchok, he couldn't help but smile as he thought of the day they had spent together, especially his favorite part, waking up with her in his arms.

Driving home, Marissa dialed the newly programmed number in her phone. Getting his voice mail, she left a message. "Hey Kevin, it's Marissa. I think I'm ready for that date."


	12. Chapter 12

The lazy days of summer were fading fast, and as the last weekend before fall classes approached, it became apparent just how much some things had changed while others had remained stagnant. However, as always in Newport, nothing was perfect, there were problems swirling in the air, and hell was soon going to break loose, but for now, the fab four had decided to spend their last days of freedom separately, Marissa and Summer catching up one last time before they had to face the fact that they were living in different cities and going to different schools; Ryan and Seth having Seth/Ryan time while doing some all important male bonding, doing things men do, namely going to a Newport rager and recapturing the essence of their high school days.

Busy and surreal were the two words that Ryan would have used to describe his last five weeks. With only one week left in the house which had been his home since birth, he and his Mother had been hectically packing up their lives, sorting through their accumulated possessions and determining what should be kept and what should be sold. Luckily for them, Ryan had three supportive friends who had insisted upon helping. Although they attempted to work steadily the whole time they were there, breaks were numerous as the summer heat just begged them to take 'one last dip' in the Atwood pool or inspired them to rent their favorite movies and spend the night in front of the giant plasma screen TV, something Ryan, stubbornly refused to part with despite his Mother's practical admonitions, and ate junk food until they were all sick to their stomachs. These were Ryan's favorite nights, because often, after Marissa had fallen asleep, he would slide closer to her soft and warm body and pull her into his, holding her tightly while she slept, a smile on her plump lips, watching her as fantasies floated through his mind.

Unfortunately, because of the changes sweeping his life, he did not have near enough time as he would wish to daydream about his desired obsession; he was maturing like he had been asked to do, and the first step he had taken in doing so was getting a real job. Luckily for him, it was actually fun, too. He was now the head coach of Harbor's boy's soccer team, and, on the weekends, for extra money, he did odd jobs around the Newport Group for Kirsten. Still, looking at himself in the mirror every morning, he couldn't help but marvel how much he had changed, and he knew it was all because of one woman. How could one person motivate you so much, he often found himself wondering? Three months ago if someone would have told him he would have two part time jobs in order to help support himself, he would have laughed in their face, told them to go to hell, and then made fun of their 'ignorance' as he turned his back on them. When Marissa had first suggested that he get a job, these doubts still flashed before his mind, but he pushed them aside, knowing that if she could work as hard as she did then so could he.

His Mom had found an apartment and the next week, after school and work for both he and Marissa, they had both agreed to help her move in. He was going to take his stuff there, but the plan was not to unpack it, that he was somehow going to convince Marissa, in the span of a week, that it was a good idea to move in together….platonically. Slightly fearful of her reaction, he still had not had the courage to bring up the subject, but knew he would have to do it soon if he was going to get what he wanted. Unbeknownst to Ryan, who still had not been told where she lived, even by Seth who had been threatened profusely by both Marissa and Summer, Marissa was slowly preparing to move out of the poolhouse, despite the fact that it was extremely comfortable and that she enjoyed spending time with them, she just wanted a place to call her own. Dawn, who knew her plan, had generously let her have her pick, free of charge, of much of their furniture in the house because she would not be able to take even half of it with her to the apartment. After every new piece was judiciously decided upon after much deliberation, it was carted to the Robert's ridiculously large garage, courtesy of the Cohens' Range Rover, and stored until she could put it all to use.

As Ryan and Marissa continued to grow as friends, slowly getting to know one another better than anyone else, her relationships with the other important people in her life began to change as well. Although her Mother was still loving and caring, she had distanced herself some from her daughter, by choice, telling Marissa that it was time; she was a young woman who did not need her over-protective mother coddling her anymore, that she was old enough to make her own decisions. However, Jimmy had not been so understand, and he seemed to overcompensate for his wife's lax parenting by attempting to keep an even closer eye on her and by constantly giving her the third degree about her relationships, especially her relationship with Ryan. Against all of Dawn's warnings, he had decided that Ryan was wrong for her and that Marissa should not let him remain in her life, but his daughter had proven to have a stubborn streak and for every argument Jimmy had against Ryan, she had a counterargument. Those who would hear them arguing would question why exactly she was not dating this man she obviously loved so much, and the longer they remained friends, the more Marissa found herself secretly asking that same question. Still though, she was not ready to give that part of her heart to him….again. As the old saying goes, 'time heals all wounds', and slowly, that was becoming the case for Marissa.

While she fought her feelings for Ryan, she had gone out on three dates with Kevin, each time enjoying herself but never feeling the same spark when he caught her eye, the same butterflies when he entered the room, the same skip in her heart when his hand happened to brush up against her body as she did with Ryan. For the first date he had taken her for her first surf lesson, something she had anticipated to loathe but found that not only did she excel at it but she felt free on the ocean. When she was on the board, her body controlled by the waves, her cares and concerns seemed to evaporate into the salt tinged air around her. When she let her mind go to places late at night that were forbidden during the day, she realized that the sense of freedom she got from surfing was, in a small way, what it was like to make love to Ryan. The second date was more traditional, dinner and a movie, and not once did Kevin try to kiss her or fondle her in the dark theatre. Perhaps it was the long sleeved turtleneck she wore in the middle of August that forewarned him she was not ready for physical contact. Their last date had been her choice, and she had definitely surprised him when they pulled up to a baseball stadium and took in a game one afternoon. She, as a sport fan, had a blast; he, on the other hand, she found, watched her more than the game, something that was slightly unnerving. On the car ride home as they both sat in silent thought, she couldn't help but think that Ryan would have appreciated the date, that he would have had fun with her.

Contemplating the time she spent with Kevin, Marissa realized that he considered their outings as real dates, but for the life of her, all she could think of them as were hang outs, friends having fun together. Putting the two together, she laughed to herself, I guess would make them pre-dates. There was absolutely nothing sexual about them either. Sure, she still found him gorgeous, she was still attracted to him, but after the short time she had spent with Ryan, that just wasn't enough. Even after three dates, the closest she let him get to their first kiss was the now tired brush of his lips on her hand as they said goodnight after each date. It shocked her that he was still coming around, that he still called for dates, and even though she could see the desire in his eyes sometimes when he looked at her, he never once made her feel uncomfortable or threatened. If he had, she would have ended it right there.

Unlike her relationships with her parents which were regressing and unlike her relationship with Kevin which was a standstill, Marissa's relationships with Seth and Summer were progressing perfectly she thought. Because she lived at the Cohens', she saw Seth and Summer almost every day, at some point or another, and it seemed that since she had moved in, they spent more time there. If the whole group wasn't together in the evenings at Ryan's, the three of them, Seth, Summer, Marissa would hang out comfortably in the Cohen family room, getting to know each other better and bonding. Saturday mornings were possibly her favorite time all week. She and Seth would get up early together, eat whatever they could find in the fridge, leftover takeout normally, and sit and watch cartoons, talking only during commercials. Just as everyone else would get up for their day, they would sneak back to bed and catch a few hours of sleep to make up for their early morning activities. Like promised, she and Kirsten had gone on many shopping trips to South Coast Plaza, a place Marissa still found intimidating after nearly two months in Newport, and despite her never ending protests, somehow Kirsten always ended up sneaking in purchases for her, too, claiming that she lost the receipts and that the tags had mysteriously disappeared. Working with Sandy was also great. They had fallen into a comfortable work routine, and now that classes were beginning to start, her new schedule, still full time despite his protests, had been arranged; she would just put some time in at the office after he went home for the evening.

Seth and Summer, though enthusiastic about going back to school, were less than thrilled by the fact that they would only see their two best friends occasionally on the weekends, because they would not be able to come home all the time. However, they had persuaded them to make a few trips up to USC for a weekend here and there throughout the semester, something all four of them were looking forward to. Because they knew they'd each miss their best friends when they left, they had planned the separate weekends. There was a silver lining to going away though, and Seth and Summer saw this clearly. Because of Volchok's surfing competitions and endorsement contracts, he was not home often, and that left quite a bit of time for Ryan and Marissa to spend with each other. Seth and Summer could see them growing closer before their very eyes, and they knew that with them gone, they would be together every day one way or another. It was just as if they couldn't stand to be apart even if they were just 'friends.' Hell, when they had first mentioned the idea for the separate weekend to them, they both caught the wary glance each of them directed at the other to convey the sense that they really didn't want to not be able to see each other for two whole days, making Seth and Summer snicker behind their backs and shake their heads in aggravation that they still weren't together yet. They knew it was inevitable, but they also knew that Ryan was stubborn and Marissa perhaps even more so, so who knew how long she would fight their feelings and attraction.

After spending Friday evening together, shopping, again, much to Marissa's dismay, she had to break the separate weekend rules and leave Summer to her own devices for a few hours because she had already made plans with Kevin for Saturday afternoon. They were going on their fourth date, and he would be leaving for a week later that evening. He had picked her up at 11:00 that morning, and a half an hour later she found herself relaxing on a sailboat as they cruised around Newport harbor, enjoying the surf and sun, eating lobster, and talking aimlessly about their upcoming week. She told him about her classes; he told her all about his upcoming trip, exclaiming that eventually he would get her to go with him. The conversation was comfortable, relaxed until he brought up a subject that was quickly becoming an issue for them: Ryan.

"So, you and Atwood, do you have any classes together," he asked while avoiding her eyes.

Knowing where this was going, she felt her body tense up. She grabbed her shirt and threw it back on over her bikini top, and sat up against the boat, pulling her knees to her chest for a sense of comfort.

"First of all, how many times do I have to ask you to call him Ryan? It is his name, you know. Secondly, yes we have classes together, three in fact." Unwittingly, her eyes lit up when she started talking about Ryan, something that did not escape Kevin's notice, and he smiled sadly to himself as he realized that no matter what he did, she never looked at him like that. "Because we're both still taking our core requirements, we were able to load up on similar courses, which will be fun and money saving. We're going to share books."

He laughed softly to himself before replying, "Who would have guessed that Newport's bitch would be poor some day, while I would be rolling in cash. Talk about your classic reversal of fortunes!"

She stood up, the anger flickering through her eyes undisguised, and moved away from him, crossing her arms over her chest and speaking through a clenched jaw. "I don't know why you have to be like that! I know you two have a past, but when ever I hang out with him he doesn't constantly bad mouth you. What's your problem, Kevin?" The last words came out almost as a scream.

Just as she did, he stood up and followed her across the boat to where she was standing, gently placing his hand on the small of her back and trying to draw her to him, but she flinched at his touch and recoiled away from his hand, tearing at his heart a little bit more. He was quite a moment while he thought of what he was going to say in response to her question. She deserved an honest answer, and he knew that if he was ever going to win this girl, total honesty was the only way he would be able to accomplish that.

"I guess I'm jealous," he said softly, standing fixed in the spot her cold brush off had frozen him into. As he continued to talk, she slowly turned around to face him, meeting his eyes gradually. "Look, I've made no secret of the fact that I like you, hell, you're the first woman I've ever tried to have a relationship with, and I've definitely never worked this hard for just a kiss, which you haven't given me yet, but I'm still waiting patiently. You're driving me crazy here though! All I can think about is you. My trainer hates you, by the way, because he said I can't concentrate anymore. Yet when I see you looking at me, there's nothing there in your eyes, but as soon as Atwood's name is mentioned, you light up, your eyes sparkle and you smile like you're in love….hell, you are in love, you've never denied that, but you're not in love with me, and it hurts. Here I am the one who's technically dating you, yet all of your love and affection is reserved for Atwood. How can you not expect me to be jealous?"

"Look, I don't know what to say to that," Marissa choked out with immense effort, shocked that he had revealed that much to her about his feelings and feeling guilty that she was doing this to him. "I told you how I felt when we first went to that party together, but I guess what I'm doing is unfair to you, and I'm sorry. It's selfish of me to hope that we could be friends and get to know one another, have fun together while I'm in love with another guy. This was a bad idea…"

Her voice trailed off as she went to run past him, eager to be by herself on the boat until they got back to the dock, but as she tried to get away, he reached out for her and drew her close to his body, taking her mouth in his and not letting her go. His touch was needy and incessant while gentle and loving at the same time as he held her in his arms, caressing her back with his fingers tenderly and deepening the kiss while he combined their tongues when she finally gave him access to her mouth. She tried to put everything into that kiss, she tried to feel as much as she could, she tried to feel something. Sure, the kiss was fun; he was hot, skillful at what he was doing, and it felt good, and it would be so much easier to fall for him because there was no baggage or issues of trust standing between them, but she felt wrong kissing him. She felt Dirty. She felt as if she was cheating on Ryan. As soon as this realization hit her, it was like a thousand slaps to the face. Roughly, she pushed him off of her and tears welled in her eyes, threatening to fall forth if she did not protest to their trickling down her face. Before she could even say anything, he knew what had happened.

"It was Atwood again, right," he asked his disappointment and pain evident in his voice.

"I'm so sorry, but I'm not ready to do that with you; I'm not sure if I ever will be able to. For right now, we just have to be friends," she pleaded looking down at her feet the entire time, unable to meet his eyes knowing that they would scream forth all the anguish she was causing him.

"I can't be your friend," he replied bluntly, "but I also can't stand to not have you in my life right now, so I guess I'll just have to settle for what I can get." He paused for a moment, stepping forward and tilting her chin up to meet his gaze. "I'm not giving up on you either. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve, and if it takes all the patience in the world to win you, I'll just have to go out and steal it from someone else."

She laughed despite herself and situation they were in, making him smile since his comment was made to make her feel more secure and less awkward around him. He went to wipe the tears from her eyes, but she hastily put her own hand up so that he couldn't do it, purposely keeping their physical contact to a minimum. Although it hurt him that she wouldn't even let him offer her the simplest form of comfort, he pushed his own feelings aside and focused on salvaging their afternoon together.

"Come on," he said casually, walking off and leading the way, "I saved the best part of our lunch for last. I do believe that if you would look in the fridge downstairs you will find a deliciously decadent chocolate chip cooking dough cheesecake with your name on it."

She smiled and tried to push back the panic that was starting to enter her mind from the guilt and longing she felt for Ryan before following him into the cabin of the boat, determined to put on a front of happiness if he could.

Julie was determined that her daughter would have a maternal figure in her life after she passed away, and once she saw Dawn stand up for her against Jimmy, she knew that she had found the woman she had been looking for. The symbolism of the idea was not lost on Julie either, not only could Dawn become Marissa's mother in law one day if their secret wish that their children marry came true, but, because of her past with Jimmy, she could have very well been Marissa's biological Mother. Genetically, Julie knew this was impossible, but in theory it made sense to her. That morning, after the confrontation, Julie had begged off her normal hours with Jimmy claiming she didn't feel well and needed to rest. The truth was that she was annoyed with her husband's behavior and she had to think, she had to come up with a plan of attack, and that afternoon she called Dawn and they had started their private meeting the very next afternoon.

Everyday, for at least an hour, Dawn would come by the hospital and they would sit in Julie's room talking about Marissa's past, present, and future. Julie would tell Dawn all of her fondest memories of her daughter, and Dawn would write them down. Their goal was that someday when Marissa had children of her own, Dawn would be able to use those recorded memories to share with them what their mommy had been like when she was a little girl. Dawn would tell her about Marissa's life now, how her relationship with Ryan was slowly healing and that, as they rebuilt their trust in each other, their bond was growing even stronger, how she was looking forward to school in the fall, and how the new people in her life were beginning to mean so much to her. Within weeks Julie found herself spending more time with Dawn than she did Jimmy, and in their estranged relationship, they both found a relief. True, it was heartbreaking that in a time when they should be gaining strength from each other, they were becoming practically strangers, but no matter what they tried, they just could not reconnect.

That Saturday afternoon the women met for their daily 'Marissa session' as they liked to call it, but somehow they found their conversation shifting away from the young woman they had in common and focusing on each other.

"So has Ryan decided if he's moving in with you yet," Julie asked suspiciously, knowing, since Dawn had confided in her, that Ryan hoped to convince Marissa to share an apartment with him platonically.

Dawn laughed before replying. "First he has to get up the nerve to ask her. I've never seen my son so nervous about a girl before. Well, to be honest, I don't think he's every really thought much about them at all. They were just there, as sad as that is to say. He's a completely different person since he met Marissa. She has changed him….for the better in so many ways, and that's just credit to you and your job as a parent. Perhaps if I'd done a better job raising my own son, Marissa wouldn't have to show him the error of his ways so much."

Julie put a comforting hand out to hold Dawn's, reassuring her with that one, simple friendly gesture that even though she had not been the best parent before, she was changing for the better, too. The women smiled at each other as understanding crossed between their eyes.

"Well, what about you," Julie continued to ask, "are you ready to move into your apartment?"

"In a strange way, I am. It will be weird, don't get me wrong, but that house I live in has too many bad memories, and when I'm all alone in it when the kids aren't there to fill it with life and joy, it is so lonely and haunting." Breaking away from her melancholy subject, Dawn's face brightened considerably as she confessed her secret to Julie. "I have an interview on Monday. I haven't told anyone about that yet, not Ryan or Mike, but it's with an events consulting firm, and if everything goes right, I'll have my first real job!"

"Congratulations," Julie said beaming at her friend. "But we'll talk about that more later; tell me about Mike. What's going on in that front?"

Giggling like to two school girls, they settled back into their playful banter, dishing the dirt on Dawn's blossoming love life as her crush on the dependable and caring FBI agent grew to limitless proportions.

Marissa was standing behind the counter of the poolhouse as she finished setting out their snacks for the evening as Summer breezed into the open doors of the poolhouse, sans a hello, and rushed up, tossing her overnight bag to the ground, to plop down on a stool in front of her. Picking up some Swedish fish, Marissa's favorite candy, and munching on them while she talked, she delved right into the heavy issues forgetting such common things as pleasantries and small talk.

"So, another hot date with the male model slash professional surfer; what did you two do this time," Summer asked excited. Sure, she might want Marissa with Ryan, but Volchok was dmn fine, and if Marissa got some off of him, good for her, she thought.

"We took a sail boat out and had lunch, fought about Ryan, and then ate cheesecake in silence for the rest of the afternoon," Marissa responded quite flippantly, as if what she had said wasn't important at all. "Oh, and he kissed me, and I totally freaked out and broke his heart. Nothing much to talk about, what'd you do?"

Summer's mouth fell open in shock as she tried to sift her way through everything Marissa had just confessed to her. Picking up the candy and then walking back for a bottle of water and the box of pizza, she made her way to the bed and sat down as if in a daze. Marissa, grabbing a water for herself, hesitantly joined her friend on the bed.

"Um, why are we sitting here now, Sum," she asked confused.

"Because," Summer stated with a completely straight face and a voice void of any sarcasm or humor, "if I had stayed in the chair, I probably would have ended up falling out, and this is a lot closer to the ground. Now, let's go back to what you said before and take this step by step. First, you went sailing and had lunch. How was that?"

Marissa grabbed a handful of fish herself before replying. "The food was good, our conversation, not very. We were doing fine until he brought up Ryan, wanting to know if we would have classes together, and I guess I sort of, maybe, might have, seemed a little too interested in him and hurt Kevin, made him feel as if he'd never be able to make me feel the same way Ryan does."

"Well, he won't, but we both know that, and I'm pretty sure, by what you told me, that you were upfront with him about your feelings for Atwood, so what's the big deal," Summer stated simply. No sense in wasting time with clichés or details.

"Guess I didn't make myself that clear, because he got hurt, which was never my intention," Marissa added. "I just want my relationship with him to be simple, fun, nothing romantic or heavy, and I told him that, but he doesn't agree. He said he wants more."

Summer started nodding her head before she spoke. "Surprisingly, I think he's telling you the truth. I know you never knew him before, but Volchok was quite the little manslut. He would sleep with anything that made his little soldiers want to march; and, no offense Coop, but that didn't take much, but he'd never give a girl the time of day. They were just there to sleep with, to use, but you, hell, he hasn't even tried to kiss you yet, has he?"

"Well," Marissa acknowledged slightly embarrassed, "not exactly…."

"Oh my god," Summer yelled, jumping on top of the bed and standing up on it. "He kissed you? How was it? Was it hot? Did it make your knees buckle? Did it leave you panting for more? Did you two have sex? I NEED DETAILS!"

"Whatever happened to wanting to be close the ground," Marissa mocked in fake confusion. "You definitely are excited easily, must make for easy work for Seth!" Summer sat down on the bed again after giving Marissa a fake laugh. "Fine, you want to know the details," Marissa continued. "I'll tell you exactly how I felt while I was kissing him. The whole time we were….you know, I kept thinking to myself, okay, Kevin's gorgeous and sexy and sweet, well, to me, so why aren't you feeling anything. It didn't make any sense, and don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad, he's not bad, at all, but I didn't feel a thing until the very end when I was flooded with guilt and shame and pushed him away."

"Guilt and shame," Summer inquired confused, "for what?"

"Sum, it felt as if I was cheating on Ryan."

"Oh," the brunette said with more severity in her tone than she'd used all night. "Yeah, that could not have been good. What did you tell him,Volchok?"  
"I didn't have to tell him anything." Summer quirked her eyebrows in confusion. "I guess he could read it on my face and he knew instantly."

"So you two are over then?"

"You'd think wouldn't you," Marissa said as she let out an exasperated sigh, "but he said that he's not giving up. He's going on a trip for a week, so at least I won't have to deal with him for a while. Why did I do this? Why did I get involved with him?"  
"Look, I'm not going to defend you, because I still don't understand your reasoning myself 100," Summer reassured her, "but you told him from the very start that your heart belonged to someone else and that you were just looking for fun. You didn't force him to feel anything for you. He did that on his own. I think you just wanted a no pressure escape from your issues with Ryan, but instead it's made your life an even bigger mess."

"Thanks for the pep talk," Marissa laughed, tossing a pillow in the direction of her friend's head before settling down with a piece of pizza in her hand. Summer was quiet a moment as she arranged herself on the bed so that she was comfortable on the other side of the pizza box, taking a slice for herself. All of a sudden, she turned to Marissa with a devilish smile on her face.

"So, if Volchok's kisses leave you feeling empty and thinking of Ryan, what do Ryan's kisses do to you," she asked smirking as she saw the bright blush creep into her friends cheeks. "And do not tell me that it's too private to discuss or that you don't know how to describe it. That dreamy look in your eye tells me that you know exactly what he does to you, and I'm curious."

Laughing with her, Marissa replied, "Let's just say that sometimes at night I wake up in a hot sweat after dreaming about that night we spent together in the hotel."

"Holy hell, you have wet dream about Ryan," Summer shrieked.

Marissa was so embarrassed, her face turned a deep purple color and she choked on her bite of pizza, making her cough loudly before she could reply. "Summer, that is not funny!"

"It is, too," Summer shot back. "Do you have any idea what I could get Atwood to do for me if I told him about that little confession? He'd be at my mercy for life!"

"Summer, I swear if you say anything to him…." Marissa's voice faded out as she really had no clue what to threaten Summer with.

"Don't worry," Summer laughed, "I'm sure somewhere down the line you'll confess it to him yourself!"

Late into the night their girlish giggles and playful banter continued as they shared secrets, divulged their deepest desires and dreams, and just had fun being innocent again. However, their counterparts could not say they spent their night the same way.

Ryan and Seth stumbled…well, to be accurate, Ryan supported a stumbling Seth as they made their way into the Cohen house at 3:30 in the morning. Summer had long since made her way to Seth's room, begging leave of Marissa since she said she had missed Seth that day and wanted to be there to tease him in the morning when he no doubt woke up with a hang over. Ryan helped him up the stairs and left him sitting on the edge of the bed while he babbled incoherently to a slumbering Summer about how he had figured out you could walk in a straight line when drunk if you shuffled sideways. Ryan had mentioned to Seth that he was tired and was just going to crash in the poolhouse, but he wasn't sure if the comment had even registered on Seth's radar. He made his way back down the stairs and outside to the bed he had slept on many times during high school, stripped all his clothes off except his boxer-briefs, and laid down, practically falling asleep before his head even hit the pillow.

"What the hell," a barely conscious Marissa said to herself early the next morning as she felt something stir underneath her in bed. "Either my water was spiked last night, someone switched beds and gave me a water bed, or I'm not alone in here."

Squinting against the sunlight, Marissa opened her eyes to find that she was looking into her own blue eyes. No wait, she thought, those aren't my eyes, my eyes are a deeper blue than that, these are clearer, crystal, Ryan blue…..and with that thought she launched herself out of the bed just as he did the same thing.

"What the hell are you doing in here," They both asked incredulously, not even noticing their barely there state of dress, he in his underwear and she in a silk slip of a nightgown due to the heat of the previous evening.

"I live here," Marissa shot back without even thinking. "What are you doing here?"  
"Wait, you live here….in the Cohens' poolhouse," Ryan asked, shock written all over his face. "How the hell did you keep Seth from telling me all this time?"  
Marissa giggled in spite of herself. "Trust me, it took many threats of bodily harm and castration from Summer and I to get him to stay mum."

Ryan joined in her laughter and smiled at her apologetically. "Look, I'm sorry. I was tired last night when I brought Seth back from that party. He was pretty wasted, so I had to make sure he got here okay, but I'm just used to being able to use this place whenever I need a place to crash or a place to escape my family. If I'd known you were in here, I wouldn't have slept in this bed….with you. I think that definitely goes against your friends only mandate."

"You're forgiven, just this once," Marissa playfully found herself flirting back at him. "It wasn't intentional, and if anyone broke the friends mandate, that would be me. Um….sorry about sleeping on top of you; you could have just pushed me off."

He laughed as he walked towards the kitchen. "Now where would the fun in that be? Breakfast," he asked as he opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs."

She joined him in the kitchenette and grabbed the bread and the toaster. "Sure. I'll help."

As they worked together making breakfast, they talked easily about their upcoming, first day of classes, their bonding experiences that weekend with their best friends, and anything else that they could think of. So lost in each other and in their own little world, neither of them noticed Summer and a miserably hung over Seth stumble out to the poolhouse and peek in the window before they scrambled back inside to avoid being detected. Sitting together on the bed as they ate, Marissa suddenly surprised Ryan by looking up at him and breaking their comfortable silence.

"This is nice, hanging out with you like this," she said as she took another bite and laughingly talked while she ate, holding her hand over her mouth. "What if….maybe….I don't know if you'd want to, but we're both kind of strapped for cash….do you want to get an apartment together, as friends?" Her last words tumbled out of her mouth so quickly he almost couldn't understand them.

When their eyes finally met he could see the hope in hers and she could see the surprise in his, but neither said anything to make the situation awkward or uncomfortable.

"Sure," he replied before smiling at her and taking another bite to eat.

"Great," she returned, jumping out of bed and running for the paper that was sitting on the kitchen counter. "We can look this afternoon!"

And with that, they spent the rest of the morning comfortable sitting together in her bed, playfully bickering back and forth about which apartments to see and which ones were a lost cause.


	13. Chapter 13

It was Friday afternoon. Marissa and Sandy were comfortably sitting in his office together working on research for a case and talking leisurely about their past week. This was their Friday ritual, the catch-up session, and it meant even more now since she was no longer living with the Cohens. Moving had been a whirlwind. As soon as she told Kirsten the plans she and Ryan had made about getting an apartment together, Kirsten had been on the phone calling her realtor and setting up an appointment for them to meet with her. Four days later, they had an apartment and were now trying to juggle not only work and school but unpacking and organizing while mixing in a little play time as well at Ryan's insistence.

"So, the new apartment…with Ryan, how goes that," Sandy asked with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

Unbidden, a smile graced Marissa's face and a giggle escaped her lips as she thought about her new living arrangement. "At the rate we're going, we'll be moving out before we're all unpacked."

"Well," he replied back cheekily, "that will mean less packing down the road."

"Haha, very funny, "she shot back at him trying to keep a straight face but failing. "No, but seriously, we try to work on it but we just end up goofing around and talking the whole time. We haven't even moved all of our furniture yet that I have stored in the Roberts' garage."

"Any time you need the Range Rover," he offered without any hesitance, "just ask."

"Thanks, I think we might have to take you up on that offer, but not tonight. Trust me," Marissa said with a roll of her eyes, "there are plenty of things we already have at the apartment that can be unpacked without going and picking up more."

"So you and Ryan are spending your Friday night together, what does the boyfriend think of that," he asked as he kept prying for more information, curious as to what was going on in her life.

Feigning shock, Marissa gasped at Sandy. "Ryan has a boyfriend!"

He shook his head and looked at her closely. "Nice try, but you're not avoiding this topic. I think you need to talk about this before you get yourself into some hot water."

"He's not my boyfriend, Kevin, I mean," she said without even batting an eye.

"Does he know that," Sandy continued to cross examine her gently.

"I think so," she spoke slightly with unease. "I think I've made how I feel perfectly clear, that I'm in love with Ryan but just…can't be with him now, yet, and that I'm just looking for some simple, lighthearted fun."

Pushing her on, he continued, "And what does he want?"

"More," she whispered avoiding his unwavering gaze. "But I told him I don't want that, that we can't have that kind of a relationship. I mean, we're not doing anything," she trailed on as her face flushed. "He tired to kiss me, but I couldn't do that to Ryan, so I pushed him away."

"Why are you still spending time with him if you know there's no chance for a relationship and if you know that you ultimately want Ryan," Sandy queried.

"Why not," she shot back without a second's thought. "What's wrong with hanging out with a friend? I spend time with Seth, alone, and no one seems to have a problem with that."

"Yes, but Seth doesn't have feelings for you," he responded wisely. "Spending time with this Volchok character,"

She cut him off, "Well obviously you don't like him if you speak about him that way, so you're a little biased here."

"You're right, I am biased," he acknowledged. "I see you with Ryan, and I know that's where you belong. I've known that since the first time I saw you together, before any of this mess happened."

"And I was ready to be with him then, although I hadn't told him yet because I was scared," she defended herself, "but then he went and broke my faith in him, and that's a little hard to move past. I'm getting there, slowly, but it's going to take time, and why should I be lonely in the meanwhile?"

"Look, all I'm saying is that it's not fair to…..what's his name, Kevin, because even though you've told him you're not interested in a relationship, spending time with him is going to send mixed messages; it's going to make him think he still has a chance." When he noticed that she seemed to be taking in what he said and pondering it, he continued a little more gently, "and that's not fair to you, to Ryan, or to Kevin. But, that's enough about that, I'll let you think about it for the next two days since you said he's gone on business, but when he gets back, you need to sit down and talk about this with him, make a decision once and for all. For now, tell me about school."

Her face instantly brightens as she thinks about their new topic of conversation. "School is great! You know how most people hate going back to classes, well, not me. I'm so excited, and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I sat down in that first class Monday morning. Now, buying my books on the other hand was not as fun."

"Never is," he laughed with her.

"Hey, but at least I didn't have to carry them back to my car. Ryan insisted upon carrying them all for me, and now he won't even let me carry my book bag."

Lost in thought she sat there thinking about Ryan's ridiculous, chivalrous behavior until all of a sudden, startling Sandy, she jumped out of her seat and flew to the outer office and her desk and tossed what she was working on aside. She grabbed her bag and her keys, and went back to Sandy's doorway.

"I'm so sorry, Sandy, but I have to go, right now," she said so quickly he could barely understand what she was saying. "Ryan's first game is today, and I promised him I'd be there; I want to be there, but I'm not going dressed like this," she looked down disdainfully at her work suit, "so I have to run home and change before I go. Plus, I wanted to be early so that I could wish him luck before it started." She went out the door, but stopped, turned around, and came back up to the doorway. "Oh, and I'll be in tomorrow morning to finish up my hours for this week, so if you want to talk some more, you know where to find me. Bye," she yelled out excitedly as she scurried out of the office. As he heard the door shut behind her he sat back and laughed for a few moments to himself at her crazy and exuberant behavior.

"That is a girl in love," he said still shaking his head as he went back to his work, his mind on what he could do to help Ryan and Marissa find their way back to each other.

Across town at Newport Memorial, two women, growing closer every day, were also talking and catching up, discussing one very important issue and another one that was just plain fun.

"I just don't understand," Dawn objected for what could possibly be the hundredth time since the issue started, "why is he all of a sudden so against Ryan?"

Julie reflected on this for a moment, organizing her thoughts before she replied in a soft, gentle tone, trying to soothe Dawn's aggression. "At first I was like you, I thought he had something against Ryan, that he hadn't believed you that he wasn't violent and that he mistrusted him, but the more I talk to him about the issue, the more I realize that he really doesn't have a reason. He's just not ready to accept the fact that his little girl is now a woman, supporting herself and ready for a relationship. He wants to keep her young and innocent, the little girl who used to sit on his lap and tell him her dreams. At first, he was alright with her on her own, but now that his cancer is progressing, it's as if he knows he's going to loose her soon and he just wants to protect her from everything. No man would be good enough for her now in his eyes, because if she feels for someone, then there's a possibility she'll get hurt."

"How bad is he," Dawn inquired, her tone void of anger as soon as Julie said Jimmy's condition was deteriorating.

"Not good, that's for sure. He won't tell Marissa either," Julie confessed as her head dropped to her chest as a few tears slid down her ashen face. "I think all this worrying and added stress that he put on himself is making it worse, not to mention that every time Marissa goes to see him, which is becoming less and less because of his grudge against Ryan, they fight, sometimes ruthlessly, and it's just eating away at him. No matter what I do though," she continued, "no matter what I say, he won't stop. He's killing himself!"

Finally, unable to hold back her sorrow any longer, Julie collapsed into Dawn's ready, able, and supportive arms. Dawn let her sob for a few moments, softly whispering reassurances and comforting clichés into her ear until she calmed down enough to listen again.

"I have an idea, and I know he will do it, but I don't know what you'll think of it. It might be exactly what we need to reassure Jimmy or it could backfire in our faces and make matters worse."

"What is it," Julie asked as she pulled back from Dawn and started to dry her eyes hastily with her hands.

Dawn took a deep breath before she plunged into her idea. "What if we had Ryan come and talk to Jimmy, lay the truth down for him, plain and simple, tell him exactly how he feels about Marissa? Talking about his feelings is not Ryan's forte, but if it means he will be helping Marissa's father live longer, he would do without any vacillation."

Julie pondered the idea for a moment before she spoke. "I think Ryan would do it, too, but I'd rather not put him through Jimmy's wrath right now if we can help it. He doesn't deserve that. Let me talk to him some more, and if nothing else helps, then we know what our last resort will be."

"Are you sure," Dawn prodded gently. "What if it's too late by the time we ask Ryan; what if Jimmy's already too far gone, health wise?"

"Dawn," Julie started softly, "it's already too late. No matter what we do, Jimmy's going to die. I'm going to die. It's inevitable. A couple of weeks is not going to make that much difference at this point."

Her tone was resigned, and Dawn knew that she was right, despite what both of their wishes might be, but purposely changing the subject, she brought up something that made them both smile and become giddy with excitement.

"So, I have a 'catch-up' dinner tonight with Mike," she said using quotes to emphasize her point. "I'm cooking for him, poor guy, and he's coming over to see my new apartment for the first time."

"Is this a date then," Julie asked with a pleased smirk on her face.

"Not yet," Dawn replied a little sorrowfully although nothing could wipe the smile off of her face, "we can't officially date until after the trial is over or he gets transferred to a different case, but it doesn't really matter. We're still getting to know one another, and I have fun with him whether we're dating our not. Besides, I just filed for divorce last week, and unless they find Dan soon, it will be a while before that's finalized. My life is pretty much in limbo until they track them down."

"Any sign of them yet, any clues as to where they might be hiding out," Julie asked interested. "It's not fair that everything in your life has to stop just because they're too cowardly to face the consequences of their actions."

Laughing, Dawn agreed with her. "Unfortunately, I haven't heard any news, but you never know, maybe Mike will have some for me this evening."

"Alright, enough about those deadbeats," Julie said dismissively with a wave of her hand, "let's talk about the important things. What are you cooking, what are you wearing, and, just in case, did you shave your legs?"

They continued to laugh and enjoy each other's company late into the afternoon, sharing past dating experiences, laughing until they cried over the bad ones and relishing the fondest, until Julie had to eat her dinner and Dawn had to go and make hers. Parting, they hugged goodbye and made plans to talk the next day so they could discuss the 'catch-up' dinner.

Hastily, Marissa rummaged through her boxes of clothes, searching for just the right outfit to wear to the game that afternoon. She had to hurry if she wanted to talk to Ryan before it began, but she also wanted to make sure she wore something he liked. If she would have had time to think, she might have realized that she was not behaving like a friend, that it shouldn't matter what she wore to Ryan's game if she wasn't in love with him, but her brain had stopped focusing on anything besides clothes long before that moment.

The bottom of her outfit had been easy to pick because Ryan had gotten her some Harbor sportswear so that she could show her team spirit at the games, and since it was a hot day, she had decided to wear the warm-up shorts. She noticed as she slid them on her tanned, slim legs, that they lived up to their name; they barely covered her butt cheeks. Smirking, she thought that she would have fun torturing him in them. However, she could not figure out what to wear for a shirt. It was too hot to wear anything tight. She did not want her clothes sticking to her, and she knew that any of the t-shirts he would have gotten her would no doubt be a size to small just to ensure that he would be able to see more skin. Frustrated, she grabbed one of his boxes of clothes and spotted exactly what she was looking for right on top of the pile, one of his wife beaters. Sliding it over her head, she grabbed her keys and ran out of the door, throwing her hair up in a causal, messy bun as she went.

Locking the door behind her, she almost had a heart attack as she felt hands slide around her waist. Panicking, she almost screamed until she remembered that Ryan had attached some pepper spray to her keychain.

"Take your hands off of me! I have pepper spray," she threatened without turning around, moving the protective weapon into her hand and preparing to use it.

"Whoa, wait, what's this," a familiar voice laughing asked her. "I go away for five days and you completely forget who I am?"

Turning around she was confronted with a face she was not prepared to deal with yet. He was not supposed to be back until the end of the weekend, but here he was and she was running late.

"After you told me on the phone," he continued, "that you finally found an apartment, I wanted to surprise you and come home early. I guess it worked; you were definitely surprised."

"Look Kevin," Marissa replied in a hurry, brushing his hands off of her body brusquely and walking quickly towards her car. "I'm late. I really have to get going, but we need to talk, so call me later tonight okay. Thanks."

And with that, she left Volchok standing there staring after her puzzled as to where she was off to in such a hurry when she looked like she was either dressed for the gym or going to bed. Shrugging his shoulders and fighting off the urge to become angry with her lack of interest, he climbed back into car and left while trying to think of new and romantic ways to win her affections for himself.

Breathlessly, Marissa ran up to Ryan literally minutes before the whistle would be blown to signify that the game had begun. The team was on the bench making sure their ankles were taped just right, taking their last drinks, and trying to calm the nerves they would deny they had. Ryan was pacing along the sidelines nervous as well and secretly fearing that Marissa was not coming despite the fact that she had promised she would be there, but then he saw her, running down the school yard, smiling in anticipation, and waving as she laughed at her own enthusiasm. Little did Ryan know that not only was he watching the blonde bombshell move towards him, but his whole team had turned to become transfixed upon the woman their coach was so obviously interested in. A few of them grumbled that he didn't deserve a hot woman like that, while the others were too awestruck to say anything, but, just like Ryan, Marissa was completely oblivious to the juvenile lust sent in her direction.

Reaching him, Marissa found herself launching her body into Ryan's and enveloping him in a tight hug as she apologized for almost being late. She realized this was probably not the smartest form of behavior but it felt right so she went with it, and Ryan was not going to complain. As they grudgingly pulled away from each other, Ryan looked over her shoulder and found the admiring audience his team was making, so he hastily barked an order to the captain to keep them warmed up and to lead them in a few laps around the field. Grumbling, the boys all shuffled off, casting backward glances over their shoulder at Marissa but leaving the 'friends' in relative privacy. Unable to help himself, Ryan let his eyes roam Marissa's body taking in her simple yet sexy attire that was driving him crazy with desire.

"What is this," he finally asked her motioning to her get up.

"What," she asked nervously, looking down at her own outfit and raising her eyes to meet his questioningly. "You bought me the shorts which cover just about as much as my underwear do. Thanks for that, by the way."

He interrupted her. "I know, and I like them!"

She shoved him away playfully before continuing. "And I noticed the shirts were all too small as well, so I went for comfort and decided to steal one of your wifebeaters. You don't mind do you?"

"No, I don't mind at all," he said grinning at her, but looking into his eyes she could tell that they were not filled with humor but, instead, with lust, and despite what she should be feeling, it sent a warm, happy tingle through her body at the thought that he felt that way towards her and she smiled back at him radiantly. Shaking herself out of the daydream that was clouding her mind with very un-friend like images of the two of them, she broke through their sexually charged silence and spoke with a flirty tone.

"So, tonight, after the game, you, me, dinner, and unpacking, how does that sound?"

"Perfect," he replied without a bit of sarcasm, actually looking forward to the prospect of having Marissa to himself all night once again. "And tomorrow and Sunday as well."

"We'll see," she teased walking off towards the bleachers, but his hand on the small of her back stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Where do you think you're going," he questioned slightly confused.

She looked around her and then pointed towards the bleachers, "Isn't that we're I'm supposed to sit?"

He shook his head and pointed towards a blanket and pillows underneath a tree a few yards away from the bench. "Nope, as the official cheering section for the coach, you get your very own spot to sit. Plus that way I know exactly where to look for you to see your reactions."

"Really," she asked, the shock and delight evident in her voice. As he positively shook his head to indicate that he was not joking with her, impulsively, she leaned over and kissed his cheek before whispering in his ear.

"Good luck!" With that she slowly walked off, looking over her shoulder every few seconds to see him watching her the entire way.

After dinner, Mike had suggested that they go to the pier, get ice cream, and walk along the beach to talk. He said it would be peaceful there; Dawn thought it was romantic. They each had gotten Balboa bars, his treat to repay her for cooking him dinner, and as they strolled along the boardwalk on their way down to the water, they chatted about all the minor things in life, the weather, their jobs, or in Dawn's case, the uncertainty of whether or not she would be hired for the job she had gone to an interview for that previous Monday, and their interests. Although he had been slightly quiet all evening, Dawn pushed it aside assuming it was nerves, because although she knew this wasn't an official date, it was only a matter of time before there was one, and they had both been out of the dating loop for many years. Finally, after he had cleared his throat three times, her curiosity over his silence got the better of her and she had to ask him what was on his mind. His response was not what she was expecting.

"It's your husband and son," he practically whispered, avoiding her eyes the entire time he spoke.

"Please don't call him, Dan, that. He's my soon to be ex-husband, that's all," she shot back slightly annoyed. "Why are you worrying about them right now?"

He considered his words carefully before continuing. "They, themselves, are not really bothering me. It's what their case….this case is doing to me, to us." At the sound of the word us, Dawn nearly fell down unconscious she was so excited and shocked, but somehow, luckily, she remained upright and didn't embarrass herself.

"I let my obsession with this case ruin my marriage, and I'm not about to let it ruin any chance of happiness that I might have now. I'm not an idiot; I know how to learn from my mistakes, but before I put in a request for reassignment, I need to know what you're looking for here. Is this….us, is it just something you're doing for fun, or is there a chance we could be more, something serious?"

The night just kept getting better and better, Dawn thought to herself. She just stared at him for a few moments, tears glistening in her eyes as she realized just how happy he was making her, afraid to open her mouth and have it all disappear, but when she noticed that he started to fidget and get nervous, she, too, had to clear her throat in order to talk. Impetuously, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it before replying.

"Oh no, this is something serious, definitely serious," she said so rapidly and with so much enthusiasm that he couldn't help but laugh at her. What had happened to the woman that was barely holding her life together, struggling each day to remain sober that he had met just a couple of months before. He barely recognized that woman in her anymore as he gazed into Dawn's eyes thinking silently to himself. Leaning over, he kissed her softly, keeping their hands laced together tightly. As they pulled back from each other, he let go of her hand and wrapped it around her shoulder, drawing her body into the crook of his arm as they continued with their walk.

"I'll talk to my superior on Monday," he said, making Dawn beam up at him, yet again, the contentment and peace, happiness and bliss evident on her glowing face.

They kept talking for hours about all the personal topics they had broached before and those they had left alone, Ryan and Marissa, her sobriety, her relationship with Julie, his failed marriage, his daughter, and briefly, guardedly, the future.

Ryan and Marissa had cooked dinner together, laughing and chatting the time away as they fondly remembered the game, recalling every monumental moment and memory and celebrating his first victory as coach. With no table to eat at, they had spread their feast in front of them on the floor and sat, crossed legged, facing each other as they ate, the conversation continuing to flow. The deal was that they would eat, relax for twenty minutes, and then get right to work at unpacking box after box of their belongings, but it had never happened. Three hours later as the hands on the clock moved steadily closer to midnight, they were laying on the floor, side by side, still talking about anything and everything they could think of. Without thinking, Marissa began to play with Ryan's hand, lacing her fingers through his and drawing idly with her finger tips on his palm. She did it absent mindedly, not even noticing how intimate her touches were, but Ryan noticed and relished the idea that she was so comfortable with him physically again, that touching him was that instinctual for her.

As the minutes passed by, he noticed that she her voice was getting softer and softer and that when she spoke, her words were slower than they had been earlier in the evening. When he moved his body so that he was resting on his side and not his back so that he could look at her, he noticed that her eyes were closed and that she was almost asleep. Gently, he reached his hand out and began to stroke her forehead, pushing back her silky hair and smoothing it with his tender touch. Because of her exhausted state, she didn't put up a protest to his caresses and ended up leaning into his touch as it comforted her and made it even easier to slip into sleep. Only a few minutes later, her breathing had taken on the deep, slow rhythm of a person who was at rest, so he sat up and took her into his arms, cradling her delicate body to his chest, and carried her into her room, placing her softly on her bed, and tucking her in. He kissed her forehead goodnight and went back down to the living room to work on unpacking some of the boxes for her.

The night was humid and hot so he took his tank top off, leaving him in only his boxers as he worked on diligently. He laughed to himself as he saw how organized and neatly she had packed her belongings especially compared to his careless system, labeling each box meticulously and arranging things so that she could fit as much as possible into each cardboard container. He was startled out of his thoughts by the doorbell ringing around 1:30 at night. Quickly moving to the door, he swung it open without looking through the peephole, not wanting the person to press the bell again and risk waking Marissa up. Unfortunately, it probably would have been better if Marissa had opened the door instead. Standing there with an annoyed look on his face was Volchok.

"What the hell are you doing here," he spit out viciously as he saw Ryan when he opened the door, "and why the hell are you dressed like that in my girlfriend's apartment?"

"I live here, too," Ryan said as evenly as he could, Volchok's tone and demeanor sparking his anger immediately and his comments setting off his jealousy. Surprising both of them, Marissa's voice came out strong and loud as she descended the stairs, dressed in what she had worn to the game earlier, except with no bra.

"You're not my boyfriend Kevin, and what the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"Sorry if I was interrupting something," he replied back caustically, the hurt and embarrassment evident in his voice.

Reaching the front door, Marissa stood by Ryan, not letting him leave even though he went to move away. "What do you mean," she asked confused. "The only thing you're interrupting was my sleep, which obviously was your intention in the first place since you came over so late. And you never answered my question, why are you here?"

Volchok glanced between the two people standing in front of him, disbelieving that he had to answer for himself in front of Ryan, but knowing that if he didn't, that would be the last straw with Marissa and she would send him packing for sure.

"You said to call you so we could talk, but I kept getting your voice mail, so I came here to see if everything was alright and maybe to see if we could talk in person." His tone went from apologetic to accusatory when he spoke next. "Why didn't you tell me you lived with him?"

With a roll of her eyes and a slight yawn, Marissa replied, "That's what I had to talk to you about. I didn't want to tell you on your trip because I knew you were working and it would just make you mad, although you have no right to be. We're not going out, and frankly, I don't see why it matters. Ryan and I are friends. I wanted this; I asked him." As he went to interject a comment, she cut him off and went to shut the door. "Look Kevin, it's late, I'm tired, I'm now annoyed, and you need to go home. I'll talk to you later." And with that, she shut the door and turned to Ryan, a contrite smile on her face. "Sorry about that, how he acted."

"Hey," Ryan said, slinging his arm over her shoulder, pulling her into a friendly hug as they walked back towards the living room, "he's an ass." She went to say something, but he stopped her by continuing to talk. "Don't deny it, you know it's true, but I'm used to it." She couldn't help but laugh along with him. "So, now that you're up, what do you say, Miss lazybones, to helping me work on unpacking these boxes for a while."

Teasing back, she flipped open the first one she approached and started pulling things out to put away. "Now how could I pass up an offer like that?"

A half an hour later, two water bottles down, and the air conditioning cranked, Marissa pushed the box she was currently packing aside.

"That's it, I can't do this anymore," she gasped out impatiently. "It is way too hot to be doing manual labor like this." Ryan laughed at her, continuing to work, but Marissa just stared at him, sweat beads running down his back as he unpacked the boxes, thinking. Starling him, she yelled out vivaciously, grabbing his hand and dragging him after her.

"Come on, let's go!"

"Where to," he asked, chuckling at her exuberance.

Tossing open their back door which led to the patio and walkway to the beach, she pulled him after her as they jogged down to the water.

"We're going swimming," she said.

Letting go of his hand, she ran into the crashing waves leaving him standing there baffled, amused, and definitely excited. Speaking softly to himself so that she wouldn't hear and grinning widely, he couldn't believe his luck.

"And you're wearing a white tank top without a bra. This is definitely going to be a good night!"

With that, he charged down to the oceanfront to join her, picking her and throwing her over his shoulder as they played and frolicked like two little kids at the beach for the first time, alleviating the physical and creating some sexually charged heat.


	14. Chapter 14

Sitting at work Monday morning, Marissa was surprised when she saw a flower delivery man open the office door. Of course no one would be sending Sandy flowers, so unless the man was in the wrong place, she was getting flowers. For just one moment she let herself wish that for some strange reason Ryan had sent her flowers, but she knew that wasn't true. After signing for the bouquet of gardenias, she arranged them on her desk before she pulled the card out of its envelope and closed her eyes in preparation for what she was about read. After another silent wish that she would see his cramped, messy handwriting but knowing it was futile, she slowly opened her eyes and scanned the small message of greeting and devotion before taking in the words themselves.

"Signed by the florist," she said dejectedly. "Well at least I know now that they're unfortunately not from Ryan." After looking around her to make sure that Sandy had not heard her outburst, she collapsed into her chair and read the note quietly out loud to herself.

"Marissa, Missing you and sorry about my impatient behavior. I'll call you while I'm gone the next few weeks. Yours, Kevin."

Sighing, suddenly feeling exhausted and eager to see Ryan when he picked her up for their classes in a little over and hour, she tossed the card in the garbage can and went back to her work.

Relationships and communication were not going smoothly in Newport Memorial either as Julie gathered her strength for another cataclysmic battle with her husband. They had agreed to meet for breakfast to catch up with each other and discuss the only thing that seemed to occupy their minds recently: their daughter. Jimmy's condition kept deteriorating, day by day, hour by hour, but he refused to budge an inch in his opinion of Ryan and his relationship with his little girl. As Julie saw him wheel into the visiting room where they were going to share their morning meal, he had taken to using the wheelchair permanently because it took so much out of him to walk, she knew that the time was rapidly approaching where she would be a widow. Wheeling up to her, he kissed her cheek dismissively sending a wave of pain through her heart, but she waved it off knowing that she could not focus on her own emotions right now; there were more important things she had to deal with.

"Morning," Jimmy said as he pushed himself up to the table and began to eat immediately without another word in greeting or an inquiry into her mood or health.

"Hey there, how are you feeling," Julie asked sweetly in an attempt to make him feel relaxed and loved, perhaps that way he would be more receptive to the conversation she was about to start. All she got in return was a grunt.

"I've been doing well," she continued. "The new medicine we've been able to afford since the benefit dinner seems to be slowing down the progression of the cancer and I feel stronger. The doctor said the medicine might add a few more months to my life." She smiled over at him but he just kept eating, refusing to meet her eyes for even a second. Sighing helplessly, she continued. "Dawn and I have been getting to know one another a lot lately. I could see how you could have loved her. She's wonderful, so full of life, warm, caring, generous. She's helping me with Marissa. We're recording all my fondest memories of her so that she can share them with Marissa's children some day, our grandchildren." Before Julie could say another word, Jimmy suddenly spoke up and interrupted her.

"And why would Dawn be in Marissa's life still when she has children?" His tone was harsh, accusing, and cold. "Do not tell me that you're going against me and supporting this ridiculous idea that Marissa should be with him!"

"He has a name, Jimmy," Julie spat back just as fiercely, her temper now baited. "His name is Ryan and yes, I…we, Dawn and I, want them together. She loves him, Jimmy; why can't that be enough for you?"

"Because she has no idea what love is," he practically screamed.

Taking a deep breath before continuing, Julie tried to speak calmly and rationally to her unreasonable husband. "Why, because she's only 19? Jimmy, a lot of people fall in love when they're 19, and this is not some innocent crush; this is a once in a lifetime, cataclysmic, fairytale love we're talking about here, and she's not the only one who feels it."

"Well, if it's so powerful," he retorted smugly, thinking that he was playing the top card, "why did he hurt her?"

"Nobody's perfect," she directed the snide remark at him, trying to make him think of all the mistakes he had made in their relationship, "and if you would stop being such an ass and listen to me, you'd know that it was not all his fault. Ask Marissa, she would tell you that what happened between them was just as much her fault as his. She wouldn't commit; she was afraid and dancing around her feelings, and she pushed him too far, but they're working through it."

"So they're dating," he asked, the disdain and frustration evident in his voice.

"No, not officially; basically I think they're just trying to become really good friends first, building up their trust in each other, spending all the time together they can, learning how to live with one another. It's really quite sweet, actually."

"Wait, what did you say?" Jimmy's voice was eerily quiet, scaring Julie slightly. "Did you say they were living together?"

"Yeah…platonically, in separate rooms. Neither of them can afford rent on their own, so they're pulling their salaries together and living together in a small apartment Kirsten, Marissa's boss's wife, found them in the numbered streets. They're sharing her car, even books. They split all the bills, 50/50, and they're really happy with the way their lives are going right now." She paused for a second before continuing, taking his silence as a sign that maybe, just maybe, she was finally breaking through to him. "So, what we don't understand is why you can't be happy for them, too?"

Waiting for his response was agonizing. His eyes were closed so she could not read his mood through the emotions he would normally display on his countenance. His body was stiff and unyielding, not giving her a sign as to what he was thinking or feeling. His breathing was steady, perhaps a good sign, she thought, but how much could be really control his own breathing these days with the disease wracking insurmountable damage upon his body. Finally, as he whipped his eyes open, focusing two fiery orbs of hatred on her, she had her answer, but it still did not prepare her for the pain and remorse she would feel after he lashed out at her. Voice elevated to a level she did not think he was still capable of reaching, he screamed at her like he never had before.

"Never, never will I let him near my daughter; and if you approve of this relationship, you don't deserve to be her mother! I have never been this ashamed of either of you before, but this, this, is unforgivable! For her own sake, I will try to help Marissa, but you, don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't come near me again! We're done! And if you for one second think that I will let this relationship continue, think again! If it's the last thing I do before I die, I will ruin them forever!"

He tried to sneak away before she could say anything in her, Marissa, or Ryan's defense, but Jimmy, do to his exhausted condition, he was quick enough.

"This hatred Jimmy," Julie sobbed out hurt but not broken, "this hatred is killing you, and it is so unfounded that it's sad. Do you know what you're really angry at? Life. You're so mad that you have to die now and that you won't see your daughter grow up and become a mother, a grandmother herself, that you're pushing everyone away who cares about you, and you've picked Ryan to focus all of your anger and frustration on, but that's not fair. The only thing he's ever done since he met Marissa was love and try to protect her. Sure, they've had their issues, but their young and in love. We should be celebrating that not trying to ruin it. If you do this Jimmy, if you continue down this hate filled path, you're going to die alone and unloved."

Standing up easily, she left the visiting room, without touching her breakfast, and walked past him without a second glance, leaving him there sulking in his own misery and incapable of doing anything about it.

It was two weeks later. Despite the fact that she and her father were no longer talking, something that distressed Marissa immensely, everything else was going well in her life. She and Ryan were never closer, and she knew that the day was coming when she would be able to let go of the past completely and move on with him in the future. Kevin was still away on business, something that made her life much less complicated and provided her with time to sort out just how she was going to break away from him once and for all, her Mom was doing excellent on her new medication and had a new support system in Ryan's Mom, and school was great. Perhaps the thing that made her the happiest of all was the little secret Sandy and Kirsten had confided in her over dinner the night before. So far, she was the only person they had told, and it felt amazing that people she admired so much wanted her advice, her support. She was going to help them prepare for the surprise and then they would share the news with everyone at Thanksgiving when they hosted a large, extended family gathering.

That morning while she was getting ready for work, it was a Monday so she was going in for a few hours before Ryan picked her up to go to classes, she was startled out of her daydreaming by the ringing of her cell phone. Looking at the caller ID, she instantly smiled.

"Hey Sum, what's up" she asked in a slightly rushed but excited tone. "I'm leaving for work soon, but I have a few minutes. I can't believe you're already awake."

"Yeah, well, I figured if I wanted to catch you today, I'd have to try and reach you before you left for work, because it seems as if you're never not doing something."

Marissa laughed but then, after reconsidering her day, realized her friend might be right.

"Well, I'm going in to work for a couple of hours. Then Ryan is picking me up for class. Once classes let out, it's back to work until his soccer game this afternoon, but tonight, after the game, we're busy, too, because we're having dinner and hanging out with our Moms." Without letting Summer get a word in, Marissa continued to talk. "Oh Sum, did I tell you how well my Mom is doing? It's amazing. It's like she's healthier now than she was when she first got diagnosed all those months ago, and her doctors are letting her leave the hospital tonight. She's going to actually get to eat at Dawn's apartment with us. I'm so excited for her. But wait, you called me. Is everything okay?"

By this time, Summer is attempting to reign in her fits of giggles at Marissa's newfound exuberance for life, but she can't help it and she starts to laugh uncontrollably anyway. After a moment where Summer had a hard time breathing and Marissa sat down on her bed because she was so bewildered by Summer's response, the brunette had her mirth under control enough to speak once again.

"I'm sorry about that. It's just….you were rambling so much you reminded me of Cohen!"

At once defensive of Summer's comment, Marissa jumped up off of her bed and started pacing the room while she tried to deny what her friend said. "That's not true, take it back. No one, and I repeat, no one is as bad as Seth!"

"Yeah, well that's debatable now," Summer shot back in a teasing tone, but kept talking so that Marissa could not intervene and defend herself again. "Anyway, so I was calling to invite you and Atwood up for the weekend. You two promised you'd be coming up here, and although Cohen's already whining about it, I got us tickets to the big game on Saturday. What do you think?"

"You know that I hate USC football," Marissa said emphatically, all notes of playfulness out of her voice instantly. "and that I will be rooting for the visiting team."

"Yeah, I don't care about that," Summer shot down her worries quickly. "I don't care who wins as long as I get to see hot guys in tight pants. I usually just go for the team who has the best uniforms."

Marissa laughed at her blunt and stereotypical female answer, not surprised at all that Summer took no interest in sports. Perhaps that was why she and Seth were perfect for each other.

"So, is that a yes then," Summer pressed her for an answer.

"Of course we'll be there," Marissa smiled as she responded, "playfully fighting the entire time about the game." Before Summer could complain, Marissa cut her off and said goodbye, hanging up the phone rapidly, grabbing her school bag and work bag and rushing out of her room and down the stairs to confront Ryan on the phone as well. He wasn't talking, at all, which meant that it was probably Seth. As soon as he saw her, his face broke out in a large smile and he moved towards her to take her bags from her. She smiled back at him before moving into the kitchen.

"Listen Seth, man, I've got to go. Marissa is ready for work, and I have to take her. We'll talk later."

"But wait," Seth tried to stop him. "I didn't even get to the point of the phone call."

"There was a point," Ryan asked confused. He had just listened to Seth ramble on for ten minutes about the latest comic book issues. Ryan would swear that as soon as Seth got out of Newport Beach and into an atmosphere that was slightly more accepting of his personality quirks, he became the antithesis of what Harbor cool was.

"Of course there was a point," Seth shot back defensively but stopped after he saw Summer waving him off of the conversation. "Never mind, Summer said Marissa will tell you, but I'll give you a clue. Remember how you said it was quite a turn on to see a girl who got into sports?"

"Yeah," Ryan replied confused.

"Well, it just so happens you're going to have to learn how to control yourself this weekend. See you later man." With that, he hung up the phone leaving a perplexed yet not surprised Ryan standing there holding Marissa bags.

"What'd Seth want," Marissa asked cheerfully as she wandered out of the kitchen holding two bottles of water and two bagels and heading for the door, holding it open for him.

"I'm not quite sure. He said there was a point to the call, but he never got around to telling me what it was, and then he was speaking in some riddle about how I really get turned on when you get into…." His voice trailed off embarrassedly as he realized just how much he had revealed and not wanting to say anything more.

"When I get into what," Marissa asked, her curiosity peaked.

"Nothing, you're going to be late. We should get going." Walking out of the door she was holding open, he tried to stop the conversation there, but Marissa had other ideas on her mind. First, she thought, let's get him distracted.

"So, while you were talking to Seth, I was talking to Summer, and she called to invite us up this weekend to stay with them and to go the game on Saturday." Smirking at him while she climbed in the car, still holding their breakfast in her hand, as he held her door open for her, she kept talking. "I told them we'd love to come."

After quickly putting their bags in the backseat, he climbed in as well, started the engine and pulled out of their parking lot before replying. "So you answer for me now, too, do you?"

Without batting an eye, she played right along with him. "Of course I do. Why, don't you want to go? I'm sure I'd be able to find some other guy who would love to spend the weekend with me, going to a football game, sharing a room together." She looked over at him and saw that he was squirming, so to twist the knife in just a little deeper, she went in for the kill. "Maybe Kevin will be back by Friday and he could go with me."

"What," Ryan exploded. "I thought you told me that the next time you saw him you were going to tell his that enough is enough; that there was no way you can continue to be friends with him because he wants more and you can't give him that!"

"At least he tells me things when I ask him a question instead of pushing the topic aside and refusing to answer!"

"What are you talking about, Marissa," Ryan asked confused.

"I wanted to know what you were talking about before, what I do that turns you on, but you refused to tell me! If we can't even talk about little, simple things like that, then what's the point, Ryan?"

Frustrated and completely blind to the fact that she was playing him this whole time to learn his secret, he kept fighting. "Do you want to know what I said to Seth?"

"Yes," she yelled back emphatically.

"Fine, if you really want to know, I'll tell you! When you get into sports, pay attention, yell and scream along, yell out plays, show that you know more about sports than most men, you drive me crazy! I can't even watch the game or pay attention because all I can think about is you! You're like a drug that I can't get enough of, and knowing now that I'm going to have to sit by through an entire football game and watch you like that, I don't know if I'll be able to make it without taking you right then and there! And I don't care what I have to do, but no other guy will be going there with you!"

By the time Ryan was done with his explanation, he was out of breath and turned on just thinking about it, while Marissa was stunned beyond words that she caused that amount of reaction in him. Handing him his bagel, she sat back in her seat and turned her head towards her window so that he could not see her silently laughing out of pleasure.

"Don't worry," she spoke softly, "I was never even considering taking anyone else with me, and if it will help, I'll wear the ugliest, baggiest clothes I have."

Mumbling under his breath, Ryan responded, "yeah, that really won't help at all."

They were silent for a few minutes while Marissa ran over and thought about all the new possibilities this revelation provided her with, while Ryan went back over their conversation word for word until he realized that he had been trapped.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you," he asked in an attempt to sound harsh and angry but unable to hide the amusement from his voice.

"Oh look, we're here," she teased back flippantly while grabbing her bag and leaning over to brush a kiss against his cheek, their morning ritual when she left for work. "Guess you'll never know," she said as she climbed out of the car and skipped into the office building leaving a sexually frustrated and impressed Ryan staring after her long after she was gone from his sight.

Dinner with the Moms had gone well that night. In fact, the whole week had been amazing for Ryan and Marissa as they just enjoyed each others company and prepared for their first weekend away together up in Los Angeles with Seth and Summer. It was now Thursday afternoon, and a very bored Ryan was going to visit his Mom with the excuse that he was there to return the Tupperware container she had sent leftovers home with him and Marissa on Monday night. Marissa was at work, putting in a late night since they were leaving early Friday afternoon to beat rush hour traffic, and soccer practice was already over. There was nothing he had to do at the Newport Group; everything Kirsten had asked him to accomplish that week, he'd already done. The apartment was spotless. He didn't know how, but Marissa always managed to clean it in its entirety before he even realized it was dirty. His homework was already done, and there was no one he could think of that he wanted to spend time with. So here he was, knocking on his Mom's apartment door, holding a Tupperware container and laughing silently at himself. As soon as Dawn opened the door, a smile instantly covered her face. It was not everyday her son dropped in, unannounced, and obviously looking for company.

"Ryan, what a pleasant surprise," Dawn said as she opened the door widely for him to enter. "Please, come in, and sit down. Are you hungry; do you want something to eat? Are you thirsty?"

Taking the container from him, she deposited it in the kitchen before returning to sit down with him.

"I'm fine, thanks, you don't have to get me anything. Marissa and I will eat later once she gets off of work."

"Aw," Dawn said, smirking slightly and nodding to herself. "Now this visit makes sense. Marissa's at work and you're bored stiff." Although he never said anything to agree with her statement, his slight blush was all the acknowledgement she needed. "How have you been this week; how were classes?"

"Good and good, you," he responded briefly.

"Good, too," his mother replied before expanding her explanation. "Last night Mike drove down from the city and we had dinner. He's officially off your father and brother's case as of next Friday, so, if you and Marissa are interested, we thought we'd all go out, celebrate. Mike suggested dancing."

"Dancing," Ryan asked, quirking his eyebrow. "You honestly thought you'd get me to agree to that willingly?"

With a straight face, Dawn pressed the idea further. "Julie told me that Marissa loves to dance, and that any guy who would go dancing for her would instantly score some brownie points."

Ryan laughed at his Mother's oh so obvious game, but he had to admit that it wasn't that bad of an idea. "I highly doubt Julie told you that, but even if she didn't, Marissa probably would enjoy it, so I'll ask her."

"Great," Dawn said eagerly, clapping her hands together out of anticipation. "Mike will be thrilled. He really wants to get to know you two better."

"So, do you have any other news for me," Ryan continued to pry.

"Well, nothing much, just a phone call I got, but it can wait. Tell me more about your week."

All thoughts of himself went out the window at her forced causal tone. "Wait, what phone call? Are you alright?"

"I'm great," she smiled back at him, looking to Ryan the happiest he had ever seen her. "I didn't want to completely dominate the conversation, but if you insist I tell you…"

"I insist," he interrupted, growing impatient with her run around responses.

"You remember how bummed I was after I didn't get that job I interviewed a couple of weeks ago for, right?" He nodded his head yes to show that he did indeed remember what she was referring to. "Well, I didn't tell you about the second interview I got for a different job, because, just in case I didn't get that job either, I didn't want to worry anyone, but it was a waste of time, because they called me today and I start Monday!"

"That's awesome, Mom! Congratulations," he said as he reached across the couch and gave her a strong, intense hug. Pulling away, he looked her in the eyes before he continued speaking. "You have no idea how proud I am of you. You're sober, you're standing on your own two feet, you have a job, and you're happy. That's all I ever wanted for you, do you know that."

Hastily wiping the tears his heartfelt words brought to her eyes, Dawn couldn't help but laugh at the situation.

"You do realize that what you just said is something a parent is supposed to say to their child and not the other way around?"

"Well," Ryan conceded with a shrug of his shoulders, "we're not like other families."

"You could say that again," Dawn agreed as they laughed together. "Okay, enough of this foolishness, I have to bring down the energy level here and talk about something serious." When she noticed the slight sign of fear in his eyes, she put a hand out on his arm to steady him. "It's nothing that bad; basically, I have a favor to ask of you...but it's not really for me. It's for Marissa, but she has no idea that we're asking you to do this." Confused Ryan just nodded his head for her to continue. "Jimmy is going to die soon, there's no getting around that fact, but he's stubborn and making his health worse by fighting with Marissa constantly and completely shutting down on Julie."

"Marissa hasn't said anything about this to me," he said almost as if he was thinking out loud to himself.

"Well, that makes sense," Dawn said softly. "She probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel guilty."  
"Why would I feel guilty…unless it's about me?" His tone, as realization set in, became dejected and pained. "Her father doesn't approve of me in her life, does he, and now they're fighting during what could be his last few weeks alive because of me."

"It's not that simple, Ryan," she replied automatically. "Do not overreact to this either. Marissa wants you in her life. She does not need you to sacrifice yourself and bow out gracefully just so that her father gets his way. If anything, that would just cause more animosity between them, because she would blame Jimmy for you leaving her."

Spreading his arms in defeat, Ryan looked eagerly to his Mother for advice. "So what exactly do you want me to do?"

Taking a deep breath and looking Ryan in the eyes before she spoke, she gathered her courage before she presented the only option they had left. "You need to talk to Jimmy."

Waiting for Marissa that night, Ryan was unable to sit still. Thoughts about what he would say to Jimmy the next day when he went to see him kept running through his mind, but nothing seemed to be the right thing. Dawn had warned him that he was being unreasonable, that all of his hatred towards fate and life was now directed at Ryan, so he was fighting an uphill battle to say the least. Not only was Ryan unsure about what he was going to say to Jimmy, he had no clue if he should talk to Marissa about this or not. He got the impression from his Mom that he shouldn't, but they did not have secrets from one another, and the thought of keeping something this big from her was eating him away. To at least keep his hands as busy as his mind, he had made dinner for them, and just as he heard Marissa calling his name as she walked through the front door, he was putting the last dish on the table to eat. When she noticed what he had done for her, the weary, exhausted expression left her face immediately to be replaced by one of pure contentment and joy.

"Look at this spread," she teasingly said as she motioned towards the table. "Whatever did I do to get so lucky?"

Putting her bag down and giving him a quick hug before sitting in her seat, she immediately started to fill her plate until she noticed that he was still watching her and not moving to join her at the table. Before he could say anything, he saw panic enter her eyes.

"This is for us to share, right? I mean, I'm not interrupting something….like a date, am I," she asked, her abject fear and humility at the idea evident on her beautiful face. Laughing, he sat down beside her and started to put some food on his plate as well.

"No, I'm sorry about just standing there. I was lost in thought," he covered quickly. "And how many times do I have to tell you that there is no one other than you that I want to date?"

Although she did not reply with words, the grin she shot him at that statement told him all he needed to know, that she was glad he didn't want to date anyone else and that she wasn't going to date anyone else either. At that moment he decided that, at least for that night, they were going to forget about the cares of the world, her father, school, their questions about their relationship, and just enjoy each others company. He could tell her about seeing and speaking with Jimmy on the way up to LA….or on their return trip.

After dinner they playfully bickered back and forth about what they were going to do for the rest of the evening, Ryan wanting to go out on the town, Marissa wanting to stay in. Marissa won. Eventually, and exactly how it happened Ryan would never remember, they decided to play video games, or, to be more precise, they decided that Ryan would teach her how to play video games. Before he knew what he had gotten himself into, she was sitting between his legs, leaning back into him as his arms were wrapped around her and so that he could help her with the controller. Never before did he ever play a worse game on the PS2, but Marissa was either having too much fun to notice or she was distracted by the close proximity of their bodies as well.

Half way through their tutorial, Marissa's cell phone rang, but after reading the caller ID, which said Kevin Ryan noticed when he shamelessly snuck a peak, she shut her phone off and went back to the game, muttering to herself, although it was loud enough so that he could hear, that she would deal with him in person. They had played for a while, but after a couple of hours and still no victory in sight, they decided that the task would require multiple lessons and they turned off the game system and settled down to watch Sportscenter together, falling asleep entwined on the same couch. Neither of them had slept so well since they'd moved into the apartment.

Because they had a trip planned to USC for the weekend, the next afternoon worked out well for Ryan to talk to Jimmy. After he dropped Marissa off at work once their classes were over, he went back to their apartment to pack their bag. Anyone else but Ryan and Marissa would have found it strange that he was packing their bag for them, that they were sharing a suitcase despite the fact that they weren't a couple, and that neither thought it was strange that he was going through her drawers to find things for her to wear. However, to Ryan and Marissa, it just fit; it made sense to be like that with each other. Tossing the bag in the car, he locked up their place for the weekend and set off for the hospital and his talk with Jimmy before he would pick up Marissa. Little did he know that Julie had warned her about the conversation Ryan had planned.

At first Ryan thought everything was going smoothly. Jimmy had agreed to listen to what he had to say, and while Ryan talked he never interrupted him once. True, Ryan would have preferred some eye contact or a sign that he was in fact listening, but he would take what he could get, and after his Mom's warnings, he was just glad that Jimmy hadn't thrown anything at him yet. He told Jimmy an abbreviated version of their history, admitting his faults and taking blame where it was required, but he also was blunt about his feelings and confessed just how much he was in love with Marissa, that it was his goal in life right now to make her happy and keep her safe, and that he would do everything in his power to make her life the best that it could be. Finally finished with what he had come there to say, he stopped talking and just waited for Jimmy to respond, but he never expected the reaction he got.

"That was beautiful, Ryan, just beautiful, and if I didn't already know better, I might think that you and your feelings for my daughter were genuine, but they're not and no matter how much you swear you'll never hurt her again, you will, and that is something that I cannot have." Ryan's mouth fell open in shock, and he was too overwhelmed by the pure, undisguised hatred in the older man's voice to say anything in his own self-defense. "You might have Dawn fooled, you might have my wife fooled, hell, you might even have my daughter fooled, but you haven't tricked me. I will not let this relationship continue. I don't care what I have to do to break it up. Perhaps I could tell my daughter I saw you fooling around with a nurse here at the hospital one afternoon, that you are secretly seeing someone behind her back. Would that ruin your relationship once and for all? If it wouldn't, I'd tell her that I overheard you telling that very same nurse that you were just using Marissa, that she was good in bed, and that you wanted another go at her."

With this the shock Ryan was feeling turned to anger. How could this man be this bitter, this angry at life, he thought, that he would purposely hurt his daughter this much just to make sure that she would never date him?

"I could tell her that you're diseased, that you were in on the criminal activity of with your father and brother, that you came here and attacked me," Jimmy continued with the threats. "Don't you get it! I will do anything and everything in my power to keep you away from my daughter even if it kills me!"

Too wrapped up in their own anger, neither man heard or saw the woman standing at the door silently crying as she listened to her father pressure the man she had completely given her heart to months ago. Wiping away the tears, she stepped into the room, taking Ryan by the hand and pulling him with her towards the door leaving just as she came, silently. Knowing that he was caught red handed, Jimmy was too stunned to say anything, and then, when he saw the intense pain and agony, the raging ire and animosity flickering across her eyes, he was silenced by guilt. Just as they had left the room and entered the hallway outside of it, she turned around to face him one last time and in nothing more than a whisper said the words he had been afraid to hear.

"I wouldn't have believed you, just to let you know," she said as she squeezed Ryan's hand even tighter. "You're already dead to me."

With that, Marissa Cooper walked away from her sobbing father.


	15. Chapter 15

Walking to the car, Ryan was unsure of just about everything at that moment except for one thing, that no matter what, he had to take care of Marissa and make sure that she was okay. Were they still going to LA for the weekend or would she rather stay at home and just hide from the world? Did she want to be with him or should he give her some privacy? Who would be the best person for her to talk to about this, her mom, Summer, maybe she wanted to talk to him about it. By the death grip she had on his hand, he knew that in that moment she wanted him there with her, but what about five minutes from now? Would she regret her decision, choosing him over her dying father? Would she somehow blame him for it in the long run; would Jimmy inadvertently win this battle after all? Should he be the first one to talk or should he let her open up to him? What was he supposed to do when they reached the car? Questions just bombarded his already exhausted mind, but, unfortunately, he was incapable of forming any rational answers until she let him know all he needed with one simple gesture. Still holding on to his hand as if it were her main source of strength and energy, as if it were giving her the power to keep walking, she slowly and gently leaned into his body so that he was supporting her as they walked and rested her head against his shoulder. Unwrapping his hand from hers, he put it around her shoulder and drew her closer to him while taking his far hand and once again entwining it with hers. Without a word, he held her as they walked to the car.

Once they reached it, he let her go only long enough to open the door for her, help her in, and then scamper over to the driver's side and get in himself. After he was in, he immediately leaned across the console and took her back into his arms, gently caressing her hair and soothing her erratic emotions. She had not shed a single tear since they had walked out of the hospital room, and, to be frank, that was scaring him more than the idea of Marissa completely loosing control. He had no idea how she did this when she was hurt, how she completely closed herself off from the outside world and hid all of her emotions. The woman who had stopped him dead in his tracks the night he had inadvertently cheated on her was back, not to the same degree, but he recognized the coolness in her attitude, the lifeless quality in her eyes. The seconds ticked by into minutes and still neither of them dared to break the silence until her soft, sweet voice startled him. As he lifted his head off of hers so that they could look at each other, he noticed that the detached quality had left her expression and it had been replaced by a….smile!

She's smiling, he thought to himself, shocked that this was her reaction after the cataclysmic, life altering fight she had just had with her father.

"Hey," she said soothingly as she reached over and ran a hand along his face, comforting him as he leaned into the tender embrace. "Are you okay?"

Laughing slightly, he took the hand which had been reassuring him into his own and kissed it lightly before speaking. "I think I should be asking you that. I'm fine. Trust me, I've been in worse arguments than that, but you…I mean, what you said to him…are you okay?"

"I didn't know what to think at first," she admitted slowly as he saw her thinking out loud with him. "That man in there, that broken, bitter, and angry man is not my father. I don't know when it happened or why exactly, I suspect he just couldn't deal with the fact that he's dying, but who we were just talking to, that's not my Daddy. That's not the guy who used to tuck me into bed every night after reading me not one but two bed time stories because I loved listening to them so much. That wasn't the guy who taught me to play sports with him, who took me to watch games, who was my best friend growing up. That wasn't the guy who tailed my first date the whole entire time I was out with him." She laughed at the memory before continuing to share the stories of days gone by. "Let's just say that was our one and only date, but I didn't mind. I played it cool with my Dad, but I was secretly so pleased that he did that. I loved feeling loved by him."

"Oh, I think there are still traces of that over protective father in the man we were just with," Ryan teased her, hoping to show her that her father was not completely gone so that she would not entirely give up on their relationship.

"He wasn't mean before though when he did it. He would joke around with the boys not try to scare them," she continued. "There is no reason for him to treat you like that. I've told him time and time again that you won't hurt me, that you make me feel safe…safer than I ever felt even growing up with him." Ryan smiled at this thought and impulsively kissed her forehead, but she seemed either too lost in her thoughts or the action felt too right, too normal for her to even take note of it and chide him for un-friendly like behavior. "I want you in my life, and if he can't accept that, then it's his loss. I wanted him to spend his last days in peace, getting to know you, getting to know us….together, but he's just throwing that away with both hands. Like I said, the man I used to call Daddy was not the man we just left. That man is a stranger to me, and my Dad…it's like he really is already dead."

"Is that why you said that," Ryan pressed her tentatively. "Is that why you told him that he was already dead to you?"

"Partly," she admitted with a wry smile, "but I also wanted to hurt him in that moment, too, because of what he had said to you, because of how he had hurt me."

Curious as to what she would do next, he asked her, "And now?"

"Now," she sighed contentedly, "now we go to LA. We're still going to have fun this weekend, just you, me, Seth, and Summer. We're going to that football and USC is going to loose." Ryan couldn't help but laugh at her as she taunted him and his favorite sports team shamelessly. "We're going to go tailgating, stay up late, watch movies, and forget about everything and everyone from home this weekend. So, what are you waiting for?"

Baffled, he could do nothing but stare at her. What did she mean, what was he waiting for, he asked himself silently. His puzzlement must have been clearly expressed on his face, because she laughed, pressed the keys into his hand, and gave him explicit directions.

"Turn this car on and let's get going. Whatever happened to wanting to beat rush hour traffic? Besides, I have other things I want to talk to you about."

Starting the car, he couldn't help but sneak a peek at her while he drove away from the hospital. She was smirking mischievously and he knew that she had something up her sleeve.

"Why do I get the impression that I'm not going to like your chosen topic of conversation," he asked grinning right back at her.

"Because it's a serious one….about you." She didn't bat an eye, but, unfortunately for their little staring contest, he was driving, so he had to look away.

"I won't be able to get out of this, right?"

"Absolutely not," she shot back, the playfulness out of her voice. "I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a while now, but I knew I'd have to get you trapped somewhere you couldn't very easily escape for at least a half an hour, and the approximately 45 minutes it should take us to reach LA is just the right amount of time to broach this subject."

"And what subject is that," he asked now curious.

Her one word response startled him. "School."

"School," he questioned inquisitively. "Why school; everything's going great. I like my classes, the grades are good, I'm having fun when I get to be with you, what more could a guy ask for?"

"How about a little direction," she told him bluntly. "Ryan, you're a sophomore now. You're going to run out of core requirements and basic electives soon, and eventually you're going to have to pick a major. Now, I've been thinking about this a lot lately…" At this point he couldn't help but interrupt her focused train of thought.

"You have, you've been thinking about my major lately?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I? Now, I know that things were different before when you thought your family had enough money to take care of you for the rest of your life, but in less than three years, you're going to be graduating and facing the decision of either going to Grad school or entering the work force….that is if you graduate on time with your bachelors degree. So, I thought I'd help you figure out what you want to do with your life."

"In 45 minutes," he teased her.

"Oh come on, Ryan! Please, won't you take this seriously? I'm worried about you. I don't want to see you lost and undecided when there's so much you could be good at. Besides, we need a plan. I mean, what are we going to do when we graduate? I'm going to law school, but will you be working or will you be furthering your education with me."

He knew that she was completely oblivious to what she just admitted out loud, but he wasn't. Whether it was conscious or unconscious, she pictured them together three years down the road mapping our their future together, and that thought alone gave him the courage to actually open up to her enough to discuss his future, his dreams, something he had never done with anyone before.

"Okay," he said softly, confusing her for a moment until the word registered and then a pleased and thankful smile spread across her glowing face.

"So, let's start at the beginning. What did you want to be when you were a little boy," she taunted playfully.

"Oh, I don't think so. If you want me to confess this, you have to share first." When she went to protest, he put a hand over her mouth making her giggle and continued. "You brought up this topic; it's only fair you divulge your childhood dreams first."

"Fine," she spit out pretending to be angry and not doing a very good job of hiding her enthusiasm after he hesitantly pulled his hand away from her warm mouth. "The first dream job I ever remember having was wanting to be the bat girl for the Dodgers."

It took less than two seconds for them both to erupt in laughter, and it took nearly two minutes for Ryan to stop long enough to ask her a quick question.

"Are you serious," he posed, the doubt evident in his voice.

Rolling her eyes and groaning loudly, she shook her head yes before speaking. "Yes, I'm serious, and the sad thing is that my Dad just encouraged it. He told me it was the best job I could ever ask for, and it nearly broke my heart when I was twelve and I learned that I couldn't actually do that for my job someday. The pain turned to anger at the sport, and then I decided that I had to be something someday so that I could fight Major League Baseball and make it so that batboys and batgirls were paid high salaries." Ryan chuckled again, but she just continued on with her tale. "That ambition led me down the road to wanting to be a lawyer, so here I am."

"And are we still planning on suing the sport," he asked feigning innocence but smirking at her the entire time.

"You never know," she shot back while sticking her tongue out at him. "So now that I've embarrassed myself, it's your turn to spill the beans. What was Ryan Atwood's childhood dream?"

He was silent for a moment while he thought of his answer. "You know, I don't know if I ever really had a dream like most kids did. It's going to sound terrible, but I always just assumed I would get everything and anything I wanted. For most of my life, that's how things worked."

"I bet everybody loved you," she teased him mockingly. "I could just imagine how big your ego was by the time you were ten, and modesty was probably a word that was not in your vocabulary."

Laughing, he agreed with her. "But you've changed all that." That small confession stopped her dead in her tracks, and their once lighthearted conversation turned into something more, something deeper, something that held importance for both of them. "Even before I lost all my money, watching you work for what you had, work towards accomplishing your dreams made me realize just how shallow and pointless my existence was. I didn't know right away what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew that I wanted to be something….someone you could be proud of."

His face was burning crimson by the time he finished his little confession, but the embarrassment evaporated when he looked over and saw the pride and love evident in Marissa's eyes. She knew that he would not want to elaborate on what he had declared to her, and the knowledge of it was enough for her, so she just pressed the conversation on in another direction.

"You said you didn't know right away what you wanted to do with your life, but do you know now," she inquired the enthusiasm evident in her voice.

"Kind of," he admitted sheepishly. "Do you promise that you won't laugh?"

"Ryan, I would never laugh at your dreams." Her tone was steady and strong, but the passion and honesty conveyed in that one sentence made him want to tell her.

"Well, I really like coaching, and I think that I'm good at it," he replied half believing it himself and half looking for her to bolster his confidence.

"You are a good coach," she told him without a moment's uncertainty. "Is that your goal, to become a professional coach?"

If her tone had shown any doubt or disbelief in him, he probably would have denied her claim, but the sheer confidence and excitement it displayed made him realize that if Marissa believed in him, he could believe in himself as well.

"Yeah, it is." For the first time in his life Ryan had shared his aspirations, but this time he had hope he would accomplish it. If somehow he could make it so that Marissa was always by his side, he knew that he would be able to do anything for her.

"That would be just….amazing," she screamed out breathlessly. "Not only would I be able to get free tickets, but I would have connections to a professional sports team. I could get autographs, team memorabilia, not to mention have an in with the coach so I could possibly help influence his decisions. Wow!"

Glancing over at her he couldn't help but laugh at how thrilled she was by the idea. She was staring off into space thinking about all the possibilities, but after a few seconds her face crumbled.

"But wait, does that mean you're going to drop out of school?" He could tell by her tone that this idea did not appeal to her at all.

"No, I want a college degree," he said quickly to alleviate her fears. "Not only do I think it will help me get a good coaching job someday, but it will give me connections in the college coaching circle, and just in case it doesn't work out, I want a fall back career."

"Such as what," she wondered curiously.  
"I don't know," he admitted honestly. "I know no matter what I want to be involved in the sports world, but I'm undecided as of yet. I'm thinking either physical therapy or sports medicine. That way I could be a trainer."

"You have been thinking about this," she smiled over at him pleased that he was taking his future as seriously as she was. "I just wish you would have talked to me about it. I would have helped you."

"I know that," he brushed her concerns away easily. "And it's not that I didn't want to include you, it's just that I felt I had to do this on my own."

Taking his hand and squeezing it tightly she grinned up at him once again. "Well, I'm proud of you. You have no idea how much you've grown up since when we first met, and the fact that you now have a plan for yourself, well, that's amazing. Have you told your Mom yet?"

"Actually, about that, I need to talk to you," he said shyly.

"What about?"

"Well, Mike is officially off the case next Friday…"

"Are you serious? You're Mom has to be ecstatic," she interrupted him, her excitement for his Mom evident in her tone.

"She is," he smiled pleasantly thinking back to how happy Dawn was the last time he saw her. "And they want to celebrate…with us. I hope you don't mind, but I kind of agreed that we would go out with them…dancing."

"We're, as in you and me, going dancing. You are taking me dancing, where actual movement will be involved, and you're doing so willingly?" Her mouth hung open in shock, but her eyes sparkled magically at she thought of all the possibilities the future night could hold for them.

"I guess so," he said timidly, "and you're okay with this?"  
"Okay with this, hell yeah! I LOVE dancing. You're never leaving that floor once. We're going to be out there the whole time, whether it's a fast, medium, or ultra-slow song, and you're going to enjoy it, too!"

He just rolled his eyes at her, but secretly, thinking to himself, he admitted that if dancing in front of people meant that she would be in his arms for hours, he could get used to that type of date.

Their conversation continued to flow as she gleefully went on and on about different dances she could teach him and all of her favorite dance songs and as he watched her babble like an innocent, little girl, he couldn't help but marvel at the fact that she was in his life. Staring at her, something she was completely unaware of, he knew that this was how she should always be, carefree, spontaneous, and joyful. She had never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment as the late afternoon, California sunshine, illuminating her golden locks and tanned skin, was mirrored back from her sparkling pools of sapphire watching him out of contentment.

When they arrived at Seth and Summer's apartment, it was almost time for dinner, and both Ryan and Marissa, after the eventful afternoon they had had, were starving. Using his key from when he had lived there with them, Ryan let them into the spacious loft and immediately their noses were hit with the delicious and appetizing smell of Italian take out.

"We thought, since we're going to a Trojan football game tomorrow," Seth said as he rounded the corner from the bedroom hallway, "that we'd eat what they ate. Italian food okay?"

"Sounds delicious," Marissa replied greedily, moving towards the food faster than even Seth could. "Normally I would protest to anything USC related, but," she sighed as she opened the bag of food and peered inside of it, "I'm powerless against mushroom stuffed ravioli. I can't believe you guys remembered that this was my favorite."

"We didn't," Summer shot back in a teasing tone while pointing behind Marissa towards Ryan, "Atwood did. He called this morning and put a request in for dinner claiming that you had been craving this all week."

Turning around Marissa was pleasantly surprised to see Ryan blushing and avoiding making eye contact with her. Moving up to him, she slipped her arm through his and practically drug him over to the table with her. Leaning over to whisper in his ear so that Seth and Summer could not hear, her words only made his blush deepen.

"Thank you. You always know what I want and need."

With that she bounced away from him and sat down in the chair Seth had pulled out for himself while reaching for the food with both hands. Ryan stole the next chair that Seth pulled out for himself, because it was the closest to Marissa and slyly moved it even closer to her so that their arms brushed against each others whenever they moved at all. He wasn't surprised though that she was so wrapped up in eating, that she never even noticed his boyfriend like behavior.

The meal went smoothly. Seth and Summer bickered the entire time, completely ignoring their guests just as Ryan had suspected they would, leaving he and Marissa to talk quietly amongst themselves as they ate. Once everyone was done eating, the two immature, brunettes were still playfully fighting, so Ryan and Marissa cleaned up the table together and washed the few dishes they had used, managing to only spray each other a few times with the hose in the sink. Unfortunately for Ryan, Marissa was not wearing white and she had a bra on, but he still had his memories from their night on the beach a few weeks prior. After everything was put away in its rightful place, they returned to the main room to find Seth and Summer making up, something Ryan immediately put a stop to by clearing his throat loudly.

"Do not start with me, Atwood," Summer barked annoyed with his tone. "Like you two wouldn't be all over each other if you'd just give in and face the facts that you want each other and quit this ridiculous friends idea!"

Glancing over at Marissa, Ryan knew that she was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. She stood there, head bowed, shuffling her feet and wringing her hands as an adorable shade of pink washed over her whole body. Deciding he would help her out, he changed the subject ignoring Summer's comment and only briefly imagining what it would be like when they did eventually become an official couple. He could only hope Summer was right, that they would be all over each other.

"So, what are we doing tonight," he asked, the forced excitement in his tone only evident to Marissa who flashed him a thankful smile while moving slightly closer to him, something that did not go undetected by Ryan.

Summer spoke up rapidly, "well there's this party tonight at this one sor…"

But that's all she got out before Seth shot her down.

"No sorority parties, please! Ryan and Marissa are only here occasionally. There is no way I'm spending this Friday night the way you make me spend every Friday night."  
"I agree with Seth," Ryan said vehemently. "There is no way I'm going to some college party to watch people get drunk off their asses and then throw up everywhere. We never get to see each other because we're not in the same city. Why don't we do something with just the four of us?"

"Sounds perfect," Seth said standing up and walking over to Ryan to give him a high five. "But what exactly do you have in mind?"

Ryan, Seth, and Summer just looked at each other now at a loss as to what they could do, silently considering the lame options they came up with until Marissa's loud and eager voice startled them all.

"We're having a game night," she announced, leaving no room in the statement for argument. "Seth and Summer vs. Ryan and I. We'll keep score and at the end of the night, whoever has the highest score, they win.

"Win what," Summer said, her competitive nature intrigued.

"The bed," Seth called out thrilled that he was participating in something close to an actual sport.

"What do you mean," Ryan asked confused. "There are two beds, one in my old room and one in your guys' room. What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, about that," Summer started uneasily, avoiding meeting Ryan's eye contact. "We sort of got rid of your bed and turned your room into a dressing room for me. You know, I have a lot of clothes and…."

Annoyed, Marissa spoke up. "So then where were you planning on having us sleep?"

Following their eyes, Ryan and Marissa's lines of vision were drawn to the couch.

"It's a comfortable couch," Seth said in a shockingly serious tone. "I have to sleep on it half the time after Summer kicks me out of our room, and it hasn't given me any problems so far.

"Yeah, but you've never tried to sleep on it with someone else," Ryan pointed out. He wasn't going to say that they had just, the night before, slept on their coach together. That memory was something he would keep to himself, but when he looked over at Marissa, he knew that she was thinking the same thing.

"So anyway, about this bed idea," Seth prodded.

Unable to not take a challenge, Marissa stuck her hand out with a competitive glint in her eye, accepted the contest. "You're on!"

After fifteen minutes of squabbling over the rules, it was decided that each person got to pick a game, either a card or board game, that they would play. After all four games were completed, they would tally the score and the winner of the bed would be announced. Seth chose Pictionary after everyone profusely shot down his idea of Magic the Gathering, Summer chose Monopoly, claiming that she was excellent with money, Marissa chose Scatagories, horrifying Summer that she would actually have to think on a Friday night, and Ryan chose Bullshit, because, although he normally favored Twister for obvious reasons, he had no ambition to ever be that close to Seth or Summer.

The first game was won in a landslide by Seth and Summer, because no one else could draw. Despite the fact that they lost, Ryan and Marissa still had fun and knew that the next three games they had a much better chance of controlling. They were right. Summer was good at Monopoly, but unfortunately for her, Seth had the attention span of a newt and got bored with the game so early, that he completely ruined their chances of winning by trying to land on controversial places so that his interest could be perked up. Although he redeemed himself somewhat in Scatagories and proved to be almost as good as Marissa, Summer was terrible and Ryan and Marissa easily won that as well. The fourth game was not even a competition. Ryan and Marissa completely walked all over Seth and Summer who could not bluff to save their lives and won the bed for the night. Luckily for them, Summer took the loss in stride, claiming that she'd be fine on the couch, but Seth whined the entire time they all cleaned up, because Summer had relegated him to the floor.

Alone at last, Ryan was on cloud nine because he was about to share a bed again, albeit platonically, with Marissa. While she was changing in the bathroom, he was getting undressed in the bedroom. Per his usual, he was just wearing boxers to bed, but by this point, Marissa was used to his state of undress at night. However, Ryan was very curious as to what she would wear to sleep that night. Contemplating the many options he had seen her wear, he was startled out of his revelries by her phone ringing. Finding it strange that someone would be calling so late at night, he flipped it open while calling through the door to her to let her know that he was answering it. As the bliss of their evening vanished quickly into the night air when the person on the other line began to speak, she exited the bathroom wearing only one of his baggy Harbor t-shirts, her hair cascading down her back in silky tendrils and quickly ran and jumped into the bed. After the first soccer game, he had found that she kept raiding his clothes, taking whatever looked comfortable, and more times than not, she would wear his clothes at night and not her own, something that he found so cute and alluring, but tonight, after what the person on the phone had just told him, he could not let his thoughts go there.

Shutting the cell softly and laying on the dresser, he went over to her side of the bed and sat down beside her without saying a word. The smile that had been on her face when she entered the room faded quickly when she saw his somber countenance only to be replaced by a wrinkled brow when his state of sorrow stirred worry and remorse inside of her.

"Ryan," she started her voice soft and timid, "who was on the phone? What's going on? You're starting to really scare me here."

Wanting to ease the news he was about to tell her as gently as possible, he took her into his arms and held her as close to his body, whispering into her ear as gently as he could.

"That was your Mom, Marissa. Your Dad, he….he died tonight."

When she didn't say anything and didn't move, he pulled back from her to look into her eyes and found them dry. She was not crying; she didn't even seem upset.

"Are you okay," he asked, afraid that his cliché inquiry would anger or upset her, but she just nodded her head yes and threw herself, once again, into his arms. They sat there, holding each other, for a few moments until she finally broke through the quiet of the room.

"I knew it would be soon. I saw it in his eyes, heard it in the desperation of his voice." Her tone was accepting, void of any pain or suffering. "I'm actually just thankful that it happened so soon. I didn't want him to endure any more agony. He was killing himself day after day, and this way, maybe, just maybe, he's finally found some peace." When she paused again, Ryan had no idea what to say but soon found out she didn't need him to say anything. All she needed was for him to be there, to hold her, to make her feel safe and loved. "It's not as if I haven't had months to prepare for this. I was lucky that he was relatively happy for most of his illness, that we were able to remain close right up to the very end. Sure," she said as she choked back a sob, the first sign of emotion she showed, "it will be hard in the future. I won't have him there to walk me down the aisle when I get married. He won't see me graduate from law school, become a success. My children will never get to meet their grandfather, but I came to accept that a long time ago. And now, now I have so many people in my life who care about me, Sandy and Kirsten, your Mom, Seth and Summer, my Mom's still alive and doing well, and you. I have you, and the knowledge of that makes this okay for me, because I know that I'm not alone."

"You never will be," Ryan said at last, finally speaking and saying the words she needed to hear. He pulled away from her and took her face into his hands, holding it protectively as he gazed into her eyes. "I will never leave you."

With that, he leaned in and kissed her forehead, taking in her scent and savoring the connection they were sharing in that moment. Finally pulling himself away from her, he was surprised when she just moved in and closed the gap once again as she softly kissed his lips. Thinking it was her way of thanking him, he stood up and went to move away after a second, refusing to take advantage of the situation or her vulnerability, but she stopped him from leaving. Reaching out her hand, she took his and entangled their fingers together, drawing him back to her.

"Stay."

Letting go of his hand only long enough to remove the shirt she was wearing, she took his hand again and led him to the bed, laying down first and then pulling him down on top of her. Afraid to speak for fear she would change her mind and afraid to move for fear she wouldn't, Ryan just watched her face eagerly, looking for a sign to tell him that this is what she honestly, truly wanted, that she just wanted to be with him, that she was ready for this. He would never regret the first night they had spent together, but he refused to settle for comfort sex. The next time he made love to her it was going to mean more. It was going to be a promise between them that they loved each other, a vow that no one had regrets or doubts about their relationship any longer, a bond signifying that from that moment on, they were living as one.

He didn't need platitudes of devotion or assurances of her feelings for him. He knew that she loved him; he had never doubted that, but he did need to know that she was not with him to dull the pain of losing her father, that she was not using him as an escape from reality, that she trusted him and wanted them to be together as much as he did. Looking into her eyes he found only one emotion staring back at him: love, and that was the sign he needed. Leaning down so that their foreheads were resting against each others, he once again kissed her like she had kissed him minutes before, softly, tenderly, devotedly.

Sliding off his boxers and then her boyshorts, he gracefully lifted her up and held her in his arms as he rested back against the headboard of the bed, cradling her against him as, for the first time in what seemed a lifetime to him, he truly kissed her, blending their mouths together and drinking in her deliriously sweet taste again over and over like a man who had been thirsty for days. Eventually, after kissing her could not satisfy his appetite any longer, he laid her down on the bed, blanketing her bare body with his own as he entered her slowly and as gently as possibly.

Their love making was not frenzied or lustful, fast or frantic, greedy or indulgent. Instead it was delicate and healing, passionate and warm, exquisite and trusting. Finally, their guards were down and they had both fully let the other in, sharing all of themselves and taking that final leap of faith together into love.

Hours later, physically exhausted, they fell asleep cocooned in each others arms, sheltering the other from the cruel and harsh realities of the world, forgetting their cares and worries, their pain and grief, and simply letting themselves be in love. Thinking had been replaced with feeling, doubt replaced with certainty, friendship replaced with devotion. Nothing had ever felt so right for either Ryan or Marissa.

Ryan awoke from his slumber feeling cold and alone and realized it was because Marissa was no longer in his arms. Reaching across the wide open expanse of the bed as his hand searched or her supple body, he sat up in panic when he found it missing. Glancing around the room, which was void of her presence, he noticed the bathroom light shining through the crack at the bottom of the door. Getting out of the comfort of the bed, he quickly made his way to the door and rapped on it softly not wanting to startle her. Before he could ask her if he could come in, the light was turned off and she opened the door fully dressed, keys in hand. Kissing him softly before walking away, she finally spoke when she reached the door to leave the bedroom, turning around to look him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry."

And with that, she left.


	16. Chapter 16

Driving back to Newport was unlike any other experience Marissa Cooper had ever had. One would have thought that she would be upset, grieving the loss of her father, contemplating all of the arrangements she had to make for his funeral service, worrying about her now widowed mother, but the only thing she felt was peace. It was as if her last care had vanished. Sure, she had issues to straighten out and deal with, but she could see the light at the end of the tunnel and she knew everything would be alright.

Unlike normal, she left the radio off, preferring just to loose herself in her thoughts, in the memories of the night before when one touch from Ryan melted the rest of the world away. For those few hours where they had been together, finally, with absolute trust between them and no questions or doubts, Marissa had felt as if she had finally come home. He was her safe harbor, her personal paradise. Closing her eyes briefly, she was taken back to the moments she had spent in his arms. She could feel his hands caressing her body, his lips trailing kisses along every available inch of flesh, his breath tickling her skin and causing goosebumps to arise not from chills but from passion, his whispered sweet nothings dancing in her ears, delighting her mind, body, and spirit.

Shaking her head to clear the images from her mind, knowing that if she dwelt on them too long she would never find her way to the hospital, she focused her attention upon the road as she drove her way back to her Mother, back to deal with her past once and for all so that she could move on into the future. Pulling her cell phone out of her purse, she ignored the numerous missed calls she had, deciding she would check them and her voice mail after she made one phone call. After pressing speed dial, she waited for the person to pick up. Their voice was groggy, the early morning hour still holding the promise of sleep for them, but they were awake and cognizant of whom they were speaking with.

"Marissa," Dawn greeted her, her voice raspy and showing signs of exhaustion.

"Hi Dawn. I'm sorry to wake you up so early, but I thought you would want to know," Marissa continued in a steady, strong, secure voice. "Last night my Dad passed away."

"Oh honey," the older woman interrupted almost immediately feeling the need to provide comfort to the young lady she cared about. "Are you alright? Do you need me to do anything? How's your Mom?"

Marissa laughed softly, startling Dawn. "I'm fine, honestly I am. I knew that this day was going to be here sooner or later, and I was just glad that he didn't suffer too much. We said our goodbyes a while ago, but I don't think my Mom will handle this well despite the fact that they haven't been getting along lately. That's actually why I was calling."

Although Marissa could not see her, Dawn was already out of bed and getting dressed, nodding her head in agreement with everything Marissa was saying. "Of course; what do you need me to do?"

"I'm on my way to the hospital now from LA, but I was hoping you would meet me there. She's going to need both of us, and I thought that you, perhaps," Marissa's voice showed the first signs of hesitance as she was unsure if she was overstepping boundaries with her request. "Perhaps you would help me with the funeral preparations. I'm not familiar yet with the business in the area and…."

"Marissa," Dawn scolded gently, "why are you even worrying about this right now. I would not let you do this on your own. Let me take care of everything. You need to be focusing on grieving right now. Where's Ryan? Can I talk to him? He'll make sure you don't push yourself too much."

"Actually, Ryan's still in LA," Marissa confessed faintly. "I know that he would want to be going through this with me, but this is just something that I have to do one my own. Besides, there's something else I need to do before he gets back….something that I owe someone, something that I owe myself, but, most importantly, something that I owe Ryan." She was quiet for a moment as she thought about her self-assigned chore, but pushing it aside, she refocused her attention on the woman on the other line of the phone. "Anyway, I know what you're thinking, that I'm going to be too emotional to deal with the arrangements, but I need to do this as a final goodbye to my Dad. It will be cathartic for me, and I promise that if it starts to be too much, I'll come to you. Deal?"

"Are you sure this is how you want to handle the situation," Dawn prodded gently.

"Yes."

"Alright, you're the boss." Throwing caution to the wind, Dawn decided that she was going to be nosey and just ask the question that was on her mind. "Marissa, what's going on….I mean with you and Ryan? You just sound different? Did something change? Did something happen between you two?"

Smiling into the phone and silently laughing at her inability to keep the contentment out of her voice, Marissa responded as honestly as she could. "I think so; I think something's changed, but until I get everything cleared from my past and we get a chance to talk, I won't know for sure. We haven't had a chance to sort through everything yet, but we will. Oh, and I can't wait to go dancing on Friday night."

"What," Dawn asked incredulously. "You still want to go dancing even with everything that's happened with your Dad?"

"Why wouldn't I," Marissa shot back just as confused. "I already told you that I was expecting this; I was ready for him to pass away. That might sound cold and unfeeling, but I grieved for months when I found out they were sick. Now I just cherish the good days and hope that the bad ones don't come. His did, but before they progressed too far, he died, and I'll always be thankful that he didn't suffer too long."

"I guess that makes sense," Dawn conceded, but her tone still showed doubt.

"It does to me, and that's all that matters. Besides, we have things to celebrate, and a death is not supposed to stop everyone's lives. We need to keep on living to honor his memory not shrivel up and wallow in self pity and grief. My Dad would want me to go out dancing on Friday night, so that's what I'm going to do with or without you, no offense."

Finally giving in, Dawn laughed. "You win; we'll go dancing." She smiled, once again, to herself when she heard Marissa let out a barely audible yes, imagining in her mind the victorious fist pump she was no doubt displaying. Grabbing her keys and purse, Dawn left her apartment and headed towards her car still on the phone with Marissa. They talked until Dawn arrived at the hospital and then hung up, agreeing to meet in the visiting room.

Ryan knew Marissa well enough now that he knew she did not regret spending the night with him, but he was unsure what exactly she was sorry for. As he sat on the bed, after he had changed the sheets, now dressed, his mind kept flashing back to her face the moment she said that she was sorry. Running many scenarios through his mind, he had finally decided that those two words were meant to encompass many transgressions. The easiest to figure out was that she was sorry that she had to leave, but he had been expecting that. Hell, he was surprised she stayed with him as long as she did. Although she was prepared for her father's passing, he knew that she would want to be there to comfort her mother, to offer her support and to take the burden of the funeral off of her shoulders and plan it herself. He would have wanted to do the same thing. Selfishly, he was just thankful that she had put off her familial duties for a few hours and lost herself in their own private oasis; she had deserved some happiness after the day she had had.

He could also read in her eyes that she was sorry that she could not let him be a part of this period in her life. Sure, he knew that she would ask him to go to the funeral and calling hours with her, that they would handle those events together, but would they be a couple or just friends. Would they go back to a platonic relationship or now that they had wordlessly declared their feelings for each other, were they in a dating relationship. She had apologized with her simple statement for making him doubt this as well.

There was something else though haunting her mesmerizing cerulean irises when she pleaded with him for forgiveness: anger. It was not directed at him, but instead, he knew that she was outraged at herself. Why, he could only guess. Perhaps she was annoyed that she had given into her feelings so easily, so quickly, that she had not made him work harder for her forgiveness. Maybe she was mad that she had jumped into a relationship so hastily, that she had not taken their relationship slower this time. She could have been irritated that had to leave and ruin their perfect moment, or she could have been furious at herself for fighting with her father the last day he was alive. There were so many possibilities, although Ryan felt none of them were legitimate reasons why she should be mad at herself. He wasn't mad at her, just worried. If he would have known the real reason she had been infuriated with herself, he would have been shocked. The idea that she was cross with herself because she thought she had treated him unfairly, that she had hurt him by rushing their relationship without settling her past first would have completely astounded him.

As soon as he heard someone stirring in the main portion of the apartment, he rose from the bed and made his way there to find Summer groggily attempting to make coffee and failing miserably.

"Here, let me handle that for you," he said as he stepped in and took the caffeinated grounds out of her hands. "I need this too much this morning to let you ruin it."

Still too tired to protest to his ribbing, Summer just walked towards the kitchen table and sat down with a loud sigh.

"Where's Marissa," she asked while yawning and rubbing her sleep filled eyes. "Cohen's still snoring blissfully on the floor."

Ryan turned to look at her horrified by her revelation. "That's what that noise is? I thought it was a garbage truck or something else outside."

"Welcome to my world," she shot back rolling her eyes. "It can be worse sometimes." They were silent a moment while Summer organized her thoughts and Ryan marveled at Seth's nasal abilities. "How was the bed? Was it awkward sleeping with Marissa again?"

Luckily for Ryan, his back was towards Summer so she could not see the satisfied and lustful sheen in his eyes as she asked that question. "It was fine. I already made the bed for you and changed the sheets, too. Marissa had to leave early this morning."

"What, why?" She stared at him confused but now fully awake. "I thought she wanted to go to the game today? What did you do to her?"

Whirling around to face her, his eyes snapped angrily. "And why do you automatically assume that I did something wrong?"

Not one to turn down a fight, Summer stood up and yelled right back at him. "Because the only time she ever runs off is when you've hurt her!"

"Well I didn't this time," he replied, his voice lowering in octave as he realized that Summer was just trying to protect Marissa…even if she was trying to protect her from him. "We got a call last night from her Mom. Her Dad died."

"Oh." With that the fight completely went out of Summer and she collapsed back into her chair. "Damn!" After processing the information for a moment, she looked back up at him with wonder in her eyes. "Why didn't you guys wake us up last night and let us know before she left?"

"She didn't leave until this morning, and we were busy."

"Of course," she agreed nodding her head, "you were consoling her."

"Yeah….yeah I was," he lied turning around so that she couldn't see the blush that had crept up into his cheeks. Just then Seth wandered into the room looking slightly annoyed but wide awake compared to Summer just moments before.

"What the hell are you two fighting about in here," he asked in what was a harsh tone for Seth. "It sounds like World War III is about to erupt at any moment, and if you dare tell me this is about that insipid football game this afternoon, I'm going to knock your heads together and then run for fear of Ryan killing me." He looked around the kitchen and noticed Marissa's conspicuous absence. "Aren't we missing someone? Is Marissa still sleeping even after you two had your little screaming match?"

"She's not here," Summer replied as if he should already know that for himself. "Her Dad kicked the bucket last night."

Ryan rolled his eyes as he handed her a cup of coffee. "Way to sound sympathetic, Summer."

She just ignored his comment. Ryan then handed a cup of coffee to Seth before taking a sip out of his own mug.

"Wow," Seth said shocked. "How'd your Mom handle the news?"

"My Mom," Ryan asked almost choking on his coffee. "What do you mean?"

"Dude, how insensitive can you be and here you were calling Summer out for her tactless comment."

"Hey," Summer yelled out interrupting him. "I resent that." He just ignored her.

"Come on, your Mom dated Marissa's Dad for years, something I still find strangely incestuous." Ryan's menacing glare made him change the subject quickly. "Your Mom has to be pretty upset by this. How'd she take the news?"

"I don't know. I never called her," Ryan admitted.

Summer looked up from her coffee suddenly interested in the conversation. "What, you never called her. Did it just slip your mind? You've known for hours and you never thought once that your Mom would like to know that her old boyfriend had died?"

"I guess it did just slipped my mind," he answered while avoiding making eye contact with them. Seth just accepted the response and went to look through the cupboards for something to eat, but Summer was not fooled. She watched Ryan closely as he drained the rest of his coffee and then rinsed the cup before speaking again.

"Look, I want to go back to Newport. Marissa's going to need me there with her, but I'm going to need a ride. Either someone is going to have to take me or I'll borrow your car and get it back to you somehow as soon as I can."

Jumping at the opportunity to have Ryan alone for 45 minutes so she could pry him for information, Summer vaulted out of her seat and yelled over her shoulder as she made her way to what was once Ryan's bedroom and was now her dressing room.

"Give me five minutes and then we'll leave."

He nodded his head accepting her terms and went back to gather his and Marissa's bag. The ride home was not going to be fun, because he knew that Summer had suspected something had happened between him and Marissa, but it was better to be harassed by her then Seth so he would take what he could get. However, it was still going to be a long ride back to Newport.

The day had been a tiring one for Marissa, but she knew that the evening would not bring any respite, and knowing what she was about to face made her not want to leave the hospital, something Dawn was determined to see her do. When she had gotten there that morning, she had found Dawn practically forcing her Mother to eat breakfast, something that she had to admit made her secretly giggle before she walked into the visiting room. They had remained there all morning, the three women, talking and sharing memories of Jimmy. The reminiscing had seemed to help calm Julie down, but it also took a toll on her physically and made her exhausted. After she had fallen asleep, Marissa had worked with Dawn to arrange the funeral, making the calling hours for Monday afternoon and evening and the funeral for Tuesday morning. They had contacted the newspaper about the obituary information, called the florists to order the flowers, and had spoken with Sandy and Kirsten to see if they would be willing to let Marissa use their house for the dinner, something they not only agreed to but demanded that they be in charge of. By lunch time everything was arranged and the two women had retired to the cafeteria for a quick bite to eat. They made small talk, Dawn recognizing that Marissa was not ready to confide in anyone about whatever was on her mind, while Marissa was too lost in those thoughts to hold an intelligent conversation.

When they got back to Julie's room, things were not going as smoothly as they were that morning. She had woke up while they were gone, and being alone made the reality of the whole situation, the fact that her husband had died of cancer the night before, all too unbearable for her and she had collapsed emotionally. For the next few hours they had taken their turns trying to comfort her, attempting to sooth her grief and show her that although it hurt now, Jimmy's death was for the better. Beyond the fact that Marissa did not want her Mother to be suffering, she also knew that if she became too upset it could cause a setback in her health, something she could not face at the moment. Eventually she convinced the doctor to give her a sedative so that she could rest and have a break from the pain.

Despite Marissa's protests, Dawn insisted that she would stay the night with Julie and that Marissa should go home and take care of herself. Before she could do that though, Marissa had one other stop to make. It was time to confront her mistake, but it was easier said than done. After leaving the hospital, she drove around Newport until she found a small, peaceful park to hide in and think. Climbing out of her car she made her way to the abandoned swings where she sat for hours just planning exactly what she would say and do in order to make this as easy as possible for both of them. No matter what she came up with though, she knew that nothing about this was going to be easy. Finally summoning the courage to just face the situation head on despite the fact that she felt unprepared and nervous, she left the playground behind and went back to her car.

This would be the first time she had ever gone to this place. She had always avoided it so carefully. It was too close, too intimate to be there, but she had no choice now. They all deserved this to be over with once and for all, and she was determined to do so before she went home. Once she arrived, she took a moment to gather her wits, straightening out her appearance and arranging her wrinkled and tired clothing the best she could. Walking up to the door and knocking softly, she had never felt so excited about doing something nor as nervous in her life. This was all together unfamiliar territory to her….to most women. How do you break up kindly with someone you never technically dated?

He swung the door open not knowing who would be on the other side of it because he was not expecting anyone to drop by, but his immediate response of joy when he saw Marissa standing there in front of him evaporated almost instantly as soon as she saw her expression. Something had changed; something major had happened, and he knew that this was the end.

"Marissa," he said evenly not letting his churning emotions shine through. "I didn't know you were coming over. What a surprise." He moved in to hug her softly, but she quickly backed away from him trying to appear nonchalant and as if her sudden reaction was because she wanted to look at something on the ground in front of her and not because she wanted to avoid physical contact with him.

"Hi Kevin," she replied softly. "Can we talk?"  
"Sure, come on in. I was just about to order some dinner? Care to join me?"

"No thanks…" she stumbled through her words, "and do you mind if we just talk out here?"

"Marissa, please, I won't bite, I swear." He held the door further open for her until she finally stepped through it and entered his apartment, her arms immediately encircling her own body as if to protect herself from what was coming next.

"How was your trip," she asked softly not wanting to be entirely rude.

"Boring…without you, but I don't think that's what you want to hear right now. What's going on, Marissa," he asked perceptively. "I can see it in your eyes. Let me guess, this has to do with Atwood."

"Kevin, come on, don't act like this, please." When he didn't say anything to her plea she continued. "Look, I told you upfront what I felt for Ryan, and you cannot blame him for how I treated you."

His voice was soft as he replied, "Wow, past tense already, so this is final."

"Did you really think there would ever be another outcome," she shot back somewhat testily, his words annoying her.

"I had hoped," he admitted.

"I'm sorry, okay," she said as she collapsed unto his couch and dropped her head to rest in her hands momentarily to collect her thoughts before looking back up into his piercing eyes. "Look, I'll admit that I was attracted to you."

"I never doubted that," he responded, "but that was it, wasn't, you never felt anything beyond basic attraction, did you?"

"No, I didn't. I tried, honestly, I did," she admitted. "It would have been so much easier to fall for you. You were uncomplicated. There were no hurt feelings between us, no trust issues to over come, but love just doesn't work like that."

He was silent for a moment as he thought about what she said, and although his response was softly stated, she could still hear it and it angered her beyond expression. "I can't believe he won."

"Excuse me," she jumped up the rage flickering dangerously in her eyes. "Was this some type of game to you? Was I just a competition, because trust me, you never had a shot in hell of winning!"

"I didn't mean it like that," he shot back defensively, "and if you don't believe me, trust me, if it had just been a game to me, I wouldn't have lost. I would have done anything and everything to sabotage Atwood."

"His name is Ryan," she screamed out heatedly. "If you dare call him by his last name one more time, I'm leaving now with no further explanation or discussion, ever!"

He just nodded his head before sitting down across from the seat she had previously been occupying. After a few seconds, she begrudgingly sat down again but refused to meet his gaze. Finally, he broke the silence.

"So what happened?"

Taking a deep breath before she started, Marissa turned back to look at him knowing that he deserved to be looked in the eye when she told him this.

"My Dad died last night, and Ryan and I…well we…."

"You slept together," he answered for her, closing his eyes so she couldn't see the pain he was feeling.

"Yes."

"And now what," he continued to pry.

"I don't know. This morning, after I woke up, I left to handle the arrangements for my Dad's funeral, and although he was awake, I couldn't talk to him yet. I had to sort this out between us first."

"Too bad you didn't think me before you had sex."

Although she knew that saying anything to refute his remark would only hurt him further, she could not let what had occurred between her and Ryan be discussed so flippantly. "We didn't just have sex. It was more than that."

He nodded his head, biting his lip harshly before moving the conversation forward again. "But you are going to speak with him once you leave her, and then what, you'll be a couple?"

"I think so…I hope so," she said honestly. "I know it must feel as though I cheated on you…"

"It does," he interrupted her harshly, but his tone soon softened when he looked up into her eyes and saw the genuine remorse she was feeling, "but I know that you didn't in my head. I fell for you, hard, and I thought I'd be able to get you to fall for me, too, but no such luck."

Standing up and moving to the door quickly, his voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Wait."

Turning around she said nothing but just looked at him waiting until he spoke his peace.

"Would you stay…just for the night?"

"What," she asked the shock and confusion evident on her exquisite face.

"Please, would you stay me with just once, sleep with me….not sleep with me, but share a bed with me. We don't have to touch or anything, I just need to feel you close to me tonight before you walk out of my life for good."

"Kevin," she began to protest, the unease apparent in her voice.

"I wouldn't ask if it didn't mean a lot to me, and I swear, Marissa I promise, that I will not try anything. We'll both be fully dressed. I just….I need this…to say goodbye." Knowing that she was still about to protest, he played his trump card. "I think you owe me this much."

He knew it was unfair to say that to her and he knew that she didn't actually owe him anything, but he also knew that her guilt about the situation would make her agree with that statement, and he was right. She never said anything, but she took a step closer to him and he could tell by her eyes that she had agreed to stay. Forgetting dinner for the evening and wanting to lay next to her for as long as he could, he led her back to his bedroom where she got under the covers and he remained on top of them. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, the lack of rest from the night before and her emotionally exhausting day finally catching up with her, but Kevin didn't sleep at all. He just remained there, motionless, watching the back she had to him rise and fall with each of her soft, peaceful breaths as he imagined what it would be like to hold her in his arms, taste her, feel her, be with her in every sense of the word, but those were things he would never experience. Although he would never admit it, that night as he faced the reality of the fact that she would never be his, a small part of him died.

_Turn down the lights, turn down the bed_

_Turn down these voices inside my head_

_Lay down with me, tell me no lies_

_Just hold me close, don't patronize – don't patronize me_

_Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel something it won't_

_Here in the dark, in these lonely hours_

_I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power_

_But you won't, no you won't_

'_Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't_

_I'll close my eyes, then I won't see_

_The love you don't feel when you're holding me_

_Morning will come and I'll do what's right_

_Just give me till then to give up this fight_

_And I will give up this fight_

_Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel something it won't_

_Here in the dark, in these lonely hours_

_I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power_

_But you won't, no you won't_

'_Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't_


	17. Chapter 17

It had taken forever, but, finally, after hours of waiting and pretending to be asleep, Marissa could tell that Volchok had slipped into slumber and she crept out of the bed, put her shoes back on, and left his apartment leaving only a note behind apologizing for not staying like she said she would and asking him not to contact her again, claiming that not only would it be awkward for her, but it would be too difficult for him. She took her time going home, thinking that Ryan had stayed in LA. He hadn't called her cell, something she assumed he would do if he returned home to Newport. The only calls she had on there were from Kevin. It seemed as if he had called her every half an hour starting Thursday night practically. The first thing she was going to do when she got home was call Ryan then she was deleting every single message from Kevin.

Arriving back at the apartment a little after four in the morning, she let herself in and kept the place dark. She was exhausted and didn't want the lights to wake her up. Before she could even sit down, she dialed Ryan's cell, hoping he had it on silent so that she wouldn't wake him, but she needed to hear his voice, even if it was just his voicemail, and she wanted to let him know that she was ready to talk. When the voicemail picked up, she started talking immediately.

"Hey Ryan, it's Marissa …." But before she could continue, she heard his voice respond….in the apartment.

"Who else would it be," he asked her a chuckle in his voice until he saw that she was holding her cell phone in her hands. She was so shocked when he sat up from his sleeping position on the couch, that she nearly dropped the phone and turned as white as a ghost, almost passing out.

"Hey," he said soothingly as his arms wrapped around her, supporting her weight so she wouldn't faint. He looked into her drained face and noticed just how exhausted she was. Picking her up he carried her up the stairs to her room, despite her protests to put her down.

"Really, Ryan, I'm fine. You don't have to do this."

"When was the last time you ate anything substantial," he inquired concerned as he set her on her bed and began to undress her like a child.

Despite her protests that she could take care of herself, it did feel nice to just sit back and let him take care of her, but she couldn't do that. She had to talk to him first.

"Ryan, please, stop. Listen, I love that you want to do this for me…"

He interrupted her. "When was the last time you ate, Marissa," his voice strict and demanding.

"I tried to eat some lunch earlier….but I basically just pushed it around on my plate."

Before she could say anything, he was out of her door and down the stairs going, she assumed, to the kitchen to find her something to eat. She pushed herself up from the bed and made quick work of changing, slipping on a pair of his boxers and a wife beater she had confiscated. Once she was finished, she went into the bathroom they shared, washed her face, brushed her teeth, and went back out to her bed and sat down, crossed legged and waited for him to return. No matter what he said, they were going to talk before they went to sleep. A few minutes later he returned with two plates, both carrying sandwiches, and two bottles of water.

"I figured I should probably eat, too. I've been a little distracted today. Couldn't eat," he said smirking at her. She knew from that look that she was what had been distracting him.

Smiling sadly at him, she replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I know that I should have explained this morning where I was going, why I was apologizing, but I knew that if I started talking, I'd break down, and I couldn't do that, and I couldn't take you with me. This was just something I had to do on my own."

"What, handle the funeral preparations," he asked confused.

"No, not that," she said evenly, avoiding his eyes. "I mean, I did that, but that's not what I had to do alone. I went and saw Kevin tonight. That's why I was so late."

Of all the things he thought she might say, that was the last thing he had expected. Too scared of what she might declare, he just watched her, helpless. Before she said anything though, she reached across his body, getting so close to him his fear was momentarily replaced by just a base, natural attraction. His mind swam with desire until she sat back down, cell phone now in hand. Flipping it open and pressing a few buttons, she handed it to him. Looking down, he noticed that he was looking at her call log. Every single number was the same; every single call came from Volchok.

"I guess he got back into town Thursday night when I ignored his first call. We weren't dating, but he acted like it, and I knew that before anything else happened between us….at least I hope it will…" With this he looked up at her, confused, but she would not meet his eyes.

"What do you mean you hope it will," he asked, the uncertainty and bewilderment ringing loudly in his voice. "Why wouldn't it?"

"Because of what I did. I'm not sure that you'll want to be with me now, and if you don't, if you don't trust me, I'll understand. I'll earn your trust back."

Now he was just plain frightened.

"Did you sleep with him?" His voice was so soft she could barely hear it. Rage would have been better, but his pain and suffering were killing her slowly.

"Yes….I mean no, not exactly." Looking over at him, she knew he wasn't understanding where she was taking this. "I went over there to tell him that we couldn't even be friends any longer, and he picked up on a vibe from me. Everyone's been picking up on it. I guess I just have that certain glow happening right now, but anyway," she said as she shook her head to clear the thoughts of her night with Ryan away from the present, "he was hurt. We ended up fighting about you, because he was being rude towards you, and then he said something about losing and it completely set me off. After a while though he basically admitted that it felt like I cheated on him even though it wasn't fair to say that, and he asked me to stay with him. I wasn't going to, but then he said that I owed him, and I did,"

"No you didn't," Ryan responded bluntly. "You never, not even once, told him that you were dating him. Did you ever say you had feelings for him; did you ever deny that you had feelings for me?"

"No."

"Then you didn't owe him anything." His voice was cold, void of any of the passion and love he normally had in it when he spoke to her. "What exactly did you do?"

"I laid down in his bed under the covers while he laid on top of them so that he couldn't touch me. I was supposed to spend the night, but I couldn't stay there, I couldn't let myself fall asleep, so as soon as he did, which took forever, I crept out of the bed and left a note apologizing that I broke my promise and asking him to never contact me again."

"Did anything else happen," he inquired directly, his voice now tinged with the tone of hope.

Shaking her head profusely, she spoke loud and clear, taking his face in her hands so that he would look in her eyes. "Absolutely nothing else happened. I could barely stay in the same room with him after what we shared last night….let alone touch him or be with him. I would never do that to do, I swear, but if you don't believe me or you don't trust me any longer and you want to go back to the way we were before, I'll understand, honestly I will. I can wait as long as you need me to…."

The rest of her words were broken off by his finger pressing gently against her lips.

"We're not going back, and I trust you. I always have trusted you. If you say that nothing happened…"

"Nothing happened," she repeated looking as intently into his eyes as she could.

"Then nothing did. We're fine; we're always going to be as long as you tell me the truth…and stay away from Volchok from now on," he teased lightly.

"Trust me, I learned that lesson. He might have been nice to me, and in fact I do honestly believe he had feelings for me…"

"You know," Ryan admitted, "I do, too."

"But that doesn't mean that I can be friends with him. It just got too complicated. Besides, Seth and Summer have enough personalities to make it seem like I have about a dozen friends, so who needs more than them?" He laughed along with her and then nudged the knee that was holding her plate on it.

"Eat," he ordered, making her smile and grab at the food hungrily.

"You have no idea how starved I am right now, and this looks delicious. You eat, too, though," she said, nudging his leg back a little more forcefully than he had hers.

"Give me this first," he said taking her cell phone from her lap. After a few seconds he put it back on her nightstand.

"What did you do," she asked.

"Deleted all his messages."

Her voice was incredulous. "That fast!"

"Yeah," he laughed at her before taking a bite of his sandwich. "You can delete them all at once."

"Ugh…" she groaned, "I wish I would have known that a long time ago. I'm so not technologically advanced."

"No wonder you work well with Sandy," he teased her.

"Very funny," she shook her head at him trying not to laugh along. "But I'm not that bad."

They sat there comfortably, Ryan laughing, Marissa attempting not to while they ate their sandwiches quietly. Once they were both done, he put their plates on the ground and went to stand up.

"Where are you going" she asked the perplexity apparent in her voice.

"To bed, it's late," he replied automatically without evening thinking about it.

Her face fell as soon as the words left his mouth. "Oh."

Her one word response stopped him cold, and he turned back around to look at her. There were tears in her eyes and she had looked away from him attempting to hide her misery.

"Marissa," he began, his voice soft and gentle, only to have her cut him off almost immediately.

"No, it's fine; I understand. You thought you were okay with what I did, but you're not. But I will earn your faith in me back," she trembled as she spoke, her emotions pouring out of her in waves of remorse, grief, and despair as the tears washed down her face. Ryan was frozen in place as he watched her, incapable of moving for a few seconds because he was so overwhelmed by the depth of her feelings. Finally, sliding into the bed beside her, he took her in his arms and held her as close to his body as he possibly could.

"Hey, it's alright. That's not what I meant," he said compassionately in an attempt to ease her sobs. "I just thought that you were exhausted and would want a good night's rest."

"I am tired….but I want you to stay with me, please?" The complete reversal of their roles, he now had all the power and she was the one walking on egg shells desperate not to unsettle the balance in their relationship, amazed him, but it was not what he wanted. He wanted them both to feel 100 comfortable with each other, secure in their relationship.

"That's something you never have to ask, because I always want to be with you," he assured her as he tried to lay down with her in his arms, but she pulled away from him. Making him laugh, she took his shirt off and he just stared at her with a bemused expression on his face.

"What do you think you're doing," he playfully teased her.

Without batting an eye, she shot back at him, "making myself comfortable. I like you better naked. Besides, it's too warm for clothes."

"No complaints here! Are you going to take yours off…." But that was as far as he got, because she lifted her arms and pulled off his shirt before slipping the boxers off, too. Smiling like a giddy little boy, he stripped his boxers off as well and cuddled her body into his as they fell back onto the bed together.

"Just to let you know, this is going to be a permanent arrangement," she said softly as she traced her fingers lovingly along his jaw line, leaning in to leave a lingering kiss on his lips. "We'll just have to figure out whose bed is more comfortable."

"What do you want to do with the other one," he asked curious.

"We'll keep it for variety," she replied as seriously as she could.

Nodding his head in mock sincerity, he agreed with her before returning the favor and kissing her like she had kissed him only moments before. They just remained there, eyes wide, staring at each other, bodies as close as they possibly could be.

"Can I ask you something," Ryan's voice rang out softly disrupting the solitude of the early morning.

"Of course."

"When you said you were sorry yesterday," he began tentatively, "you weren't sorry about us….about making love were you?"

"I never have regretted being with you, even the first night. Sure, it might have made more sense to wait a little longer, but we've acted impulsively without thinking since the day we met each other," she responded contemplatively. "But yesterday, there was nothing to regret, nothing to be sorry about, because it was perfect. I was just sorry that I had to leave you, that I had to deal with my past on my own so that we could have a future together." Her cheeks burnt brightly scarlet, her embarrassment over the simple yet profound statement evident, her fear that he didn't feel the same way on full display.

"I can understand that," he said after a moment's thought. "I really was more worried about you having to deal with your Father's death without me. I didn't really think you regretted being with me, but I just had to make sure."

"I don't." Her voice was soft but full of certainty. "But, as far as dealing with my Dad's death, I will need you for that. You'll come to calling hours and the funeral with me, right?"

"Just try and keep me away," he replied while tickling her gently.

"Oh, and there's a dinner after the funeral at Sandy and Kirsten's. Is that okay, too?"

"Well, I've never been one to turn down free food," he shot back at her mischievously.

Letting her eyes droop shut out of exhaustion, she mumbled back, "Uh huh, that's not the only thing you'd never turn down."

"Yes, I would. Not tonight; you're too tired, but tomorrow afternoon or night, if you're so inclined…."

"Goodnight, Ryan," she snickered. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And with that they went to sleep.

The next couple of days were a blur for Ryan and Marissa between funeral preparations, taking care of her Mom, and organizing her Father's affairs He could tell that she was just running on autopilot, that she was pushing her own emotions and feelings aside, except for when she was alone with him, so that she could focus on others and remain in control. Once all of the mourning festivities had been completed, he was going to make sure that he sat her down and let her just say or do whatever she wanted to release any of the grief or sorrow she had let build up within her.

They had been surprised how many people had shown up at the calling hours. Because it was being held in Newport for convenience purposes, Marissa had assumed that many of her parents old friends, co-workers, and associates would not come to the service let alone even hear about it, but they had been wrong. Here, they came to find out, that Dawn, thinking ahead of the game, had contacted the Chino newspapers as well and put the notice in about Jimmy's death and listed the funeral information.

Although the calling hours had been full, the funeral was small and intimate, just Julie, Marissa, Ryan, Dawn, Mike, Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, and Summer, but that had been the way that Marissa had wanted it. After the service was over, the group had gone back to the Cohens where they had the dinner. This had been Marissa's favorite part. The nine of them just sat around the large dining room table, sharing stories of their youth and listening to Julie, Marissa, and Dawn reminisce about Jimmy. It had been pleasant and exactly what the two grieving women needed. Not only did the dinner feel like a goodbye for Jimmy, but it felt as if they were being welcomed into a new family, a larger, somewhat untraditional one who was very good at taking in new members.

No one else knew how much that afternoon had meant to Marissa except for Ryan. He could read it in her face, the love she felt for those she was with and the pride she felt in being included into their protective fold. To him, it was as if the last piece of the puzzle to his life had finally fit into place. Sure, he had always been close with Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, and Summer, but ever since Marissa had entered his world one fateful afternoon, he not only found out what love meant and gained a partner, but he had gotten his Mother back, and she was happy, too.

The meal lasted late into the night, everyone already excused from their various responsibilities, school, work, social clubs, because of the funeral, and eventually it was decided that they all would stay there. The Cohens had plenty of room, they claimed, and that way no one had to drive home when they were tired. Ryan and Marissa were quick to request the poolhouse, but Sandy and Kirsten assured them that it was always theirs even without asking.

Finally, alone at last in the blissful solitude the poolhouse provided, Ryan and Marissa curled up on the bed together, his hand absently running up and down her side while she rested her hand over his heart.

"So what are your plans for tomorrow," Marissa asked unable to sleep.

Without even a moment's hesitation, he replied, "our plans are doing whatever you want to do."

"Do you have a game tomorrow or just practice?"

Although she could not see his face, she would have known he was confused if she could have seen his furrowed brow and darting eyes. "Nothing. I cancelled practice for tomorrow. I thought you'd want me to spend the day with you."

"I do, but I was just going to go with you, but since you cancelled practice," she said devilishly, "other than catch up work for school, we have nothing to do then. Whatever shall we do with all that free time?"

He laughed at her flirtatious allusions. "I'm sure we'll be able to figure something out. Are you tired?"

"Yes and no," she said contemplatively. "My mind feels exhausted, like it hasn't slept in days, but my body is wide awake and tense."

"Want me to help you out with that," he asked in a casual and unassuming tone, but she laughed none the less.

"Yeah, I'm sure you would you like to, but I cannot do that with my Mom in the same house."

"Your Mom is technically not in the same house, because we're out here, but that's not what I was thinking," he teased her. "How does a massage sound?"

"Just a massage," she warned while at the same time moving so that she was lying on her stomach. He kneeled around her, one leg on each side of her back, and began to gently ease the tension out of her body by kneading the muscles starting at her neck and working all the way down to the small of her back. He worked until he felt her finally relax and go limp under his healing hands, but as he rolled over to lay back down beside her, he noticed that she was already asleep. Laughing to himself, he turned off the bedside lamp and pulled her closer to him.

"Sure you weren't tired," he said to no one but himself, but his voice caused her to stir in her sleep and move so that her head was lying on his chest and her arms were wrapped around him. Kissing her forehead, he pulled the sheet up over their bodies and let himself fall into slumber with her.

"I can't believe you guys have plans this weekend," Summer lamented for what could have possibly been the tenth time in fifteen minutes to Marissa as she drove home from the office Friday afternoon.

"I'm sorry Sum, but we had this planned since last weekend, and you never warned us you guys were coming home again. I mean, we figured you wouldn't since you were home earlier in the week for my Dad's funeral," Marissa explained once again.

Still whining, Summer continued. "Where are you guys going again?"

"Dancing," Marissa replied, the excitement evident in her voice.

"And what are you wearing," Summer pressed.

This question took Marissa by surprise. "I don't know. Something from my closet, I guess. Why?"  
The line went dead, Marissa waiting for Summer to respond to her question; Summer completely shocked that Marissa did not know any better.

"I'll be at your place in ten minutes. Let me just grab my supplies," Summer shot out quickly, hanging up on Marissa before she even had a chance to ask what she meant by supplies or find out what she had in mind.

Marissa should have known what she was getting herself into when Summer breezed into the apartment ten minutes later, just like she said. The petite brunette was loaded down with garment bags and beauty products. Ordering Marissa to her room, she didn't even greet her. An hour later she was allowed to look in the mirror, and the person in front of her shocked Marissa.

"That's me," she starred blankly at the reflection. Marissa had never been one to go out of her way to look special for anything. She was a simple girl who wore simple clothes, never fussed with her hair, and wore little or no makeup, but that was not Summer's style and she had been in Summer's hands far too long to emerge looking unpretentious. She had to admit that she didn't look over done or fussy like she had feared; she just looked damn sexy!

"Don't you think this dress is a little short, Sum, I mean, it's your dress and I'm wearing it?"

"Just don't bend over too much," Summer answered flippantly. "Or if you do, Atwood will go insane. Speaking of Atwood, how's everything going on that front? I've been meaning to ask you about that since last weekend. You two just seem different."

"Maybe we are," Marissa replied evenly still peering at herself in the mirror and admiring Summer's work. She might not want to look like this every night, but it wouldn't be bad to give Ryan a new thrill or two. Meanwhile Summer was mulling over Marissa's statement and began to think aloud.

"The first thing that was strange was that Atwood willingly changed the sheets and made my bed last weekend, something the lazy ass has never done before when he stayed over at my Dad's. Then he was adamant that he be here for you while you went through all that stuff about your Dad. Now that I think about it, he never left your side the entire time at calling hours or the funeral. You two looked practically like a couple."

Marissa blushed and just went back to the mirror pretending that she was wiping away a stray eyelash.

"Oh my god," Summer hissed at her, an accusatory finger pointed in her direction. "You two are together, and you never said anything!" Marissa just smiled innocently at her. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. When did this happen?"  
"Technically…," Marissa began but Summer cut her short.

"What do you mean technically? You're either together or you're not, right?"

Marissa hesitated for a moment before replying. "Well then I guess we got back together the night we stayed at your place…but we didn't talk about it until early Sunday morning."

Summer's jaw dropped open in shock.

"You got together….in my bed!"

Just then, the doorbell rang and Marissa was literally saved by the bell.

"Oops, that must be Ryan. Sorry we can't talk about this more," she called over her shoulder as she ran down the stairs, Summer too dazed to follow right away. "Thanks for the help getting ready and lock up on your way out, thanks."

Rushing out the door so that Summer could not stop them, Marissa barely had time to kiss Ryan hello before dragging him to the car. To make the night feel special, he had made arrangements with Sandy to borrow his car. That was why Marissa had been able to get ready without him there. As they pulled out o the parking lot, Marissa caught sight of Summer just opening the door of the apartment to yell at her but she was too late.

"Sorry about that," Marissa commented out of breath from laughing so hard. "It was either run for our lives or face Summer's wrath. She found out about last weekend."

Ryan just looked at her confused for a moment until realization set in. Before they knew what was happening, they were both laughing hysterically, holding hands as they cruised down the road to meet Mike and Dawn.

The two couples had decided to have dinner first before they went dancing. Much to Ryan's dismay, Mike insisted upon paying for them all claiming that it was only fair since he called for the night out on the town. They had all enjoyed the meal, laughing and talking their way through it, getting to know one another better. By the time they reached the dance club, it was already pushing ten o'clock, but Marissa could not wait.

Apologizing and giving them fair warning before she went on the dance floor, Marissa explained that she was not stopping for a moment out of fear Ryan would never start again. Plus, she said, she loved to dance so much, she always hated to stop for anything. So, that's what they had done: danced.

Marissa was not an overtly sexual dancer, but she had rhythm and knew how to move her body so that she looked good while doing so. Surprising himself, Ryan was not that bad either. Perhaps it was because he just followed Marissa's body wherever it went, melding their hips together to flow as one. Maybe she just inspired him and he didn't want to disappoint or embarrass her. Then again, it could have just been his athletic ability, but whatever the reason, they looked good together.

The club didn't close till morning, but an hour and half into the night, Ryan noticed Marissa calming down some. She would move their bodies slower, still following the beat to the music, but not as frenzied, and as time moved on, she seemed to depend upon him to lead and support them more. At the end of one particularly long slow song, he looked down at her face which was resting on his shoulder and noticed that she looked fatigued and her eyes were closed. Before he knew what was happening, her whole body slumped against his and if he hadn't of lifted her up, she would have fallen over. Carrying her off the dance floor, he set her down on a chair and tilted her head up to look at him. She looked as if she was about to pass out.

"Hey, what's wrong," he asked gently, the concern apparent in his voice. By this time, Dawn and Mike had noticed something was wrong and had left the dance floor to work their way over to Ryan and Marissa.

"I don't know," Marissa responded in almost a whisper her voice was so weak. "I'm just so tired." Her voice started to break and he could tell she was close to tears. "And I want to be here so badly; I was looking forward to this so much, but I can't stay. I just….I feel like I'm going to pass out I'm so exhausted."

Trying to console her, he leaned in and kissed her softly before pulling back to speak. "It's fine. It's understandable really after the week you've had. When you're feeling better, we'll come back, I promise. I was actually having fun out there."

"I know," she smiled up at him. "I could tell."

"But for now," he said as he once again took her in his arms and cradled her against his body, her arms gracefully holding onto his neck, "I'm taking you home and putting you to bed."

"Only if you come with me," she whispered into his ear.

He went to reply, but, just then, Dawn and Mike reached their side, the apprehension evident on their faces.

"Is everything alright," Dawn asked worried.

"Everything's fine," Marissa placated her. "I think I just over did it a little this week, so I'm tired."

"I'm taking her home, but you two should stay, have fun," Ryan added in. "You're supposed to be celebrating."

"Are you sure," Mike inquired. He wanted to stay, but if Ryan or Marissa needed their help, his help, he'd be right there for them.

"Positive," Ryan said before they both waved goodbye and left.

Marissa was asleep not even two minutes after Ryan had gently put her down in the passenger seat of the car. When they got back to the apartment, she didn't even wake when he lifted her out of it and carried her inside. After undressing her while she was still sleeping, he quickly shed his own dress clothes and climbed into bed with her. Holding her in his arms that night he couldn't rest at all. True, she had had a hectic, stressful week, but Ryan couldn't help but worry that there was something else wrong with her. She was just too exhausted. He wouldn't say anything to frighten her, but he was going to watch her carefully, make sure she was alright, and take note of anything else out of the ordinary. After just finding her, he was not going to loose her because he did not take care of her.

Late into the night after promising himself he'd never let anything hurt her, Ryan finally fell asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Gone were the hazy, humid nights of summer to be replaced by crisp, autumn evenings which were not cool enough to turn on the heat but required cuddling nonetheless to keep warm; Ryan wanted November to last forever, but it was quickly coming to a close. Thanksgiving was the next day, and he was home alone, sitting in front of the TV but completely oblivious to what he was supposedly watching. Seth and Summer were not home yet from LA, claiming they had things to do before they returned home for the long, holiday weekend, and Marissa was off with his Mom and Julie baking pies for the next day's festivities being hosted at the Cohens'; after all, they were now the only ones who had a large enough house to make everyone comfortable. Ryan was thoroughly bored, grumpy, and anxious for his girlfriend to return home.

Two months had passed since Jimmy's death, and he and Marissa had just continued to grow closer than ever before. They spent all their time together. Their friends and family said they were practically inseparable and that's exactly how he liked it. The awkwardness about their new relationship had been replaced by a content comfortableness around each other. There were no small petty fights, no disagreements over trivial matters; they fit together perfectly, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Surprising him, Marissa had never really broken down about her Father's death. When they did discuss it, she continued to reiterate that she had been expecting it and the man that Jimmy had become in his last few weeks of life was not her Father anyway. Besides, she often told him, there was no reason to dwell on what she had already lost when her Mom was doing so well.

Julie was doing well. Two weeks after Jimmy's death, the doctors told her she was healthy enough to leave the hospital and just had to continue with her treatment though their outpatient facilities. Although Marissa had offered her their spare room, she had insisted that they had too much on their plates to take care of her, and so she had gone to live with Dawn. It seemed to be the perfect situation for them; both of them loved living together. While Dawn worked, Julie would continue on their project for Marissa, cook dinner, and take naps. Even though she was doing much better with her new medicine, she still became tired very easily. He was happy for them, ecstatic that Marissa got to spend this extra time with her Mom, but he was afraid that she would forget that Julie was still a terminal cancer patient and that her new medicine was not a cure but was just prolonging the inevitable. The three of them, Julie, his Mother, and Marissa were becoming so close, he knew that it would not be as easy for her to say goodbye to her Mother when she eventually passed away. Whatever happened though, he would be right there by her side.

On top of everything else, he was still slightly worried about Marissa. Although she had not passed out from utter exhaustion like she nearly had when they had gone dancing, she always seemed to be tired. She claimed it was nothing, just the normal stress of holding down a full time job and being a full time student while still trying to juggle a personal life. Against her protests, he often insisted that they stay in at night and not go anywhere, claiming that he'd rather have her all to himself anyway. Now that was not a lie, but he wouldn't have fought so hard to remain at home if he didn't know she needed the rest. There were no other symptoms or things out of the ordinary about her or her health, so he just continued to watch her closely and tried to do anything he could to alleviate any stress from her life. Winter break was coming up from school, and for Ryan's peace of mind where Marissa was concerned, it could not come fast enough. Here it was though, quickly approaching midnight, and still Marissa was not home yet and he was worried.

The next day was going to be hectic. Seth and Summer had insisted upon breakfast at the diner so that the four of them could catch up prior to the family lunch which would be held that afternoon. Despite Sandy and Kirsten's wishes, Marissa had confided in Ryan about their announcement, and he knew that the afternoon was not going to be a lazy, peaceful one that Marissa deserved for her holiday. Then, after lunch, they were all supposed to come back for dinner to help finish up some of the inevitable leftovers. No matter what happened though, he was definitely going to insist that he and Marissa go home before it became too late even if Seth and Summer had other plans for them.

Luckily everything else in Ryan's life was relatively stress free. Dawn, with the love and support of her family, Ryan, Marissa, and Julie, and her boyfriend, Mike, was still sober and doing well in her job with the party coordination firm. Although the FBI had not tracked down Dan and Trey yet, Ryan, in a way, preferred it like that, because he did not have to deal with confronting the men who had not only, in an essence, abandoned him and his mother but also took away their entire lifestyle by acting out on their greed and lust for power.

Work and school were going great as well. In the first year he was a coach, his soccer team had made it to the regional playoffs, and, impressed with what he had done with the team in so little time, his contract had been picked up for two more years. Because they were a private school, the team, in order to stay in shape and maintain their skills all year round, played together on a club team that traveled to tournaments, and Ryan was offered the position to coach that as well. They had just finished with their school team, so they would begin practice for the club one after the holiday season, providing Ryan with a break and an opportunity to pick up even more work at the Newport Group. With Christmas approaching, he needed the extra money. There was a very important woman in his life who deserved some beautiful, thoughtful things. Then there was school, and as long as his finals went well, which he presumed they would, he would make the Dean's list, something that did not happen his first two semesters for two very particular reasons: one, he did not care about his grades or classes and partied more than he studied, and two, he didn't have Marissa pushing and encouraging him to do well. There were no doubts about Marissa's grade, however. She was made for college, it seemed to Ryan, and excelled effortlessly at anything she touched. The only thing she regretted about school was that she did not have the time to play Volleyball, but that was something he was going to look into for her.

As his mind shifted back to Marissa, he checked the clock for what must have been the fiftieth time that night, growing even more anxious as he noticed it was quickly approaching 12:30. Getting up and moving towards his cell, he sat back down, phone in hand and debated whether or not he should call and check up on her. Sure, he was worried, but he also didn't want to come off as too over protective or smothering. It wasn't as if he didn't trust her; he was just worried about her health and she was totally dismissive of his concerns. He presumed it was because after all the sickness and disease she had battled with her parents, even the thought that she might be sick as well sent her into denial immediately, but that was not a healthy way to take care of oneself. Just as he was about to press send, he heard their door open and turned around to see a fatigued Marissa shuffling in holding her back. Without even knowing it, he let out a sigh of relief that she was home, but as soon as he saw the condition she was in, his apprehension returned. Rushing to her side, and wrapping his arm around her waist to help ease some of the tension and pressure on it, she leaned into him gratefully and tossed her purse aside before, wordlessly, they shut off the TV and lights and climbed the stairs together to their room. Once they were inside, he quickly helped her change before they climbed into bed. Insisting that she lean on her side so that he could massage her tender back muscles while they talked, Ryan helped to ease some of the tension she had built up.

"Sorry I'm so late," she began, the apologetic tone evident in her voice.

"Hey, you don't have to be sorry," he consoled. "I'm not mad that you were out late, just worried. "You're obviously exhausted and you look like you're in pain."

She laughed dejected. "I am in pain. I guess I'm out of shape or something." He gave her a look questioning her last statement. "Okay, so not out of shape exactly," she continued while giggling at his reaction, "but the only reason I can think of for my whole body aching like this is from standing all day while we made those pies."

"What do you mean your whole body hurts? It's just not your back," he asked in concern.

"No, I wish it was just my back. It feels as if every single joint in my body is about to split in two." Twisting around so that she could face him and rest her hand on his which were still massaging the small of her back, she looked into his eyes appreciatively and said "but this feels good, thank you." She leaned up and kissed him tenderly on the lips catching him off guard.

"What's that for," he pondered, the confusion evident on his face and making her giggle.

"What, I have to have a reason to kiss you? I just can't do it because I want to?"

"Well, if you insist," he began before her lips once again were greedily taking his. Breaking away from her embrace rather breathlessly, Ryan pulled her over so that she was lying on the bed facing him.

"Not that I'm complaining here, but what about to all those aches and pains?"

"Well," she enticed while flashing him a devilish grin and fluttering her eyelashes flirtatiously, "what better way to make me forget the unpleasant aches in my body than to give me pleasant ones?"

"But I thought you were tired," he continued to press her not wanting her to do anything if she really didn't want to.

Sitting up, she took his hands in hers and looked directly into his eyes so he could see that she was speaking the honest truth. "Ryan, listen to me. Sure, I am tired, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. I love that you want to look out for me, but this is one area where you never have to be nervous, I always want to be with you…well when I can, and it's been almost a week, so I need this. Okay?"

He didn't even waste words but answered her by pulling her back down to the bed and blanketing her body with his eager and anticipating one.

When Marissa slept right through their alarm the next morning, Ryan knew that she needed her sleep and that, no matter what Seth and Summer said, he was not waking her just to go to breakfast at the diner for no special reason. Gingerly, he crawled out of bed after untangling her body from his and went downstairs to find his cell phone and cancel their morning plans. Weighing his options, Ryan chose to call Seth believing he would be easier to avoid inciting anger in. When Summer picked up his phone though for him, he realized he would have no such luck.

"Hey Summer," he began tentatively; "can I talk to Seth?"

Showing annoyance in her tone, she shot back harshly, "What am I, Atwood, dog meat? You'll talk to me if you want to talk to anyone."

Sighing deeply, he dove head first in torrential waters with Summer and just replied bluntly, "Summer, Marissa and I are not meeting you guys for breakfast." She went to protest, but he cut her off and continued talking so she couldn't. "I don't care what argument you give me or how big of a rage blackout you threaten me with, she needs to sleep. She had a long day yesterday and she's worn out. There's nothing you could say to make me change my mind."

"Fine," she relented, "Marissa can sleep away Thanksgiving morning, but you have no excuse. You're already up, so you can meet us solo at the diner."

"It's not going to happen, Summer," he replied evenly. "I'm going back to bed with my girlfriend…" This time she did manage to interrupt him.

"So you're blowing us off for sex? I can't believe this!"

"Summer, we're not having sex. We're just going to be sleeping. I'm tired, too, not as tired as Marissa, but it would be nice to catch up on my sleep. We'll see you at Sandy and Kirsten's at 1:00 for lunch." With that, he snapped his cell phone shut and turned it off. Moving to Marissa's purse, he pulled out her mobile and gave it the same treatment. Satisfied that they would not be disturbed, he climbed the stairs and quickly made his way back to their room, snuggling into bed with Marissa and pulling her warm, supple body into his and holding her tightly to him. Within minutes, he was, once again, fast asleep and smiling slightly out of contentment.

Other than the fact that Seth and Summer were giving Ryan and Marissa the silent treatment because they had not gone to breakfast with them, the Thanksgiving lunch was pleasant, comfortable, and delicious. The pies seemed to mollify Seth somewhat, and by the time dessert had been finished, he was once again his chipper, perky self and annoying the hell out of everyone because he would not shut up, but Summer was still somewhat cold and distant. Laughter and smiles filled the kitchen, making it a warm and inviting place for the unconventional family despite the misty, dreary weather outside. The soft glow of the lamps cast mellow light all over the inviting room, illuminating it despite the somber shadows invading the natural world. It had truly been a happy Thanksgiving, and Sandy and Kirsten were hoping their news would be accepted easily and cause excitement while Ryan and Marissa were silently fearful just how Seth would react. Marissa and Ryan were cleaning up the kitchen, Seth was sneaking more turkey when Summer was not watching him, Summer was sullenly sitting at the table picking petals off of the flowers in the center piece, Mike was in the family room watching the football game, and Dawn and Julie were going through winter catalogs brainstorming about Christmas ideas when Sandy and Kirsten walked into the center of the great room and asked everyone to quit what they were doing and gather together; they had news. Everyone else moved quickly, leaving what they were previously doing behind and assembling around the Cohens, but Ryan and Marissa hung back a moment and watched the group with hesitation, nervous for two people they cared deeply about.

"What's this all about," Seth asked playfully, elbowing his Dad in the side and laughing. "I have a turkey to finish cleaning off."

"You better leave enough room to eat at my Dad's later this afternoon, Cohen, Summer threatened.

Scoffing, Seth waved her concerns off. "I'm never too full on Thanksgiving to eat more."

Their lighthearted bickering would have gone on forever if Sandy hadn't of cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention again.

"So," he began first looking at Kirsten to confirm that she wanted him to share and then to Ryan and Marissa for strength, "there's something we need to tell you, something big."

Curious and eager expressions covered the faces of those who did not know what was going on, but the only one who spoke up, again, was Seth.

"Come on, guys, really, how big could it be. Dad didn't loose the house because of a gambling addiction, Mom you didn't learn to cook, and we all know you're not pregnant, so just spit it out."

Kirsten's face turned extremely pale after Seth finished his little ramble, and when he noticed her colorless face, his turned almost the exact same shade of white.

"Holy horny hippos, Dad, you knocked her up, and all this time you've been giving me the safe sex speech. Looks like you should have followed some of your own unsolicited advice."

Kirsten was hurt by his reaction, Sandy was confused and surprised, but Marissa was livid, and by gently prodding Ryan and made it known to him that she wanted him to step in and intervene on behalf of Sandy and Kirsten and attempt to shut Seth up before he did irrevocable damage.

"Seth," Ryan chastised, his voice rough with anger and disappointment, "would you just shut up and listen to them for five minutes. This is not about you!"

Ryan's outburst was enough to shock Seth into silence. Marissa went up to Kirsten and took her hand in hers and squeezed it tightly before wrapping her arm around her shoulder and giving her a friendly hug to encourage her. Ryan came and stood by Sandy and put his hand on the older man's shoulder and shook it gently to instill in him the same confidence Marissa was trying to give Kirsten. It must have helped somewhat, because Sandy once again began to share his and Kirsten's news.

"We're not pregnant, but we are going to become parents again…in a way. Hayley," he stopped and turned towards Julie, Dawn, and Mike who did not know who Hayley was, "Kirsten's sister, is pregnant, but she is incapable of caring for a child and does not want the responsibility right now. We're going to become his or her legal guardians after they are born, and if everything works out the way we want it to, we'll adopt them soon afterwards."

With tears in her eyes, Julie was the first to speak up, thrilled for her new friends. "I think it's wonderful what you're doing for this child." She went up and hugged them both tightly. Stepping back, she beamed up at them, her excitement written all over her face. "When is the baby due?"

For the first time, Kirsten finally spoke up. "February."

"Oh, a little Valentine's baby, maybe; how wonderful. Would you let me make you a blanket for him or her, as a gift?" She turns and looks at Marissa when she continues to speak. "I won't be here when they are born in all probability, but I still want to give them something, show this precious child that he or she was wanted by everyone who knew about them."

Her words caused tears to come to all the women's eyes, especially Marissa's, but they all pushed them back because the announcement was one to bring joy and not sadness.

"Congratulations, Sandy, Kirsten," Dawn gushed as she, too, enveloped them in hugs. Mike stepped up after her and shook Sandy's hand before lightly hugging Kirsten and breaking the tension with a silly joke.

"I bet you never thought this would lead to you being hugged by me, did it?"

The mood lightened, it set the tone for a congenial discussion between those acting like adults while those who weren't, Seth and Summer, slowly faded out of the room and left on their own without uttering another word about the subject. While Sandy passed out cigars to Ryan and Mike and then smoked them outside under the awning because Kirsten did not want the smoke in the house, the girls went up to what would be the nursery and planned and discussed every minute detail of the room as if all four of them were having the child together. By the time they returned to the men an hour later, they found them good-naturedly fighting over the football game. The women had unanimously decided they had to have a baby shower and that there would be a naming contest. The rules had not been hammered out exactly, but the couple who picked the name would win something or some honor.

As evening replaced afternoon, the joyful atmosphere was so contagious it made Kirsten and Sandy forget that their son still had not spoken a word either in favor or against their planned addition to the family. Seth and Summer, although they had promised they would, never returned back for dinner at the Cohens and remained at her Father's house the entire night. Dawn, Julie, and Mike were the first to leave as Julie needed to get to bed early because she had had such an arduous yet exhilarating day and Mike had to drive back to the city, leaving just Sandy, Kirsten, Ryan, and Marissa to quietly sit around the living room and further discuss plans for the baby and why Hayley had made this decision.

"She has never really been able to take care of herself let alone a baby," Kirsten confessed, "and by the time she realized that she was pregnant, it was too late to have an abortion, at least that's what she told us."

"And is she taking care of herself and the baby," Marissa asked gently, worried about the innocent child yet not wanting to frighten Sandy and Kirsten.

"We have no idea," Sandy expressed helplessly, spreading his hands in front of him in a lost way. "We tried to get her to come and stay with us, but she refused and then ran away so that we could not find her and bring her home, and when Hayley does not want to be found, no one will be able to."

Kirsten continued for him. "She did call us last week though and said that she had a sonogram this upcoming Tuesday and would be mailing the picture to us this."

"Is she going to find out what the baby's sex is," Ryan inquired, surprising himself that he was so interested in this baby and excited for the Cohens. Thinking about it now, he knew it would be amazing to have a little brother or sister, and he could not comprehend why Seth was handling it so badly.

"No," Sandy answered. "We asked her not to. We want to be surprised. It's not like this is going to happen again for us. Hell, we weren't even expecting this, obviously, but it has made us happier than we've been in a long time." He looked over at his glowing, smiling wife and leaned in and kissed her forehead making Ryan and Marissa watch them in an admiring way, wanting to be like that someday themselves.

"I think it's wonderful that you're getting this chance to have another child. My parents always wanted more children but couldn't have them. It's something I've always promised myself though, that no matter what I will have at least two children."

"Really," Ryan turned to her, the surprise and pleasure unmistakable on his face. Sandy and Kirsten just watched on as the fresh couple talked quietly to each other enjoying every minute of their rare insight into young love.

"Well yeah," Marissa continued, blushing. "I've always wanted to have children…someday, but not until I'm ready and that won't be for a long time." Sandy laughed at this and stood up, gently pulling Kirsten with him.

"I hate to break up this little party, but as Seth so rudely pointed out earlier today, we're getting up there in age and we can't stay up as late as we used to. It's passed my bedtime."

Ryan looked at his watch and saw that it was after ten and laughed. "It's passed ours, too."

The four of them shared hugs and goodbyes and less than five minutes later Ryan and Marisa were on their way home. The car ride was silent as they both pondered the topic that had so innocently been brought up at the Cohens: their future children.

When they arrived home and went to the kitchen to put away the leftovers Kirsten had sent home with them, they were like two fifteen year olds on their first date with each other, awkward, nervous, and stealing shy glances at the other every few seconds. This continued as they went up to their room and changed for bed, but before Marissa could climb in, Ryan took her hand tentatively and pulled her after him down the stairs and to the sofa where he had her sit down while he started a fire in their tiny little fireplace. Taking all the cushions off of the couch and arranging pillows and blankets on top of them, he then led her to lay down with him in front of the petite roaring fire. Encircling her in his arms and snuggling down into the comfort of their floor retreat, Ryan finally broke the silence.

"Do you care if we talk about this….kids," he asked timidly.

His earnest and shy yet animated tone melted Marissa's heart, and if it was even possible, she fell even more in love with him in that moment. Rolling over in order to face him, the moment was ruined as she winced in pain. Ryan noticed.

"Hey, are you still sore," he pushed concerned.

"A little," she admitted, "but it's getting better, promise. I don't want to talk about me right now….well at least not about this part of me. I want to talk about kids, too."

Slowly, identical smiles erupted onto their faces. Taking her head in his hands, Ryan leaned in and gently kissed her before pulling back and smiling once again.

"So, how do we do this," he pondered bewilderedly.

"I think we just share how we feel, what we want," Marissa responded, laughing softly the entire time. "Do you want me to go first?" He nodded yes in reply. "Obviously, we're too young to have children now…"

A relieved Ryan interrupted her making her laugh again.

"I'm so glad you feel that way."

"We're both still in college and practically kids ourselves," she agreed with him. "I think that I want to graduate from law school first before I plan on having kids, but if anything would happen before that, it would be okay, I guess."

"Six years down the road sounds really good to me," Ryan said as he breathed out a sigh of relief. She grinned again at him but held in her laughter.

"So how many little Ryan's do you want someday," she teased him.

His face was serious as he silently thought about his answer. "Ten sounds like a good, healthy, even number."

Her jaw dropped open before she shot back, "that's not even funny, Ryan. Please, please tell me you're joking?"

Laughing at her reaction, he kissed her again. "Of course I'm kidding. Honestly," he said as he shrugged his shoulders, "I never really thought about it until recently, kids I mean, and I really don't have a preference as to how many. More than one, definitely, it's no fun being an only child. Trey might be my older brother, but he was never around when I was growing up, so it was like I was an only child, and I don't want that for any future kid of mine."

"I agree," she shared, taking his hand in hers and holding it close to her heart. "But I also have to make sure that my kids will be supported properly, not want for anything, so there can't be too many of them. Two or three, maybe?

H nodded his head in agreement. "Two or three sounds good to me."

Rolling over so that she was once again laying in Ryan's arms, Marissa started giggling. "Listen to us with our two or three children, suburban home, two cars, and a dog, the perfect little, traditional American family. Could we be any more boring?"

"Actually, if you don't mind," Ryan played along, "I'd prefer a cat over a dog, and I don't think we'll ever be anywhere close to perfect, traditional, or boring."

And just like that their sweet, innocent conversation about the future continued into the night as they both learned new and interesting things about the other and became closer than ever as a couple.


	19. Chapter 19

Twas' the week before Chrismukkah and all through the house, two creatures were stirring and neither were a mouse. Winter break had begun the week before, and Ryan and Marissa were blissfully enjoying the freedom and spare time that came with it. Besides work, they were able to spend all day…and all night alone with each other, and the joy it brought them was evident on their faces as smiles graced their countenances all day, everyday.

They had spent the whole day together. Despite Ryan's protest that she needed to sleep in and rest because it was Saturday morning, Marissa had set her alarm for bright and early, insisting that the apartment had to be decorated for Christmas and that they had to do everything that day. After grabbing a bagel on their way out and calling her Mom to get permission, they drove to Chino to the storage facility that was holding her parents' belongings. It took them a few minutes of searching and rooting through the boxes to find what they were looking for, but when they did, the effort was worth it for Ryan as he saw the child-like enthusiasm on his girlfriend's angelic face. Loading the Christmas decorations into the trunk of the car, he knew that this year, this Christmas would be unlike any he had ever had before.

After dropping off the boxes back at the apartment, they went in search of the perfect Christmas tree. Because it was just the two of them, Marissa had conceded that it didn't have to be that big, but Ryan could see that what she said and what she wanted were two very different things, so surprising her, he insisted upon the absolutely biggest tree they could fit in their apartment and then refused to let her help him carry it to the car, strap it on the top of it, carry it into the apartment, or help put it in the stand, insisting that he was not going to cause her any more discomfort than she was currently in from her joint pain. Marissa had protested for probably twenty minutes, but finally gave up and just watched him as he struggled along while attempting to hide her amusement.

First she had insisted that they decorate the rest of the apartment while the saving the tree for last. Inside her boxes of Christmas treasures she had santas, snowmen, bells, wreaths, holiday dishware, and everything else a person would need to turn their home into a festive retreat all in the various colors of the holiday season. On top of that, she had purchased mistletoe at the tree stand and, after asking, they had given her all their scrap pieces of evergreen so she could use it to further enhance the ambiance of their home. Before Ryan knew what was happening, their apartment had turned into a magical winter wonderland. The fireplace mantle, stair rail, coffee and end tables, dining room table and buffet, window ledges, and any available wall space were all transformed to reflect the festive nature of the time of year. Surprising him even further, she pulled out two matching, brand new stockings which had their names embroidered from her secret hiding place inside the hall closet and insisted that they hang them on the fireplace mantle at the exact same time. Standing back and inhaling the breathtaking scent of pine, Ryan felt a wave of cheer wash over him as well as he joined Marissa in her exuberance.

Finally, or so Ryan had thought, they decorated the tree. When he noticed the colors of the ornaments she was handing him to hang up after he had strung the tree with tiny white lights, he was slightly confused.

"_We always decorated our tree at home with a theme,"_ she had explained with a simple grin on her face and an honest shrug of her shoulders. _"Me, being the sports freak my Dad raised me to be, demanded the tree be decorated in my favorite sports' teams colors every year, varying upon which team had done the best in their previous season."_ He had laughed at her softly but did not say a thing as she continued to explain the maroon and white tree decorations. _"This year not only will the tree be the color of my very favorite team, but it's also the most important sports team's colors in our lives: Harbor's." _Laughing self-deprecatingly, she stood up once again and went to the same hall closet where she had kept their stockings hidden and pulled out a wrapped present and handed it to Ryan. _"I know we agreed, well after I forced you to, that we would not buy each other presents, that we would instead put the money towards a trip for the two of to take this spring, but this is something for both of us, something that was an essential to our holiday season and our very first tree."_ Curious, Ryan tore off the paper and carefully opened the box to reveal a specialized Harbor School ornament. _"I had it made. Is it corny," _she had asked him with a nervous look on her face. Taking her in his arms, the kiss he had given her was the only answer she needed. After a few moments wrapped up in each others arms, she pulled away and guided his hand to the center of the tree where they hung the new ornament together.

Once the tree was finished and the boxes had been packed away in the guest bedroom, Ryan had collapsed onto the couch looking forward to spending the rest of the afternoon curled up with Marissa in his arms doing absolutely nothing….well almost nothing, but his hopes were quickly dashed as she descended the stairs in a flurry of activity, fully dressed, he noticed, much to his displeasure. She whirled past him into the kitchen and called over her shoulder for him to join her. Complaining good naturedly, he lifted his body from the cushioned, comfortable confines of their sofa and made his way into the kitchen to find Marissa with an apron on and baking ingredients spread all over the counter.

"_We're baking Christmas cookies,"_ she had told him excitedly, _"all your favorites, I talked to your Mom, and mine as well. Do you want an apron, too?"_

Seven hours later as the clock hands quickly approached nine o'clock, they still had not eaten dinner, Ryan had not had the chance to curl up with Marissa on the couch like he had planned, the kitchen was an atrocious mess, flour EVERYWHERE, and they still had more to bake the next day. The gingerbread and sugar cookies, Marissa had instructed him, had to chill over night before they could be finished, but the chocolate chip cookies, dream bars, lemon bars, snowballs, chocolate covered pretzels, clusters, and fudge were done much to his body's relief and stomach's delight. He had to admit as he surveyed the damage around them, that the day had been fun, exhausting but fun, and as he took in Marissa's appearance, apron and flour coated hair and all, he had never seen her look happier. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks were the healthiest hue he had seen them in months, and the most enchanting smile danced its way across her rosebud lips the entire time. Currently, she had her back to him though as she began to clean up their mess, wiping up the counters and piling the dirty dishes in and around the sink for them to wash together.

"I know this might look like a really bad mess, but you should have seen our kitchen when I was little when my Mom let me bake for the first time on my own. I think I got more of the ingredients on the floor than I did in the mixing bowl." As she continued to remember, her twinkling laugh filled the bright and cheerful room. "My Mom was so mad, but my Dad just smirked at her and winked at me, ushering her out of the room and then coming back in to make a game out of cleaning up with me. We might not have had the most lavish Christmases when I was child, but I never wanted for anything, and the time I spent with my parents, the memories that we made were so much more important than the gifts I could have gotten."

"I wish I could say the same," Ryan shared as he went up to her and wound his arms around her waist halting her cleaning actions at once as she sucked in her breath when his lips gently slid over the exposed porcelain skin of her neck. "I got every present I ever asked for and even ones I didn't want, but this, what we did today, shop for a tree together, decorate the house, bake cookies, this kind of stuff I've never done before. I have to admit, it's making me like Christmas a lot more than I used to."

Turning around in his arms, Marissa kissed his lips softly before she spoke. "Well, get used to it buddy. As long as you're with me, we're going to be going all out for all holidays. I love them! After my Dad died, I wasn't ready to go to that storage building to find the Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations, but I knew he'd never forgive me if I didn't decorate for Christmas, and it actually helps, doing this, because there are so many good memories wrapped up in this season for me."

This was the first time she had willingly brought up her Dad since the funeral; the other times they had spoken of him, he had to initiate the conversation, and he took it as a sign that she would really be okay with the loss of her father, something that eased his mind slightly because he had been worried about it for quite a while. Not that he was done worrying about her. She was still tired all the time, achy, and recently had had a few low-grade fevers at night when she came home from work, but she still refused to face that something might actually be wrong with her. After the holiday season though and the rest that came with being off from school, if she was not feeling like her old self, Ryan was forcing her to go to the doctor's.

"Hey, where did you go," she laughed as she waved her hands in front of his face. While he had been thinking of her mysterious symptoms, he had forgotten that they had been talking, but he did not want to ruin the pleasant evening they were sharing with his dark and depressing thoughts, so he just smiled at her and picked her up quickly, shocking her, and proceeded to carry her to their small kitchen table.

"I was thinking," he said with a grin turning up the corners of his mouth.

"About what," she shot back playfully as he continued to just hold her in his arms while they stood by the table.

"About how we could also play a game while we cleaned up the kitchen, but I guarantee you this is one your Dad never thought of."

Before she could respond, he had gently laid her body on the table and moved to blanket it with his own, taking her apron off as he trailed feather light kisses down her neck. Between kisses, he described the rules of 'the game'.

"You see, in my game, we undress and use our clean bodies to wipe off all the flour and grime on the table. Once we're finished, if you like the game, we can take it to the counters as well."

"Oh really," she replied cheekily, "and what are we going to do with our dirty bodies when the game is over?"

"Don't worry about that," he replied with a mock serious face, "I have many games we can play in the shower together to fix that mess."

"Well then," she purred seductively, "in that case, let me help you take off these clothes."

Those were the last comprehendible words or sounds that came from their kitchen for quite some time.

Hours later after the kitchen had been sufficiently cleaned as well as their bodies, they lay together on the couch, arms and legs entwined with a fire roaring in their fireplace and the Christmas lights all aglow around them illuminating the room in gentle warmth and creating a comforting ambiance. Although they were both exhausted, neither wanted the day to end so they stayed their, whispering softly, making plans for the next day, the next week, the next month.

"We're not getting up as early tomorrow, right," Ryan asked. Although his tone was light and teasing, Marissa could hear the hope and underlying pleading quality to it.

"God, I hope not," she sighed in agreement as she buried her face even further into his chest, savoring his scent and enjoying the added warmth his arms brought to her body as he wrapped them even tighter around her small, delicate frame.

"So then, what's on the agenda," he asked interested. "I'd love to just finish those cookies and then spend all afternoon and night with you in bed."

"Night, I can do," she said with a troubled sigh, "but I'm afraid we have more to do tomorrow than finishing the cookies, and trust me, it's not going to be as fun." He had no idea what she meant, but he did not have to voice his questions because she knew him well enough to know what he was going to inquire from her. "I'm not going to stand for the way that Seth is treating Sandy and Kirsten any longer. Does he really believe that they buy his and Summer's excuse that they had plans with friends up in LA all week so they can't come home until after Christmas….if they can make it at all. I've driving up there tomorrow to confront them. I'd love for you to come with me, but…."

Before she could finish her thought he cut her off and silenced her with his response.

"Of course I'll come with you. They're not exactly my favorite people right now either, and the way their treating Sandy and Kirsten, you're right, it's just mean and wrong. He's about to become a big brother, and he is acting even more immature than the newborn will be."

She giggled at his passionate rant and leaned up to graze her lips against his smooth cheek.

"Thank you and I promise as soon as we're done talking to them, hopefully knocking some sense into their thick skulls, we'll come home and spend the rest of the weekend in bed."

With a serous face, Ryan looked down to her and spoke. "Have I told you yet today that Christmas is my new favorite holiday?"

Marissa did not have a chance to reply before he swooped her up into his arms and made his way towards the stairs, his mouth already seeking hers, hungrily, as her arms instinctively found their way around his neck and moans of pleasure escaping her otherwise busy lips. Letting go of him briefly, she clapped her hands twice and the Christmas lights went off.

"I knew that would be a good idea," he laughed as they made their way to the bedroom, but that was all he could say before she pulled him to her once again as they walked through the doorway, kicking the door shut behind them.

While Ryan and Marissa slept in the next morning, their mothers were wide awake and working away on the other side of town. Julie did not know why, but she could not sleep longer than three hours at any given time; she just felt this constant need to be working on the project she and Dawn were making for Marissa, the book of memories. Day and night she wrote until her hand and fingers ached so bad she thought they might fall off, but she pushed through it. Dawn had no idea how far she was pushing her body, and if she did, she would have chastised her into submission, forcing her to sleep and take care of herself, and even though Julie knew what she was doing wasn't helping her live longer, she just had this undeniable urge to finish the gift before Christmas. This is how Dawn found her, working away diligently, when she stumbled out of her bedroom early that Sunday morning.

"You're up with the roosters," Dan teased as she made a beeline towards the coffee pot which, she noticed, was delightfully full of fresh java.

"So are you," Julie shot back avoiding a conversation about herself. "Does someone have another hot date today with Agent Attractive?"

Dawn laughed. "No, we're going Christmas shopping together later, but that's it. I still need to figure out what I want to get Ryan and Marissa, and he wants help buying some gifts for his daughter. He's leaving to go spend a week with her tomorrow, and he still hasn't picked anything out for her yet and he's nervous. It's been a while since he's seen her; he doesn't want to do anything to mess it up."

"And how about you," Julie asked softly, "are you okay with the fact that he'll be spending the holidays with his ex wife?"

Shooting a glaring look at Julie, Dawn joined her at the table with her steaming cup of coffee still in her hands. "We've already talked about this," Dawn said trying to push the topic aside. "He has to do this; I understand that. Sure, I'd love to spend Christmas with him, have Ryan, Marissa, you, him, and I all together, but life doesn't work that way. Maybe next year, if his trip goes well and we continue to get closer, his daughter will come out here and spend the holidays with us."

"That's a very positive way to look at it," Julie agreed, but she was still worried about her friend. She could see the utter panic in Dawn's eyes that she was trying to mask, and instead of pushing her to admit it, she decided she would just try to comfort her. "He loves you, you know that right?" Dawn didn't say anything so Julie continued. "I know you guys haven't said those words to each other yet, which is totally understandable because you've only been together a short time, but I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you, and he's so proud of you, too, how you've gotten your life together all on your own. He'll spend this week getting to know his daughter again and that's it. He'll be back before you know it, and then you two can go back to acting like teenagers in love for the first time again." Dawn blushed at this comment and Julie noticed. "Don't think I didn't see you two making out in the backseat of his car two nights ago. True, I couldn't see much when I looked out the window after I heard the car pull up and you didn't come in because the windows were steamed, but I was young once myself and I knew exactly what you were up to. Have you…."

If Julie thought Dawn's face was red before she asked that question, she had no idea just how deep of a blush her friend could get. "No," she said loudly and emphatically as she nodded her head back and forth and stared at Julie with wide eyes as if she were trying to talk to her parents and not her best friend, making Julie laugh even harder.

"What are you waiting for," Julie teased her. "It's obvious you want to, and I doubt he'd put up too much of a fight."

"I've always done that too quickly," Dawn explained in a hurry, avoiding Julie's peering eyes at all cost, "and look how well those relationships turned out. First with Jimmy…."

Her voice trailed off as she buried her head in her arms and Julie could see that even her ears were red from embarrassment. Not able to resist, Julie feigned shock.

"Are you telling me that Jimmy was not a virgin when we got married?!"

Rocketing up from her chair, Dawn looked at her friend with amused anger flickering in her eyes as she picked up some grapes from the bowl of fruit in between them and chucked them softly towards her giggling roommate.

"That's it! I'm not taking this abuse any longer!" Walking away from her chair quickly and going towards her bedroom, she only turned back to face Julie one more time, but when she found the other woman doubled over in mirth, she rolled her eyes while a smile tugged at her lips and disappeared to get ready for her shopping excursion with Mike.

After lunch, Ryan and Marissa had set out for LA. Although they knew their reunion with their friends, after almost a month of not seeing or speaking to them, was not going to be fun, they could not help but enjoy the drive there. Marissa had insisted that they listen to an all Christmas carol station, and to Ryan's delight, she sang along to every single song, her slightly off-pitch voice filled with cheer and utter happiness. Somehow, and he still couldn't figure it out, she had even gotten him to sing along to some of the more well known Christmas jingles making them both laugh at how completely wretched their singing voices sounded together. With one hand on the steering wheel and the other entwined with Marissa's, Ryan had never enjoyed a drive to LA more; stealing glances at a glowing Marissa was much better than listening to Seth and Summer bicker or putting up with Holly's incessant whining. He shuddered as he remembered what felt like a completely different lifetime.

They took their time as they walked their way through the hallways of the apartment building, going as far as walking up the stairs instead of taking the elevator in a vain attempt to delay the inevitable. The idea of confronting Seth and Summer seemed much better in the comfort of their living room, but now that they were here, in LA, and in the very building where the said confrontation would occur, their stomachs were filled with nervous butterflies and beads of perspiration were starting to form on their foreheads. Finally, unable to think of anything else they could do to avoid the task at hand, they joined hands as Ryan knocked swiftly and soundly on their friends' door. When no one had answered after three knocking attempts, each louder and more insistent the previous one, Ryan was now annoyed instead of anxious. Taking out his keys, he unlocked the door and pushed it open, pulling Marissa in after him and calling out to Seth and Summer to announce their presence, but no one answered and the apartment was dark.

"Perhaps they've gone out," Marissa said, her own doubt of that idea evident in her tone.

Ryan just looked at her wryly before they quickly made a trip around the apartment and discovered that it looked as if no one had been there in at least a week.

"I can't believe they lied to Sandy and Kirsten," Marissa said for what might have been the tenth time as they made their way to the elevator after locking the apartment back up. "Where do you think they are?"

"I have no idea," Ryan answered, "but that guy might," he said as he pulled her gently along with him to a man who appeared to be the building's super. As he heard them approach, he turned around and smiled as soon as he saw who was walking towards him. Holding out his hand to Ryan, the two men shook in greeting as if they were old friends reuniting after a long absence.

"Ryan Atwood," the older man said as Ryan smiled and turned to Marissa.

"Walt, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Marissa, Marissa this is Walt, an old friend of mine from when I lived her."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Marissa said genuinely as Walt shook her hand as well.

As the two men caught up briefly, Marissa took in the older gentleman's appearance; he was definitely the antithesis of the typical LA man. He was much older than they were, late 60's she would guess. He had a long, grizzly, grey beard, rough, sun warn skin, and a pair of the kindest, grey eyes she had ever seen. He was dressed in basic jeans with a warm flannel shirt and work boots. She knew she would have to ask Ryan to share his story with her when they got home; she was curious how this simple, quiet man had ever settled in an obnoxious, loud city like LA. Tuning back into the conversation, her interest was peeked when she heard Seth and Summer's names brought up.

"We came up to surprise them," Ryan covered slightly. It wasn't a lie, because the confrontation was definitely going to be a surprise, but it was not going to be a pleasant one, "but they're not here. We haven't talked to them in a while, and we were wondering if you any idea where they could be."

Without a second's thought, Walt responded. "Sure, I know. They went back home for Christmas, they said, and unless they were lying to me, which I don't know why they would, I just assume that's where they're still at. It's weird that they wouldn't tell you."

Ryan was at a loss for words, so Marissa stepped in. "I work for Seth's Dad, and they aren't exactly getting along right now. They were probably afraid I'd let it slip that they were home."

"Lucky you," Walt laughed at her explanation. "Knowing that Summer, I'd rather steer clear of any fight they're involved in. They did you a favor by not telling you."

Unable to help themselves, Ryan and Marissa joined in on his laughter. They stood and talked for a few more minutes, sharing their various plans for the holidays before they said goodbye and agreed to visit again when they had more time to chat. Walking out of the building, Ryan, retaking Marissa's hand in his as they made their way to the parking garage, turned to her with a silent question in his eyes. With just a nod of her head, they understood each other, and, five minutes later, pulled out of the parking garage headed to Summer's father's house.

Seth and Summer had been back in Newport for nine days now. Normally, the holiday break, whether it was from high school or college, was their favorite time of year. Seth was able to prepare for Chrismukkah, Summer shopped, and together, with their family and friends, they celebrated the season with parties, dinners, and outings, but this year, so far, it had just been Neil to join them in the festivities and he was rather the Scrooge to Seth's Tiny Tim attitude. Planning for Chrismukkah was boring for Seth without his parents to harass into doing all the work, and Neil had refused to decorate half of his house in Hanukkah decorations. Summer, although she had been shopping every day since she had been back from LA, was not enjoying it. She did it more out of obligation to help the economy she told Seth and not out of pleasure. There were only so many presents she could buy for Seth and her Father; normally she had Sandy, Kirsten, and Ryan to buy for, too. They had watched every holiday movie twice over, some of them more than that, until Summer had hid them all from Seth after he began to use lines from the movies in his everyday conversations. So with absolutely nothing to do and nothing to say, they were sitting on the couch in the Roberts' family room, facing forward, and staring at the blank, black, big screen television, hoping for anything to give them a bit of excitement, anything to break the monotony of their now, self induced, lonely existence.

As the doorbell rang, Summer sprang from the couch and literally sprinted to the foyer, Seth following just two steps behind.

"I don't care who is at that door," Seth shouted gleefully. "Hell, at this point, I'm so bored I'd welcome just about anyone, Holly, Trey, The Grinch, those crazy mothers who tried to get video games banned…" His voice stopped as he saw who was standing outside of the front door. "Anyone except Ryan and Marissa."

Grudgingly, Summer escorted Ryan and Marissa into the family room where she and Seth resumed their position on the couch, but this time they sat close together as if to show that they were a united front against their friends. Ryan and Marissa were left with various chairs to sit on, but they opted to stand as they addressed the two scowling people in front of them. Somehow the idea of sitting seemed to take away their strength.

"Look," Ryan began calmly, "we understand that you're mad at us. Why, we are not sure, but what we do know is that it's the holidays and you should not be punishing Sandy and Kirsten for something that they're happy about."

"They want this," Marissa continued for Ryan, taking the reigns of the conversation into her very capable hands. "Sure, they're not as young as they used to be, but it's not as if Kirsten's actually giving birth herself, so there are no health risks. Besides, they can provide this child, your niece or nephew, Seth, with a loving, stable home when you're aunt is either unqualified to do so or unwilling to."

Not meeting their eyes, Seth finally opened his mouth and began to speak. "It's not that I don't want them to take the baby in. Sure, at first the idea threw me for a loop, but it makes sense. They're probably a little board, have the empty nest syndrome, but it's their life and it might be fun to have a kid around who I can teach all about comics and videogames." He paused for a moment, but when he spoke again his voice was harsh and the anger was evident in his dark brown eyes as he turned them towards his unsuspecting friends. "What I can't forgive is that they talked to you guys before they came to me. I'm their son, I'm their family, but no, they tell you their plans before they tell me. I'd like to be included in situations, decisions like this, but I was brushed aside in favor of their new favorite surrogate children."

"Seth, it wasn't like that," Marissa began before Summer interrupted her.

"Well it sure as hell looked like that from our viewpoint!"

Taking a deep breath to brace herself against their harsh words, Marissa slowly began to reiterate why Sandy and Kirsten turned to her for help.

"They wanted advice," Marissa confessed quietly. "Sandy and I did research at work about their various options, and Kirsten wanted to talk to me because they did not want to come to you with the news unless they were sure. There was no sense in dredging this all up with you if they weren't going to go through it. As for Ryan knowing, they didn't want me to tell him, but we don't keep secrets from each other, so I had to tell him."

"I don't look at it like that," Seth replied bitterly. "It just looked like they forgot to ask their son what he thought of their life changing decision. You know, this just doesn't effect them; it effects me, too, and I deserved to have a say in what they decided."

Ryan had been silent as he listened to what Marissa was saying to defend Sandy and Kirsten and what Seth and Summer were saying against them, but he could not remain silent any longer.

"Except you didn't, Seth. You're an adult now, you don't live at home, and this child is not going to interrupt or disturb your life at all. Frankly, there's no reason why you should have a say in whether or not they're going to do this, and by the reaction you're having, acting like a spoiled, ignorant child, you wouldn't be capable of making a rational decision about the issue anyway." Seth just sat there stunned at what Ryan was saying to him, but Ryan was not done yet. "If you want to be mad at Marissa and I, fine, that's your choice. Sorry we were there for your parents when you were too small of a man to do it yourself, but they miss you, they want you to celebrate this decision with them, and it's the holidays. Go home. We promised them we'd drop by on Christmas Eve for a little while, but other than that, we're spending the rest of the night with our Moms and then Christmas Day with each other." With one final cold glare, he turned his back on them and mumbled, "Happy Holidays" as he walked away with Marissa.

As Ryan took Marissa's hand and led her out of the mansion and away from their friends without another word, the wall of ice between them became that much higher.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Just a quick note to let all the readers of this fic know, it's almost over. After this post, there are just two more chapters. Enjoy!  
Charlynn_

"Are you sure this is a good idea," Ryan asked Marissa for what might have been the tenth time since they had gotten in the car. They were supposed to be at Julie and Dawn's in an hour, but Marissa had insisted that even though they couldn't spend time with them during the holidays because of the Seth and Summer's jealousy problem, assuming that the brunette twosome would be there, she still wanted to drop off the small presents they had gotten them and wish them a Merry Christmas.

"Ryan," she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, "I've already told you that I don't care what Seth and Summer think. Sandy and Kirsten are important to me….to us and we're not going to just ignore them completely because Seth and Summer have their heads buried in the sand and refuse to pull them out."

Quirking his eyebrow at her, he laughed softly as he raised another question. "And we're only staying for a little while, right?"

Rolling her eyes, she replied, "right."

The car was silent for a few moments, but when Marissa looked over at Ryan she could see his brow creased. Obviously he was thinking about something and it didn't appear to be pleasant since his expression had worry written clearly across it. Knowing what was bothering him, she spoke before he even had a chance to say anything.

"I feel fine, Ryan." When he went to protest and demand more of an explanation, she cut him off and continued. "Like I've been telling you, I just needed some rest. This week has been so peaceful, just you and me, and I feel great. The aches and pains seem to have gone away, I haven't had a fever in a while, and I have a lot of energy."

"So I've noticed," he teased lightly, taking her hand in his and kissing it briefly before turning his eyes back to the curving road which led to Sandy and Kirsten's house. "And it's been a very happy holiday season so far for me!"

Playing with the fingers he had laced through hers, she spoke softly, the desire and taunting qualities to her tone driving Ryan crazy. "Well if you're a really good boy tonight and quit harassing me about my health, perhaps tomorrow will be the best Christmas you've ever had."

Surprising her, Ryan joked, "Are you talking dirty to me, Marissa?"

Never in their relationship so far had he ever heard her laugh as hard as she did then, and the sound of her mirth brought a full fledged smile to his face. She was still laughing when he pulled into the Cohens' driveway and shut off the ignition to her car. Not wanting to waste an opportunity to quiet her his favorite way, he leaned across the console and took her mouth into a fiery, greedy kiss. The giggles which had been escaping her rosebud lips ceased instantly as she pulled him even further into the kiss. Just as he was about to run his hands up under her skirt, she pulled back, laughed evilly, and hopped out of the car and practically skipped towards the front door, only briefly turning around to call out to him.

"Be a doll and bring the gifts, thanks!"

Grumbling the whole time as he gathered the gifts into his arms, Ryan made his way to the front door as well. Marissa had been ushered into the house immediately, leaving Ryan alone to make his way to the house, his mind solely on the fact that his fun had been so abruptly cut short and in such a cruel way. Luckily they left the door open for him so he could slide inside without having to worry about juggling the presents in order to open the door. As soon as he stepped inside, though, his personal complaining session was cut short as Sandy came up to him and slug an arm across his shoulders and walked with him into the living room where Marissa and Kirsten already sat, mid-conversation, completely oblivious to the men in the same room with them.

"So she stiffed you with present duty, did she," Sandy queried, drawing Ryan out of his Marissa induced daze. Shaking his head slightly to regain composure, he turned to Sandy and spoke up, clearing his throat first.

"Yeah, yeah she did."

"Typical female," Sandy joked before joining the two chatting woman by sitting down and popping a cookie into his mouth.

Marissa glanced up at Ryan and smirked, knowing that she had pushed him almost to the edge and then retreated hastily. It was a cruel trick but a fun one nonetheless. Patting the spot on the love seat next to her, she indicated that he should sit down beside her. Obliging, he did so, and before she could resituate herself, he pulled her into his side and put his arm around her to hold her close.

"We figured you'd be with your Moms tonight, but we're glad you're here. It was going to be an awfully boring night with just me and the Mrs," Sandy joked as he wrapped an arm around Kirsten at the same time.

"Well, actually," Marissa began, already dreading what she was going to say as she saw the two adults' faces sitting across from her fall, "we can't stay long. We are going to see our Moms. Tomorrow it's just going to be Ryan and I, but tonight we're gathering as a little family."

"Besides," Ryan added, "we don't want to interrupt whatever you have planned with Seth and Summer."

Exhaling, Kirsten dismissed that thought in a voice filled with sadness. "They're not coming. They're spending Christmas with Neil in Aspen."

"Which is a good thing," Sandy contributed, "because it will give Neil and Seth a chance to get to know each other better, perhaps get over some of their awkwardness."

"And you know how much Seth hates the fact that Newport does not have seasonal weather, so he'll be able to have snow this year on Christmas," Kirsten said with a fake smile plastered on her face. On the outside they looked like two perfectly happy, content parents, but Marissa and Ryan could both see that they were severely depressed by their son's absence.

"Well then," Marissa stood up and went over to Kirsten, pulling her off the couch and walking with her towards the presents under the tree, "we'll just take these with us and you and Sandy will come to our Moms' place and celebrate with us. No one is spending Christmas Eve alone one my watch. On second thought…." Turning back towards Ryan and Sandy, she smiled sweetly at them. "Could you two grab these while we go and get ready to go?"

Not waiting for their response, she continued to pull Kirsten with her wherever she wanted to go and they disappeared down the hall which led to Sandy and Kirsten's bedroom.

"Damn, she's good," Sandy said in awe of Marissa's abilities to shrug off all the heavy lifting.

Smiling at the thought of his girlfriend, all Ryan said was, "Yep," before walking to the tree and picking up what was sure to be the first of many loads to the car. Kirsten had over shopped like always.

The six friends and family members sat around the cozy living room quietly talking amongst themselves as the gifts were passed around. Thoroughly full after a delicious meal, prepared thanks in most part to Dawn but with Julie's instructions, the atmosphere was relaxed and mellow as the hands on the clock quickly approached midnight and Christmas Day. The majority of the gifts that had been sitting under the tree while the party ate had been the ones that Kirsten and Sandy had brought with them. Not only had Kirsten purchased presents for Ryan and Marissa but she had some for Dawn, Julie, and even Mike though he wasn't there.

At Marissa's insistence, they went around the circle and each person could open one present on their turn so that everyone could see what everyone else got. By the time they finished unwrapping, there was small mountain of glossy paper in all different colors in the middle of the floor and gifts of clothing, shoes, CD's, movies, gift certificates, and knickknacks were strewn around their new, respective owners. Thinking that everything had been opened, Kirsten and Marissa stood and then turned to their partners making them get up as well in order to help clean up the inevitable mess Christmas present unwrapping brought with it, but they were surprised when Julie quietly asked them to sit back down and said that she had one more gift to give.

Everyone assumed it would be for Marissa, but other than Dawn, they had no idea what was about to happen. Glances filled with anticipation and wonder were passed from person to person in silence until Julie reappeared with the gift. Placing it in front of Marissa, she was about to let her take it when she snatched it back quickly.

Laughing, Sandy teased her. "Aw, someone decided that they liked the gift too much to give away and decided to re-gift it to herself. Good for you, Julie!"

Ryan and Marissa laughed while Kirsten elbowed Sandy in the ribs and Dawn just watched Julie who was completely lost in her own train of thought.

Smiling at her daughter, it appeared as if Julie had not even heard Sandy's teasing remarks when she began to speak. "I've decided to just send this home with you. I want you to wait and open it tomorrow, at least that way you have one present to open on Christmas morning."

"They'll have their gifts from each other," Kirsten interjected helpfully.

"Actually, we don't," Marissa laughed and then continued to talk in order to explain away their confused expressions. "We decided to not spend the money on gifts for each other, and, instead, we're putting the money towards a weekend getaway this spring during our break."

Smirking, Ryan turned to Sandy. "Merry Christmas to you, buddy!"

The smart comment earned him another jab in the ribs from his wife while Marissa's face became beat red and she adverted her face from her Mother's peering, amused eyes. Ryan just smiled at Sandy and tightened his grip along Marissa's waist while Dawn watched the scene unfold like she was at the movies, just enjoying the fact that for the first time in years she had a real family, was sober, and was celebrating Christmas without cup after cup of eggnog.

"Well the trip sounds lovely," Julie finally spoke up breaking the interesting silence that had taken over the room, "but I want you to open this tomorrow so that you'll have time to look through it. It's getting late now, and I know how Ryan doesn't like you to stay up too late." At this, Marissa rolled her eyes but Julie continued paying her no attention. "This is actually something from both Dawn and I. We worked on it together and it's for the both of you." Although Ryan and Marissa turned confused expressions towards Julie, she just continued to speak in riddles. "I know it doesn't make much sense now, but it will when you open it, and I'm hoping it will be something you'll pass down the generations."

Sandy and Kirsten smiled at the obvious reference Julie was making to her belief that the two young adults would end up together, married, and with children while Ryan and Marissa blushed slightly and turned to each other, sharing a look of hidden meaning.

"I don't know about anyone else, but my curiosity has been peaked. Why don't you two come over the day after Christmas to help Sandy and I eat up all the cookies you gave us and bring this mystery gift along with you," Kirsten invited. "Marissa and I can go shopping early in the morning while you two, no doubt, do absolutely nothing productive."

Ryan turns to Sandy. "We could always go golfing while they shop."

"Or surfing," Sandy returned, his enthusiasm shining brightly in his eyes.

Laughing, Kirsten stood up. "You two can plan this out when you meet up. How about everyone meets at our house at 7:00 for breakfast and we'll go from there."

"Sounds great," Marissa replied, not even waiting to confirm the plans with Ryan. His excitement over some male bonding time with Sandy was enough to convince her that he wanted to go.

Turning to Julie and Dawn, Kirsten relayed the invite to them as well, but they profusely turned her down, Julie claiming she couldn't handle the physical exertion of shopping and Dawn excusing herself due to her tight financial restraints, explaining that it's no fun to shop if you can't buy anything. With that, Ryan and Marissa joined Sandy and Kirsten on their feet. Goodbyes were exchanged, cars packed with their holiday delights, and within twenty minutes, all parties were either on their way home to go to bed or already asleep.

Early the next morning, Sandy and Kirsten were snapped out of their peaceful slumber by the shrill sound of the house phone ringing through their dark bedroom. Groggily, Sandy rolled over to answer it hoping that Kirsten would go back to sleep. He assumed it was Seth, calling especially early to wish them a Happy Chrismukkah due to the time difference in Colorado; never did he think that it would be the person it was on the other line of the phone. As soon as he heard her panic stricken voice, he shot up in bed and turned on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room and alarming Kirsten as well who joined him in a sitting up position. Hayley was in Galveston, Texas, 33 weeks pregnant, and in labor.

Ryan and Marissa had spent a leisurely morning in bed, just cuddling, touching and kissing, whispering and laughing over their favorite holiday stories, completely oblivious to the outside world. Not wanting to be disturbed or spontaneously invited anywhere so that they would feel bad when they turned the invite down, they had shut off their cell phones and remained isolated in their bedroom. It was 10:00 when they crawled out of bed and ran, playfully, to the shower to freshen up before they made their Christmas breakfast together.

Ryan had protested the breakfast, claiming that he didn't need it and that he would rather spend the day just relaxing and enjoying each others company, but, of course, Marissa had a smart, convincing comeback being the devil's advocate she is. It was another tradition from her child, one she insisted upon keeping even if it was only the two of them and one that she intended to pass down to her children someday. Plus, she added, she did find cooking fun, and she made him admit that the last time they were in the kitchen together had been quite the enjoyable experience. Out argued, Ryan gave in pretty easily and was actually looking forward to the meal.

He would never say anything to her, but she was very entertaining, at least to him, when she cooked. Besides the fact that watching her do anything so well was a turn on, her focus and precision amused him beyond description. The way she puckered her brow in concentration, disregarded all concern for order and neatness, and would sneak tastes of her batters and mixes when she thought he wasn't looking was adorable to him. Not only did he have fun with her when they cooked, but her food was amazing and any time he could spend with her was something to be cherished.

Freshly showered, they moved their way into the kitchen where Marissa taught Ryan the art of omelets, crepes, Belgian waffles, fresh fruit salad, and homemade muffins. By the time they were done cooking, it was noon and their breakfast had turned into lunch, but they had all the time in the world.

They ate slowly, talking the whole time and snuggled together on the coach attempting, in vain, not to drop anything on their clean pajamas. Not going anywhere the whole day and certainly not expecting company, neither had bothered to really get dressed. Marissa lounged in a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt of Ryan's while he was in similar attire. She had dropped a crepe on him, so, in return, he decided to "accidentally" dribble syrup all down her shirt. Too lazy to walk back up the stairs to their room to change again, they pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, took off their clothes, and snuggled down beneath the warmth of the comforter. Opening the present together, the plans they had made for the rest of the day were suddenly forgotten.

Instead of going down to the beach as they had decided when they planned their own very Christmas, they began to read the book Julie and Dawn had prepared so lovingly and in so much detail for Marissa, and, in a way, Ryan as well. They started at the beginning, reading the first story Julie had of Marissa, the day she found out she was expecting. Initially, the gift made her cry, knowing that this was her Mother's way of preparing to die and ensuring that her memories of her daughter were never forgotten, but eventually the tears ceased to flow and the stories the book held for the young couple delighted them into fits of mirth. Time slipped by, afternoon turned to evening, and even when the tales had finished in the book, Ryan and Marissa remained lying in each others arms talking about how truly amazing the present had been. Little did they know that while their own personal oasis seemed to be a slice shy of perfection, across town nothing was going right.

Julie and Dawn had gotten up that morning, groggy and tired from the previous evening. Although it had not been that late of a night for them, Dawn had been working around the clock for the past several days preparing for the dinner while Julie, unbeknownst to anyone, had been forcing herself to go without sleep in order to finish the book of her memories of Marissa to give to her daughter and her boyfriend for Christmas. After coffee and oatmeal for breakfast, they had worked together to clean up from the night before. By 3:00 they were finished. Julie went off to take a nap and Dawn went to her room to relax, listen to music, and wait for Mike's phone call that night. She did not have enough energy to do anything else. Hours passed and Dawn fell asleep, too, only to be startled out of her early evening nap by a phone call. Unlike the phone call which had roused Sandy and Kirsten that morning, the news she received was not frighteningly exciting but terrifyingly haunting.

"Are you alone? Your little FBI boyfriend isn't there, too, is he," the voice she had hoped she would never hear again rasped over the phone line. Stunned into silence, she just waited for him to continue.

"Good, so we can talk without being interrupted. You've turned over quite the new leaf. You stopped drinking, you're bonding again with Ryan, and you're taking care of your ex-boyfriend's dying wife who's daughter just so happens to be dating your son."

Interrupting him in a voice barely above a whisper, Dawn contradicted his last statement, "our son."

"He was never my son, Dawn, you knew that when you had him. I needed one heir out of you, and I got it, in Trey, but now look at the mess you've got us in. The accounts have been frozen, you're living like the trash you are, and we can't ever step foot in the United States again. Lucky for us though, I had money hid where no one could have found it, and I have very powerful foreign friends. Did you honestly think I'd ever get caught or punished?"

"You will," she shot back decidedly. "You will do something to reveal yourself, you'll get sloppy, as you no doubt have done in the past, hence getting caught in the first place, and you'll be arrested, tried, and convicted."

"Not by Mike Patterson." Dawn's gasp was the only sound that filled the phone line for several seconds until Dan's laughter took control of the conversation. "What, didn't know that I knew his name? Hell, I've known who Mikey was for years. He's been working on this case so long. Broke up his marriage, and, eventually, another case will come across his desk and he'll become obsessed with it just like he was with me and you'll be long forgotten, just like Jimmy forgot you, just like I forgot you, and just like every other man you've ever known has or will."

Finding her strength, Dawn attempted to ignore her husband's taunting words and fight back.

"What do you want, Dan?"

"Three things," he replied calmly. "First, I just wanted you to pass along a message from me to Ryan. Tell him to watch his back, watch his girlfriend's back, and to never forget to look over his shoulder, because we'll always be there." As Dawn went to cut him off, he raised his voice a few octaves and began to yell. "Secondly, your oldest son has a message for you."

Despite the fact that she barely knew Trey and what she did know of him was that he was a cold and heartless criminal, he was still her son, and the maternal instinct in her would never completely give up on him or stop loving him. "Really, what did he say," she practically pleaded to hear Trey's words from Dan.

"He said, and I quote," Dan snickered, "rot in hell, bitch!"

Although not surprised, the comment did still hurt.

"Finally," Dan continued, his voice becoming not only cold and heartless but ruthless and violent, "I have a message for you. You will not get away with this, helping the FBI put me away. If it's the last thing I do, you'll suffer for your betrayal."

And just like that, as quickly as he called, the line went dead and Dawn was left shaking in her bed out of fear.

Climbing out of it quickly, she made her way to Dawn's room, scrambling and barely able to remain standing without getting sick. She was completely on edge, scared for herself, scared for Julie, scared for Mike, scared for Marissa, and most of all scared for Ryan. What this would do to him…what they would do to them if they ever had the chance, she couldn't even think about it without nearly breaking down in terrified sobs. Pushing Julie's door open, she found her sound asleep on her bed.

"Julie," Dawn whispered not wanting to startle her. "Julie, I know you're tired and I wouldn't do this if it wasn't important, but I need to talk to someone. Dan….my husband just called."

She did not wake; she did not even stir.

Moving closer, Dawn sat down on the edge of the bed and put her hand up to Julie's shoulder to softly shake her awake, but with the first touch, she knew she was dead.

Flinging her body away from her dead friend, she reached over to the nightstand, picked up the phone, and dialed 911 immediately, reporting the death and then sinking onto the floor to call Marissa. She had no idea how the young woman would take her Mother's death. She had been stoic after Jimmy's. It had appeared as if she had prepared herself for the inevitable and was expecting it to happen, but Dawn was not sure she was as ready, as prepared emotionally for her Mom to pass away. With a shaking hand, she dialed Marissa's cell, but it went immediately to voice mail. Unfortunately, when she dialed Ryan's number, the same thing happened, and telling a child of their parent's death was not something you could do in a voicemail. Resigning herself to the fact that she would have to go to their apartment to tell them face to face, Dawn picked herself up off the floor and made her way back to her room to change and wait for the coroner to arrive.

Half way through the process of changing, Dawn broke down. Not only had she lost the first true friend she had in years that night, but it was Christmas, she was alone, she could not get in touch with Marissa to break the news, Mike was with his ex-wife and daughter out east, and, on top of everything else, her life and the life of her son had been threatened by her ruthless soon-to-be ex-husband. She needed comfort; she needed someone to talk to, to tell her that everything would be okay. Without hesitation, she reached for her phone and dialed Mike's cell number. He was to call her that night before he went to sleep so they could talk about their Christmases together, but she needed him then.

After a few rings, he picked up the phone breathlessly, obviously not bothering to check his caller ID before he did so. Before she could say anything though, a distinctively female voice rang out in the background calling for Mike to hurry back, that she was waiting for him. Under normal circumstances, Julie would have thought her actions out rationally, but after the evening she had had….the last ten minutes she had had, rationality was not dictating her mind any longer. Panicking and not wanting to face Mike when he was with another woman, her over-active imagination instantly conjured up insane conspiracies about how he had fallen back in love with his ex-wife and was cheating on her and so she hung up the phone. Tossing it aside, she was saved from spiraling out of control by the doorbell ringing.

It was the paramedics with the coroner. After showing them into Julie's room, she crept silently towards her closet and her secret, hidden stash of vodka. Sure, it was not a good idea for a recovering alcoholic in AA to keep a full bottle of vodka where only she could find it, but she had told herself it was only to prove that she didn't need it any longer. Well, tonight, in Dawn's mind, she needed it. Unscrewing the cap, she, without a second thought, brought the bottle to her lips and took a long, burning, intoxicating gulp of her former poison, leaving behind all the progress she had made over the late summer and fall. Dawn had fallen off the wagon.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: After this chapter there is only one more left. Thank you to everyone who has been reading. Your comments are definitely appreciated. Enjoy!_

Chapter 21

It had been a whirlwind day for Ryan and Marissa, but, ultimately, it all led up to this one point, the purpose of the day, and Ryan could not be any more nervous than he currently was. True, he knew he had to do this, that she had to do this, that they had to do this together, but it did not help relieve him of the pessimistic feeling that was forming inside of his weary mind and body. No matter what though, he did not want Marissa to recognize his concern, so he put a smile on his face, took her hand in his, and carried on with light conversation about the various things they had done and seen that day while they waited for the doctor to return.

The past week had been a blur, a nightmare, especially when contrasted with their blissfully happy Christmas Day. Dawn had not been able to get a hold of them until the next day, their turned off phones serving as a convenient excuse so they never knew that she had ended up passing out drunk. She has been distant, reserved, and although she said and did everything one would expect of her during the week of funeral preparations and services, Ryan could tell that something was wrong. Her eyes were guarded; she would not meet his gaze, but he had assumed she was just grieving, that it was nothing more than pain over loosing such a close friend. It did not help either that Mike had been delayed in returning home from visiting his daughter. Weather, a terrible, northeaster snow storm had trapped him on the east coast, and then, once the airports were reopened, he was called off on an emergency assignment and was unable to make it to either the calling hours or the funeral. Even with all the signs, Ryan never suspected that his mother had returned to drinking….well at least not until that afternoon, perhaps because Ryan had been focused on other concerns.

With the loss of her mother and the stress over the burial services, Marissa's symptoms reappeared, but this time they were more pronounced and there were new ones. Not only was she constantly exhausted and sore, but her low-grade fevers were constant, she developed a light skin rash, started having migraines, and he noticed she was suffering from hair loss. Putting all of these symptoms together, he was thoroughly worried and knew she had to see the doctor as soon as he could convince her to go. That part had proven to be somewhat difficult.

Just as before she had dismissed his concerns by saying that what she was experienced was just due to her stressful life, that it would calm down once she had had time to grieve for her mother, but he did not believe her. He had been fighting with her for almost the entire week about going to the doctors but a surprise phone call provided him with the proper incentive to get her to cooperate. Sitting in the hospital room with her, he couldn't believe how low he had stooped to get his way.

_They had agreed to stay in and relax for New Year's Eve. Marissa was not in a partying mood; she was still upset over the loss of her mother as was expected, and Ryan did not want her to exert herself by dancing or celebrating all evening, so her decision to spend the evening in with just him was perfect._

_He had let her sleep in, shutting off their alarm quickly and hopping out of bed soundlessly, tucking the covers in around her to make sure she was still comfortable, and went downstairs to surprise her and make breakfast for her for once. It would be simple, but he knew she would appreciate it, and he would make sure that it was healthy and she ate it all; at least he could help monitor her diet without making it too obvious. As he cooked, the sudden ringing of the phone startled him out of his Marissa centered thoughts._

"_Hello," he said hastily without even checking the caller ID._

"_Ryan," Sandy's voice bellowed through the phone full of excitement and awe. "You'll never guess what happened on Christmas. I became a father…again!"_

_Sandy's unexpected news surprised Ryan so much he dropped the whisk he was using to scramble the eggs._

"_Wh…what," he finally stammered out completely lost in the conversation._

"_We got a call early Christmas morning that Hayley had gone into labor," the older man explained. "We left without leaving any word, and it's been crazy here, scary at times and wonderful at others, but we're calling now to let you know that we're coming home with the baby today. Kirsten wanted to transfer the baby as soon as it was ready to Newport Memorial so that we could be close to home and family."_

"_It," Ryan stammered out, the only rational thought he was having was wondering what sex the baby was._

"_Yeah, we want to tell you and Marissa what Hayley had and the name at the same time, so we were wondering if you could meet us at the hospital this evening. Just tell them who you are; we put you on the family list so you should have no problem getting in."_

"_Oh…okay, but Sandy, I have to talk to you. Some things have…," but that was all Ryan could get out before Sandy cut him off._

"_Sorry kid. Kirsten gave me limited time to be out of the hospital and on the phone and I still need to make a few more phone calls. Will we see you tonight," Sandy asked quickly eager to hang up and continue his communication tasks so he could get back to his wife and newborn child._

"_We wouldn't miss it," Ryan responded honestly, and with that Sandy said a quick goodbye and hung up before Ryan could reciprocate it._

_Without even a moment's time to recuperate from his strange phone call with Sandy, another sound startled Ryan, Marissa's voice._

"_Who was on the phone," she pondered interestedly while opening the fridge and pulling out a gallon of orange juice, amusing Ryan when she twisted off the cap and drank right from it._

"_Sandy," Ryan began and then decided he better elaborate before Marissa became irritated with him. "He called to let us know that they had to fly out Christmas Day because Hayley went into labor."_

"_But it's too early," Marissa began, the panic already edging into her voice. "Is the baby okay? What did she have? What did they name it? When are they coming home? When can I see the baby and them?" Her questions came at a startling pace and her insistence upon knowing all gave Ryan an idea._

_Smirking to himself with his back to her as he finished her scrambled eggs and toast, he replied calmly, "I don't know."_

"_What do you mean you don't know?!" Her voice rose in annoyance. "Ryan you better tell me everything they told you right this second or we're going to have some problems!"_

"_I'll tell you everything I know," he began turning around to face her, "if you agree to go to the hospital today and get examined. I don't care what you say," he said as he held up a placating hand, "there is something wrong with you; this goes well beyond your basic, everyday stress, Marissa."_

_She glared at him for a moment before speaking. "You're not going to give this up, are you?" He merely shook his head no in response. "And I basically have no choice but to agree, do I?" Again, the same motion to answer her. "Fine, you win. We'll go to the hospital this evening. Now tell me everything you know." _

_Grabbing a plate of food from his outstretched hand, she sat down at the table and began to eat while he joined her._

"_Yes, the baby was early, but it's alive. They're flying into Newport Memorial this evening, I assume by a helicopter that Kirsten hired, and they asked us to come and see them."_

"_Alright, that works for me. What else do you know," she pushed impatiently._

_Chuckling to himself, Ryan spoke up. "That's it." She just narrowed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest, reclining in her chair and waiting for him to continue. "Sandy was in a hurry," Ryan elaborated, "and he couldn't talk long. He wouldn't tell me what Hayley had or the name of the baby, because they want to tell us both tonight at the same time at the hospital."_

"_So you know nothing else," Marissa asked to clarify. He shook his head in negation. "I got scammed," she pouted ruefully making Ryan laugh even harder than before._

"_Yes, you did, but if you're a good girl and don't complain the whole time, maybe I'll scam you a hospital gown, too." Winking at her, she knew he was kidding, but too annoyed with herself for giving in to his demands, she rolled her eyes and refused to speak to him while they ate, leaving Ryan to watch her and smirk to himself every few minutes._

As they sat in the doctor's office, Ryan realized just how long ago that morning felt to him. It didn't seem like it had occurred mere hours before hand but, instead, days. So much had happened that afternoon and evening, both good and bad, reassuring and frightening.

Marissa's irritation with him had melted away rather quickly after breakfast, especially when he told her he'd clean the kitchen while she went and enjoyed a nice, long, hot bubble bath, something she was not about to argue over. With just the two of them, there were not that many dishes and it did not take Ryan long to finish them. After calling the doctor and making an appointment, he went in search of his girlfriend.

Finding his way upstairs to their bathroom, he discovered that Marissa had been relaxed so much by the bath that she had fallen asleep in the tub. Going to lift her out of the water to wrap her in a robe and tuck her into bed, he was surprised when she stirred and motioned for him to get in with her. Despite his protests that she was tired, she insisted, so he stripped down and climbed in behind her, pulling her into his arms and just letting her rest there, snuggled into him, until the water turned cool. Playfully, she suggested that they should take a shower together to wash off the bubbles. Who was he to argue with that logic?

Their foreplay in the shower had led to them making love during the early afternoon hours, but as they laid in each others arms afterwards enjoying the afterglow, their first moments of tranquility since they'd learned of Julie's passing were interrupted by their phone ringing again. Ryan thought it might be an update from Sandy and Kirsten, perhaps they had decided to share with them a little more news to stem off worry, but he was wrong. It was Mike. This time Ryan had looked at the caller ID.

"_Hey Mike," he said nonchalantly waiting for his Mom's boyfriend to return the pleasant small talk, but he was surprised by the cold, serious quality to his voice._

"_I need to see you and your Mom, and I assume you want Marissa with you, so could you meet me at your Mom's apartment in an hour?"_

"_Sure," Ryan said, his brow wrinkling in concern and confusion. "I take it you're home. Is something wrong?" _

"_It depends upon how you look at the news," Mike answered Ryan's question cryptically, sending the younger man into a tailspin of worry. "I don't want to talk about this over the phone, but I'll see you in an hour, right?"_

"_We'll be there," Ryan agreed. Just like his conversation earlier, Mike hung up rapidly without giving him a chance to say goodbye, disquieting Ryan slightly. Turning to Marissa, he saw the wonder, curiosity, and stress, the one thing he was trying to help her avoid currently, in her beautiful eyes._

"_Who was that," she asked interested._

"_Mike," Ryan replied going to sit down in their bed with her again and pulling her into his arms in an attempt to reassure her and calm himself. "He wants us to meet him at my Mom's;" he felt Marissa wince at the thought of going to the apartment Julie had lived in even if briefly, "he has some type of news for all of us."_

_Confused, she spoke up again. "That's all he said?"_

_Rubbing his face in an attempt to ease the tension he was feeling, Ryan sighed heavily before replying. "Yeah."_

"_What is with all the cryptic phone calls today," she spit out testily. "Do people not realize how much they make us worry when they won't tell us if something is wrong?"_

_Her slight tempter tantrum was enough to pull Ryan out of his darker thoughts and he laughed softly at her, kissing her hair and muttering light promises to her, attempting to reassure her that everything would be okay. After a few more moment in bed, savoring their privacy and the peaceful bubble their apartment provided for them, they got out of bed, got dressed, and made their way to Dawn's apartment both anticipating the worst despite the others positive assertions. _

Despite his attempts to concentrate on what Marissa was saying as she softly made plans for a baby shower for Kirsten which would be more like a party to celebrate the baby's birth, Ryan couldn't help but let his mind wander to the conversation they had had with Mike that afternoon and the fears, no not fears, certainties, he had about his Mom.

"Ryan," Marissa's voice elevated in volume called, bringing him out of his thoughts, "this is ridiculous. You're thinking about your Mom and what Mike told us, aren't you?"

Turning to her, he smiled guiltily. "Yeah, but you know what the doctor said. We're not to talk about anything stressful, only happy thoughts."

"There is no way I'll be able to only speak about happy thoughts for the rest of the night, and do you honestly think that silently brooding on something is going to be better than talking about it out loud and working things out?" He looked at her confused until she waved him off and continued. "You're not the only one who has the ability to brood, so will you please just talk to me about it." Smiling at him and using every feminine wile she had, she turned up the charm and took his hand in hers kissing it. "You know as well as I do that I'm right."

Moving his chair closer to hers, Ryan kept her hand in his and leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and taking in the essence, savoring the nearness of her body to his. "Alright, you win. Let's talk."

"Are you alright; that's all I need to know," Marissa said honestly. "Other than that, once I know that YOU'RE okay, just tell me whatever is on your mind, let out all those pent up feelings."

"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured her leaning in for a quick kiss that he was surprised she deepened. Opening his eyes, he found her staring back at him, her eyes filled with love, comfort, and compassion. Leaning back into her, he closed his eyes once again before talking. "I just can't believe that she's drinking again."

"I know, but we'll help her through this. We'll help her get the help she needs."

Sighing again, Ryan's voice dropped in volume as his pain crept its way into his tone. "I just….I thought that she was done with drinking, that she was really okay, that she was better."

"Ryan," Marissa began her voice just as soft as his but confident and soothing instead of unsure and sorrowful, "it's never that easy. Your Mom was an alcoholic for years, and always will be. We just have to get her back on the road to recovery, and not that I'm making excuses for her, because there is no excuse, but she had a pretty bad night. My Mom died," Marissa's voice broke as she spoke of her Mother, but Ryan's slight hand squeeze, reassuring her that he was there for her at the same time she was comforting him helped her regain her composure and continue, "your Dad…Dan called, and you know that couldn't have gone well, and from the tension between your Mom and Mike, I'd bet money on the fact something bad happened between them while he was gone. You put all that together and add in the fact that it happened on Christmas, I just think she couldn't cope with it and she turned to her old source of comfort, her old escape."

"How are you so good at this," he asked interested, "how do you just…know people this well; how can you tell why someone did something without asking?"

"I don't know," Marissa confessed, "I guess I just understand where she's coming from. I mean, these past few months, feeling sick, loosing my parents, I don't know what I'd do without you."

Although she had finally admitted that she had not felt well for the past several months, Ryan had already won the battle and they were at the doctor's office that very moment so there was no need to draw notice to her confession. Instead, he just focused upon her declaration of how much he meant to her. "You don't ever have to worry about that, about what you'd do without me, because I'm not going anywhere….ever."

"I think that's really starting to sink in," she said as a smile spread its way across her flawless face. Ryan's eyes were still closed, but he could feel the change in her countenance, making him smile slightly as well.

Surprising him, she changed the subject abruptly. "And how do you feel about Dan and Trey, that they were arrested?"

"I guess it's surreal," he answered. "I mean, I really don't care that they're going to prison, no matter how terrible and cold that sounds, but it's strange to think about the fact that as of now, half of the immediate family I had, that I knew of, are in prison for all these cruel and underhanded crimes." Marissa went to say something, but Ryan just continued, obviously needing to talk about it. "And I don't think I'll go to the trial or anything. I want them to go away, but me being there won't help that, and it would just drag me down. As long as they're put away where they can't hurt anyone else or ever get to you, that's all I care about."

"And they will be," Marissa reassured him, "Mike will see to it. He might not be on the case any longer, but he knows the guy who is, he knows the prosecutions' lawyers. Everything will go smoothly."

"It was pretty quick thinking of his to bug my Mom's phone line, wasn't it," Ryan commented suddenly a little more animated than he had been before. "I would have never thought of it, and it's probably a good thing he didn't tell my Mom, because who knows what she might have done, even tipped Dan off when he called accidentally."

"You see," Marissa pointed out, "he'll help us take care of your Mom; he's already doing it."

Who knows how long they would have remained seated like that, their bodies close together, their foreheads resting against each other, their hands entwined if a nurse had not walked in and interrupted not only their personal moment but their conversation as well.

"Mr. Cohen was just looking for you two," the nurse said breezing into the room and totally missing Ryan and Marissa's swift moment as they sprang apart. "Don't worry, I didn't say anything because of doctor-patient confidentiality, but he said to let you two know that Seth and Summer arrived and that everything seems to be going well. They asked for you to come and see them when you're done here."

Dragging himself out of the personal world he and Marissa had been in just seconds before, Ryan painted a fake smile on his face and thanked the nurse.

"The doctor will be here in a minute, Miss Cooper," the nurse continued rambling, totally oblivious to the fact that the patient and her boyfriend wanted to be alone. "I'm just bringing in your charts right now for him, and as soon as he finishes with another patient, he'll be here."

"Thanks," Marissa said shortly not wanting to engage in conversation with the nurse. Everyone else seemed to make her more nervous. She just wanted to be with Ryan, go back to holding his hands and resting against him, letting his body physically comfort hers.

"So you two are related to the Cohens? You must be pretty excited that the baby is doing so well. Poor little guy," the nurse kept talking, "imagine being born that early and addicted to drugs at the same time. His Mother should be whipped for treating her body like that when she was pregnant. What did they name him again?"

"Jules," Ryan answered the nosey nurse's question.

"Jules, huh," the nurse continued, "that's kind of an odd name. I wonder what made them choose that."

"It's after my Mom," Marissa shared with her. When the nurse looked as if she was going to press for more information, Marissa just offered it. "My Mom's name was Julie; she recently passed away, but she was so excited for the baby for the Cohens and they respected her, so to honor her, they named their son after her."

"That's sweet. What did you Mom die of sweetie," the nurse kept on with the questions. Luckily for Ryan and Marissa, they were prevented from either having to answer or tell her that they felt uncomfortable discussing their personal information with a stranger because the doctor walked in.

"That'll be all, Miss Hanna. I need to speak to Miss Cooper and Mr. Atwood alone, please." As the nurse went out of the room with a curt nod towards the doctor, he thanked her for the files and test results before chuckling when she shut the door behind her. "Don't mind her. She doesn't even realize how rude some of her questions are. She's just….interested in everyone's lives; she has a big heart."

"It's fine," Ryan dismissed easily, "but if you don't mind, we're anxious to hear the news."

"Anything has to better than the wild, insane ideas and conspiracies floating around my mind right now," Marissa continued for him. Although he hadn't voiced the idea, Ryan felt the same way. "You know my family's medical history, Dr. McFadden, please just tell me this isn't cancer."

Taking her hand in his, Ryan held onto Marissa tightly, nervous himself but trying to infuse a sense of strength in her by showing her that he was there and that he was going no where.

"Miss Cooper….Marissa," the doctor asked for permission to use her first name. Marissa merely nodded that his familiarity was fine with her. "You do not have cancer; let me tell you that first. In fact, it's not that serious. You are sick, but it's nothing you can't live with."

"Wait," Ryan interrupted, "why do you say live with and not curable?"

"Because it's not curable," the doctor answered. Before either Ryan or Marissa could panic though, he continued. "Let me tell you everything before you worry, okay." They nodded in agreement. "We were very lucky in diagnosing this so easily. Often it takes a while to determine, but Marissa, you showed practically all the symptoms and your blood work, which I put a rush on because of your tendency towards cancer, tested positive for certain proteins called antinuclear antibodies or what we commonly call ANA. These suggest an autoimmune disease, and combined with your symptoms, it's pretty apparent that you have lupus."

"Lupus," Marissa said rather bewildered, "I don't even know what that is."

Laughing the doctor continued. "That's common; most people don't know what lupus is, but first let me assure you that it will not prevent you from living a normal, healthy, full life. You'll just have to take a few precautions and watch yourself. Ryan can help with this."

The doctor continued talking; Marissa listening intently, but Ryan could not concentrate. He had been so worried about her, fearing the worst, that he could only concentrate on one sentence the doctor had uttered. None of the information the doctor told them sunk in. It was a good thing they had pamphlets he could take home and that there was literature at the local library that would inform him of all he needed to know about the disease. Plus, he had the internet; he'd figure out the disease on his own.

Everything disappeared for Ryan. As the doctor and Marissa continue to communicate about her condition, everything that had been plaguing his mind fell away, his concerns about Jules, the argument he and Marissa were in with Seth and Summer, the upcoming trial against his father and brother, even his mother's relapse of sobriety. Those things did not seem as daunting any longer, because there was one thing he was sure of and that made him confident that he could fix anything and do everything he ever wanted to.

_Marissa was going to fine. _


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: Okay, so this is the final chapter of this story. I just wanted to thank a moment to thank everyone who has read this the entire time. Even if you haven't always commented, I've appreciated your interests. For those of you who do comment, thank you! Anyway, you really don't care about what I have to say. Just enjoy!_

_Charlynn_

Marissa Atwood walked into her three bedroom, traditional, suburban home outside of Charleston her last afternoon of law school totally obvious and on cloud nine. She could not wait to see her husband. Today was a day to celebrate.

They had married the spring of their senior year of college, immediately after graduation, in a small, intimate ceremony in the Cohen's backyard. It was understated, simplistic, everything Marissa had ever wanted. Soon after, due to Ryan's job, they relocated to South Carolina where she had entered law school and he had supported them. Three years later, they were still going strong.

Lost in thoughts as she pondered her life and the amazing transformation it had undergone since the day she first met the obnoxious, arrogant, rude, self-absorbed, wealthy Ryan Atwood and then fell in the love with the man he had become, her Ryan, she never noticed someone creeping up behind her as she made her way to the kitchen to sit her bags down and look for a snack.

"You know, you really shouldn't hide your spare key underneath the only flower pot you have on your front porch," the voice teased her. "That is a little suspicious."

Whirling around, clutching her chest, her eyes wide from fright and shock, Marissa took in a face she hadn't seen in over a year. At first she was just pleasantly surprised to see him, but then annoyance overrode every other emotion and she shoved him away.

"What the hell, Seth," Marissa yelled at the amused, childish young man of 24 before her. "You do not sneak up on someone like that!"

Snickering, he replied, "Why not? You have to admit that I got you good."

She just stared at him for a moment unsure of what to say. Finally his goofy, innocent smile won her over and she returned one. "What are you doing here," she asked confused. "Ryan didn't tell me you were stopping by." Walking towards the fridge, she pulled it open and turned to him. "Can I get you something to eat or drink?"

"Whatever you're having will be great," he responded nonchalantly. "I'll raid your cupboards later to see what you'll need to stock up on for me and make a list."

"How long are you going to be here," she queried slightly nervous as she handed him two bottles of water, an unopened bag of pretzels, and a couple of apples, preferring to let him do the carrying and leading the way into the family room before plopping down on the couch, feet up, head resting back on a generous supply of pillows. Seth settled for the chair beside her. Sure, it was nice to see Seth, but she didn't know if she could put up with him for a lengthy period of time…especially now. "Ryan never mentioned you were coming for a visit."

"Oh, he doesn't know," Seth waved her off while biting down into his apple and handing the other to Marissa who joined him. "I wanted to keep it as a surprise."

"But what about work," she trailed off as he started to interrupt her.

"Gramps had another of those 'oh so secret business trips' to go on, so he gave me two weeks off. You know," Seth said seriously as he sat back in his chair and started to relax. "I think they're his illegal trips."

"Talking to a lawyer here, Seth," Marissa attempted to stop him.

"Not yet," he mocked. "You haven't passed your bar exam yet."

Standing up, she moved away from him back towards the kitchen. When he went to join her, he motioned for him to remain seated. "Stay here. I'll be right back. I'm going to go change and grab some more snacks."

"More snacks," Seth pondered out loud, "what are you, eating for two?"

Ignoring his question, Marissa just replied calmly. "Ryan called me earlier. He's out scouting at a local school, so he'll be late, but he's picking up takeout on his way home. It'll be a while before we eat, and I know how hungry you get. Be back in a few."

Grabbing her bags, she made her way up the stairs towards the bedroom she shared with her husband knowing that Seth had merely shook his head to show that he had heard her, opened the bag of pretzels before stealing the couch from her, and flipping on the tv to watch some ridiculously cheesy, super-hero cartoon.

She walked into her room, letting her bags drop to the floor lazily. She was exhausted and had wanted nothing more than to relax all afternoon in bed by herself before spending the night, in bed, with her husband. They needed to enjoy the less hectic moments in their life right now while they could, because things were about to change drastically.

Although she had had all intentions of really changing her clothes and putting away the contents of her bags quickly before joining Seth, once Marissa's head hit her pillow, she was out. Twenty minutes later, Seth rambled upstairs, calling out for her softly, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep. He might be the same selfish, spoiled Seth, but he had grown up as well, too, and somewhere along the way he had become more considerate of other people. Stepping into the room he saw that his suspicions had been correct. Stretched out across the bed, hair spread against her pillow, breathing shallow, shoes still on, Marissa was fast asleep as her hands rested peacefully against her stomach, heightening Seth's suspicions.

Now, Seth might be slightly more considerate of other people, but he was still extremely curious and nosey, so, as quietly as he could, he moved to the bags Marissa had attempted to keep him from paying attention to and rummaged through them finding some very incriminating purchases.

Smirking to himself, Seth made his way back downstairs to where he knew Ryan's office was and got online. It might be early for her to be online, but he was going to risk it and her rage blackouts. He had to share his news with someone; it was already bubbling up inside of him threatening to spill out, and he knew Marissa would never forgive him if he told Ryan before she had a chance. Plus, there was no way in hell he was going to stay there for the full two weeks of his vacation. Not only did he know that they would want some alone time to celebrate and plan, but he was also not staying with her for fourteen days. Summer still might have a temper, but she, at least, was running on an even keel. Logging on to AIM he saw she was on and sighed a breath of relief. It was time for Seth to work his Cohen magic and get an invite to stay in Hawaii for two weeks.

Ryan arrived home a few hours later to find his house dark, silent, and eerily unfamiliar; something just seemed different. Searching through the rooms, take out still in hand, he found the reason soon enough. Seth was secluded in his office playing video games by himself, surprisingly on mute. Knocking softly on the doorframe, Ryan walked into the room, a smile already on his face, and put the food down before enveloping his best friend in a welcoming hug.

"Long time, no see, man," Ryan's voice rang out loudly in the small office full of sports memorabilia and trophies. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way to paradise; I'm on vacation, but I figured I'd stop by here for a night and see my two favorite newlyweds."

"Seth," Ryan rolled his eyes, "we've been married for almost three years already. I don't think we qualify as newlyweds anymore."

"Fine," the curly headed man conceded, "you'll just have to be my favorite married from now on, and before you even ask," he cut Ryan off, "your better half is upstairs asleep on your ridiculously big bed."

"Not all of us still sleep in our twin beds from when we were little kids, Seth," Ryan teased as he went to move out of the room. "Could you take the food and set it up outside on the patio while I go and wake Marissa up?"

"Sure, no problem, but I'm not promising that there will be any food left when you two eventually find your way down here." Seth's threats fell on deaf ears as Ryan was already out the door and down the hall towards the stairs which would take him to his slumbering wife.

Pushing their door open, he found her resting peacefully just as Seth had a few hours prior, but unlike Seth he paid no attention to the bags on the floor and made his way directly to Marissa. Crawling up on the bed with her, he laid down so that his body was pressed up against hers and softly stroked the side of her soft, glowing face, running his finger up and down her jaw and slowly over her lips. It only took her a moment to stir, but instead of rising to sit up, she merely repositioned them so that her head could rest on his chest and went to go back to sleep. Ryan's gentle laughter finally made her open his eyes.

"What time is it," she asked slowly, her mind still partially lost to her dreams.

"Almost eight," he answered as he wrapped his arms around her drawing her closer to him and kissing her bare shoulder. "You've been asleep for several hours, but luckily Seth found a way to occupy himself."

By her reaction, it was obvious that she had completely forgotten about their guest and sat up directly in bed before attempting to scramble off of it. "I can't believe I left him down there by himself," she chastised herself out loud. "What kind of host does that make me?"

Reaching out for her, Ryan brought her back to him and tenderly made her lay back down, putting his arms around her once again. "Seth was fine. I found him playing video games in my office when I got home before I gave him the food to set up."

"You gave Seth the food," Marissa shot back incredulously. "Ryan, I'm hungry!"

He noticed the annoyed edge in her voice but shrugged it off, assuming she was just starving. Letting go of her, he watched as she quickly got up and stripped off her clothes, her back to him and threw on a comfy pair of shorts and one of his baggy t-shirts. Her body was definitely a sight for sore eyes for him; he had been extremely busy with work the past month, traveling for most of it, and they had barely seen each other, let alone been intimate. Although he was glad to see Seth, his presence did present a small problem. Ryan wanted his wife as soon as he possibly could have her, and he knew that Seth would want to ramble and reminisce the night away, reliving old, fond memories and catching up.

Startling him out of his thoughts, Marissa's voice brought him back to reality. "Are you going to stay in bed all night and ignore your best friend or are you going to change and come down with me?"

Shooting her a look of agony, he climbed out of bed and made his way to his drawers, relishing the feeling of his wife's hands on him as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt while he searched for something to wear. "You know this is far from what I had planned on doing tonight."

"Trust me," Marissa sighed as she empathized with him, "this is definitely not what I had planned either."

Smiling at the thought that Marissa had something organized for them, Ryan turned around and finally noticed the bags on the floor. "Hey, what's in those," he asked innocently, slipping his dress shirt off in favor of a wifebeater.

"I'll show you later," Marissa dismissed, distracting him from the packages by taking his pants off for him. It took only a few more seconds for Ryan to finish changing, and once he had, he took his wife's hand in his and they made their way back down the stairs to spend the evening with Seth.

"So did Mom and Dad send you any pictures of Jules from his birthday trip to Disneyland," Seth asked as he munched away on the French takeout Ryan had brought home.

"They left some," Marissa answered only to continue when she saw Seth's bewildered expression. "They stopped by for the weekend on their way home to California from Florida. Ryan and Sandy went golfing at Augusta National, Caleb got them in I think, and I took your Mom on architectural tours of the city. Jules went with the boys as their honorary caddie. It was amazing to see them again. It had been a while, and talking on line or on the phone is just not the same as in person."

"When was the last time you saw them," Ryan turned the conversation back to Seth. He preferred when he talked for then he didn't feel as guilty about zoning out and focusing upon his hand creeping up his wife's leg instead of their discussion.

"Christmas, but I might stop by for a day or two on my way home from Hawaii."

Looking up from their plates, this got both Ryan and Marissa's attention.

"Hawaii," they pondered together out loud. "Hawaii as in where Summer….your very ex-girlfriend lives?"

After graduation, Seth and Summer had broken up. Her father had opened his own high end clinic for the stars in Maui and Summer went with him despite Seth's protests and promises that they had a future. Summer wanted an engagement; Seth wanted things to remain the same. At first they had been bitter towards each other, not speaking, but eventually their lives, separately, fell into place and they had begun to mend what had been broken between them, although Ryan and Marissa did not know about this.

Nonchalantly, Seth replied while lifting up his bottle of beer, "yeah, we've been friends again now for well over a year. Once we got over the hard feelings, we realized that we were better friends than we were a couple. She's happy with her life; I'm happy with mine. We talk, email, even give each other relationship advice. It works for us. And yes, I'm going to go and see her. I've never been to Hawaii before, so she's going to give me the official local's tour guide."

"And there's no chance you'll rekindle the spark," Marissa asked curious. She had always hoped that their best friends would reunite, but after Summer went through with relocating to Hawaii and became a successful buyer for a high end department store and Seth moved to New York to head a new division of the Newport Group for his grandfather, she had thought this idea was hopeless. Perhaps not…..

"Hell no," Seth laughed. "I am staying away from that fire. In fact, I'm going to insist that Doctor Roberts come out with us every night just so that we don't get drunk and nostalgic for the old times and end up doing something we'd regret later."

The two marrieds laughed at their single friend.

"You know, ever since I quit dating his daughter, Neil and I, surprisingly, get along much better. I've even gotten him to read some of the classic comics."

"When do you have time to talk to Neil Roberts," Ryan inquired. "We're best friends and sometimes, Mr. Jetsetter, we go weeks without talking."

"Hawaii time online works for me. But," Seth added, completely changing the subject, "speaking of my jet setting, you'll never guess who I ran into a few days ago in DC."

Bluntly, Marissa asked, "why were you in DC?"

"Special errand for Gramps….with a senator," Ryan and Marissa both rolled their eyes for Caleb Nichol would never change. "And anyway, while I was waiting in line at Starbucks for a jolt of caffeinated energy, I saw your Mom," Seth finished as he motioned towards Ryan. "She was getting breakfast for Mike and surprising him at his office where he was working on some big case. Are they ever going to get married?"

"They're taking it slow," Marissa mocking explained. "I think after both of their last experiences with marriage, they're a little scared and it just doesn't seem that important to them."

The couple had had some rocky portions in their relationship early on, especially during the trial for Dan and Trey where Dawn continually battled her alcoholism, but, through it all, Mike stuck by her and helped her though it. The day before her ex-husband and son were sentenced to life in prison without parole was the day Dawn Atwood had taken her last drink. Soon after, she moved to LA with Mike, and then a year later, Mike got promoted to the FBI headquarters in DC and she moved with him to the east coast. They had been going strong ever since.

"I think that's the right idea, not to get married," Seth reasoned out loud, bobbing his head up and down at his own idea.

"You'd have to go on a date first before you'd considered marriage," Marissa teased him.

Defensively, Seth yelled out, "I go on dates."

"Dates with your hand, Seth, don't count."

Seth was embarrassed by Ryan's comment, his face turning a deep shade of red, while Marissa rolled her eyes at her husband's ribbing of his best friend, feeling more and more like a teenager again as the night went on.

"Well as much fun as this has been," Seth said as he stood up from the table and surveyed it to make sure he hadn't left any food, "I have an early flight tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep." As Marissa stood up to show him to his room, he motioned her back down into her seat. "I know my way around this place; I've stayed here before. Sit out here with your husband, enjoy the beautiful night….just keep it down. We don't need you two waking the neighbors." And with that, he disappeared into the house while only his laughter could be heard floating on the heavy, night air.

Turning to his wife, Ryan could see that despite her nap she was still tired. Worried about her even though she had kept the lupus pretty much under control since she had been diagnosed by letting Ryan help her lower her stress level, he always watched for warning signs of it flaring up.

"Why don't you go up and get ready for bed. I'll clean this up," Ryan offered as he motioned towards the dishes and packages from dinner.

Sighing gratefully, Marissa stood up without a word, kissed him softly, and then smiled seductively back at him as she made her way towards the house.

He would have to clean up quickly. He knew what that smile meant.

Walking into their bedroom, he realized right away why Marissa had kept her shopping bags a secret from him: she did have a surprise planned for them. The room was covered in candles, all of them, he noticed, either blue or pink, and there were flowers throughout the room, again, in her contrasting color scheme, and then there was Marissa in a blue and pink barely there nightgown. She took his breath away, but, unfortunately, she was completely absorbed with the book she was reading….the title of which Ryan never even noticed.

Hearing him enter the room, Marissa turned towards him and motioned for him to join her bed. He did not need invited twice. Stripping his clothes off hastily, it was their custom to sleep in the nude, he crawled under the covers of their bed, the central air of the house making the comforters a necessity.

"I bought you a new book, too," Marissa said distractedly, pointing her hand towards his nightstand and not looking up from her own book. "I thought we could read this together."

"Sure," Ryan shrugged her off not even turning to look at his copy. "but not tonight. I've missed you."

Slightly frustrated at how he was not catching any of the signs she had been putting out for him, declining anything alcoholic at dinner, complaining she was tired, the color scheme of her seduction techniques, the book she was pretending to read in order for him to see the title, Marissa spoke up again, her tone irritated. "I missed you, too, Ryan, but you could at least look at the gift. It wouldn't kill you to at least pretend you appreciate it."

"Marissa," Ryan whined, "we haven't been together….together for over a month for various reasons….mainly my work, but still…." His voice trailed off; his meaning implied.

Giving up, Marissa decided to pull out the big guns.

"I know, I know," she agreed with him, sitting up in bed and tossing her book aside. Hot, she pushed the covers off of her legs and Ryan noticed, even more, just how sexy her new lingerie was. "It's just….I haven't felt very attractive lately. I've put on some weight."

"Marissa, don't be ridiculous," Ryan dismissed her cares, completely shocked that this was what was bothering her. She looked amazing, never better Ryan thought. "You haven't put on any weight."

"Yes, I have," she insisted, taking his hand and pulling it towards her stomach. At first he seemed to protest her actions, knowing that she wanted him to agree with her that she had put on weight but also knowing that admitting that…if it were true….would be disastrous for their evening and, potentially, their relationship for the next few weeks, but eventually he gave in. Slowly, Marissa saw realization start to wash over his face, and as the idea started to form in his mind, Ryan's eyes moved around the room quickly as if re-examining everything she had set up so carefully.

Staring up at her with wonder and awe in his sparkling eyes, Ryan's voice emotionally rang out, "are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"What I'm saying," Marissa giggled, scooting back down in the bed after sliding her gown off of her body, "is that I missed my husband and he better take advantage of the situation while I'm still relatively attractive and not swollen, moody, and eating 24 hours a day."

"That'll be hot as hell," Ryan said as he gently climbed on top of her, resting his body on his knees and lowering his face towards hers, but before she could kiss him, he dropped his lips to her abdomen instead and kissed it softly. With tears in her eyes, Marissa watched as her husband, the sports coach, silently watched her stomach rise and fall with every breath she took, his vision transfixed upon the tiny bump starting to form. Slowly, he moved his hands to it and delicately caressed her abdomen, the love he felt for her and their unborn child she was carrying evident in his eyes. Finally, they connected again, blue on blue as their bodies came together out of love, joy, and celebration for the life they had created as one.

Finally, after a dinner of chicken cordon blue, Marissa and Ryan realized their fate….together.


End file.
